Tuesday, October 9, 2012

10/9/2012: Still Tired...and Heavier...

I was tired again yesterday, but I got up anyway and went to the gym for my strength training day.  After I blogged about feeling like it was all catching up with me my sister left a comment on my blog about burnout.  She said that all athletes suffer from burnout now and then and that it is important to take a couple of days off in a row to rejuvenate and avoid injury.  I, on the other hand, am so paranoid of slipping into old habits of not exercising and eating too much that I forced myself out of bed yesterday morning to go to the gym in spite of feeling, way down deep in my bones, that I just wanted to rest for another day.  On Sunday I listened to my body and rested, on Monday I ignored it and exercised.  Today was my scheduled cardio day and tomorrow I have my first session with my new trainer, so since I couldn't take two days off in a row right now, I did go to the gym this morning in spite of still feeling tired.  Thursday is my normal day off.  If I am not feeling back to normal by then, I'll plan on taking Thursday and Friday off from exercise in order to rest and rejuvenate.  Maybe I am a little bit sick...I don't feel good, but nothing in particular hurts or aches and I don't have any symptoms other than general malaise.  I think I'm just tired after strong-arming my way through the last couple of weeks. 

In spite of a jam-packed couple of weeks I have been diligent about sticking to my diet and exercise routines.  I was rewarded for that diligence when I recovered from my China trip weight gain in a couple of days and steadily lost a couple of pounds after that.  Now I am somewhat disheartened by an unexpected weight gain.  This morning I weighed 168.0 pounds.  I don't feel or look bloated, in fact my clothes are loose.  I don't know where that 1.6 pounds is or why it's here, but I was heavier this morning.  I am glad I don't have to mark my chart until Thursday.  I hope it is gone by then.  I'm sure it's temporary, it has to be, right?  As my sister-in-law, Cathy, mentioned in a previous comment, I would have to consume an extra 4800 calories to gain a pound and a half of fat.  I know that didn't happen.  I'm sure it will correct itself if I keep doing what I've been doing, but it's a little frustrating, just the same.  Some times you just have to plug away, even when it's not fun and when you don't get the exact results that you're looking for.  This week seems to be one of those plug-away weeks.  Maybe working out with my new trainer tomorrow will bring a change in the winds.  That would be nice. 

This morning's weight:  168.0
Yesterday evening's exercise:  None - just laid on the couch, watched the Oriole's for a few innings (Go O's!!!!), and went to bed at 8:30.
This morning's exercise:  102 floors on stairmaster (24 minutes - kicked it up to level 8 for the last few minutes.  Level 7 is getting a little too easy, next time I will move it to level 8 after 12 minutes and see how that goes.), 1500 meters on row machine (about 8 minutes), 2500 strides on elliptical (20 minutes).
Yesterday's calories:  1523

Monday, October 8, 2012

10/8/2012: It's All Catching Up to Me

OK, I think it is all finally catching up with me.  And what I mean by "all" is the following happening all within the last two weeks:  getting a text while on vacation to find out that I am going to China 4 days after we get home from vacation, pushing my visa application through the Chinese Consulate and stressing about whether or not I would get it in time (it was hand delivered to my house Friday night at about 11:00, eleven hours before my flight was scheduled to leave Saturday morning), going on a whirlwind trip to China on which we spent almost as much time traveling as we did on the ground and during which we had a couple of very tough meetings, getting home and back to my new job where I had to start figuring out what I really do for a living, preparing for family to visit which meant spending our evenings cleaning house, Carla coming home from her summer job on the ranch, my dad, his wife, and my sister coming to visit for the weekend, and visiting my elderly aunt, Sister Mary Loretta, at the Mother House in Leavenworth this weekend.  I pushed through all of this in pretty good form and stayed in a pretty good mood and did fine with my food and exercise, but yesterday, after everyone left (except Carla, of course) I was just plain tired.  I felt achy and sick and didn't feel like doing anything.  So I didn't.  For a while.  I just laid on the couch, worked a crossword, watched a little mindless television, and pretty much decided to be lazy for a day.  My head was feeling kind of hazy and cloudy though, and I knew it would be best to get out of the house for a little while, so Jack and I went bowling and picked up a few things that we needed.  I did manage to bowl 3 games over 150, so that was good!  In fact, (I'll probably jinx myself by saying this, but I'm saying it anyway) I think I may have figured some things out that will improve my bowling and make it more consistent.  I must be a pretty pathetic looking bowler, because it seems like every time Jack and I practice bowling on the weekend strangers come up to us and offer me advice on how to bowl.  Last weekend, I actually got a lot of advice from two different people.  The first man that "helped" was a stranger and didn't help much.  The second man that stepped up to help was the person that runs the pro shop at the bowling alley, he was the one that had sold us our balls and drilled them for us.  He's a really nice guy and had some very helpful advice.  So far, it has helped a lot.  I hope I continue to bowl well on Wednesday for league bowling.  I'm sure my teammates would appreciate it!

