Morning Weight: 159.4
This Morning's Exercise: Strength Training: See Monday, 12/3/2012
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: 3 miles walk/jog/run outside
Yesterday's Calories: 1510
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
I don't really want to talk about it. Yes, I gained weight yesterday. No, I don't know why. I ate the right number of calories, I exercised, I drank plenty of water. According to My Fitness Pal on my phone I burned 703 calories with exercise yesterday and ate only 1510. How can I possibly gain weight doing that? It's gotta be water. The one thing I did differently yesterday is I ate at Schlotsky's. My go-to lunch is a turkey sub on whole wheat with avocado, all the veggies and yellow mustard at Subway. For silly reasons, I ended up at Schlotsky's yesterday for lunch. I had the calorie counts for the food I ate (1/2 turkey sandwich and small turkey Cobb salad, hold the bacon, pick off the croutons, discard the flat bread, dressing on the side and use a little less than a tablespoon). But my guess is the sodium content was way higher than what I normally consume. If that is the case then tomorrow morning should see this water weight (and that is what it is, water weight - it has to be) gone.
I am going to keep doing everything perfectly and Schlotsky's is on my condemned list. I will not eat there again.
I gotta run, though I do have more to say. I have a coffee meeting at 7:00am this morning. Mostly what I want to say is as frustrated as I am with this last several pounds, I do feel good. I feel so much more comfortable in my body. I told Jack that I feel as if I am wearing my own skin again. God it feels good to slip on a size 8 pair of jeans and a sweater and feel good in my clothes. I feel like me, again. This last 8 or 9 pounds will come off sooner or later, but in the meantime, I am grateful for how far I've come.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
12/4/2012: A Little Progress!!
Morning Weight: 158.0!!!
This Morning's Exercise: Cardio day at the gym - 30 minutes on elliptical machine and 17 minutes on stationary bike - I got there a little late and the stair masters were all busy, so no stair master today.
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: 3 miles on the treadmill (31 minutes)
Yesterday's Calories: 1541
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
Finally, a step down from the 158.6lb plateau!! What a relief to get on the scale this morning and see a little change in the right direction. I was completely prepared to see 158.6 again! The numbers were flipping between 158.0 and 158.2 and I was glad when they decided to rest on 158.0, though I would have been happy with 158.2. It's just good to see something lower than 158.6. It is amazing how consistently my morning weigh-ins were coming in at exactly that number. Some days over the last two weeks it was a little higher, usually due to a late meal or something like that, but then the very next day it would be 158.6 again. It feels good to have broken through that floor and be moving down again. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
There is an Aspen Fitness Center (my new gym) very close to work, so I stopped there last night on the way home from work, for the first time. I spent a half-hour on the treadmill and kept up a pace of 6.0 mph with the exception of the first couple of minutes when I was warming up. It was a push to get that done and it felt like it may have been a little too much, as in I felt a little wiped out this morning. I will stop at the gym again tonight, but I am not going to try to maintain 6.0 mph for the whole 30 minutes. I will probably do a combination of walking briskly, jogging, and running, just to get my heart rate up for 30 minutes. Last night, for some reason, I felt like I had something to prove to myself, like I can do 3 miles in 30 minutes. It wasn't worth feeling totally spent for the rest of the evening and into this morning, though.
As I told my sister in my response to her comment on yesterday's blog post, I am having a particularly difficult time sorting out my emotions with regard to my goals right now. She cautions me against adding extra workouts or cutting calories below my current daily target in order to lose weight faster. Her argument is that neither one of those tactics is sustainable long term and if I exercise too much or eat too little just to lose 8 pounds by year-end I will be sabotaging my long term ability to be healthy and maintain my weight loss. I agree with her, in principle. I even told Jack that very thing about two days ago. At the same time I am so close to goal and the year is almost over and I find myself almost desperately wanting to put those two together. I am also feeling the "December Blues" which hit me every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, which cause me to want to eat to self-medicate. I feel like I have two choices, the first is to succumb to eating too much and the other is to be ultra-disciplined through out the rest of the month. I don't think there is any in-between.
