Monday, April 30, 2012
4/30/2012: Weighing in - End of Week Nine
I hardly believed my own eyes this morning, but I weighed 205.6 pounds this morning. At the end of week nine I have lost 18.4 pounds, so I am still averaging right around 2 pounds a week. I thought last week that the weight loss was slowing down to about 1.5 pounds per week (which is my goal) but then, all of a sudden, this week I lost almost three pounds. It's funny how it works that way. Some weeks it seems like my body is hanging onto every ounce of fat it has for dear life, and then "poof" two or three pounds seem to fall off over night. Other weeks it seems to come off more steadily, a couple of tenths a pound a day. It would be interesting to know what is really going on in there, physiologically, but I guess I'll never know. I'll take the 205.6 pounds today, though. That feels pretty good. Now I need to hang on to that for a week or two to make it stick!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
4/29/2012: Week Nine Photo
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| Week 9 Photo 4/29/12 |
4/29/2012: Challenging Week Ahead
There is a lot going on this week. Of course, all of you already know that on Thursday I will be celebrating my 50th birthday and I am looking forward to the celebration lasting through the weekend! Between lunch with co-workers and friends on Thursday afternoon, a Royals game (Go Royals! Beat those Yankees!) Thursday evening, perhaps a nice meal out on Friday evening (maybe we can finally go to FUD), and pizza and Rock-n-Bowl on Saturday, I will have plenty of opportunities to over-indulge. It is my pledge not to do that, though. I see no reason why I can't have fun doing all of those things while making good food choices and not over-filling my gas tank. In addition to that, I found out at the last minute that I am going to Orlando this week for a conference. Someone else was scheduled to go, but she resigned last week, so I am going in her place. Traveling alone for business, particularly attending a conference, means a lot of sitting and trying to stay awake. That will probably be the biggest challenge for me, not eating while I am on the road.
I am motivated to stay committed to eating right, though, because I've really seen some nice progress on the scale this week. This morning I weighed 206.8 pounds!! Yippee!! That means 17.2 pounds lost and 56.8 to go. It's nice to see the scale moving a little almost everyday. Being very careful this week with my food choices paid off. I am feeling pretty good about that.
Next week Jack and I go to San Diego for our youngest daughter's wedding. That will be challenging, too. Yesterday we bought my dress, a size 14W, beats the heck out of the size 18W I would have had to buy two months ago. I like it and feel pretty in it, so that's good. It's red, an unusual color for a wedding, but red is one of the bride's colors, so that worked out well, as red is a good color for me. I ordered shoes today, so here's hoping one of the pairs I ordered fits and looks good with the dress. They should be here in a few days!
I'm struggling a little bit, emotionally, with how long this is going to take. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a really fat woman and feel like this is going to take forever. It makes me feel sad and frustrated and sort of hopeless about this whole thing. Other times I look in the mirror and see the progress and I have complete confidence that I am in charge of this process and that before I know it, I will be where I want to be. I have very deep seated habits and emotions when it comes to food. I told Jack, yesterday, that it feels like I am fighting demons, sometimes. The good news is that I am struggling for less and less of my day, as the weeks go by. There are still moments when I think, "This is impossible," but those thoughts are quickly replaced with, "I'm getting this done." I know I'll get there. That's why I have implemented the use of so many tools, so that no matter what's going on, one of the tools in my tool box will be just the trick to get me back on track.
Today's chore day. It's raining out, so that's good. I won't be tempted to play in my garden all day!! The house could use a little attention.
I am motivated to stay committed to eating right, though, because I've really seen some nice progress on the scale this week. This morning I weighed 206.8 pounds!! Yippee!! That means 17.2 pounds lost and 56.8 to go. It's nice to see the scale moving a little almost everyday. Being very careful this week with my food choices paid off. I am feeling pretty good about that.
Next week Jack and I go to San Diego for our youngest daughter's wedding. That will be challenging, too. Yesterday we bought my dress, a size 14W, beats the heck out of the size 18W I would have had to buy two months ago. I like it and feel pretty in it, so that's good. It's red, an unusual color for a wedding, but red is one of the bride's colors, so that worked out well, as red is a good color for me. I ordered shoes today, so here's hoping one of the pairs I ordered fits and looks good with the dress. They should be here in a few days!
