12/7/14: A Picture is worth a thousand words

Date:  Sunday, 12/7/14
Weight:  173.0
Yesterday's Calories:  1601 (Goal 1500 - 1600)
Yesterday's Exercise:  3 mile run

Below is a series of pictures.  The first two are my start pictures, taken a couple of weeks apart, when I first started my Get Fit Initiative.  I post both pictures because the first one was my actual start date and the second one doesn't hide anything.  That second photo is a good reminder of where the fat ends up and what it really looks like.  The third picture was taken about 11 months later, when I was at my goal weight of 150.0 pounds.  The fourth and final picture was taken yesterday, on day 1 of Operation Restart.

2/26/12 224.0 pounds

3/11/12 215.8 ounds

1/10/13 150.0 pounds

12/6/14 173.6 pounds

I know for a fact that you can see what I can see.  Yes, I still look much, much better than I did 3 years ago.  There is no denying that.  There is also no denying how much difference 23.6 pounds makes.  I see it everywhere.  In my face, my neck, my arms, my chest, my mid section, my thighs, and even my calves.  I almost closed my eyes when I saw this picture printed.  But it is what it is.  This picture is now on the refrigerator right next to my before and after pictures.  I will take my photo every Saturday an put it on the fridge.  There is nothing like seeing something to believe something.

I am employing all of the tricks that I used two years ago.  I will blog every day, take my photo once a week, chart (I have never stopped charting), count calories, and work with a personal trainer.

I will exercise 6 days a week for about an hour;  3 days a week I will lift weightsand 3 days a week I will run (or do some other cardio).

I will meet with my personal trainer on Monday mornings at 7:00am.  That requires a little bit of a sacrifice on my part.  I prefer working out at 5:00am so that I can shower and dress at home.   But the gym is close to work, so it makes sense to eat breakfast at home and then go to the gym.  I'll have to shower and get ready for work there.  Not my favorite thing, but I am sure it will be OK.

After Day 1 of Operation Restart I already feel better.  I guess by better I mean I feel confident that I am back on track.  This is familiar.  Counting calories, blogging, and taking photos.  I know this worked once.  I know it will work again.

I do think it is really, really good news that I only gained 23.6 pounds in the last 2 years.  While I would have preferred not to gain any weight at all (OBVIOUSLY), the fact that I didn't gain it all back, plus some, is a big victory in and of itself.  Also, I think it is good new that right now, I feel awful.  I mean, I feel awfully fat.  I feel as fat now as I did on February 26, 2012, when I weighed 224 pounds.  I think that is great!!  You probably think I am crazy.  Why would I think it is great to feel awful?  Because my tolerance for being overweight has shifted by 50 pounds.  At the beginning of 2012, 75 pounds was too much.  I just couldn't stand it any longer and I had to do something.  At the end of 2014, 25 pounds is too much.  I just can't stand it any longer and I have to do something.  I am so grateful that my trigger weight is so much lower than it was almost three years ago.  I am going to give some of that credit to the fact that I don't have any clothes that fit.  Remember?  I gave them all away.  I have bought 2 pairs of size 12 jeans and a fleece lined hoodie, but besides that, I am wearing the clothes I bought last winter.  They are all tight and uncomfortable.  It reminds me every day that I need to do this thing.

I talked yesterday about how my body feels.  I have vivid memories of how good it felt to have a narrow and firm waist and firm arms.  I never lost that bulge on my left thigh, and probably never will, but I have vivid memories of slipping on a size 8 or size 6 pair of jeans and them fitting my legs perfectly.  Size 12 jeans fit now, but even that's different.  When I was at 150 and I put on a pair of pants, nothing cinched or bulged.  My flesh was firm, so the pants just fit.  Now, when I put on a pair of pants they are the right size, but because the flesh is soft it's different.  It's hard to explain.  But there's some compression going on there, whether you like it or not.  Oh, it feels so much better to be at 150 and fit.  I am really looking forward to being there again.

It is hard to be fat most of your life, lose a lot of weight, and keep it off.  That is a fact.  It is hard, but it is not impossible.  My mind set has changed, there is no doubt about that.  I have been recording my weight on a chart several times a week since 2/26/12.  That has helped so much.  The scale does not lie.  I regularly talk to Jack about my weight, my exercise, and my health.  Everyone at work knows my challenge and they are supportive.  I help several women at work by talking to them about my how challenges and successes.  Food and exercise is an open discussion at work, which is helpful.  None of us hide it.  We don't pretend it is OK to be overweight couch potatoes.  It helps that it is an open topic.  In spite of the weight gain, I have never stopped exercising.  It's been almost 3 years now that I have exercised most days of every week.  That has made a huge difference!!!  I am confident that that will never change.

The biggest problem is food.  I get addicted to eating.  I find myself wanting to snack all the time.  I don't know why, but the urge is almost always present.  That is why counting calories is so important.  It reminds me of what I am eating.  When I am in a weight loss mode, counting calories does not seem like too big of a burden, but it sure seemed like a huge burden once I had lost the weight.  I thought I didn't need to do it anymore.  Perhaps that is not true.  Perhaps I will always need to count calories.

I feel like for the last year or so I was "just living my life" and by doing that, I gained weight.  It's frustrating.  It really is.  I didn't stop exercising, but when I gave up strict control over my food (and, I admit, alcohol) intake, my weight just started to creep up.  Over the next few months, as I lose this 23 pounds, I will think a lot about what I will need to do for the rest of my life to stay at 150.

Today, I feel better than I did yesterday and that makes a huge difference.  It feels good, emotionally, to be back on track.  It feels good, physically, to weigh a little less than I did yesterday, and to be a little less bloated.

I know I will feel even better tomorrow.  That is what motivates me.  The vivid memory of how great it felt to weigh 150 pounds is the magnet that is pulling me back to that place.  I'll get there.  It won't take too long.

Oh, by the way, there is sort of a goal date, but not really.  Mostly, I want to feel and look great.  But it is in the back of my mind that Steve is graduating with his PhD in May or June and I will be going to Oregon to celebrate his success with him.  It would be fun to look and feel great while I am there.  So, I'll set a goal date of my birthday, May 3, 2015, to be back at 150 pounds.  Then I will stay there for the rest of my life.  I just realized that it is a sign!  My birthday is 5-3.  5 times 3 is 15!  Add a zero and it is 150!!  and it is 20-15!  Get it??  Ha!  That is kind of fun!  I'll take my pleasure where I can get it!

That's it for today.