My original goal was to lose 74 pounds in 48 weeks. So far I have lost 66 pounds and it has taken me 40 week and one day. I have 7 weeks and 6 days left in my original plan. I can lose 8 pounds in 7 weeks and 6 days even with plateaus that last 2 weeks. Can I lose 8 pounds in the 27 days remaining in December? I don't know. Two weeks ago it seemed reasonable, it doesn't feel reasonable anymore. It feels like I would have to be ridiculous in some fashion to get there. *Sigh* I've been doing a lot of that lately, sighing, that is. OK, OK, OK...this is crazy. Sometimes I feel like I am crazy. Let's just boil this down to the facts. Having a real, attainable goal that was defined by a timeline and a specific amount of weight loss has been key to my success with this whole plan. The fact of the matter is that it looks like I was pretty realistic when I said I would average 1.5 pounds of weight loss per week. At first, it came off more rapidly; now the rate as slowed down, but at the end of the day, damned if it doesn't look like I was right on the money when I made that chart on February 26th, 2012.
I need to reach my goal of 150lbs. That is incredibly important to me. I don't need to reach it by year-end, but I do need to reach it by my original target date. I do need to be very disciplined throughout December to combat the blues and to keep from indulging in party offerings, office treats that tend to pop up this time of year, etc... In order to maintain the necessary discipline to get through the next 27 days, this is what I will do. I will keep my calories closer to 1500 a day than 1600 a day and I won't go over 1600. I will enter all my calories as I eat them, rather than relying on my memory and entering them once or twice a day. I will maintain my exercise routine of an hour a day 6 times a week in the morning. I will be disciplined about stopping at the gym or exercising outdoors (whether permitting) on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays after work. I will continue to abstain from drinking alcohol (I have had two drinks since August 1st of this year). I will not cut calories below 1500 a day in an effort to lose weight more quickly and I will not exercise to the point of exhaustion and fatigue. First and foremost is continuing to build healthy habits that will last a life time. With any luck, my mental health won't be far behind!!
The final stretch; man, it's rough!!
This Morning's Exercise: Cardio day at the gym - 30 minutes on elliptical machine and 17 minutes on stationary bike - I got there a little late and the stair masters were all busy, so no stair master today.
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: 3 miles on the treadmill (31 minutes)
Yesterday's Calories: 1541
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
Finally, a step down from the 158.6lb plateau!! What a relief to get on the scale this morning and see a little change in the right direction. I was completely prepared to see 158.6 again! The numbers were flipping between 158.0 and 158.2 and I was glad when they decided to rest on 158.0, though I would have been happy with 158.2. It's just good to see something lower than 158.6. It is amazing how consistently my morning weigh-ins were coming in at exactly that number. Some days over the last two weeks it was a little higher, usually due to a late meal or something like that, but then the very next day it would be 158.6 again. It feels good to have broken through that floor and be moving down again. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
There is an Aspen Fitness Center (my new gym) very close to work, so I stopped there last night on the way home from work, for the first time. I spent a half-hour on the treadmill and kept up a pace of 6.0 mph with the exception of the first couple of minutes when I was warming up. It was a push to get that done and it felt like it may have been a little too much, as in I felt a little wiped out this morning. I will stop at the gym again tonight, but I am not going to try to maintain 6.0 mph for the whole 30 minutes. I will probably do a combination of walking briskly, jogging, and running, just to get my heart rate up for 30 minutes. Last night, for some reason, I felt like I had something to prove to myself, like I can do 3 miles in 30 minutes. It wasn't worth feeling totally spent for the rest of the evening and into this morning, though.