I'm struggling a little bit, emotionally, with how long this is going to take. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a really fat woman and feel like this is going to take forever. It makes me feel sad and frustrated and sort of hopeless about this whole thing. Other times I look in the mirror and see the progress and I have complete confidence that I am in charge of this process and that before I know it, I will be where I want to be. I have very deep seated habits and emotions when it comes to food. I told Jack, yesterday, that it feels like I am fighting demons, sometimes. The good news is that I am struggling for less and less of my day, as the weeks go by. There are still moments when I think, "This is impossible," but those thoughts are quickly replaced with, "I'm getting this done." I know I'll get there. That's why I have implemented the use of so many tools, so that no matter what's going on, one of the tools in my tool box will be just the trick to get me back on track.
Today's chore day. It's raining out, so that's good. I won't be tempted to play in my garden all day!! The house could use a little attention.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
4/26/2012: Ups and Downs
Today's weigh-in was 208.2 pounds. This is the first week in a while that I actually lost a little weight from Monday to Thursday, so I am pleased with that. The funny thing is, I can't help wanting just a little bit more and being just slightly disappointed that I was not able to get to the 207.somethings by today. This week I have been very conscious of everything I ate, including not licking my fingers or snacking on cookies when I baked about 600 cookies for a company picnic. That took willpower! I was hoping that willpower alone would cause me to drop a pound. Of course, it didn't. Sometimes the reality sets in around me like a wet blanket on a cold day, this is going to take a long time. It's easy to get impatient with this process, to want to see more results, faster. I've been exercising 6 days a week for almost 9 weeks, I'm starting to feel pretty good. I'm stronger, I have better balance, my clothes are getting looser, I'm sleeping well, I feel like a million bucks. What I feel like, really, is like I should look like a million bucks. I am internalizing these changes a lot faster than I am externalizing them, and my outward image is not keeping up with my inward image. Not even a little bit. It's hard for me to accept the fact that it is going to take another month, an entire month, to get below 200 pounds. I am guessing it will be that first week of June, before I see 199.8, or thereabouts, on my scale. I want it tomorrow, or next week, not next month. That's not going to happen. Accept it. I think the origins of today's frustration came from setting a little trap for myself. About two weeks ago I thought maybe, just maybe, I could lose 20 pounds by my birthday if I was very careful with food and super diligent about exercise. I set a stealth goal for myself. I kept telling myself to not set the goal, because I knew it was a super big reach and I knew how frustrated I'd get if I set the goal and didn't make it. But still, deep down inside, I secretly made that a goal. Today I faced the harsh reality that this is an impossible reach. I cannot make it to 204 by next Thursday. It's impossible. And if I starved myself to try, that would just be stupid and counterproductive. So I've settled back down to the original plan. The goal is 1.5 pounds a week. This is going to take 48 weeks. That is OK. It will be June before I see the 190s. That is OK. This is a slow boat, but it's a steady boat. I am going to get there, I'm just not going to get there over night.
Sometimes I can't help being disappointed in myself for not sticking to my plan when I started this last June. Back then, I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't stick with it. Back then, last June, reaching my goal weight by my 50th birthday was attainable. But I blew it. A lot of times I am disappointed in myself for ever letting myself get this heavy in the first place. *Sigh* These emotions are bubbling up because of my impending birthday. It is a benchmark year, the end of my 50th. Ever since I was a little kid I wanted to live to be 100 years old. This birthday marks the end of my first half. If you've been reading my blog all along, you know how much I am looking forward to the second half, so this is a happy occasion, not a sad one, but I can't help looking back 10 months and saying to myself, "If you had just stuck with it back then, you'd be there, already." Shake it off!!!!
