11/9/15: Family Coming to Town This Week!

Days of abstinence: 47

Days until surgery: 35

Weight:  160.4 pounds

We spent the weekend cleaning, organizing, planning and cooking!  We will have 14 family members coming to town this week for what is turning into a family reunion!  We are so excited!  Hence, all the exclamation marks!!!

Six of the fourteen are adults (our kids and their spouses) and 8 are grandchildren, ages 12 to newborn.  We rented a house about 3 miles from here where all of the adults and their infants will be sleeping.  We’ll have the five oldest grandkids (ages almost 3 to 12) staying here with us.  It’ll be a blast.  Jackie and I really enjoy it when we get the opportunity to spend time with our grandchildren.  We’ve carved out little nuggets of time here and there over the years that are very special memories, I hope this becomes one of those!

I was so tired last night that I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30.  Mind you, I got up at 3:00am to get the pot roast out of the crock pot and just stayed up, so that has something to do with the 7:30pm bed time.  I still didn’t get everything done that I wanted to get done yesterday, but I got close.  Hey, I got to go shopping and get some new pans, so I’m happy.  I love buying new pans.  For some women, it’s shoes.  For me, it’s pans.  There is something about having the perfect pan for whatever it is that I am cooking that makes me happy.  I wonder if I had a pan deficiency when I was a kid. 

I got a slightly late start this morning because I did not want to get out of bed to exercise.  I had plenty of sleep, but my exercise habit hasn’t been much of a habit, lately.  Work has intruded way too far into my personal life and I need to wrestle the balance back into place.  Eventually, I did pull myself out of bed and I did do my workout, so it’s all ok.  I’m just going to be a few minutes later for work than I want to be.

With regard to food, all I have to say is, “It’s just sugar.”  I don’t miss it.  I don’t miss sweet treats at all.  I certainly don’t miss the constant struggle with deciding whether or not I should eat something.  I plan on baking cookies for the family tonight.  I’m a little anxious about that.  What I am most anxious about is I am planning on making some oatmeal cookies and substituting banana for the egg (there are some advantages to having been vegan for a while, I know decent egg substitutes).  We have one grandchild with an egg allergy.  The reason I am anxious about the oatmeal cookies is I know I will want to taste one to see if they turned out ok, but I can’t let myself do that.  Jack will have to be my taste tester.  Of course, the real taste tester will be James!!  I think it would be a HUGE mistake to ever put a cooking in my mouth again, so I am not going to do it.  Sorry, Jack, I guess you’ll have to make sure the cookies are good enough to share with family!

It’ll be an action packed week.  We have two more evenings to prepare and everyone starts arriving on Wednesday evening.

Have a beautiful day. 

11/8/15: Starting to Freak Out a Little

Days of abstinence: 46

Days until surgery: 36

Weight:  160.0 pounds

I can’t believe this surgery is only 36 days away.  There was a time, not all that long ago, when I swore I would never have an elective surgery.  But here I go, anyway.

I have had a few surgeries in my life and recovered from all of them well.  That fact has played a role in my decision to go forward with this procedure.  If I had a lot of difficulty with prior surgeries, or if I had no experience with surgery, I might not be doing this.  The major surgeries I have had are 1) a C-section with baby number one; 2) throat and nasal surgery to cure sleep apnea when I was 40 (This was, technically, a voluntary surgery, too.  The surgeon removed my tonsils, adenoids, uvula, part of my soft palate, and tissue in my sinuses.  Yes, my sleep apnea was cured and I no longer snore.  This was not just a good result, it was a miraculous result.); 3) a hysterectomy in conjunction with removing an ovarian torsion (and ladies, you don’t know pain until you have had an ovarian torsion).

After each one of these surgeries my recovery went smoothly and the results were as good as or better than expected.  My body heals relatively quickly and scarring from surgery is not excessive.  The pain has always been manageable.  I feel confident that I will manage this surgery well, too.  But I am still anxious.  Who wouldn’t be?

That said, I know I am doing the right thing at the right time.   I started the process of interviewing surgeons this spring.  I really thought I was done yo-yoing.  I weighed around 158 pounds at the time, after dropping about 20 pounds that I had gained back.  I felt so much conviction to never gain weight again.  I knew I was done with it.