As I told my sister in my response to her comment on yesterday's blog post, I am having a particularly difficult time sorting out my emotions with regard to my goals right now. She cautions me against adding extra workouts or cutting calories below my current daily target in order to lose weight faster. Her argument is that neither one of those tactics is sustainable long term and if I exercise too much or eat too little just to lose 8 pounds by year-end I will be sabotaging my long term ability to be healthy and maintain my weight loss. I agree with her, in principle. I even told Jack that very thing about two days ago. At the same time I am so close to goal and the year is almost over and I find myself almost desperately wanting to put those two together. I am also feeling the "December Blues" which hit me every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, which cause me to want to eat to self-medicate. I feel like I have two choices, the first is to succumb to eating too much and the other is to be ultra-disciplined through out the rest of the month. I don't think there is any in-between.
My original goal was to lose 74 pounds in 48 weeks. So far I have lost 66 pounds and it has taken me 40 week and one day. I have 7 weeks and 6 days left in my original plan. I can lose 8 pounds in 7 weeks and 6 days even with plateaus that last 2 weeks. Can I lose 8 pounds in the 27 days remaining in December? I don't know. Two weeks ago it seemed reasonable, it doesn't feel reasonable anymore. It feels like I would have to be ridiculous in some fashion to get there. *Sigh* I've been doing a lot of that lately, sighing, that is. OK, OK, OK...this is crazy. Sometimes I feel like I am crazy. Let's just boil this down to the facts. Having a real, attainable goal that was defined by a timeline and a specific amount of weight loss has been key to my success with this whole plan. The fact of the matter is that it looks like I was pretty realistic when I said I would average 1.5 pounds of weight loss per week. At first, it came off more rapidly; now the rate as slowed down, but at the end of the day, damned if it doesn't look like I was right on the money when I made that chart on February 26th, 2012.
I need to reach my goal of 150lbs. That is incredibly important to me. I don't need to reach it by year-end, but I do need to reach it by my original target date. I do need to be very disciplined throughout December to combat the blues and to keep from indulging in party offerings, office treats that tend to pop up this time of year, etc... In order to maintain the necessary discipline to get through the next 27 days, this is what I will do. I will keep my calories closer to 1500 a day than 1600 a day and I won't go over 1600. I will enter all my calories as I eat them, rather than relying on my memory and entering them once or twice a day. I will maintain my exercise routine of an hour a day 6 times a week in the morning. I will be disciplined about stopping at the gym or exercising outdoors (whether permitting) on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays after work. I will continue to abstain from drinking alcohol (I have had two drinks since August 1st of this year). I will not cut calories below 1500 a day in an effort to lose weight more quickly and I will not exercise to the point of exhaustion and fatigue. First and foremost is continuing to build healthy habits that will last a life time. With any luck, my mental health won't be far behind!!
The final stretch; man, it's rough!!
Monday, December 3, 2012
12/3/2012: Stubborn, Stubborn Fat!
Morning Weight: 158.6 - Hasn't budged for two weeks. Getting very, very frustrating.
This Morning's Exercise: Strength Training - see below
Yesterday's Exercise: 25 mile (2 hour - avg 12.5mph) bike ride & 70 minutes racquetball with Jack
Saturday's Exercise: 6.5 mile (79 minutes) run
Yesterday's Calories: 1685
Saturday's Calories: 1609
Friday's Calories: 1532
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
This week's strength training routine:
--Repeat 3 times
------30 walking lunges, walk back to starting point
--Repeat 4 times
------16 dumbbell flys/leg lifts with 12.5lb dumbbells: With a dumbbell in each hand lay flat on back on mat, with arms (elbows slightly bent) and legs raised in air. Lower arms and legs to almost touching mat at the same time. Arms go out to the side so that they are perpindicular to the body and legs lower straight down staying straight with body. Lift legs and arms and repeat.
------16 squat to press with 30 pound straightbar: Holding straight bar in close to and in front of chest, rock weight back onto heals, press butt back and lower to squat position, stand back up and while standing press straight bar above head until arms are straight. Lower arms until straight bar is in close to and in front of chest and repeat.
