11/6/15: Mentally Preparing for Surgery

Days of abstinence: 44

Days until surgery: 40 (or so – still waiting for dates from Dr. Hodge’s office) 

Weight:  161.8 pounds (This pattern is so predictable – lose a couple pounds over a week or so, then stabilize around that weight for a week or so.  You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but I still get frustrated when I go four or five days without losing any weight.  *Sigh*  The good news is that this is the last time I’ll be doing this!  Now that I am sugar-free for life,  I am confident that I have found the answer to maintaining at or very close to my goal weight, forever.

A few months ago, when we thought that I was going to have the surgery in September, we bought a nice recliner for the family room.  I have read that a lot of women spend most of the first two weeks after a mommy makeover in their recliner.  Makes sense to me!  Last night I ordered some warm winter nightgowns from Soft Surroundings.  I love their clothes.  They are expensive, so I seldom order anything from them, but I decided that this was a special occasion.  I usually wear pajamas with pants in the wintertime, but after my surgery I won’t want anything around my waist, so the warm nightgowns make sense.  I ordered several, I hope I like them all but if I don’t I’ll return the ones I don’t like.  I love getting new pajamas.  It’s silly, I know, but they are just so comfy!!

I feel really comfortable with my decision to have Dr. Hodge do my surgery.  I know I have said this before, about the other surgeons, but this feels different.  I like him, as a person, and I trust him, as a surgeon.  I am moving forward with this decision.

It’s hard to believe that I am doing this in little over a month.  I’ll be out of commission for a couple of weeks and sailing at half-mast for quite a while after that.  I know it will be worth it.  I am looking forward to all of this extra skin being gone!!!  Forever!!!

I don’t think there is much to do except wait for my pre-op appointment, which will be two weeks prior to surgery.  At that appointment I will be given the prescriptions that I need to pick up and any last minute prep instructions.  I am thinking about it more and more, the closer it gets.  Yikes!!  This is a big deal!

There doesn’t seem to be much to write about anymore, with regard to food.  I just don’t think about it very much, which is awesome.  One of the changes that I have made in my weekly routine, since I have been so busy, is that I cook all of our meals first thing Sunday morning, rather than waiting until later in the day.  First thing Sunday morning is early for me, around 5:30 or 6:00AM.  If I start cooking as soon as I get up, I am done with all of my cooking for the week by 10:00 or 11:00, depending on how complex the meals are that week.  It’s amazing how much easier it is for me to do my cooking early in the morning.  I am a morning person, so that helps!  I am not tired or cranky, like I can get towards the end of the day, and cooking doesn’t feel like a chore.  If I wait until early afternoon on Sunday to cook, I can resent the fact that it takes such a chunk out of my day a little bit.  But if I get up and knock it out early Sunday morning, I have a big chunk of it done before Jack even wakes up.  I’m pretty sure this is the way to go.  We’ll see if I maintain that habit even when I am not burning the candle from both ends.

This weekend I will be doing a lot of cooking, preparing for the arrival of our family.  We have a great big cooler and it works pretty well to cook the bulk of the meals and store them in the cooler, so that I can reheat them at meal times.  That way I don’t have to spend a lot of time cooking when everyone is here, and I can spend more time visiting and playing.  We’re going to have a blast!!

I’m off to work.  There is a project I want to finish this morning before everyone starts showing up.

Have a beautiful day! 

Animated videos of surgical procedures

For the curious souls out there:

At the below web address (American Society of Plastic Surgeons) you will find animated videos of the procedures that I am having.  The two procedures I am having is a full tummy tuck and a breast lift, using the anchor method (you'll understand what that is once you have seen the video).

Click on:  Body/Tummy Tuck - Full; and  Breast/Breast Lift to see animations of the surgeries.

It's hard to believe that I am actually going to do this!

11/5/15: I’m Switching Surgeons, Again

Days of abstinence: 43

Days until surgery: 41 (or so) 

Weight:  161.4 pounds (and here we are, on another plateau)

My food program is continuing to be easy to follow.  I am not having any issues with eating too much, eating too often, or eating off program foods.  This sure is nice.