Enough of this nonsense, there is a bit of good news I want to share with you. I think I have turned a corner on the whole exercise thing. I alluded to it a couple of days ago when I wrote about trying to talk myself out of exercising. Did you catch that? I was trying to talk myself out of exercising, not into exercising. Then yesterday, a similar thing happened. I was up late on Tuesday night (10:30, for me, is late) baking cookies for a company picnic. I had to be at work at 7:00AM for an interview Wednesday morning. That meant in order to get to the gym and work out, I had to get up even earlier than normal. I started to process through all the reasons why I should just skip exercise on Wednesday morning, but I couldn't do it. I build enough cushion into my mornings that in reality, all I really needed to do was get up 15 minutes earlier and then rush just a little, and I would be fine. So that's what I did. I got up at 4:15 yesterday morning to be at the gym and pumping iron by 4:30. I was back home shortly after 5:30 and made it to the interview in plenty of time. The fact of that matter is, not exercising was not an option for me. I had to do it. Dare I say, I wanted to do it? I don't know if I'm ready to make that mental leap. But I can say, with conviction, that I exercise every morning. It is part of my routine. With the exception of one planned day off a week, I exercise every day. It's what I do. Yes, it feels good to be able to say that. It's a relief, in a way. It feels like a load off my shoulders to know that I have effectively incorporated vigorous exercise into my daily routine. That's a start!!!
And now its time for me to do that other thing that I have to do everyday. Work. Have a great day, everyone!!
Oh, and by the way, Rebecca, I was thinking about you and your heart monitor story when I put up the title to this post. Thank you for that!!!!
Sometimes I can't help being disappointed in myself for not sticking to my plan when I started this last June. Back then, I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't stick with it. Back then, last June, reaching my goal weight by my 50th birthday was attainable. But I blew it. A lot of times I am disappointed in myself for ever letting myself get this heavy in the first place. *Sigh* These emotions are bubbling up because of my impending birthday. It is a benchmark year, the end of my 50th. Ever since I was a little kid I wanted to live to be 100 years old. This birthday marks the end of my first half. If you've been reading my blog all along, you know how much I am looking forward to the second half, so this is a happy occasion, not a sad one, but I can't help looking back 10 months and saying to myself, "If you had just stuck with it back then, you'd be there, already." Shake it off!!!!
Enough of this nonsense, there is a bit of good news I want to share with you. I think I have turned a corner on the whole exercise thing. I alluded to it a couple of days ago when I wrote about trying to talk myself out of exercising. Did you catch that? I was trying to talk myself out of exercising, not into exercising. Then yesterday, a similar thing happened. I was up late on Tuesday night (10:30, for me, is late) baking cookies for a company picnic. I had to be at work at 7:00AM for an interview Wednesday morning. That meant in order to get to the gym and work out, I had to get up even earlier than normal. I started to process through all the reasons why I should just skip exercise on Wednesday morning, but I couldn't do it. I build enough cushion into my mornings that in reality, all I really needed to do was get up 15 minutes earlier and then rush just a little, and I would be fine. So that's what I did. I got up at 4:15 yesterday morning to be at the gym and pumping iron by 4:30. I was back home shortly after 5:30 and made it to the interview in plenty of time. The fact of that matter is, not exercising was not an option for me. I had to do it. Dare I say, I wanted to do it? I don't know if I'm ready to make that mental leap. But I can say, with conviction, that I exercise every morning. It is part of my routine. With the exception of one planned day off a week, I exercise every day. It's what I do. Yes, it feels good to be able to say that. It's a relief, in a way. It feels like a load off my shoulders to know that I have effectively incorporated vigorous exercise into my daily routine. That's a start!!!
And now its time for me to do that other thing that I have to do everyday. Work. Have a great day, everyone!!
Oh, and by the way, Rebecca, I was thinking about you and your heart monitor story when I put up the title to this post. Thank you for that!!!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
4/24/2012: Pushing Through
This morning I had to seriously talk myself into going to the gym, or more like, I had to talk myself out of not going to the gym. I haven't had one of those debates with myself in a while. "I'm going to stay in bed today." "No you're not, get up." "No, I can make today my rest day." "Well, that makes sense, you do get a rest day." "Ok, I'm resetting the alarm." "OK, that's fine...Wait! No it's not. It's makes more sense for Thursday to be our rest day. We weigh in on Thursday and I really want to see 207.something on Thursday morning on the scale. We're not going to get there if we don't exercise." "Oh, come on, really? I have to get up? It's already getting late (as in 4:40AM)." "Yes, get up. You can do this." "Ugh, OK..."
That conversation went on for at least 10 minutes this morning. It's not hard to figure out which one was the rider and which one was the elephant, is it? But get up, I did! I did my cardio at the gym this morning because I've started getting a little creeped out in the mornings on my runs. It's dark at 4:30AM! This morning I did 2500 strides in 20 minutes at level six on the ellitpical machine, 30 minutes on the treadmill alternating between 2 minutes of walking @ 3.5 mph and 8 minutes of jogging @ 5 mph, and 5 minutes of cool down on the bike. Total calories burned: 475. Not bad for having to talk myself into getting out of bed this morning.
