September 19, 2015, Resurrecting the Blog

It’s time to resurrect the blog.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot, lately.  I find myself wanting to write down my thoughts regarding health, diet, and fitness and the only time I was consistent with writing down my thoughts is when I maintained my blog.  So I think it is time to resurrect it.

First, the quick update.  This morning I weighed 166.2 pounds.  My low weight, on January 10, 2013, was 150 pounds.  That is also my goal weight.  I feel great at 150 pounds.  I look great, too.  With clothes on, that is. 

It’s been almost 3 years since I lost 74 pounds, going from 224 pounds to 150 pounds over a period of 11 months.  I documented that journey on this blog.  By writing about the emotional and physical challenges of dieting and exercising and keeping my brain in the game, I was able to keep my focus and reach my goal.

In my January 10, 2013, blog post I talked about my excitement with regard to reaching my goal wait and my resolve with regard to starting Phase 2.  My Phase 2 goal was to get as fit as possible, train for a triathlon, and maintain my weight within a few pounds of 150. I have met these goals with varying degrees of success.

I trained for an almost Olympic length (1 mile swim, 24 mile bike ride, 5 mile run) triathlon and completed it.  It almost completed me, as well.  That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Over the last three years I have gone long stretches of time when I was working out diligently, usually with a trainer, and got very strong and fit.  There were other periods when I let my exercise routine subside into just a few days a week of running or lifting weights.  To feel my best, I really need to strength train at least 3 days a week and run or do some other cardio at least 2 more days a week.  If I look back and average all of the weeks over the last three years, I would say that I have exercised, on average, 4 days a week since reaching my goal weight.

My weight has fluctuated a bit.  My highest weight in the last 3 years was 179 pounds at the beginning of this year.  That felt AWFUL!!  I started working hard mid-January and got down to about 157 pounds in May or so.  This summer has been extremely stressful because of work and I managed to gain a little weight back again.  At the beginning of this week I weighed 169.4 pounds.

Monday morning I went back “on program” and I now weigh 166.2 pounds.

When I look back at my three years on Phase 2, I feel pretty good about it.  In spite of the fact that I only spent one day (OK, maybe 5 minutes) at my goal weight of 150 pounds, I have managed to keep my weight reasonable for almost 3 years.  When I got to 179 pounds this January, I hit the tipping point and knew I had to get back on program.  There was just no way I was going to let myself get severely overweight again.  That is a huge improvement over the way I have been in the past.

2012/2013 was not the first time I have lost a significant amount of weight.  I’ve pushed the 225 – 250 pound mark on my scale at least half a dozen times in my life.  I became an expert at losing 75 pounds or more.  But the cycle I was on was the classic yo-yo of lose 50 – gain 60.  Each time getting a little heavier, a little more out of shape, hurting a little more all over. 

This time has been very different.  While I gained some weight over the last 3 years, I never stopped exercising.  I was not exercising enough, but I was still exercising regularly.  My biggest problem was, and still is, a consumption problem.  I eat and drink too much.  I allow myself “treats” to the point that I am over consuming.  I rationalize my overconsumption with a variety of excuses.  I’m stressed.  I deserve it.  One candy bar won’t matter.  Who’s going to know?  It makes me feel better when I eat.  It tastes so good.  I can go on and on and on.

This spring I made a huge decision.  I decided to schedule a “Mommy Makeover.”  This is a plastic surgery procedure that consists of a breast lift and a tummy tuck.

I made this decision because I got back down to 156 pounds, was strong and fit, and I’d look in the mirror and cringe at what I saw.  Being overweight and having a couple of kids, one via C-section, has wreaked havoc on my body.  My stomach is a mass of sagging skin and stretch marks which is irreparable with diet and exercise.  I am going to be really bold.  Below is a photo of the tummy that I want to fix.

My breasts are sagging sacks of skin.  They look as bad, if not worse than the above pictured belly.  But I'm not that bold.  I am not posting that photo.  I really can’t stand the way my body looks, in spite of all the effort I have put in to be strong and healthy.

When I get dressed, if I wear the right clothes, I can hide my stomach and package my breasts in a decent bra, so that I feel comfortable with the way I look.  But “the right clothes” and “decent bras” truly limit what I can wear.  When I shop I have to buy pants that sit at exactly the right spot on my waist to not cut into the skin flap below my belly button or the skin bulge above my belly button.  I have to buy shirts made of the right materials so my stretch marks don’t show through my shirt.  You would be amazed at the number of materials that just seem to cling to every stretch mark.  Maybe that doesn’t bother other people, but it does bother me.  I also have to wear shirts that cover my rather substantial bras and that don’t button down the front.  I can find clothes that I am comfortable in, but there are a lot of styles that I want to wear that I just can’t wear because of all of the loose skin and the need for substantial, supportive undergarments. As an aside, I don't wear spanx-type tank tops to flatten my belly under my clothes.  I did for a while, but I found them to be uncomfortable and too warm.  I also found that all they did was push my skin around to other spots so that I was a funny shape under my clothes.  I actually like my basic shape, I don't want to change that.  I just want to get rid of all this extra skin.

My surgery is scheduled for December 16^th, 2015, with Dr. John Quinn.  He has a plastic surgery practice in Overland Park.  I interviewed several surgeons and I am comfortable with my decision.

When I started the process of interviewing surgeons I thought I wanted a breast reduction as well as a breast lift.  After talking to four surgeons they all said the same thing.  That I need to be careful about the amount of breast tissue that gets removed and what I really need is a breast lift.  With the removal of a substantial amount of skin, my breasts will get smaller and I will end up with very natural looking, yet full, breasts.  If I remove tissue, too, I will end up with hollow spots in my chest, right above my breasts.  After hearing this four times from four different surgeons, I became convinced that the surgeons knew what they were talking about.  But I also came to realize that I have complete control over how big my breasts are going to be when this is over because I have control over how much I will weigh the day I go into surgery.  The smaller I am going into surgery, the smaller my breasts will be coming out of surgery.

I also learned that the one thing I don’t want to do after having this reconstructive surgery is lose much more weight.  It makes sense.  The surgeon is going to pack everything that’s left into as small a package as he can.  It’s going to get tightened and tucked and extra skin will be removed.  If I lose more weight after the surgery, I’ll have loose skin again.  It won’t ever be as bad as it is right now, but it won’t be as good as it could be.  So it makes sense that I am at my “ideal” weight going into surgery.

My ideal weight is my ideal weight.  It is not anyone else’s.  I like weighing 150 pounds.  I feel strong, healthy and vibrant.  At 150 pounds I feel confident.  At 150 pounds I feel like I am the size I should be.  By that I mean I don’t run into walls and door frames because I am bigger than my brain thinks I am.  At 150 pounds I feel like me.  I like the way I feel and I like the way I look.

So, this blog will be a chronical of the next three months, preparing for the plastic surgery procedure that I have thought about for years.  I have a million things on my mind.  I am looking forward to discussing all of them.  I am looking forward to this blog helping me keep my mind straight and helping me stay on program.  Future posts will be about what “on program” means and why I use that phrase instead of “being good” or “dieting.”  Future posts will cover thoughts I have about my tendency to “sneak food” and my dislike for the Big Food Industry.   Future posts will be about the daily struggle with staying fit and strong and healthy when I have a very sedentary and time consuming job. 

But for now, I’ve got to go.  It’s 2:21 on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.  I need to work out and I am looking forward to enjoying this lovely fall afternoon.  So, until next time!  Have a beautiful day.