I got all of my filing caught up!  Now all of the projects that I have put off around the house are done and the only remaining tasks to do to prepare for the kids’ visit is cleaning and cooking.  Jack and I should be able to get all of that done this weekend without any problem.  It feels great to have the bedrooms and closets cleaned out and organized, all of the pictures re-hung, and all the filing done.  I’m not tripping over stuff all the time.  It makes me wonder why I didn’t get it done a long time ago.  Sometimes I am a victim of my own procrastination.

I had a second consultation with Dr. Keith Hodge of Overland Park, KS, yesterday.  He was recommended to me by a plastic surgeon who retired this spring.  I was impressed by Dr. Hodge the first time I met him, but he had the unfortunate luck of being the first surgeon that I talked to.  As such, I wasn’t quite as prepared to make a decision when I met with him as I was later in the process.  I am currently scheduled to have the procedure done with Dr. John Michael Quinn.  Both Dr. Hodge and Dr. Quinn are very well regarded plastic surgeons in the metro area.  The reason I am reconsidering my choice is because of comments a couple of women have made about Dr. Quinn’s after surgery care.  Basically, both of these women stated that he was dismissive of their concerns about their results.  When I met with Dr. Hodge and his assistant yesterday we talked a lot about exactly what I could expect from my results and what Dr. Hodge’s practice was after surgery.  By the time I got done talking with them I became much more comfortable with the decision to have Dr. Hodge do my surgery.  Kimber, Dr. Hodge’s assistant, said that I should be able to have the procedure done the same week that I am now scheduled, but we don’t have the exact date yet. 

This is the second time I’ve switched surgeons since I have made the decision to have this surgery done.  I am a little frustrated with myself for second guessing myself, but at the same time, I want to be 100% comfortable with my choice of surgeon.  It turns out that is more easily said than done.  This surgery is a big deal.  It’s permanent.  It’s not like I can return it after purchase if I am not happy with what I bought.  Maybe it’s natural that I keep second guessing myself.   I’ll post the exact date of surgery once we get the surgery booked.   I am looking forward to the surgery being done and over with, being recovered, and moving on to the next stage of my program.  I haven’t thought about this before, but I think the surgery and my recovery afterwards will be the end of Stage 2.  Stage 1 was the initial weight loss of 70+ pounds in 2011.  Stage 2 was settling into a routine of keeping my weight at least relative close to my goal weight, exercising regularly, and establishing what my rest-of-my-life eating program is going to be.  One of the things I have been incredibly uncomfortable with since I lost this weight is all of the extra skin that I have since losing this weight.  It will soon be gone.  Once I have recovered from that I will begin Stage 3, which should last the rest of my life.  Stage 3 will be all about maintaining a healthy lifestyle, day-in and day-out.

Here’s to having another beautiful day!   

11/4/15: My Weight Loss Graph, October 15, 2011, Through Yesterday, November 3, 2015

Days of abstinence: 42

Days until surgery: 42 

Weight:  161.2 pounds

I worked out yesterday morning, went for a 2 mile walk last night with Jack and got to bed early enough last night so that I could exercise again this morning.  It feels good to be getting back into my routine.  I started my Black Fire video series over again since I had missed so many workouts in the last couple of weeks.  I hate starting all over again, but I am weaker than I was just a few weeks ago.  It is amazing how fast the body starts to decay when you don’t take the time to exercise.  The book, "Younger Next Year," was absolutely correct when it said you either grow a little each day or decay a little each day and we get to make the choice of which one we want, by deciding to exercise or not exercise each and every day.  The book, "It Starts With Food," is correct (in my opinion) when it says there is no such thing as a net neutral food.  The food I eat is either going to make me healthier or less healthy.  There is no in-between.  Sometimes it’s hard not to beat myself up a little bit and wonder why I couldn’t have figured so much of this out a 10 or 20 years ago.  The important thing is to know that the next 50 years are going to be so much better than they would be if I hadn’t started making these major changes 4 years ago.   

I’ve been tracking my weight in My Fitness Pal since October 15, 2011.  Here is a snapshot of the graph (you can click on the graph to see it more clearly):

What a road this has been!

