9/30/2015: Day 7 of Abstinence; 77 Days Until Surgery

That was a whirlwind trip!  I left for work Monday morning at about 7am, worked until 1:30 and hit the road.  After 6.5 hours of driving I spent the night in Decatur, Illinois.  I had a short 30 minute drive the next morning to get to my business meeting at 8am which lasted until 12:30 and then I pointed the car back in the direction that I came and 6.5 hours later I was home.  I planned ahead and packed all of my meals except breakfast, assuming scrambled eggs and fruit would be easy to come by on Tuesday morning.  That turned out to be not quite true as I didn’t get great advice from the front desk clerk at the hotel.  The diner I was directed to was not open at 6:30 in the morning.  I ended up eating my nuts and a couple of apples for breakfast.  It could have been worse.  All in all, I feel pretty good about the fact that I spent 14 of the last 36 hours in a car by myself and did not eat any off program food.  I drank a lot of water, ate a few too many apples, and consumed more nuts than is recommended in a normal On Program day (they are high in calories) but I didn’t eat any of the foods on my abstinence list, so I feel really good about that.  I’m calling it a success.  And next time I’m packing an extra meal, just in case something unexpected happens again.

With respect to exercise, I got a workout in Monday morning and brought my gear with me on my trip.  I did not get up early enough to exercise yesterday morning, though.  I did get my workout in this morning, so that’s good.  I’m still doing the Black Fire workouts on the Daily Burn website.  I like them a lot.  I find them motivating and tough.  They make me work hard.  I want to do them all, every week.  So far so good with Black Fire.

The big news, of course, is that Steve left for Samoa this morning.  He will be a Peace Corps volunteer for the next 27 months.  Maybe it hasn’t quite hit me yet, but he is leaving the northern hemisphere and the western hemisphere for over 2 years.  I know he is going to have an amazing, transformative experience.  He has promised that he will blog about his experience.  He even bought a camera so he can take pictures!  As soon as I know his blog address I will share it with everyone.  It’s hard to believe he’s gone.  This is something he has wanted for years.  It is quite a process to get accepted as a volunteer into the program but he stuck with it and now it’s paying off.  Samoa.  For 27 months.  Wow!  Jack and I are planning on visiting him next year.  I am looking forward to that!

The business trip was fruitful.  I learned quite a bit and met some people that I will be working with into the future.  I can’t give a lot of details yet (that will change soon), but for now it shall suffice to say that my world is getting turned a bit upside down.  The next 90 days are going to be BUSY!  I don’t expect to have any days completely off until my surgery and I am a little worried about being able to take off the last couple weeks of the year.  I think between Mike and me we can get everything squared away prior to December 16^th, but it is going to be tight.  I just need to settle into a routine of working weekends and evenings and acknowledging that that is the way it is going to be for a while.  I have activities planned and will continue to do those things, like bowling, baseball games (we have tickets to all of the playoff games, exciting!), kids and grandkids coming to visit, kickball, etc…, but when I am not doing something else I will pretty much be at work for the rest of the year.  The payoff will be that when we get everything done that we need to get done, our jobs will actually become easier in many respects.  It’ll be fine.  We’ll get this done.  Such is life.

I’m feeling strong with regard to my program.  An interesting thing happened on Day 5 and I can’t remember if I already mentioned it in a previous post, if so, I’ll be repeating myself.  On Day 5 I noticed that food started tasting really good.  I first noticed it with a strawberry.  I popped a breakfast strawberry in my mouth and I was struck with how sweet and full of flavor it was.  All day long I was exclaiming, “Wow, that tastes really good!”  Funny thing is, it was all the same food that I’ve been eating for months.  The big difference?  I was no longer eating anything sweetened with sugar or any manufactured foods of any sort.  I also no longer had cravings for any of those foods.  It’s as if my taste buds readjusted to appreciating the real food.  It sure makes eating food enjoyable when everything tastes so good!

Do I have a food addiction?  Probably a better question is do I have a crap food addiction?  My behavior certainly mimics that of an addict.  If I abstain completely from crap food I lose my cravings for it and can resist any temptations that are around me.  But if I “slip” and have just one, it seems to open the door to having two a couple days later, and then more the next day, and before you know it, it’s a habit again.  I’ve lived with an alcoholic.  I’ve lived this pattern.  Sobriety for 3 or 4 months.  Then one drink.  Then a couple days later, two drinks, while convincing himself he is not an alcoholic and he can be a “social drinker.”  Then within a few weeks, drinking every night, and before too long, drinking heavily again.  The only real difference between my crap eating pattern and an alcoholics drinking pattern is that eating crap has a milder immediate impact on my life.  I can still function when I’m eating crap and the negative impact on my behavior and body are harder to see.  That is one of the things that makes it so insidious.  You can hardly tell that it is a problem until you are totally hooked.  I think this probably is an addiction.   As many of you know, many years ago I went through several years of therapy to deal with depression and PTSD.  I’ve decided to go back to therapy to cure this one last thing.  While I am at it, I am going to figure out once and for all why I get so depressed between Thanksgiving and Christmas every year.  My first appointment is this afternoon.  If you thought this blog was interesting before (and perhaps you didn’t – but then you wouldn’t still be reading, would you?), just wait until I start blogging about therapy.

I gotta run.  Work calls.

Have a beautiful day!

9/28/2015: Abstinence Day 6; Quick Business Trip Today - don't have time to blog

Sad but true, I don't have time to blog today.  I have to get to work, I hit the road at noon and will be driving the rest of the day.  I have a meeting in Illinois from 8:00am Tuesday morning till noon, and then I will head home.  When I get home, I will be hosting a dinner for Steve and Audrey because it is Steve's last night in the US before leaving for Samoa.  I cooked Tuesday's main course (curried meatballs and veggies) yesterday and just typed up instructions for Steve to heat up the meatball dish and cook the brown rice (no, I won't eat any rice) so it is ready to go when I get home.  I find this a little stressful.  I am completely relying on Steve and Jack to have the house ready, table set, food warmed up, etc...  I hope to get home at 6:00, throw together a tossed salad, and be cook, calm and collected to host a little dinner party.  Ah, the trials of the modern family.

I have already cooked three of the dishes this week and I have packed 2 lunches and a dinner for my road trip.  The only meal I will have to "eat out" is tomorrow's breakfast.  That is fairly safe.  Eggs and fruit.