What I didn't do yesterday was exercise.  I just felt too tired and drained.  Yesterday was the first day in months that I can remember just skipping the exercise, even though I had the time to do it.  I felt worn out and run down and just wanted to rest.  So I rested.  I think that is OK, as long as it doesn't become a habit.  I got up this morning and went to the gym, just like normal, so that's good.  I really think I just needed a 24 hour break.

Saturday's exercise:  6.4 mile run with Carla and Ruth.  Took about 1 hour and 10 minutes.
Sunday's exercise:  None - unless you want to count bowling 4.5 games
Monday's exercise:  Strength training:  This week's strength training is a pyramid.  You do one exercise.  Then you do that exercise and add another one.  Then you do those two exercises and add another one, and so on until you get to the last exercise and work your way down.  The exercises are:
1. ---Walk up and back down the stairs carrying a 35 pound weight
2. ------Do 1. and add a Wall sit while doing 16 bicep curls with 10 lb dumbbells
3. ---------Do 1. and 2. and add a 30 second plank
4. ------------Do 1., 2., and 3. and add lunge to balance, with 10lb dumbbells in each hand, 12 each foot
5. ---------------Do 1., 2., 3., and 4. and add 20 supine toe touches, holding a 10 pound dumbbell
6. ------------------Do 1., 2., 3., 4., and 5. and add 16 burpees, holding a 10 pound ball with handles
7. ---------------Do 1., 2., 3., 4., and 5
8. ------------Do 1., 2., 3., and 4
9. ---------Do 1., 2., and 3
10.------Do 1., and 2
11.---Do 1

Friday's Calories:  1570
Saturday's Calories:  1547
Sunday's Calories:  1556

Today's weight:  166.6 pounds.

I was so out of it yesterday that I forgot to take my Sunday picture.  Just plain forgot.  I didn't avoid it on purpose, or procrastinate until it was too late or anything like that.  I just forgot about it.  I'll have to take a picture this week to post and to paste on my chart.  Yesterday was just not a great day.  I guess we all have days like that from time to time, but today I'm picking myself back up, brushing off the dust that accumulated yesterday, and getting back at it!!

Here's to Monday mornings!!  I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Friday, October 5, 2012

10/5/2012: Just the Stats

Morning Weight:  166.8
Yesterday Evening's Exercise:  4 mile run with Carla - took about 45 minutes
This Morning's Exercise:  Strength training with Jeremy Walters - for the last time.  Next Wednesday I start working with Jeremy Wallers
Calories Consumed Yesterday:  1388

I have a 6:45AM meeting today so I have to run...just wanted to get the stats up for any of you that are checking in as I inch closer to goal...

