Sunday, September 27, 2015

9/27/15: Abstinence Day 5; 80 Days Until Surgery

This blog is helping me stay On Program, thank goodness.  After many fits and starts, I am solidly back On Program and most of the cravings are gone.  Yesterday I wanted to snack a little bit between meals, but I wasn’t craving sweets.  I had a small handful of nuts and an apple.  At dinner time I wanted to eat more than the portion I put on my plate, so I had a little more chicken.  I was tired going into the day yesterday after working a 14 hour day on Thursday and our late dinner with Steve and Audrey on Friday, and then I had a very busy Saturday morning and afternoon.  By 4:30, when I got home from working for a few hours, I was just beat.  I put the chicken and vegetables in the oven to roast and took a nap!  I never nap.

I hope to have a little more energy today.  I was in bed before 9:00 last night and woke up this morning at 5:30 without the alarm.  I have a lot to do today, too!  I’m going to try to get the meatballs cooked this morning before leaving for Firestone to get a new headlight and an oil change at 8:00.  I need to get the headlight this morning because I hit the road at noon tomorrow for a quick business trip to Illinois.  I’ll be home by 6:00 on Tuesday so that we can have our last dinner at home with Steve before we take him to the airport early Wednesday morning.  Then he is off to Samoa!  After cooking Tuesday’s dinner (the meatballs) and getting the car serviced, I’ll come home and we’ll eat a late breakfast.  Then Jackie and I are off to the last Royals home game of regular season.  We’ll get home around 4:30, I’ll cook the Thai Basil Chicken stir fry for dinner, and then I need to pack, dust off my old laptop for my work trip, and it’ll be time to go to bed.  There’s not much time for rest this weekend.

In spite of being too busy, the blog helps me stay focused on my top priority, which is staying On Program.  Just typing the words “80 Days Until Surgery” in the title of my blog post is enough to focus me.  It’s an “Oh Crap” moment every time I type those words.  This is really happening.  It seems like no time has passed is I typed “84 Days to Go,” yet it has been four days.  I really don’t have time to waste.  I need to stay focused so that I can be the size I want to be going into and, more importantly, coming out of surgery. 

It is a huge relief to have the cravings gone.  One of the hardest parts of losing weight is fighting the constant cravings for Crap Food.  Crap Food, or “foods that are supernormally stimulating in the absence of nutrition and satiety,” to quote It Starts with Food, is so easy to eat and so very addictive.  These foods are manufactured to trigger our desire to eat more of them.  They are abnormally sweet, salty, and fatty; all tastes that tell our primitive brain that this thing is nourishment.  Yet Crap Food is not nourishment.  It is a manufactured mess of highly processed ingredients and chemicals pressed together to resemble food.  There are easily accessible calories in these products, but there are virtually no nutrients.  We overconsume Crap Food and get too many calories and are malnourished at the same time.  Then we wonder why we’re hungry and want more Crap Food.  Our food should not be manufactured, it should be grown or raised.  Our food shouldn’t come from a factory, it should come from a garden.  Cars come from factories, vegetables come from the back yard. 

I abhor the Big Food Industry, or the BFFI, as I like to call it.  I’m sure you can figure out what the extra “F” stands for.  The two biggest targets of my ire are Monsanto and ConAgra.  Under the guise of creating technology to feed the world, they have taken the manufacturing of foods all the way to the seed level.  It is getting difficult to find seeds that have not been genetically engineered in some way.  The BFFI genetically engineers seeds to withstand the pesticides that they manufacture, then they patent the seed.  In addition, they engineer the seeds so that they don’t reproduce, locking the farmer into buying their seeds year after year after year.   But that is just the beginning.  The wheat from the engineered seeds is then ultra-processed and repackaged with “stable fats,” sugar (usually in the form of high fructose corn syrup), salt, and artificial flavors (chemicals of all sorts), in order to create something that resembles food.  We eat it and, really, it doesn’t taste that good.  I mean really, Oreos, for example, don’t taste that good.  Eat one slowly, if you can.  I mean really savor that Oreo.  What does it taste like?  Chocolate?  No, not really.  Butter?  No, not butter.  There really isn’t a taste, per se, yet if I eat one, I’ll eat more, compulsively, until I’ve had “too many.”  Quite frankly, one is too many.  It really does piss me off that the BFFI has been so successful at taking over our food chain that it takes real effort to avoid manufactured food.  The BFFI is not in this business to feed the world.  They are in this business to make money, a lot of money.  I don’t have a problem with businesses being run to make money, I’m a capitalist, I help run a business, I get it.  But I do have a problem with a couple of huge companies controlling our food supply, shoving patented and addictive foods at us non-stop, and a few people at the very top getting incredibly rich in the process.  It’s nuts.  The biggest difference between the BFFI and the big drug cartels, in my opinion, is that the BFFI is legal and it’s sponsored by the government.  Ugh.  My soap box.  I’ll get off it.  It’s just…it really does upset me.  Buy local.  OK.  Now I’ll step off the box.

I am lucky, Jackie and I are both fully employed and our kids are all grown and out of college.  Our expenses are relatively low compared to our income so I can afford to buy the food I want to buy.  It is more expensive to buy from local farmers.  It costs more money for farmers to raise crops and livestock without the manufactured seeds and without rampant use of chemicals and hormones.  It was not that long ago that I was on a very tight budget and I had to be very careful about every food dollar.  I know it’s not easy.  I’m grateful that I am now in a position to buy local.  It makes me feel better to know that some of my dollars are going to the farmers that are working hard to grow real food. 

I am also grateful that my cravings for Crap Food are gone.  It only took four days, though the first day felt like ten.  I am grateful for this blog.  When I write about this, it forces me to actually think about it.  When I think about it I get interested in what motivates me to make the choices I am making.  Then I start reading about it.  Then I write about it some more, which really makes me think.  I get beyond the compulsion to satisfy my cravings to understanding what it is that I really want.  When I get to the spot where I am examining my motives and desires closely, it becomes pretty clear that I really don’t want that Oreo.  If I eat that Oreo, who ultimately wins?  Not me.  That Oreo does nothing good for me.  Who wins, then?  The BFFI wins.  I don’t want the BFFI to win.  I don’t want to support them.  I don’t want to be addicted to their products.  Why then, am I eating that stupid Oreo?  It all becomes pretty clear, when I really think about it, and writing these blog posts forces me to really think about it. 

I occurred to me that I could write in a journal instead of writing blog posts, but I lose interest in writing in a journal very quickly.  I have no idea if anyone is actually reading my blog posts, but at least I can pretend that people are reading them.  It is a lot more compelling to write to an audience than it is to just write.  I talk to myself enough all day long, I don’t need to write to myself, too.  So, if you are reading this, thank you.  I am truly grateful.


Have a beautiful day!

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