I received a wonderful email from a family member yesterday that came about partly as a result of my blogging.  Wow!!  Thank you so much.  It was so nice to get all the news and get caught up a little bit.  I will respond, soon!!

Have a beautiful day!

Younger Next Year - Recap

I'm reading Younger Next Year as I wait for my car. I'm on page 29. This paragraph says it all:

"A lot of people unconsciously assume they they will get-old-and-die:  one phrase, almost one word, and certainly one seamless concept. That when they get old and infirm, they will die soon after, so a deteriorating quality of life does not matter. That is a deeply mistaken idea and a dangerous premise for planning your life. In fact, you will probably get-old-and-live. You can get decrepit, if you like, but you are not likely to die; you are likely to live like that for a long, long time. Most Americans today will live into their mid-eighties, whether they are in great shape or shuffling around on walkers. And that number is rising over time, too, so you may live well into your nineties, whether you like it or not. Which is a good reason to make the last third of your life terrific-and not a dreary panoply of obesity, sore joints and apathy. "Normal aging" is intolerable and avoidable. You can skip most of it and grow old, not just gracefully, but with real joy."  Dr. Henry S. Lodge, M.D.

9/27/15: Abstinence Day 5; 80 Days Until Surgery

This blog is helping me stay On Program, thank goodness.  After many fits and starts, I am solidly back On Program and most of the cravings are gone.  Yesterday I wanted to snack a little bit between meals, but I wasn’t craving sweets.  I had a small handful of nuts and an apple.  At dinner time I wanted to eat more than the portion I put on my plate, so I had a little more chicken.  I was tired going into the day yesterday after working a 14 hour day on Thursday and our late dinner with Steve and Audrey on Friday, and then I had a very busy Saturday morning and afternoon.  By 4:30, when I got home from working for a few hours, I was just beat.  I put the chicken and vegetables in the oven to roast and took a nap!  I never nap.

I hope to have a little more energy today.  I was in bed before 9:00 last night and woke up this morning at 5:30 without the alarm.  I have a lot to do today, too!  I’m going to try to get the meatballs cooked this morning before leaving for Firestone to get a new headlight and an oil change at 8:00.  I need to get the headlight this morning because I hit the road at noon tomorrow for a quick business trip to Illinois.  I’ll be home by 6:00 on Tuesday so that we can have our last dinner at home with Steve before we take him to the airport early Wednesday morning.  Then he is off to Samoa!  After cooking Tuesday’s dinner (the meatballs) and getting the car serviced, I’ll come home and we’ll eat a late breakfast.  Then Jackie and I are off to the last Royals home game of regular season.  We’ll get home around 4:30, I’ll cook the Thai Basil Chicken stir fry for dinner, and then I need to pack, dust off my old laptop for my work trip, and it’ll be time to go to bed.  There’s not much time for rest this weekend.

In spite of being too busy, the blog helps me stay focused on my top priority, which is staying On Program.  Just typing the words “80 Days Until Surgery” in the title of my blog post is enough to focus me.  It’s an “Oh Crap” moment every time I type those words.  This is really happening.  It seems like no time has passed is I typed “84 Days to Go,” yet it has been four days.  I really don’t have time to waste.  I need to stay focused so that I can be the size I want to be going into and, more importantly, coming out of surgery. 

It is a huge relief to have the cravings gone.  One of the hardest parts of losing weight is fighting the constant cravings for Crap Food.  Crap Food, or “foods that are supernormally stimulating in the absence of nutrition and satiety,” to quote It Starts with Food, is so easy to eat and so very addictive.  These foods are manufactured to trigger our desire to eat more of them.  They are abnormally sweet, salty, and fatty; all tastes that tell our primitive brain that this thing is nourishment.  Yet Crap Food is not nourishment.  It is a manufactured mess of highly processed ingredients and chemicals pressed together to resemble food.  There are easily accessible calories in these products, but there are virtually no nutrients.  We overconsume Crap Food and get too many calories and are malnourished at the same time.  Then we wonder why we’re hungry and want more Crap Food.  Our food should not be manufactured, it should be grown or raised.  Our food shouldn’t come from a factory, it should come from a garden.  Cars come from factories, vegetables come from the back yard. 

I abhor the Big Food Industry, or the BFFI, as I like to call it.  I’m sure you can figure out what the extra “F” stands for.  The two biggest targets of my ire are Monsanto and ConAgra.  Under the guise of creating technology to feed the world, they have taken the manufacturing of foods all the way to the seed level.  It is getting difficult to find seeds that have not been genetically engineered in some way.  The BFFI genetically engineers seeds to withstand the pesticides that they manufacture, then they patent the seed.  In addition, they engineer the seeds so that they don’t reproduce, locking the farmer into buying their seeds year after year after year.   But that is just the beginning.  The wheat from the engineered seeds is then ultra-processed and repackaged with “stable fats,” sugar (usually in the form of high fructose corn syrup), salt, and artificial flavors (chemicals of all sorts), in order to create something that resembles food.  We eat it and, really, it doesn’t taste that good.  I mean really, Oreos, for example, don’t taste that good.  Eat one slowly, if you can.  I mean really savor that Oreo.  What does it taste like?  Chocolate?  No, not really.  Butter?  No, not butter.  There really isn’t a taste, per se, yet if I eat one, I’ll eat more, compulsively, until I’ve had “too many.”  Quite frankly, one is too many.  It really does piss me off that the BFFI has been so successful at taking over our food chain that it takes real effort to avoid manufactured food.  The BFFI is not in this business to feed the world.  They are in this business to make money, a lot of money.  I don’t have a problem with businesses being run to make money, I’m a capitalist, I help run a business, I get it.  But I do have a problem with a couple of huge companies controlling our food supply, shoving patented and addictive foods at us non-stop, and a few people at the very top getting incredibly rich in the process.  It’s nuts.  The biggest difference between the BFFI and the big drug cartels, in my opinion, is that the BFFI is legal and it’s sponsored by the government.  Ugh.  My soap box.  I’ll get off it.  It’s just…it really does upset me.  Buy local.  OK.  Now I’ll step off the box.

I am lucky, Jackie and I are both fully employed and our kids are all grown and out of college.  Our expenses are relatively low compared to our income so I can afford to buy the food I want to buy.  It is more expensive to buy from local farmers.  It costs more money for farmers to raise crops and livestock without the manufactured seeds and without rampant use of chemicals and hormones.  It was not that long ago that I was on a very tight budget and I had to be very careful about every food dollar.  I know it’s not easy.  I’m grateful that I am now in a position to buy local.  It makes me feel better to know that some of my dollars are going to the farmers that are working hard to grow real food. 