The treadmill is a huge improvement over 8 weeks ago. When I started I was alternating 2 minutes of jogging with 2 minutes of walking. Today it was 8 minutes of jogging alternated with 2 minutes of walking. It's nice to see the progress.
That conversation went on for at least 10 minutes this morning. It's not hard to figure out which one was the rider and which one was the elephant, is it? But get up, I did! I did my cardio at the gym this morning because I've started getting a little creeped out in the mornings on my runs. It's dark at 4:30AM! This morning I did 2500 strides in 20 minutes at level six on the ellitpical machine, 30 minutes on the treadmill alternating between 2 minutes of walking @ 3.5 mph and 8 minutes of jogging @ 5 mph, and 5 minutes of cool down on the bike. Total calories burned: 475. Not bad for having to talk myself into getting out of bed this morning.
The treadmill is a huge improvement over 8 weeks ago. When I started I was alternating 2 minutes of jogging with 2 minutes of walking. Today it was 8 minutes of jogging alternated with 2 minutes of walking. It's nice to see the progress.
Monday, April 23, 2012
4/23/12: Now We Can Call it Fifteen!
Actually, let's make that 15.2 pounds lost. My official Monday morning weigh-in was 208.8!!! I finally, officially, broke the 210 barrier and was able to mark it on my chart! I'm a little shy of 2 pounds a week, but I'm still ahead of my goal of 1.5 pounds per week and I'm below my line. It's working and I am going to keep on working it!!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
4/22/2012: Week 8 Photo and Recap
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| 4/22/12 End of Week 8 |
Eight weeks down, 40 to go! 14.8 pounds lost (can we call it 15?) 59.2 to go. Eight weeks of exercising approximately an hour a day, six times a week. The exercise days alternate between 50-60 minutes of strength training and 50-70 minutes of jog/walking. I've recently added a mile to my jogs so I am now jog/walking about 5 miles per day, which takes me 70 minutes. I was doing about 4 miles a day, which started out taking me 60 minutes. When I was regularly getting it done in 50, I added the 5th mile. My strength training is done one day a week with Jeremy, a personal trainer at 24 Hour Fitness and two days a week on my own, using the routine that Jeremy provides for me. My calorie goal has changed from 1200 calaories net of exercise to limiting daily calories consumed to 1500, regardless of the number of calories burned with exercise. This week I plan on adding walks on the evening of my strength training days, just for good measure and to get outside in the spring weather.
I'm working on changing my attitude from using food to make me "feel better" to using food as a fuel source. I actually think I'm getting there, which will be a huge step in making this a lifetime change, rather than a diet.
I'll add net calories for the week in another post later this evening. We're going to the Royals game and I need to eat before we leave. Go Royals!!! I sure hope they can start winning games!!!!
The game is over...we lost...again. We also froze at the game. It was cold and windy! In spite of the loss and the cold, we had a good time. Jack and I both enjoy the ball games.
Last weeks calories and exercise:
Saturday 4/14: Calories consumed - 1531; Calories burned (70 minutes jog/walk) - 736; Net Calories - 795
Sunday 4/15: Calories consumed - 1433; Calories burned (50 minutes weight lifting) - 476; Net Calories - 957
Monday 4/16: Calories consumed - 1747; Calories burned (70 minutes jog/walk) - 736; Net Calories - 1008
Tuesday 4/17: Calories consumed - 1410; Calories burned (60 minutes weight lifting ) - 570; Net Calories - 840
Wednesday 4/18: Calories consumed - 1366; Calories burned (40 minutes brisk walking) - 237; Net Calories - 1099
Thursday 4/19: Calories consumed - 908; Calories burned (50 minutes weight lifting) - 473; Net Calories - 435
Friday 4/20: Calories consumed - 2072; Calories burned (rest day) - 0; Net Calories - 2072
Saturday 4/21: Calories consumed - 1244; Calories burned (70 minutes jog/walk) - 736; Net Calories - 508
Sunday 4/22: Calories consumed - 1039; Calories burned (70 minutes jog/walk) - 736; Net Calories - 303
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