------20 push-up rows with 12.5lb dumbbells: Get in pushup postion with toes on floor and hands resting on dumbbells instead of floor. Arms are straight. Alternate lifting each dumbbell up by bending elbow and lifting dumbbell to arm pit, while holding body in pushup position with the other hand on dumbbell. Lower weight so both weights are on the floor and lift other weight. Repeat 20 times (10 each arm)
--Run @ 5mph on treadmill for 5 minutes
--Repeat 5 times
------30 seconds of leg extensions, 55lbs, on leg extension machine. Can you say, "Ouch!"?
------15 second rest
--Run at 6mph on treadmill for 5 minutes
--Repeat 3 times
------Medium ball (10lb) side throw, 45 seconds (15 on each side): Stand up and hold weighted ball in front of you, turn to the side and throw ball down to ground with as much force as possible. When ball bounces back up, catch it, lift arms above head, turn to the other side, and throw ball down again. Catch ball, lift arms above head, turn, throw and repeat. Arms should make big arc over your head
------Plank on ball, 30 seconds: With elbows on mat, toes on 10lb ball, and body straight, hold plank position for 30 second.
--Repeat once
------30 walking lunges
The above routine (minus the two 5 minute runs) was the strength training routine I did with Jeremy Walters on Friday morning, our first session together since he left 24Hour Fitness about 6 weeks ago. It kicked my butt!!! I was very sore most of the weekend. Once again he found muscles I didn't know I had. My rear end was sore and so were my sides and my lower chest. So was everything else, really, but those were the two areas that hurt the most. It feels good, in a some strange way, to feel sore after my strength training workouts, again. I know I'm working hard if I am sore afterwards.
The other thing that was great about my workout with Jeremy Walters is that he is as committed to me reaching my 150lbs by December 31st goal as I am, though that goal looks more elusive every day longer that I weigh 158.6 lbs. When we talked about my weight and my goal and I suggested that it make take longer than year end to reach it and I was prepared to accept that, he shook his head and said, "No way! You can make it and you know you can." In fact, that is where the 5 minute runs on the treadmill came from in the above workout. We were half way through the training session when he told me to add the runs between sets in order to work the cardio into my workout to stimulate the weight loss. I hope by the time I see him on Friday I see some results on the scale. I hope I see some results on the scale by tomorrow!!
I am starting to get very frustrated. This has been a solid two week plateau. In fact, over the weekend my weight crept up to 159.6 on Saturday, was 159.0 yesterday morning and was 158.6 again this morning. This is driving me nuts. I've been working hard, exercising a lot, and have not lost any weight in what feels like way too long. I can be a little more disciplined with my food, which is what I know I need to do, but that is frustrating, too. When I run 6.5 miles or ride my bike 25 miles and then play racquetball for over an hour, I feel like I should be able to afford an extra 50 calories or so. I know this is just a plateau...I still don't understand why I have plateaus, but that is what this is. I do think I will keep my calories right at 1500 for this week and see if that helps. Will 100 - 150 calories make a difference? I guess we'll find out!!!
Here is my Week 40 Photo:
Not much (if any) change from the last couple of weeks, but it is what it is!
I am re-dedicating myself to weight loss this week. Come on!! 8.6 pounds!! Let's get it done!!!!
This Morning's Exercise: Strength Training - see below
Yesterday's Exercise: 25 mile (2 hour - avg 12.5mph) bike ride & 70 minutes racquetball with Jack
Saturday's Exercise: 6.5 mile (79 minutes) run
Yesterday's Calories: 1685
Saturday's Calories: 1609
Friday's Calories: 1532
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
This week's strength training routine:
--Repeat 3 times
------30 walking lunges, walk back to starting point
--Repeat 4 times
------16 dumbbell flys/leg lifts with 12.5lb dumbbells: With a dumbbell in each hand lay flat on back on mat, with arms (elbows slightly bent) and legs raised in air. Lower arms and legs to almost touching mat at the same time. Arms go out to the side so that they are perpindicular to the body and legs lower straight down staying straight with body. Lift legs and arms and repeat.