I am also grateful that my cravings for Crap Food are gone.  It only took four days, though the first day felt like ten.  I am grateful for this blog.  When I write about this, it forces me to actually think about it.  When I think about it I get interested in what motivates me to make the choices I am making.  Then I start reading about it.  Then I write about it some more, which really makes me think.  I get beyond the compulsion to satisfy my cravings to understanding what it is that I really want.  When I get to the spot where I am examining my motives and desires closely, it becomes pretty clear that I really don’t want that Oreo.  If I eat that Oreo, who ultimately wins?  Not me.  That Oreo does nothing good for me.  Who wins, then?  The BFFI wins.  I don’t want the BFFI to win.  I don’t want to support them.  I don’t want to be addicted to their products.  Why then, am I eating that stupid Oreo?  It all becomes pretty clear, when I really think about it, and writing these blog posts forces me to really think about it. 

I occurred to me that I could write in a journal instead of writing blog posts, but I lose interest in writing in a journal very quickly.  I have no idea if anyone is actually reading my blog posts, but at least I can pretend that people are reading them.  It is a lot more compelling to write to an audience than it is to just write.  I talk to myself enough all day long, I don’t need to write to myself, too.  So, if you are reading this, thank you.  I am truly grateful.

Have a beautiful day!

9/26/15: Abstinence Day 4; 81 Days Until Surgery

Yesterday was Perfect Day 3!!!  Dinner was a success on multiple fronts.  I planned well for the day and ate a late, On Program, lunch, so I was not ravenous when we ate a late dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Café Trio.  I did not drink any alcohol and I did not eat any Off Program food.  The purpose of the dinner was not to indulge my food fantasies, the purpose of the dinner was to meet Steve’s girlfriend, Audrey.  So while my meal was nice, it consisted of a garden salad with balsamic vinaigrette dressing and a main course of scallops over a bed of sautéed vegetables, it wasn’t Off Program or high in calories.  I found it necessary to tell the waiter that I was on an abstinence program so that she would stop asking me if I wanted anything besides water to drink.  It was interesting how quickly that changed her demeanor from one of, “aren’t you going to have a drink?” to respect for my choices.  I have never used the word abstinence to describe my decision not to eat or drink certain things before, but it is an effective word.  It has a very distinct and widely understood meaning and people don’t challenge it.  For me, the word doesn’t carry any negative connotations and there is no grey area.  Decision made.  Move on.  Enjoy whatever else it is I’m doing and be grateful for the healthy food that is on my plate.

Dinner last night was not focused on the food and drink we were consuming, it was focused on getting to know Audrey a little bit before Steve leaves for Samoa on Wednesday.  We had met her very briefly once before, when she picked Steve up for a date, but last night was the first time that we had a chance to really visit.  I find these types of events a little awkward, yet they are so necessary.  Introducing a new person into well-established family dynamics is an interesting process.  That said, Audrey, Steve and Jack handled it very well.  I think I stumbled through the evening in an adequate fashion.  I have never been very good at making conversation when I don’t know a person, but Steve and Jack were great about keeping the conversation flowing and getting the stories rolling.

I like Audrey a lot and it is clear that she and Steve care deeply for one another.  What mom can ask for more than that?  She seems like an intelligent, strong, independent, compassionate woman.  She has had her own life adventures, including studying abroad in Spain for a semester during her undergraduate studies and going back to Spain for a year after she graduated to teach English as a second language.  With Steve getting ready to leave for 27 months they have a challenge ahead of them.  

Jack and I encouraged them to write letters to each other as their main mode of communication, rather than emails, Skype, or another more immediate form of communication.  When Jack and I lived 3000 miles apart we discovered that letter writing was a very effective and intimate way of communication and getting to know one another.  There is just something different about hand writing a letter and putting it in the mail.  The writing process takes longer and it is more thoughtful.  Also, you don’t sit at your computer and wait for a response.  You write whatever it is you want to write and you put it in the mailbox, then you go about your day.  You don’t fret over when you’ll get a response, because it will be a while before you get one, particularly if you live in Samoa.  Chances are you’ll write another letter before you get a response from the first one.  I hope they give letter writing a chance.  I know that one of the reasons Jack and I fell so deeply in love with each other is because we wrote letters to each other for so many years.  It’s powerful stuff.

It’s 8:08 on Saturday morning and per my normal routine I have already balanced the checkbook, paid the bills, and updated our budget.  I have also picked our meals for the week.  This week I am preparing:

• Roasted Chicken with Vegetables (This is one dish I cook every week.  It is a nice, one dish meal.  The chicken is simple but delicious and the veggies are good, too.)
• Stir Fry Thai Basil Chicken with Bell Peppers, Zucchini, and Carrots
• Thai Yellow Curry Bake (Curried meatballs baked in a coconut curry sauce with sautéed onions and sweet potatoes)
• Roasted Pork Tenderloin with Pear-Cabbage Medley
• Beef and Potato Skillet (or hamburger hash, as I usually call it)

This will be enough food for all of our meals this week, including my lunches.  Jack will do the grocery shopping this morning after he gets up and I will get most of the cooking done this weekend.  The hamburger hash and Thai basil chicken are quick to prepare.  I’ll probably cook those on the evening that we decide to have them.

I missed my exercise a few times this week because of a couple of late night events.  One of them was the ball game Tuesday night and the other was a very late night at work on Thursday.  While these might sound like lame excuses, they are what they are.  I get up at 4:00am to exercise and if I don’t get to bed until 10:30 or 11:00 it is just too hard to get up that early.  I’ll exercise today and tomorrow and it will all be fine.  I am not in any danger of slipping out of the habit of exercising.  It is something I do, now.  It would helpful if I could add some light exercise into my evening routine, a walk, for instance.  That is something I have never been able to do consistently.  I am not sure why not.  It seems like such a good idea.  I’m not so busy that I couldn’t walk most evenings for 30 minutes.  Just go for a walk, dammit!!  Just go for a walk.  Why don’t you just go for a walk?  At the very least, on the days that I don’t get any other exercise in, I will go for a 30 minute walk.  There.  Decision made.  It seems so obvious.  Just go for a walk!!