On the one hand, I can’t say I am proud of the 2 year climb back to 179.4 pounds.  On the other hand, I am kind of proud that I topped out at only 179.4 pounds and that it took me two years to gain that much weight back.  In previous cycles, I would have gained all of the weight back that I had lost, plus ten pounds in much less time than it took me to gain 29.4 pounds.  What I think is most interesting about this graph is the downward trend of the peaks.  First of all, 228 pounds is not the most I have ever weighed.  The heaviest weight that I ever saw on a scale was 238 pounds when I was 39 years old.  I believe my heaviest weight ever was probably right around 250 pounds because that 238 pound weigh-in was after I had been doing Tae Kwon Do and dieting for several months.  I was too scared to get on a scale before then.

What I see, when I look at this graph, starting with the 228 pounds on October 15^th and ending with yesterday, is the peaks are getting lower and lower.  I am getting more and more uncomfortable with being overweight and I am getting better at stopping the behavior that is causing the weight gain and getting back on track.  None of the downward ticks, after the upward climbs, came accidentally.  Every last one of them was a conscious decision to get back on track.  I am excited that I am getting close to my goal weight of 150 pounds.  What I am even more excited about is that I believe I have finally found the key to keeping my weight close to my goal weight for the rest of my life;  abstain from sugar forever.

As I said in yesterday’s post, I am not struggling with food decisions anymore.  I’m not wrestling with an inner voice that keeps saying, “You can eat that, it won’t matter.”  One candy bar does matter.  It matters a lot.  I have rationalized, hundreds of times, eating one candy bar.  It’s only 210 calories.  That’s not much.  You can make up for that by going for a walk or eating less dinner.  Of course, as often as I ate one candy bar, I’d eat two candy bars.  Now I’m up to 420 calories.  That’s a whole meal.  And then I am fighting cravings for the next several days.

I keep using the word “relief,” to the point that I feel like I am over using it; but I can’t think of a better word to use.  I am so relieved that the inner voices have quieted and that I am on a plan that I know will get me to my goal weight and that I know will allow me to maintain my goal weight for the rest of my life; without a daily struggle with food choices.  The books, “Younger Next Year,” and “It Starts With Food,” got me started on the lifelong changes that I’ve made.  Accepting the fact that I am a sugar addict and making the decision to abstain from sugar forever was the final piece of the puzzle.  It is all falling into place.  Finally.  Whew!  What a ride!!

Have a beautiful day! 

11/3/15: Finding Peace with Food

Days of abstinence: 41

Days until surgery: 43 

Weight:  161.2 pounds

Baseball is done for the season.  Kickball is also done.  Work is slowing down a little bit.  I had time to exercise this morning.  Life is starting to feel normal again.  Thank goodness!  That was a rough couple of months.  I got two of my three weekend projects done, so far.  The two bedrooms are ready for grandchildren and I switched out my summer and winter clothes and got all of my clothes put away.  Now, I just need to get my filing caught up during the evenings this week and then I will be ready this weekend to clean bathrooms and the kitchen and cook meals in preparation for our family’s arrival.  I’m starting to feel a little calmer and less stressed about everything.  I’m so glad.  I’m looking forward to a more relaxed pace for a while.