------16 squat to press with 30 pound straightbar: Holding straight bar in close to and in front of chest, rock weight back onto heals, press butt back and lower to squat position, stand back up and while standing press straight bar above head until arms are straight. Lower arms until straight bar is in close to and in front of chest and repeat.
------20 push-up rows with 12.5lb dumbbells: Get in pushup postion with toes on floor and hands resting on dumbbells instead of floor. Arms are straight. Alternate lifting each dumbbell up by bending elbow and lifting dumbbell to arm pit, while holding body in pushup position with the other hand on dumbbell. Lower weight so both weights are on the floor and lift other weight. Repeat 20 times (10 each arm)
--Run @ 5mph on treadmill for 5 minutes
--Repeat 5 times
------30 seconds of leg extensions, 55lbs, on leg extension machine. Can you say, "Ouch!"?
------15 second rest
--Run at 6mph on treadmill for 5 minutes
--Repeat 3 times
------Medium ball (10lb) side throw, 45 seconds (15 on each side): Stand up and hold weighted ball in front of you, turn to the side and throw ball down to ground with as much force as possible. When ball bounces back up, catch it, lift arms above head, turn to the other side, and throw ball down again. Catch ball, lift arms above head, turn, throw and repeat. Arms should make big arc over your head
------Plank on ball, 30 seconds: With elbows on mat, toes on 10lb ball, and body straight, hold plank position for 30 second.
--Repeat once
------30 walking lunges
The above routine (minus the two 5 minute runs) was the strength training routine I did with Jeremy Walters on Friday morning, our first session together since he left 24Hour Fitness about 6 weeks ago. It kicked my butt!!! I was very sore most of the weekend. Once again he found muscles I didn't know I had. My rear end was sore and so were my sides and my lower chest. So was everything else, really, but those were the two areas that hurt the most. It feels good, in a some strange way, to feel sore after my strength training workouts, again. I know I'm working hard if I am sore afterwards.
The other thing that was great about my workout with Jeremy Walters is that he is as committed to me reaching my 150lbs by December 31st goal as I am, though that goal looks more elusive every day longer that I weigh 158.6 lbs. When we talked about my weight and my goal and I suggested that it make take longer than year end to reach it and I was prepared to accept that, he shook his head and said, "No way! You can make it and you know you can." In fact, that is where the 5 minute runs on the treadmill came from in the above workout. We were half way through the training session when he told me to add the runs between sets in order to work the cardio into my workout to stimulate the weight loss. I hope by the time I see him on Friday I see some results on the scale. I hope I see some results on the scale by tomorrow!!
I am starting to get very frustrated. This has been a solid two week plateau. In fact, over the weekend my weight crept up to 159.6 on Saturday, was 159.0 yesterday morning and was 158.6 again this morning. This is driving me nuts. I've been working hard, exercising a lot, and have not lost any weight in what feels like way too long. I can be a little more disciplined with my food, which is what I know I need to do, but that is frustrating, too. When I run 6.5 miles or ride my bike 25 miles and then play racquetball for over an hour, I feel like I should be able to afford an extra 50 calories or so. I know this is just a plateau...I still don't understand why I have plateaus, but that is what this is. I do think I will keep my calories right at 1500 for this week and see if that helps. Will 100 - 150 calories make a difference? I guess we'll find out!!!
Here is my Week 40 Photo:
 |
| 12/3/2012, End of Week 40, 158.6 pounds, 65.4 pounds lost |
I am re-dedicating myself to weight loss this week. Come on!! 8.6 pounds!! Let's get it done!!!!
Friday, November 30, 2012
11/30/2012: Now That's What I'm Talking About!