This weekend started out busy and will stay that way.  Yesterday evening started with a haircut and then we had dinner with Audrey and Steve.  Today I am going to the bank with Steve to be added as a signer to his bank account while he is in Samoa, and then I am going to work for a few hours.  It would be nice to get some bowling practice in, too.  Tomorrow I have a car service appointment in the morning and we have a baseball game in the afternoon.  Of course, I need to cook.

I have a quick business trip that starts Monday afternoon and I will be home Tuesday evening.  Audrey is coming over for Steve’s last dinner at home on Tuesday and we drop Steve off at the airport early Wednesday morning.  I have a mega project at work that I have to get done as quickly as possible.  More on that later.  It is going to be busy around here.  Oh yeah, and I am going to have major, life changing surgery in 81 days. 

Whew!  Seems like a lot.  I better get going.

Have a wonderful day!! 

9/25/15: Holding Steady on a Very Stressful Day

Work is nuts.  I have a tremendous amount of very important, time sensitive, difficult work to do in a short period of time.  There are things I cannot do without a little bit of help and it seems all the people I need to help me are not here today.

That said, I packed my food well.  When I left for work this morning I knew that dinner would be a challenge, so I did not want to leave work hungry.  Therefore, I packed a mini-lunch and a regular lunch.  I ate my mini-lunch around 10:30am (I eat breakfast at about 5:30) and I am eating my regular lunch now, at 3:15.  It is satisfying and I don't have any cravings for sweets.  I also know I won't be too hungry for dinner at Cafe Trio, which isn't until 7:45.  I feel like planning today is really paying off.

I hope all this work I'm doing at work will pay off as well!

9/25/15: Abstinence Day 3

Wednesday and Thursday were perfect On Program days.  No crap food, No Alcohol.  And my body responded predictably by losing the “weight” I gained.  I put weight in quotation marks because the two pounds less that I weighed this morning were not two pounds of fat, it was two pounds of water weight that I gained from eating Off Program on Sunday (kickball) and Tuesday (ball game).  I felt much better yesterday.   A lot of this is a mental game, just deciding to do it.  That’s one of the reasons abstinence is easier than moderation, once I’ve really decided to do this thing, I’m doing it.  There is no good reason to go Off Program, no matter what event gets put in my way.   Tonight will be rough.  We are taking my son and his girlfriend (yes, I said girlfriend and yes, this is brand new) to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants.  It will be difficult to stay on program, but not impossible.  I will do it!!!  I can do anything for 82 days!!!! 

9/24/15: Abstinence Is Easier Than Moderation

I know that the above statement is true, yet I continue to fight it.  I know it’s easier not to pick up the first cookie or the first drink, but sometimes the urge to eat sweets or have a glass of wine is so strong I give in to it.  I eat a cookie (or 5) or have a glass of wine (or 3).  Once I’ve consumed something Off Program, the cravings become more intense and more frequent and before you know it, I’m getting a Hershey bar out of the vending machine (actually, 2 Hershey bars, they are not very big, after all) every afternoon and start searching the cupboards for junk food as soon as I get home from work.  Of course, there is seldom junk food in our cupboards, so that helps.  But as I mentioned in a previous post, ice cream had managed to creep back into our diets so lately you can find ice cream in the freezer.  I find it particularly hard not to eat ice cream.  Sweet, creamy, and chocolaty; what’s not to like?

One of the reasons abstinence is easier than moderation is because I am presented with far fewer “am I going to eat/drink this?” decisions every day.  When I am abstaining from all Off Program food and drink, I only need to make that decision once a day, and that is when I get up in the morning.  Once I have been On Program for a few days, I don’t even have to make that decision once a day.  All food decisions are automatic.  Today, for instance, I don’t have any food or drink decisions to make.  I knew what I was going to eat today before I even woke up.  In fact, all of the decisions about what I am going to eat for the week are made on Saturday morning.  I have a very relaxing Saturday morning routine.  Some people might find it strange and anything but relaxing, but for me, it puts my world in order for the week.  I get up early, usually shortly before dawn, drink a big glass of water and start a pot of coffee.  Then I reconcile our checkbook and credit card accounts (yes, I do this every week), update our budget and cash forecast, pay any bills we received during the week and make a payment on any credit cards that happen to have a balance.  I dislike carrying a credit card balance, but every now and then we have a major expense that we can’t cash flow (like last summer’s $43,000 home improvement) and we end up getting a little behind.  When we are carrying credit card debt I make a small payment every week, even if there is “no balance due.”  That way, if something happens and I miss making a payment for a week or even two weeks, we never have a late payment.  Also, I check the activity on all of the cards every week just to make sure there is nothing surprising there.  Once we get caught up (which we finally are, thank goodness!) I pay off the balance on all cards on a weekly basis.  That way we have the convenience of using the cards but we avoid the trap of overspending.  I find this routine incredibly relaxing.  If something is scheduled for first thing Saturday morning and I don’t have time to do my financial maintenance routine I get a little anxious until I have time to get it done.

The next thing I do is plan our menu for the week.  I’ve developed a fairly robust cookbook of dinner recipes that I have saved as a Word document, so planning the menu is not too time consuming.  I open up my cookbook and scan my collection of recipes (I guess there are about 60 dinner recipes in it), pick 4 or 5 that we haven’t had for a while that sound good, and print them off.  Now I know what I am going to eat for lunch and dinner for the rest of the week.  At the same time I am mentally calculating when I am going to cook what.  I get most, if not all, of my cooking done on the weekends.  That way when it’s time for dinner, all we are doing is heating up already prepared meals.  Sometimes the meals are easy and quick to prepare.  Those are meals that I can actually cook after I get home from work, but I have to be confident that I am going to be able to leave work at a reasonable time so that we are not eating dinner too late.  I almost always prepare one crock pot meal a week.  So I figure out if I am going to cook that meal on the weekend, or put it in the crockpot before I leave for work one morning. 

Usually, about the time that I am done putting my menu together, Jackie wakes up.  That is when I cook our breakfast.  As soon as breakfast is done, Jack starts the grocery list (yes, I am lucky, he does all of the grocery shopping) and I go through the printed recipes and let him know what ingredients I need.  Jack leaves for the grocery store, I tape my recipes to the front of the cupboards waiting for my ingredients to show up, and my food decisions for the week have all been made.  