Thursday, October 4, 2012

10/4/2012

Morning weight: 167.4. (same as the day before)
Evening exercise: Walked briskly around the ball park two times, took 19 minutes.
This morning's exercise: None, day off! Yeah, I do enjoy my mornings off. It's fun to sleep in on Thursday mornings.
Calories consumed yesterday: 1675

Carla comes home for six or seven weeks this afternoon, which is something Jack and I both welcome for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that she likes to cook healthy meals. We are looking forward to her company and her awesome cooking!

Then we'll have more company this weekend when my day, his wife, Kay, and my sister come to visit for the weekend. Shortly after that, on October 13th, Carla's boyfriend, Drew, will be coming out for a visit and to "meet the parents." We are definitely looking forward to that visit!

I have to leave work early today to pick up Carla Marie at the airport, so I'll sign off now. Have a lovely day.



Wednesday, October 3, 2012

10/3/2012: Transformations

Morning Weight:  167.4
Morning Exercise:  Strength Training - See Monday, October 1st.
Yesterday Evening Exercise:  More house cleaning - scrubbed the kitchen floor, worked up a pretty good sweat, actually.  I count it as good as a walk. 

Today's musings:  Starting next Wednesday I will have a new personal trainer.  To keep matters confusing, his name is Jeremy, too.  In fact, I think his name is Jeremy Wallers and my current trainer's name is Jeremy Walters.  At least when I say "Jeremy" everyone will know it means "Personal Trainer."

Jeremy Walters accepted a position at a new gym in Lee's Summit.  It was tempting to consider switching gyms, he is impressed with the facility and the management of the gym, but there are two reasons 24 Hour Fitness works so well for me: first, it is very close to my house and second, it's open 24 hours.  I really do like getting to the gym before 5:00 in the morning.  It's not very crowded, I can use the equipment I want to use, and I am home by 6:00 or 6:10 and have time to enjoy my morning before going to work.  Also, based on the information that I found on-line, Jeremy's new gym does not have a pool and I need a pool to train for the triathlon.

Jeremy Wallers and I had a brief discussion this morning and we set up our first training session for next Wednesday.  He regularly competes in marathons and triathlons and other events and his eyes lit up when I told him that I am training for my first triathlon this summer.  I am sure the transition will go well and I'm not too worried about it.  I've enjoyed working with Jeremy Walters, but life goes on.  We will have our final training session together on Friday.

I told Jack last night that I am sort of in a state of shock.  It's hard for me to believe that I am so close to my targeted goal weight of 150lbs.  Each morning I get up, weigh myself, and stare at the scale; trying to comprehend the fact that I've lost another four tenths of a pound and that, yes, in a couple of months I will no longer be trying to lose weight.  I'll be doing a lot of other things, namely training for next summer's triathlon, which will include a lot of exercise and eating with the purpose of getting leaner, rather than lighter, but I won't be trying to lose weight anymore.  I know for a fact that I'll weigh 150lb or less on December 31, 2012; that is not a conditional statement.  There aren't any, "If this happens or if that doesn't happens," in that statement.  I'll get there, I know it, it's a fact.  And for some reason it's a fact that is taking a while for me to digest and get used to.  Maybe it's because the last time I lost weight I got to the mid-170s and got stuck, and then got derailed by my surgery.  Maybe it's because I can't remember the last time I was in the 160s.  But I think it is a lot more than that.  I have never, ever had the attitude that I have now about clothes.  As I mentioned before, if I put something on and it looks like crap because it's too big, I take it off and throw it in a pile to take to Goodwill.  I no longer store bigger clothes, "Just in case."  "Just in case," is no longer an option.  My entire mindset about who I am, physically, has changed.  I don't feel like a fat woman that has lost weight (as in, I am still a fat woman that happens to be not-so-fat at the moment), I feel like a fit woman, perhaps even an athlete in the making. 