I’ve been thinking a lot about being a sugar addict, lately.  Mostly, I’ve been thinking about how grateful I am that I have been sugar free for 41 days, going on the rest of my life.  I have no desire to eat sugar again, ever.  I have no cravings for donuts or candy or cookies or cake.  One of the most satisfying aspects of abstaining from sugar is the fact that the rest of my diet has started regulating itself.  Almost without effort, I am sticking to my Program.  It feels like I am on cruise control or auto pilot.  I still enjoy cooking a variety of food and trying new things, so meals are not boring, but they are just meals.  My meal time does not spill into other parts of my day.  I don’t eat snacks.  I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and that’s it.  I don’t even think about eating after dinner.  Once dinner is done, and I try to eat by 5:30 and no later than 6:00, I just don’t think about eating anymore.  It wasn’t that long ago that when I packed lunch for work I packed a big bag of (healthy) food.  I’d pack lunch but I’d also pack an extra apple and some nuts.  Now I pack my serving of lunch and one apple and that’s it.  That’s all that comes to work with me and that is just fine.  I don’t get cravings, I don’t find myself crawling through the cupboards looking for something to eat, and I never feel like I have to eat right this minute.   I find this change in my attitude towards food remarkable.  I always thought that I would be fighting back an urge to eat for the rest of my life.  Monitoring my food intake has felt like a constant arm wrestling match for as long as I can remember.  I’ve always known that I have a natural tendency to eat too much.  I’ve said it before, I have a consumption problem.  It’s been a lifelong struggle to limit the amount of food I consume so that I am not overweight.  I have given up sugar before, but it has always been temporary.  I’ve tried different programs that recommend eliminating sugar for a period of time and gradually adding back small amounts of sugar.  I’ve thought (and the programs I’ve read about – including the Whole 30 - encouraged this thought) that I could manage my use of sugar.  I now realize that this concept is just as crazy for me as it is for a heroin addict to think she can manage her use of heroin, or for an alcoholic to think he can manage his use of booze.  When I tried to manage my use of sugar, I kept the addiction alive and it impacted every food decision I made throughout the day.

I’ve been sugar free for 41 days.  I think (though I can’t swear to it) that this is the longest I have gone in my life with no sugar.  I’ve cut out sugar before, but I can’t recall a time in my life that I eliminated all sugar and sugar substitutes (including honey, syrup, and artificial sweeteners – including sugar-free mints and gum, etc.) for any period of time.  I’ve never said 100% and unequivocally, that I would never eat anything that has sugar or a sugar like substance in it ever again.  This decision has completely changed the way I think and feel about food.  I am truly grateful that I came to the realization, with my sister’s urging, that I needed to once and for all admit that I am an addict.  As an addict, I am either using or not using my drug of choice.  There is no in-between.  There is no moderation.  There is no just a little bit.  I’m done.  The war with sugar is over.  I had no idea that that would mean that my war with food would also be over, but it certainly seems to be the case.  It seems, so far, that I have found my peace with food.  Wow.  What a remarkable feeling this is.

May we all find peace in our lives.

Have a beautiful day!

11/2/15: There will be a Victory Parade in Kansas City!

Days of abstinence: 40

Days until surgery: 44 

Weight:  161.2 pounds

The Kansas City Royals won the World Series!!  There is so much joy in our house.  Jack is ecstatic!  We started buying ticket packages, starting with 10 games and this season with 20 games (a quarter season), and attending games regularly 5 years ago.  Through attending games I have become a fan of the game and of the Boys in Blue.  I still don’t really enjoy watching the game on TV.  That’s partly because I don’t like watching TV and that is partly because the game is so different on TV than it is live.  So last night, after about the 4^th inning, I went to bed.  I asked Jack to wake me up when they started winning.  I heard a massive yell right before midnight.  I didn’t know if we just won or we just lost, but something dramatic just happened, so I put on my robe and my glasses and walked out to the family room to see if I was going to be greeted with agony or ecstasy.  It was the former.  The Royals had just scored the go ahead run in the 12^th inning.  I stayed up to watch the Royals score several more runs and a lot of celebrating and replays afterwards.  I finally went to bed again at about 1:30 in the morning.  I didn’t fall asleep until Jack crawled into bed at 2:00.  4:00AM came awfully early this morning, so I stayed in bed until 6:00.  Go Royals!!

All is well with my Program.  I’ve been sugar free for 40 days.  That feels like a huge accomplishment for me.  Even bigger is that I have no cravings and no desire to ever eat anything sweet again.  Someday I am sure someone will offer me something that will look very good at the moment, but even then I know I will abstain.  Sweets are gone from my life, forever.

I weighed 161.2 pounds this morning.  Hey there 150s, I am knocking on your door!!

Have a beautiful day!