We almost never eat out.  I almost never eat food that I don’t cook.  It just easier that way because I know what I am eating.  Eating out presents me with way too many options to go Off Program.  Sometimes I have business lunches or other occasions when I have to eat at a restaurant, but as a rule we eat at home.

It’s 6:30 – I need to head to work – I’ll finish this thought with my next post.

9/23/15: 84 Days to Go - I Can Do Anything for 84 Days!

One day at a time, I can do this.  I can make it through a day without eating off plan.  Today was a perfect day.  No off plan food and no alcohol, in spite of it being a bowling night!

I only have 84 days until surgery.  I can do this!!

9/23/15: What a Loss!

No, not my weight, the Royals!

Jackie won Diamond Club tickets to the Royals game last night, so that is where we spent our evening.  We had 4 tickets so Steve and his friend, Carolyn, joined us.

We lost the game, 2 to 11.  Guthrie gave up 9 runs (including 3 home runs) in the first three innings of the game.  The game was a disaster.  After we were down by 11 runs, Ned Yost decided to reenact the movie, The Replacements, and he pulled most of his starters and put in 2nd and 3rd string players.  That part was actually kind of fun.  It was good to see a bunch of players and pitchers we hadn't had a chance to see before, and they played better than the starters did.

My diet was a disaster,too.  I don't know why, but Jack was under the impression that we would have access to real food in the Diamond Club, so I did not eat dinner before we left.  I always eat dinner before going to the ball park.  So I showed up hungry, expecting to be able to get something at least close to On Program, and the menu consisted of typical Ball Park Fare.   So right then and there, within 10 minutes of entering the park, my diet was blown.  Sort of like the first inning for the Royals.  Ah well.  Such is life.

So the Royals sucked and I went off program, but all was not lost.  We had a wonderful time.  We enjoyed treating Carolyn to a special night at the K, right behind home plate, and we had a great time with Steve.  We laughed and cheered and booed and carried on all evening!  All in all, it was a special night.

We didn't get home till late, so I did not get out of bed until 5:15 this morning, much to late to exercise.

Today is a new day.

9/22/2015: I Feel So Good Today!

Today’s workout was called “Upper Body Release.”  The Black Fire series has you do 5 workouts a week and 2 “active” rest days.  Today’s active rest day routine was a 20 minute upper body self-massage using a foam roller and a tennis ball.  I don’t really have time this morning to describe all of the various exercises this morning before work, but they were really effective.  I was surprised how much better I felt when I was done with this short routine.  My upper body feels so much more relaxed, I’m sitting up straighter in my chair, and I am happier.  It’s kind of bizarre, but it’s a good kind of bizarre.  If anyone comments and tells me they are curious about the actual exercises, I’ll take the time to describe the entire routine.  Otherwise I’ll skip that boring stuff.

With regard to food, I’ve already run into some challenges.  Sunday was our first kickball day of the fall season.  Everyone brought snacks to share and we brought a cooler full of beer we had left over from Steve’s graduation party.  That’s the good news, we got rid of almost 2 cases of beer.  The bad news is I drank two of them.  And I had a few snacks.  Ugh.  I did fine until we got to the hour between games.  Then we were all standing around, socializing.  It was warm, the beers were cold, and they were tempting enough that I had one.  And then I had another.  And then, per usual, the alcohol lowered my resolve regarding food and I ate some snacks.  Predictably, I gained a pound.  I know that pound gained is inflammation (water weight) due to eating food and drinking alcohol that is not good for my body, but that inflammation is a sign that my body is working on processing out crap.  I’m not going to beat myself up about it, but I have reminded myself that this behavior doesn’t get me closer to my ultimate goal which is to weigh as close to 150 pounds as possible prior to surgery on 12/16/2015.  I really do want smallish boobs when this surgery is complete.  In order to have smallish boobs, I need to diet and exercise with consistency for this next (less than) 3 months.  That is not a very long time.  I can do anything for 85 days. 

This blog helps!!  I love sitting down and focusing on my goals for a few minutes every day. Thank you for being part of my journey.

Have a wonderful day!!

9/21/15; What a Workout!

This morning’s Black Fire workout was a beast!  The video was only about 35 minutes long but it was intense.  This workout was called the Power of 10.

It started with a few minutes of warm-up and stretching exercises like squats and lunges.  The core of the workout was 4 rounds of 10 different exercises.  You do each exercise for 30 seconds with no rest in between, unless you finish the prescribed number of reps in less than 30 seconds.  For each of the 10 exercises in the set, you get one point for every exercise that you are able to complete the prescribed number of reps in 30 seconds.  

Each round went like this:

• Deep Dumbbell Thrusters: 10 reps – Start in a squat position with 15 pound weights in each hand.  As you rise from the squat, push dumbbells straight up until your arms are fully extended.  Lower back down into a squat position, lowering your arms as you go into the squat.
• Mountain Climbers: 30 reps – Start in a straight arm plank position with your hands on a box or stool about 18 inches off the ground.  Bring one foot all the way up so it is parallel to the side of the box, then switch feet, pushing the front foot back and the pulling the back foot up (at the same time – so both feet are off the ground at the same time) to be parallel to the other side of the box.  Repeat. 
• Box Jumps with Squat: 10 reps – jump onto your 18” box, both feet at the same time.  Lower yourself into a squat position, then stand straight up and step off the box.  I cannot do this exercise (well, I could do two during the first circuit and that was it) so I stepped onto the box and did the squat.  I didn’t get a point for this exercise.
• Jumping Jacks:  30 reps – this one is easy.  I always got a few second break at the end of the jumping jacks.
• Split Lunges:  10 reps – Step one foot forward and lower your body into a lunge position, keeping your front knee over your front foot.  With a fluid jumping motion, switch legs, moving the front foot back and the back foot forward.  With each squat your back knee should lower until it is barely touching the ground.
• Jump rope: 30 reps – pretend you are jumping rope.  Again, this is an easy one and it allows you several seconds of rest before the next exercise
• Renegade Rows: 10 reps – Start in a straight arm plank position, with a 15 pound dumbbell in each hand (so instead of your hands being on the floor, they are on the dumbbells).  Alternating sides, pull one dumbbell up to your side, as if you are doing a dumbbell row.  Keep your elbow close to your body. Lower that dumbbell back to the ground and repeat on the other side.
• Dumbbell Jump Overs: 30 reps – Place a dumbbell in front of you and jump from side to side with both feet at the same time, as if you are jumping over the dumbbell.  You don’t really jump over the dumbbell or you might get hurt.  You are using the dumbbell as a guide.
• Deep Squat Hold: 1 squat – held for 30 seconds – lower yourself into a fully engaged squat position and hold for 30 seconds.
• Elbow Plank: 1 plank – held for 30 seconds.