I think it all stems back to my 50th birthday.  If you were reading my blog back then (May 3rd, 2012), you may recall the moment of clarity that I had when I realized that the first half of my life was over and I was starting the second half of my life with a clean slate.  I recall that moment vividly, as if it happened this morning, and I think that moment will be one of my indelible memories for life.  It was so liberating.  In that moment, as Jack and I were walking to The K, about to watch the Royals beat the Yankees, I knew that the first half of my life was behind me.  My difficult childhood, the mistakes that I made as a young adult, the marriages that did not work out, the professional missteps, the hurts that I caused other people as I plundered my way through those first 50 years; those things were all done and behind me.  My kids are grown and moving on with their adult lives.  They are both fascinating people, so different from one another, yet the same.  So different from me, yet others and I can see similarities.  I am in a healthy and satisfying marriage.  I love my husband and he loves me.  I am so comfortable with Jack, our relationship is so safe for me.  Never in my life have I felt so secure with someone.  I know you read in relationship columns, etc... that it is healthy to have some secrets from your partner.  I have to say that I don't believe that.  Jack knows everything.  I tell him everything.  No matter how stupid I've been or how bone-headed a move I make, it just spills out of me when Jack and I start talking.  He never judges, sometimes he laughs, but mostly he just nods his head and understands.  It is so liberating to have this freedom to be me, 100% authentically me.  The flip side of that coin (and there is always a flip side) is that I am 100% accountable for myself.  If I don't like my life at any given moment, there is nowhere for me to look but in the mirror.

But that's where the strength comes from, from looking in the mirror and acknowledging this is my life and I need to do the things that I believe are important to me.  Those first 50, difficult, sometimes harsh, years are done.  Yes, they made me who I am today, but I can't blame today's happiness or unhappiness on something that happened 40 years ago.  I'm over that.  Completely and totally over it.  Those first 50 years are now in a box, taped shut and they have been put in the basement.  Oh sure, I've kept a couple of highlight reels that I may look at now and then and share with other people, but they're just stories to tell, memories to share.  That's all.

I no longer need to eat to stuff my feelings.  I no longer need to hide behind a fat facade.  I no longer need to pretend that I am not interested in being strong and fit.  I no longer need to be afraid of being attractive.  It's all different, dramatically different, than it was, even one year ago.  My 50th birthday was a watershed moment for me.  It was the event that allowed me to see that all of the hard work that I have been doing with therapy, loving my children, seeking the right career, searching for and finding the best partner for me, has all paid off.  That I am now the woman that I want to be and love being.  This transformation goes deep into my psyche, it's not just physical.  That's the difference.  The transformation is real and it's here to stay!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

10/2/2012: No Big News, Just Working It Out

Since coming home from China I have lost a little weight every day.  This morning I weighed 167.8 pounds.  I keep thinking, "Wow, I only have 17.8 pounds left to lose.  Wow.  This is crazy!"  It's happening, it really is.  By the end of the year I will be to my goal weight and well into the training for my first triathlon next summer.  I feel great and am so much happier than I was a year ago.  I'm stronger, more focused, and feel so much better about life.  The weight loss is only a small part of that, though.  Even though I have focused a lot on the weight loss since I started this blog, I do believe the daily exercise has been the real key in improving the way I feel.  The two go together, if I hadn't been counting calories and losing weight, I don't know if I would have been motivated to keep exercising.  If I still weighed 224 pounds I don't think I could have run 6.4 miles on Saturday, and the improvement I'm seeing when I exercise is part of what keeps me motivated.  Also, it would hurt a lot more to run if I was still that heavy.  But if I had to choose one or the other, if they came in separate packages and I had to pick which one was more key to my overall health, happiness and well being, I would pick the exercise over the weight loss.  I hope all women over 40 are getting the message that regular exercise, including lifting weights, is critically important to their health, happiness and well being.  There is no doubt in my mind that exercising now will make my 60s, 70s, 80, 90s, and beyond a hell of a lot more fun!