Morning Weight: 158.6
This Morning's Exercise: Strength Training with Jeremy Walters
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: 2 mile walk/run
Yesterday's Calories: 1604
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
This morning I had my first session with Jeremy Walters at his new gym, Aspen Fitness. It felt great to be working with him again. The workout was much tougher than the workouts I have been doing with Jeremy Wallen at 24Hour Fitness. One of the biggest differences is we spend a whole lot less time talking and a whole lot more time lifting weights. We talked about my goal to lose this last 8.6 pounds before the end of the year. That is another big difference, Jeremy Walters cares as much about me making my goals as I do. So we're in this together, once again.
I have to run, I have an 8:00 am meeting. Have a great Friday!!
This Morning's Exercise: Strength Training with Jeremy Walters
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: 2 mile walk/run
Yesterday's Calories: 1604
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
This morning I had my first session with Jeremy Walters at his new gym, Aspen Fitness. It felt great to be working with him again. The workout was much tougher than the workouts I have been doing with Jeremy Wallen at 24Hour Fitness. One of the biggest differences is we spend a whole lot less time talking and a whole lot more time lifting weights. We talked about my goal to lose this last 8.6 pounds before the end of the year. That is another big difference, Jeremy Walters cares as much about me making my goals as I do. So we're in this together, once again.
I have to run, I have an 8:00 am meeting. Have a great Friday!!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
11/29/2012: Just Another Day
Morning Weight: 158.8
This Morning's Exercise: Day Off
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: Bowling
Yesterday's Calories: 1675
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
I'm just gonna say that 1675 calories is not that bad when all you can think about all day long is how much you want to eat. It's still more than I wanted to eat, but I never binged on anything. Lunch was a little bigger than normal. I went to Panera's and had a 1/2 chicken caesar salad (220 calories), a cup of black bean soup (170 calories), and a french baguette (180 calories). I know, I know, I would have been fine if I had skipped the bread. On the other hand, it was a satisfying meal that required a lot of chewing. It just didn't leave many calories for the rest of my day.
I have to get off this 158.something mark soon. A week and a half ago I dropped below 160 for the first time, and I have been stuck within a pound of that mark for 10 days. I'm ready for some action!!
I have my first workout with Jeremy Walters at Aspen tomorrow. It will be interesting to see if that makes a difference. The workouts with Jeremy Wallen have not pushed me as hard as J Walter's workouts, so maybe it will make a difference.
I am going to stop at the Aspen Fitness close to work on my way home this evening. That is part of my new plan to get my evening workouts in. I've heard that it is very nice. I'll tell you all about that gym and my workout with Walters tomorrow.
Until then, have an awesome day. There is only 27 days left until the Christmas Season is over!
This Morning's Exercise: Day Off
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: Bowling
Yesterday's Calories: 1675
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
I'm just gonna say that 1675 calories is not that bad when all you can think about all day long is how much you want to eat. It's still more than I wanted to eat, but I never binged on anything. Lunch was a little bigger than normal. I went to Panera's and had a 1/2 chicken caesar salad (220 calories), a cup of black bean soup (170 calories), and a french baguette (180 calories). I know, I know, I would have been fine if I had skipped the bread. On the other hand, it was a satisfying meal that required a lot of chewing. It just didn't leave many calories for the rest of my day.
I have to get off this 158.something mark soon. A week and a half ago I dropped below 160 for the first time, and I have been stuck within a pound of that mark for 10 days. I'm ready for some action!!
I have my first workout with Jeremy Walters at Aspen tomorrow. It will be interesting to see if that makes a difference. The workouts with Jeremy Wallen have not pushed me as hard as J Walter's workouts, so maybe it will make a difference.
I am going to stop at the Aspen Fitness close to work on my way home this evening. That is part of my new plan to get my evening workouts in. I've heard that it is very nice. I'll tell you all about that gym and my workout with Walters tomorrow.
Until then, have an awesome day. There is only 27 days left until the Christmas Season is over!
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
11/28/12: Oh, I Just Want To Eat!!!