The maximum # of points is 40, the first time I did this workout I got 22 points.  This time I was able to get 36.  The only exercise I couldn’t complete was the Box Jump Squat.  That was a huge improvement over last time!!

The workout ended with about 3 - 4 minutes of stretches and cool down exercises.

I've been doing the Black Fire workouts for about 2 weeks and I already feel stronger and more fit.  I like the fact that you score yourself on all the workouts so you can see improvement from day to day and week to week.  I find it very motivating.

September 20, 2015; What is “On Program?”

About a year ago I went to dinner at a friend’s house and brought some hummus and veggies so that I would have something to eat while everyone else was eating chips and dip.  I noticed that the hostess was not eating any hummus and I asked her why.  She said that she wasn’t eating any legumes because of the diet she was on.  What?  No legumes?  What’s up with that?  I asked her to tell me about her diet and she introduced me to the Whole 30 program.

Shortly after that, I bought the book, It Starts With Food, and read about the program.  The basic premise of the diet is that there is no net neutral food; everything you eat or drink either makes you healthier or less healthy.  If you read my blog during Phase 1 you may recall that this is similar to the message in my favorite book, Younger Next Year.  In Younger Next Year, Dr. Lodge explains that every day your body is either growing or decaying, but it is never static.  Dr. Lodge claims that exercise is the factor that determines whether today will be a growth day or a decay day.  The first time I read the book this made sense to me.  It made sense the second time I read the book, too; and the third time.  That book changed my life forever.  It is because of Younger Next Year that I exercise several times a week, every week.  Exercise is now part of what I do.

So when I read, It Starts With Food, and one of the first things they said is that there is no net neutral food, I knew I was hooked.  That just makes sense.  Every time we eat or drink we are either fueling our bodies with something it needs or poisoning it with something it doesn’t need and therefore has to figure out how to process and filter out of our system.  (Those are my words, not theirs.)

The Whole 30 program, therefore, is designed to remove everything from your diet, for 30 days, that has potential to make you less healthy in some way.  For 30 days, you only eat foods that:  

• Promote a healthy psychological response (foods that are not addictive, i.e. sugar)
• Promote a healthy hormonal response (think insulin, leptin, and cortisol)  
• Support a healthy gut (A healthy digestive system is key to our overall health.  If you have a bloated gut your digestive system is working overtime on processing something that is not inherently good for you.)
• Support immune function and minimize inflammation (Many of the recent articles I’ve read about chronic health issues, including dementia and Alzheimer’s, point to chronic, systemic inflammation being a culprit.  This diet is designed to minimize or eliminate inflammation caused by food.)

The authors identify several food groups that you completely eliminate from your diet for 30 days.  The idea is that you conduct your own individual experiment.  For 30 days you remove all foods from your diet that are potentially addictive, can create hormonal swings, might twist up your gut, or could cause inflammation.  Pay attention to how good you feel during those 30 days.   After 30 days, if you want to add a food group back, try it.  If you feel just as good with the food group added back in, then great!  Keep it in your diet.  But if you add that food back to your diet and your stomach cramps up or your hands and feet swell or you start getting dizzy spells, you know that you are sensitive to that food.  The authors don’t claim you should stop eating these foods forever.  They understand that there are valid social and emotional reasons for eating certain foods that aren’t good for us.  Eating cake on a birthday has nothing to do with nutrition and has everything to do with celebrating.  That’s OK.  Eat cake on birthdays.  But don’t eat cake during that first 30 days.  If you are “Doing the Whole 30,” it means you are following the program to the letter for 30 Whole Days.  If you go off program you start over again.  The authors want you to establish that baseline of what it feels like to only eat On Program foods for 30 days.  So what do you eat if you are on the Whole 30 program?  Let’s start with what you don’t eat.  When you are on the Whole 30 program, you remove the following foods from your diet:

•  Sugar and sugar substitutes
• This includes natural substitutes like honey and molasses and all artificial sweeteners, including Stevia and Truvia
•  Dairy - except for clarified butter  
• I have no idea why I didn’t start clarifying my butter a long, long time ago.  It is so easy to do and it is so much easier to cook with clarified butter.  Once a month I put 4 pounds of butter in a big pot and turn the burner on the lowest setting.  Eventually, the butter melts and all of the milk solids fall to the bottom of the pan.  Then I slowly pour off the clear gold liquid, leaving the milk solids behind.  The clarified butter goes into a container which I store in the fridge.  Whenever I want to sauté something in butter, I scoop some out and melt it.  You can sauté with clarified butter at a much higher temperature than whole butter, because it is the milk solids in butter that burns at low temperatures.
•  Grains – all grain
• This includes whole wheat, rice, quinoa, bulger, oats, etc.…
• Legumes – except green beans and snap peas
• Seed oils
• This includes corn oil, soybean oil, sesame oil, canola oil, flax oil, peanut oil, palm kernel oil, etc.…

You may be asking, well hell, what do I eat?  At first, I wondered the same thing, but when you think about it, there is a wonderful world of food out there you can eat on the Whole 30 plan.  There is a catch, though.  You are going to have to do some cooking.

Sidebar: I have thought a lot about grains and legumes the last few days.  Grains and dried legumes are amazing foods.  They are relatively easy and inexpensive to grow in very large quantities and they are very easy to store for long periods of time.  They can be stored in massive quantities and they don’t need refrigeration or any special preservatives.  Therefore grains and dried legumes are inexpensive foods that can feed a tremendous number of people.  The fact that we can produce huge quantities of grains and legumes and transport them long distances and get them to all corners of the world is a boon to alleviating the crisis of world hunger.  I wish we were better at distributing these vital food resources to the world.  I am not anti-grain or anti-legume.  But I do think it is worthwhile removing them from your diet for 30 days to see how your body responds.