Then, the summer from hell at work happened.  I felt very stressed all summer long.  I responded by eating too much.  Mostly, I increased my consumption of candy and other sweet treats.  I gained 10 pounds back.  Again.  Ugh.  I found myself wanting to sneak treats.  Sneak treats???  Really??? I’m 53 years old!!!  I don’t need to sneak anything.  No one cares what I eat.  No one but me, that is.  I can’t hide what I eat from myself.  That was the turning moment.  I blogged about the fact that I wanted to sneak sweet treats and my sister Ruth said (via text message, mind you), “Have you consider seeking therapy for your food addiction?”  Damn!  Really?  Do I really have to face this demon head on?

I am so glad I did.  After one therapy session, a lot of agonizing, and a bit of dedicated blogging; I have owned the fact that I am a sugar addict.  I have committed to giving up sugar in all of its forms (natural or artificial) for life.  Since then, I have slowly but surely been dropping weight at about the rate of 5 pounds a month.  More importantly, I am no longer struggling with food.  I just eat less.  Quitting sugar (for life) has transformed the way I respond to all food.  I feel more comfortable than I ever have about the ability to maintain a healthy weight.  But when I look in the mirror and see that flabby belly hanging over my C-section scar, my upper abdomen protruding over my belly button, and the large pendulum breasts just swinging away; I want to cry.  It’s as if all the hard work is for nothing.  It is amazing the damage that being overweight has done to the outside of my body.  I can only imagine how hard it was on the inside of my body.  I want these visual reminders of that excess weight to be gone.  I want to feel good in my own skin.  I know when I get my tummy and breasts fixed I will feel more confident.  I’ve thought about doing something like this for years.  Finally, I’m doing it.

I am anxious, but I am also excited.  December 14^th will be here before I know it.  I’m looking forward to blogging about being “on the flat side.”

Have a beautiful day!!

11/7/15: Surgery Rescheduled

Days of abstinence: 45

Days until surgery: 37

Weight:  160.0 pounds

My surgery has been rescheduled for December 14^th at 9:00AM at Overland Park Surgical Center.  I need to be there at 7:30 in the morning to get prepped.  It’s just a little over a month away.  This is really happening!

This next week should be filled with fun and excitement!  We are looking forward to our kids and grandkids coming to visit.  My first task, this morning, is to put together a grocery shopping list.  Tomorrow I will do a lot of cooking.  Preparation is key!

I’ve been a little tired this week.  I wake up all raring to go, but by the end of the day I’ve had enough.  I think it has a lot to do with work.  Even though I didn’t work as many hours this week, the tension level is pretty high.  It wears on my after a while.  Maybe next week will bring a little more focus and clear direction.  We shall see.

I’m happy to see the drop in the scale this morning.  160.0.  With any luck at all I’ll be in the 150s by the end of the weekend.  Yeah!!  I only have slightly over a month until surgery.  My best guess is that I’ll be somewhere around 154 - 155 at that time.  I’ve been losing about 5 pounds a month.  That will be fine.

It’s Saturday morning, so it’s my day to pay bills, reconcile accounts, making shopping lists, scrub bathrooms, etc.  I better get started!

Have a beautiful day! 

11/6/15: Mentally Preparing for Surgery

Days of abstinence: 44

Days until surgery: 40 (or so – still waiting for dates from Dr. Hodge’s office) 

Weight:  161.8 pounds (This pattern is so predictable – lose a couple pounds over a week or so, then stabilize around that weight for a week or so.  You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but I still get frustrated when I go four or five days without losing any weight.  *Sigh*  The good news is that this is the last time I’ll be doing this!  Now that I am sugar-free for life,  I am confident that I have found the answer to maintaining at or very close to my goal weight, forever.

A few months ago, when we thought that I was going to have the surgery in September, we bought a nice recliner for the family room.  I have read that a lot of women spend most of the first two weeks after a mommy makeover in their recliner.  Makes sense to me!  Last night I ordered some warm winter nightgowns from Soft Surroundings.  I love their clothes.  They are expensive, so I seldom order anything from them, but I decided that this was a special occasion.  I usually wear pajamas with pants in the wintertime, but after my surgery I won’t want anything around my waist, so the warm nightgowns make sense.  I ordered several, I hope I like them all but if I don’t I’ll return the ones I don’t like.  I love getting new pajamas.  It’s silly, I know, but they are just so comfy!!