Yesterday's calorie count:  1547
Yesterday evening's exercise:  House cleaning (Carla comes home on Thursday and my dad, Kay, and my sister are coming to visit this weekend!  Yeah!  We'll have a full house!).  Does house cleaning count for my evening activity?  I think it does.  Mostly, I think the point is to be active in the evening, after sitting all day at work.  Ruth, what's the verdict on that one?
This morning's exercise:  Cardio Routine which includes 100 floors (24 minutes) on stairmaster, 1500 meters (8 minutes) on rowing machine, 2500 strides (20 minutes) on elliptical machine.

Monday, October 1, 2012

10/1/2012: Old Routine Feels Pretty Good

I've been home for a few days, after a two week vacation (which was awesome) and a whirlwind trip to China, and it feels good to be back into the routine of normal life. Even though I managed to maintain a decent workout schedule while in China, it's good to be home where I have control over when and what I am eating and I can go to my own gym where I am familiar with all of the equipment.  This morning I weighed 168.2 pounds.  I am still above my trend line (about two pounds) but I am losing weight at my normal rate again.  I think I will accept the fact that between the vacation and the China trip I lost a little momentum and I will remain above my trend line until I reach goal.  I have drawn my new goal line on my graph, starting with today's weight and reaching 150lbs on December 31st.  My expectation is that I will stay more or less between my trend line and my new goal line until I reach goal.

In yesterday's post I neglected to mention calories consumed on Saturday, so I'll do it now.  Saturday I ate 1570 calories and yesterday I ate1547 calories.  Yesterday I swam 90 laps (2,250 meters) in about 55 minutes.  That's 750 meters more than I will need to do for the triathlon, but I think it will be helpful to train much further than the 1500 meters required, since swimming is the first sport in the event.  That way, if my body is used to swimming much more than 1500 meters, it won't get too wiped out from the swim and I'll have something left for the bike ride and the run.  That's my plan, anyway!  Between Saturday's 6.4 mile run and yesterday's 2,250 meter swim, I am a little stiff and sore this morning, but I am thankful that nothing hurts. 

This morning's exercise was strength training.  Here is this week's routine:

**Repeat 4 Times**
----16 Dyno Ball(20 lb) curl, press, and throws:  Squat, pick up 20lb Dyno Ball (resembles a big, soft medicine ball) while in squat position, curl arms, stand up, press Dyno Ball above your head, then throw the ball as high as you can, letting it land in front of you.  Repeat 16 times
----45 seconds Dyno Mountain Climbers:  Get in plank position with hands resting on Dyno Ball instead of the floor, do mountain climbers (sort of like running in place while in the plank position) for 45 seconds.

**Repeat 4 Times**
----16 Shoulder Presses (30lb):  This exercise is done on a machine.  Traditional shoulder presses.
----12 Lat Raises (20lb):  Hold two 10lb plates in both hands at the same time.  Start with arms lowered, raise weights, with arms straight in front of you until arms are parralel with the floor.  Lower and repeat 12 times.

**Repeat 4 Times**
----20 Walking Lunges (15lb dumbbell in each hand)
----16 Dips:  Place the dumbbells used for the lunges on the floor, on their ends about shoulder with apart.  Place hands on dumbbells with feet in front of you and but towards the floor.  Lower yourself almost to the ground, exercising the tricep.  Repeat 16 times.

**Repeat 4 Times**
----20 Step Ups:  Alternating feet, step up onto stool that is approximately knee high.  Repeat 20 times
----16 Deadlifts:  With 15lb dumbbells in each hand, stand straight up with arms hanging in front of you.  Bend at waist, with back straight and head up, and lower dumbbells until back is parellel with floor.  Stand up slowly.  Repeat 16 times.

Fall is here, it's October already!!  I need to get back out on my bike several more times before it gets too cold and nasty to ride.  I wanted to ride yesterday, but my morning was consumed with other things and I don't like riding in the afternoon because of all of the traffic.  Next weekend will be busy with family visiting, so it will probably be two weeks before I can get back on my bike.  No excuses the weekend after next, I will go for a bike ride, no matter what else is going on (unless it's cold and raining, that is!).