Weight: 173.6
I already know what people will say if they read this, which they probably won't since I am not going to make a big deal about starting to blog again. They'll say, "Don't use the word, 'Fat'." Or, "You're not fat." Or, "It's not about the number on the scale." Or a number of other things that are meant to be helpful but don't really help at all. The fact of the matter is there is nothing anybody can say that will make me feel less fat.
Today, December 6, 2014, I feel pretty lousy about myself.
I've gained 23.6 pounds in about 2 years. Well, let's call it 20. Yes, I did hit 150, but it was only for a day. I hung around 153 - 155 for a while and that was probably my true low weight.
I still weigh a whole lot less than I did on February 26, 2012. On that day I weighed 224 pounds. So I weigh 50 pounds less than I did on that day, when I started this journey to a lifetime of fitness and good health. So I feel good about that. I weighed 150 pounds on January 5, 2013.
That year-long journey is well documented in previous pages of this blog. It was full of highs and lows, challenges and victories. And photos. The blog helped me a lot. It gave me a place to express a lot of the frustrations and challenges of the day-in and day-out obstacles to losing weight.
I felt fabulous at 150 pounds. I felt better than I thought possible. And I looked good, too. I continued to blog for a while, after losing that 74 pounds, but I felt like the blog got boring and there really wasn't anything to say. So I stopped keeping my blog. I kept exercising and kept working with a trainer. But after a while it got old, driving all the way to Lees Summit. And my trainer quit. I tried a couple of different trainers but never really clicked with anyone the way I clicked with Jeremy. So I thought I could maintain the workouts at home.
I completed a triathlon, which was a huge accomplishment. I thought I wanted to do another triathlon and improve my time, but I hated the training. I missed my strength training. There was too much focus on cardio and endurance exercise and not enough on strength training. So I stopped my triathlon training. But I kept running.
In recent months I have been running 2 - 3 days a week for 3 - 4 miles. I run slowly, I walk parts of it sometimes when I feel tired and not really into it, but I have been getting up in the mornings and doing something. I have also been lifting weights at home about 2 days a week. It's helped slow down the progression of the flab, I'm sure, but I have trouble pushing myself when I am working out alone.
I've gained 20 pounds. I feel like crap. Right now, as I am typing, my fingers feel fat, my chin feels puffy, by boobs feel heavy, and my tummy is laying on my lap. I hate the way I feel. My ankles hurt, I can feel it in my knees, and my right hip has the hitch back in it. I had to buy a couple of pairs of size 12 jeans just so I would have something to wear to work. Most of my sweaters and winter tops still fit, sort of, but they are tight, uncomfortable, and look like crap. I won't even put on some of my clothes because I can't stand feeling constricted in them.
I have to change the tide and change it now.
What happened? Why did I let this 20 pounds creep up on me? Why did I stop working out so hard? Why did I start eating more? Why? Why? Why?
There is no one reason. There are a million little reasons. There is no magic formula, or magic pill, or magic mantra to answer all these questions.
I need to go back to what was working for me when I was losing weight, because I need to lose weight again. Then, after I get back to 150 and feel fabulous again, I need to figure out what I need to do to maintain it.
I will talk about a few things that I think I did that contributed to this back-slide.
Well, first things first. I'll start with the obvious. I ate more and I exercised less. Duh. I started drinking a little more alcohol. That pretty much sums up why I gained weight, lost muscle mass, and in general now feel like crap.
But why did I do these things? I know better. I mean, I KNOW better. So why?
Here are some thoughts on that:
- I kept setting new stretch goals. After losing the weight, I felt like I needed a big goal to keep me motivated, so I decided to complete a triathlon. After completing the triathlon I felt like I needed a big goal to keep me motivated so I decided to do it again, faster. I also decided to try to lower my body fat % considerably.
- To complete the tri faster I changed my training to more cardio (6 days a week) and almost no strength training, under the guidance of a tri coach. This did not work for me. It was a mistake.
- To lower my body fat % I started eating more protein. I had trouble keeping calories reasonable and protein up. I started gaining weight. This did not work for me.
- I felt great at 150! I really didn't need to change anything. Yet I thought I could feel better, look better, be a stronger athlete, so I did more. I think I overdid it. I got discouraged and gave up. I now believe setting stretch goal after stretch goal was a mistake.
- I started working out almost exclusively at home. While this was convenient, it took away the circle of people that I saw at the gym. None of them were friends, but they were people that recognized me and talked to me and encouraged me. I was part of the scene, and I felt like I belonged there. I identified with my fellow gym rats. I kind of liked that.
- I think I was too stubborn about my schedule. It was difficult to find a trainer that wanted to work with me at 5:00am. I wasn't willing to compromise and try other things.
- I know there are more decisions I made that contributed to The Slide, but they are not coming to me right now. I'll continue to talk about the things that I believe contributed to The Slide in future posts.
I am only going to share the fact that I am writing in my blog again with a very limited number of people. Maybe Ruth and Jack and that's it. We'll see. Others may find it and that's OK, but I am not going to make a big deal out of this. This blog is for me.
What worked before:
- Blogging
- Counting calories (1500 - 1600 per day)
- Working with a personal trainer
- Taking photos once a week
- Charting my progress
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