For three days now I have felt hungry...well not hungry so much as I just want to eat. Constantly. I just want to find some food and put it in my mouth and chew it up and swallow it and do it again and again and again.
For three days I have been trying to figure out what is causing these intense cravings. In an email conversation with Jack, he suggested that this is my body's (or my mind's) old way of dealing with stress. Yes, he is right about that, but the stress today is not any more intense than the stress of a week ago. What's changed? Why now? What's going on? I've tried to pin it on being so close to goal, but that doesn't feel right. Then I tried to pin it on too much exercise and not enough calories, but I should have recovered from that by now, so that doesn't feel right, either. So why the hell am I sitting at my desk at 8:30 in the morning wishing I had a bowl full of something to munch on? Just about anything would do, but sweets would be best.
Then, as I was writing to Jack, trying to explain what I was feeling, the answer dawned on me. It's Christmas-time. The month between Thanksgiving and Christmas is like this for me every year. And it's all mental. It's not because there is more food around, because there isn't. It's not due to holiday parties, because there aren't any. It's about this big emotional knot that I get inside of me at Christmas-time. It comes every year, just like clock work, right after Thanksgiving, and it sits in my chest like a water balloon until the day after Christmas. Year after year after year. I keep thinking it will get better and this will stop happening, but it doesn't.
I've believed for some time that this started after my divorce from the kids' dad. Christmas was always a very special time for our little family and our divorce messed it up, royally. It's been messed up ever since. Perhaps these issues go back a lot further than that...it wouldn't surprise me if that is the case...but I do know that Christmas hasn't been the same since...when?...1992, I guess. We got divorced the year Carla turned 7, so our last Christmas before our divorce would have been when she was 6. She's 26 now. You'd think in 20 years I would have gotten over it.
So...this next 5 weeks will be rough. I hope Jack has a hell of lot of patience. Perhaps it is time to give the ol' shrink a call. Maybe this is the last little vestige from a life long past that needs to be purged from my system. Whatever happens, I will not succumb to my desire to over-eat. Today, more than ever, I am grateful for my "Get Fit Initiative," this blog, the chart on my bathroom wall, my exercise habit, and the support I get from my husband, sister and friends.
For three days I have been trying to figure out what is causing these intense cravings. In an email conversation with Jack, he suggested that this is my body's (or my mind's) old way of dealing with stress. Yes, he is right about that, but the stress today is not any more intense than the stress of a week ago. What's changed? Why now? What's going on? I've tried to pin it on being so close to goal, but that doesn't feel right. Then I tried to pin it on too much exercise and not enough calories, but I should have recovered from that by now, so that doesn't feel right, either. So why the hell am I sitting at my desk at 8:30 in the morning wishing I had a bowl full of something to munch on? Just about anything would do, but sweets would be best.
Then, as I was writing to Jack, trying to explain what I was feeling, the answer dawned on me. It's Christmas-time. The month between Thanksgiving and Christmas is like this for me every year. And it's all mental. It's not because there is more food around, because there isn't. It's not due to holiday parties, because there aren't any. It's about this big emotional knot that I get inside of me at Christmas-time. It comes every year, just like clock work, right after Thanksgiving, and it sits in my chest like a water balloon until the day after Christmas. Year after year after year. I keep thinking it will get better and this will stop happening, but it doesn't.
I've believed for some time that this started after my divorce from the kids' dad. Christmas was always a very special time for our little family and our divorce messed it up, royally. It's been messed up ever since. Perhaps these issues go back a lot further than that...it wouldn't surprise me if that is the case...but I do know that Christmas hasn't been the same since...when?...1992, I guess. We got divorced the year Carla turned 7, so our last Christmas before our divorce would have been when she was 6. She's 26 now. You'd think in 20 years I would have gotten over it.