11/1/15: Second Guessing my Choice of Surgeons

Days of abstinence: 39

Days until surgery: 45 

Weight:  161.8 pounds

Before I talk briefly about the fact that I am second guessing my choice of surgeons, I am going to do something I don’t think I’ve ever done before on my blog, I am going to cut and past the final words from yesterday’s post into this one.  Every morning, prior to putting up a new blog post, I read yesterday’s blog post.  It’s always interesting to read what I said yesterday because it captures a moment.  My blog posts are seldom, if ever, premeditated.  Sometimes I have an idea of one thing that I want to talk about, but more often than not that thought veers off into an unexpected direction.  I guess that is what is fun, interesting, and effective about blogging.  I’ve said before that it helps me keep my thoughts straight.  By that I mean when I write down my thoughts, I stop the looping that occurs when I am stressed about something or not making good choices.  Once I write about it, I can put it away for the day.  Anyway, yesterday I ended my blog post with these words:

“I feel good, I feel strong, and I feel confident.  This is a nice way to live.  I feel like I am making choices rationally, not succumbing to cravings or falling victim to my addiction.  I am not beating myself up about my food choices or about how much I weigh.  I am not measuring my food, counting calories, or fussing about little choices.  I’m cooking healthy meals, eating three times a day, and that’s that.  It feels so natural.  My body and my brain are happy on this plan.  It just plain works for me (and my husband!).”

When I read those words this morning I said to myself, “Yeah, that’s right.  That is exactly how I feel.”  I may have to print those words out in a big font with a pretty picture in the background and tape it to the refrigerator so I never forget how being solidly on this program makes me feel.  So no matter what happens with my current worrying about surgeons, whether I postpone surgery to give myself time to interview more surgeons or I go ahead on the 16^th with Dr. Quinn, I will not waiver from this program.  I love feeling this good.

With regard to second guessing my choice of surgeons, I belong to a website whose users are all people that have had or are considering having plastic surgery.  It is full of real life experiences, including surgeon reviews.  There are several very positive reviews of Dr. Quinn, but yesterday I logged into the website for the first time since I changed surgeons and I had a comment from someone that had a negative experience with Dr. Quinn.  Her complaint was that she had poor results (she had a breast augmentation and one of the breast implants did not drop properly, so the results were very uneven) and Dr. Quinn was not willing to work with her to fix it.  I immediately panicked and started doing more poking around the site.  I found several other positive reviews and then found a second one stating she had a similar problem with Dr. Quinn.  Ugh.   I private messaged both women and asked for more information.  I heard back from one and she said that Dr. Quinn finally admitted the results were not good and said he would work with her to fix it.  Of course that means another surgery, which cannot be done for several more months.  So, as she put it, she will not be able to give him a positive review until the second procedure is done and she sees how it turns out.

All day yesterday I stressed about this.  One of the reasons I find this particularly stressful is I really like the date that we are scheduled to do the surgery.  It is conveniently on December 16^th.  I can take the rest of the year off and not be back at work until the 4^th of January.  Jack already has most of that time off because of the Christmas break they get at work.  I am also mentally prepared for the surgery.  I am ready to do this.  I have a $500 deposit down on the surgery, too, but that is minor.  In fact, all of this is minor compared to having the confidence that I have the right surgeon.  As I write this I am more aware than ever that I need to spend a little more time doing a little more research.  I don’t need to cancel my appointment with Dr. Quinn to visit with a few more surgeons and make absolutely sure I am making the right choice.  It’s going to take some time away from the office, but I want to do this once and only once.  This is a really big deal.  I need to be super confident that I have made the best choice I can make.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

We made a lot of progress yesterday in getting the house ready for the kids.  The two bedrooms are cleaned up and the beds are made, ready for our grandkids to sleep in.  I rehung all the pictures that came off the walls when we had the house re-sided a year ago.  It’s crazy that it took that long to do that project!  Today, along with cooking and kickball, I need to get my filing done.  Then, the only thing left to do to prepare for the upcoming visit is cleaning and cooking which we can get done next weekend.  We are so glad all the kids are coming to visit!!  It’ll be great to see everyone, especially our two newest babies, Alena and Jordan.  It’s always nice to get to spend time with the babies, because they are not babies very long!! 

As usual, so much to do and not much time to do it, so I gotta run. 

Have a beautiful day!