What are the foods you do eat while on the Whole 30 program?  Well, that’s actually pretty easy.  Every meal should consist of a reasonable portion of high quality protein, a large portion of vegetables, and a small serving of fruit.  High quality fats are incorporated into your meal through cooking oils, dressings, or nuts.  I’ll get a little more specific about each category:

• “A reasonable portion of high quality protein,” means:
• A reasonable portion is about the size of a deck of cards.  This is one area where this diet differs sharply from the Paleo Diet, Akins, or any other “high protein – low carb” diet.  This is not a high protein – low carb diet.  This is a balanced diet.  All of the macro-nutrients (proteins, carbohydrates, and fats) are well represented in reasonable proportion to one another.
• High quality protein is beef, pork, poultry, lamb, fish and seafood, venison, buffalo, any other game, or eggs that is pasture raised, grass fed, wild caught, cage free, antibiotic free, growth-hormone free, etc.…  In other words, as natural as you can get it.  The Whole 30 stresses the quality of your meat above the quality of all other food you eat.  It states that if you are going to “Go Organic” with one portion of your diet, it should be with your meat.    
  
•  “A large portion of vegetables,” means:
• A half plateful of vegetables of any kind, except peas, Lima beans (yuck!  Finally I have a reason to not eat Lima beans) and other legumes, and corn – which is a seed.
• Vegetable of any kind includes:  salad greens, green beans, broccoli, cauliflower, root vegetables (carrots, potatoes of all kinds, beets, turnips, etc...), asparagus, and anything else your heart desires.  There are no vegetables that you cannot eat.  The only “veggies” that you can’t eat, aren’t really veggies, they are legumes or seeds.  That is why there is no corn and no peas.  Snap peas and green beans are OK, because even though they are technically legumes, you are eating the outer casing as well, and the legume or seed is a minor portion of the overall vegetable.
• Eat a large variety of vegetables.  This ensures you are getting all of your micronutrients in adequate quantities.
  
• “A small portion of fruit,” means:
• Any and all fruit, just not a ton of it.  One apple or banana.  A bowlful of berries.  Enjoy an orange or a couple of small cuties. 
• Fruit juices are not acceptable, with the exception of using small amount of fresh squeezed juices for cooking. 
  
• “Healthy fats: serving size is in parenthesis, below:
• Olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil (two thumb size)
• Clarified butter, coconut butter, and nut butters (one to two thumb size) - cashew and almond butters are Ok, peanut butter is not. 
• Organic lard or tallow (one to two thumb size) 
• Olives (one to two heaping handfuls
• Macadamia nuts, cashews, and hazelnuts (up to one closed handful) 
• Avocado (1/2 to 1 whole)
• Coconut milk (1/4 to ½ of a 14 ounce can)

This morning’s breakfast is a typical meal.  I made a scramble of homemade sausage (half and half ground turkey and ground pork), onions, mushrooms, and spinach sautéed in clarified butter.  Here is a picture of the ingredients for two servings.

I also made home fries which consisted of 1 small red potato for each of us, onions, and bell peppers, sautéed in organic lard.  Here is a picture of the ingredients for two servings.

We also had a small bowl of fruit which consisted of fresh pineapple, strawberries and blackberries.  Here is a photo of my entire breakfast.

As you can see, this diet is not about starving yourself and it is not about removing any of the macro-nutrients (like fat or carbohydrates) from your diet.  It is about eating reasonable portions of healthy foods that don’t make your body go haywire.

Jack and I did the Whole 30 for the first time in February of this year.  When I was about 2 weeks into the plan I started to realize that I felt better than I have felt in a long time.  I continued to feel good the entire time we were on the plan.  It was the first time that I had ever eliminated dairy from my diet and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt.  I had much less bloating in my gut, among other things.  I also started to have less pain in my joints.  For Jack, the biggest change that he noticed was that his skin cleared up.  Jack has a skin condition that looks a lot like psoriasis (who knows, it may be psoriasis).  Basically he gets patches of dry itchy skin all over.  After 30 days on the Whole 30, his skin cleared up completely.  When he starts eating wheat again, they come back.  Needless to say, wheat is no longer part of our normal diet.

In addition to feeling better, we both lost weight while on the Whole 30.  Jack lost 12 or 13 pounds and I lost 9. 

The Whole 30 has changed the way we eat, forever.  After 30 days of this eating program, we really didn’t miss any of the foods we had eliminated from our diet.  Therefore, we decided that our everyday program would consist of only Whole 30 foods and we would only go off program for special occasions.  This worked for a while, and I continued to lose weight throughout the spring, until I got down to about 156 pounds.  After a while off program foods started creeping back into our diet (ice cream seemed to be the major culprit, and for me, candy) more and more often and I started gaining some weight back.  I also started to feel more poorly.  I blamed my lax eating standards on work, mostly.  It’s been a stressful summer.

But enough of that nonsense!  I am back On Program until surgery and beyond.  On Program means Whole 30 foods all the time, except special occasions.  I don’t expect to follow the program precisely for 3 months, but I expect to stay very close to program 99% of the time.

    

In addition to food, On Program means exercising 5 to 6 times a week.  Right now I am training with some videos I found on-line on a website called the Daily Burn.  I pay $12.95 per month for access to the website.  The site has several different series of videos.  I am doing one called Black Fire.  It is a very tough workout.  I like it a lot!

I’ll go into more detail in future posts on why the authors of It Starts With Food eliminate the foods that they eliminate and talk a little bit more about the rules.  For now, though, this post will have to do.

Have a great evening!

September 19, 2015, Resurrecting the Blog

It’s time to resurrect the blog.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot, lately.  I find myself wanting to write down my thoughts regarding health, diet, and fitness and the only time I was consistent with writing down my thoughts is when I maintained my blog.  So I think it is time to resurrect it.

First, the quick update.  This morning I weighed 166.2 pounds.  My low weight, on January 10, 2013, was 150 pounds.  That is also my goal weight.  I feel great at 150 pounds.  I look great, too.  With clothes on, that is. 

It’s been almost 3 years since I lost 74 pounds, going from 224 pounds to 150 pounds over a period of 11 months.  I documented that journey on this blog.  By writing about the emotional and physical challenges of dieting and exercising and keeping my brain in the game, I was able to keep my focus and reach my goal.

In my January 10, 2013, blog post I talked about my excitement with regard to reaching my goal wait and my resolve with regard to starting Phase 2.  My Phase 2 goal was to get as fit as possible, train for a triathlon, and maintain my weight within a few pounds of 150. I have met these goals with varying degrees of success.