So...this next 5 weeks will be rough. I hope Jack has a hell of lot of patience. Perhaps it is time to give the ol' shrink a call. Maybe this is the last little vestige from a life long past that needs to be purged from my system. Whatever happens, I will not succumb to my desire to over-eat. Today, more than ever, I am grateful for my "Get Fit Initiative," this blog, the chart on my bathroom wall, my exercise habit, and the support I get from my husband, sister and friends.
11/28/2012: Running Out of Cushion
Morning Weight: 158.6
This Morning's Exercise: Strength Training with Jeremy Wallen
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: None...for no very good reason
Yesterday's Calories: 1610
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
I lost the 4/10ths of a pounds I gained, but November is almost over which means December 1st is almost here. Then I will only have one month to get to 150lbs. I felt like I had a little cushion, since I have lost weight at an average rate of 8 pounds per month, but it looks like I am using up all of that cushion this week and I will have 8 full pounds to lose in December. I can still do it, but there is not going to be any wiggle room or margin for error. Focus, focus, focus!!!
I have confirmed that I am not going to China this month, so that will help, a lot!
Also, 24Hour Fitness is not going to give me a refund for those 6 training sessions, so I will work out with Jeremy Wallen on Wednesdays and Jeremy Walters on Fridays. That should be interesting. Maybe it will help with the weight loss efforts. We shall see. I will be done with Jeremy Wallen at the end of December.
Tonight is bowling night, which I count as my evening physical activity. Tomorrow I am going to stop by the Aspen Fitness that is on my way home from work for a 15 - 30 minute cardio workout. I should have done it yesterday, but I had an 8:00pm phone meeting (with the CPAs in China) and I just wanted to get home and relax a little bit before my meeting. My plan is to stop at the fitness center on the way home on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays (and maybe Fridays, if I can get out of work early enough) for my evening exercise during the winter months. That way I will get my exercise out of the way before I have a chance to get home and be lazy, as an added benefit traffic will clear out and it will take me about 20 fewer minutes to get home. Because of the decreased drive time, 30 minutes of exercise will only cost me a net ten minutes. Seems like a reasonable investment of my time, doesn't it? I just need to pack workout clothes and bring them with me to work! Tomorrow I will do exactly that!!
This Morning's Exercise: Strength Training with Jeremy Wallen
Yesterday Evening's Exercise: None...for no very good reason
Yesterday's Calories: 1610
Vitamins: 1-A-Day, D, B-Complex, Calcium, Glucosamine
I lost the 4/10ths of a pounds I gained, but November is almost over which means December 1st is almost here. Then I will only have one month to get to 150lbs. I felt like I had a little cushion, since I have lost weight at an average rate of 8 pounds per month, but it looks like I am using up all of that cushion this week and I will have 8 full pounds to lose in December. I can still do it, but there is not going to be any wiggle room or margin for error. Focus, focus, focus!!!
I have confirmed that I am not going to China this month, so that will help, a lot!
Also, 24Hour Fitness is not going to give me a refund for those 6 training sessions, so I will work out with Jeremy Wallen on Wednesdays and Jeremy Walters on Fridays. That should be interesting. Maybe it will help with the weight loss efforts. We shall see. I will be done with Jeremy Wallen at the end of December.
Tonight is bowling night, which I count as my evening physical activity. Tomorrow I am going to stop by the Aspen Fitness that is on my way home from work for a 15 - 30 minute cardio workout. I should have done it yesterday, but I had an 8:00pm phone meeting (with the CPAs in China) and I just wanted to get home and relax a little bit before my meeting. My plan is to stop at the fitness center on the way home on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays (and maybe Fridays, if I can get out of work early enough) for my evening exercise during the winter months. That way I will get my exercise out of the way before I have a chance to get home and be lazy, as an added benefit traffic will clear out and it will take me about 20 fewer minutes to get home. Because of the decreased drive time, 30 minutes of exercise will only cost me a net ten minutes. Seems like a reasonable investment of my time, doesn't it? I just need to pack workout clothes and bring them with me to work! Tomorrow I will do exactly that!!
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