I trained for an almost Olympic length (1 mile swim, 24 mile bike ride, 5 mile run) triathlon and completed it.  It almost completed me, as well.  That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Over the last three years I have gone long stretches of time when I was working out diligently, usually with a trainer, and got very strong and fit.  There were other periods when I let my exercise routine subside into just a few days a week of running or lifting weights.  To feel my best, I really need to strength train at least 3 days a week and run or do some other cardio at least 2 more days a week.  If I look back and average all of the weeks over the last three years, I would say that I have exercised, on average, 4 days a week since reaching my goal weight.

My weight has fluctuated a bit.  My highest weight in the last 3 years was 179 pounds at the beginning of this year.  That felt AWFUL!!  I started working hard mid-January and got down to about 157 pounds in May or so.  This summer has been extremely stressful because of work and I managed to gain a little weight back again.  At the beginning of this week I weighed 169.4 pounds.

Monday morning I went back “on program” and I now weigh 166.2 pounds.

When I look back at my three years on Phase 2, I feel pretty good about it.  In spite of the fact that I only spent one day (OK, maybe 5 minutes) at my goal weight of 150 pounds, I have managed to keep my weight reasonable for almost 3 years.  When I got to 179 pounds this January, I hit the tipping point and knew I had to get back on program.  There was just no way I was going to let myself get severely overweight again.  That is a huge improvement over the way I have been in the past.

2012/2013 was not the first time I have lost a significant amount of weight.  I’ve pushed the 225 – 250 pound mark on my scale at least half a dozen times in my life.  I became an expert at losing 75 pounds or more.  But the cycle I was on was the classic yo-yo of lose 50 – gain 60.  Each time getting a little heavier, a little more out of shape, hurting a little more all over. 

This time has been very different.  While I gained some weight over the last 3 years, I never stopped exercising.  I was not exercising enough, but I was still exercising regularly.  My biggest problem was, and still is, a consumption problem.  I eat and drink too much.  I allow myself “treats” to the point that I am over consuming.  I rationalize my overconsumption with a variety of excuses.  I’m stressed.  I deserve it.  One candy bar won’t matter.  Who’s going to know?  It makes me feel better when I eat.  It tastes so good.  I can go on and on and on.

This spring I made a huge decision.  I decided to schedule a “Mommy Makeover.”  This is a plastic surgery procedure that consists of a breast lift and a tummy tuck.

I made this decision because I got back down to 156 pounds, was strong and fit, and I’d look in the mirror and cringe at what I saw.  Being overweight and having a couple of kids, one via C-section, has wreaked havoc on my body.  My stomach is a mass of sagging skin and stretch marks which is irreparable with diet and exercise.  I am going to be really bold.  Below is a photo of the tummy that I want to fix.

My breasts are sagging sacks of skin.  They look as bad, if not worse than the above pictured belly.  But I'm not that bold.  I am not posting that photo.  I really can’t stand the way my body looks, in spite of all the effort I have put in to be strong and healthy.

When I get dressed, if I wear the right clothes, I can hide my stomach and package my breasts in a decent bra, so that I feel comfortable with the way I look.  But “the right clothes” and “decent bras” truly limit what I can wear.  When I shop I have to buy pants that sit at exactly the right spot on my waist to not cut into the skin flap below my belly button or the skin bulge above my belly button.  I have to buy shirts made of the right materials so my stretch marks don’t show through my shirt.  You would be amazed at the number of materials that just seem to cling to every stretch mark.  Maybe that doesn’t bother other people, but it does bother me.  I also have to wear shirts that cover my rather substantial bras and that don’t button down the front.  I can find clothes that I am comfortable in, but there are a lot of styles that I want to wear that I just can’t wear because of all of the loose skin and the need for substantial, supportive undergarments. As an aside, I don't wear spanx-type tank tops to flatten my belly under my clothes.  I did for a while, but I found them to be uncomfortable and too warm.  I also found that all they did was push my skin around to other spots so that I was a funny shape under my clothes.  I actually like my basic shape, I don't want to change that.  I just want to get rid of all this extra skin.

My surgery is scheduled for December 16^th, 2015, with Dr. John Quinn.  He has a plastic surgery practice in Overland Park.  I interviewed several surgeons and I am comfortable with my decision.

When I started the process of interviewing surgeons I thought I wanted a breast reduction as well as a breast lift.  After talking to four surgeons they all said the same thing.  That I need to be careful about the amount of breast tissue that gets removed and what I really need is a breast lift.  With the removal of a substantial amount of skin, my breasts will get smaller and I will end up with very natural looking, yet full, breasts.  If I remove tissue, too, I will end up with hollow spots in my chest, right above my breasts.  After hearing this four times from four different surgeons, I became convinced that the surgeons knew what they were talking about.  But I also came to realize that I have complete control over how big my breasts are going to be when this is over because I have control over how much I will weigh the day I go into surgery.  The smaller I am going into surgery, the smaller my breasts will be coming out of surgery.

I also learned that the one thing I don’t want to do after having this reconstructive surgery is lose much more weight.  It makes sense.  The surgeon is going to pack everything that’s left into as small a package as he can.  It’s going to get tightened and tucked and extra skin will be removed.  If I lose more weight after the surgery, I’ll have loose skin again.  It won’t ever be as bad as it is right now, but it won’t be as good as it could be.  So it makes sense that I am at my “ideal” weight going into surgery.

My ideal weight is my ideal weight.  It is not anyone else’s.  I like weighing 150 pounds.  I feel strong, healthy and vibrant.  At 150 pounds I feel confident.  At 150 pounds I feel like I am the size I should be.  By that I mean I don’t run into walls and door frames because I am bigger than my brain thinks I am.  At 150 pounds I feel like me.  I like the way I feel and I like the way I look.

So, this blog will be a chronical of the next three months, preparing for the plastic surgery procedure that I have thought about for years.  I have a million things on my mind.  I am looking forward to discussing all of them.  I am looking forward to this blog helping me keep my mind straight and helping me stay on program.  Future posts will be about what “on program” means and why I use that phrase instead of “being good” or “dieting.”  Future posts will cover thoughts I have about my tendency to “sneak food” and my dislike for the Big Food Industry.   Future posts will be about the daily struggle with staying fit and strong and healthy when I have a very sedentary and time consuming job. 

But for now, I’ve got to go.  It’s 2:21 on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.  I need to work out and I am looking forward to enjoying this lovely fall afternoon.  So, until next time!  Have a beautiful day.