I feel really comfortable with my decision to have Dr. Hodge do my surgery.  I know I have said this before, about the other surgeons, but this feels different.  I like him, as a person, and I trust him, as a surgeon.  I am moving forward with this decision.

It’s hard to believe that I am doing this in little over a month.  I’ll be out of commission for a couple of weeks and sailing at half-mast for quite a while after that.  I know it will be worth it.  I am looking forward to all of this extra skin being gone!!!  Forever!!!

I don’t think there is much to do except wait for my pre-op appointment, which will be two weeks prior to surgery.  At that appointment I will be given the prescriptions that I need to pick up and any last minute prep instructions.  I am thinking about it more and more, the closer it gets.  Yikes!!  This is a big deal!

There doesn’t seem to be much to write about anymore, with regard to food.  I just don’t think about it very much, which is awesome.  One of the changes that I have made in my weekly routine, since I have been so busy, is that I cook all of our meals first thing Sunday morning, rather than waiting until later in the day.  First thing Sunday morning is early for me, around 5:30 or 6:00AM.  If I start cooking as soon as I get up, I am done with all of my cooking for the week by 10:00 or 11:00, depending on how complex the meals are that week.  It’s amazing how much easier it is for me to do my cooking early in the morning.  I am a morning person, so that helps!  I am not tired or cranky, like I can get towards the end of the day, and cooking doesn’t feel like a chore.  If I wait until early afternoon on Sunday to cook, I can resent the fact that it takes such a chunk out of my day a little bit.  But if I get up and knock it out early Sunday morning, I have a big chunk of it done before Jack even wakes up.  I’m pretty sure this is the way to go.  We’ll see if I maintain that habit even when I am not burning the candle from both ends.

This weekend I will be doing a lot of cooking, preparing for the arrival of our family.  We have a great big cooler and it works pretty well to cook the bulk of the meals and store them in the cooler, so that I can reheat them at meal times.  That way I don’t have to spend a lot of time cooking when everyone is here, and I can spend more time visiting and playing.  We’re going to have a blast!!

I’m off to work.  There is a project I want to finish this morning before everyone starts showing up.

Have a beautiful day! 

Animated videos of surgical procedures

For the curious souls out there:

At the below web address (American Society of Plastic Surgeons) you will find animated videos of the procedures that I am having.  The two procedures I am having is a full tummy tuck and a breast lift, using the anchor method (you'll understand what that is once you have seen the video).

Click on:  Body/Tummy Tuck - Full; and  Breast/Breast Lift to see animations of the surgeries.

It's hard to believe that I am actually going to do this!

11/5/15: I’m Switching Surgeons, Again

Days of abstinence: 43

Days until surgery: 41 (or so) 

Weight:  161.4 pounds (and here we are, on another plateau)

My food program is continuing to be easy to follow.  I am not having any issues with eating too much, eating too often, or eating off program foods.  This sure is nice.

I got all of my filing caught up!  Now all of the projects that I have put off around the house are done and the only remaining tasks to do to prepare for the kids’ visit is cleaning and cooking.  Jack and I should be able to get all of that done this weekend without any problem.  It feels great to have the bedrooms and closets cleaned out and organized, all of the pictures re-hung, and all the filing done.  I’m not tripping over stuff all the time.  It makes me wonder why I didn’t get it done a long time ago.  Sometimes I am a victim of my own procrastination.

I had a second consultation with Dr. Keith Hodge of Overland Park, KS, yesterday.  He was recommended to me by a plastic surgeon who retired this spring.  I was impressed by Dr. Hodge the first time I met him, but he had the unfortunate luck of being the first surgeon that I talked to.  As such, I wasn’t quite as prepared to make a decision when I met with him as I was later in the process.  I am currently scheduled to have the procedure done with Dr. John Michael Quinn.  Both Dr. Hodge and Dr. Quinn are very well regarded plastic surgeons in the metro area.  The reason I am reconsidering my choice is because of comments a couple of women have made about Dr. Quinn’s after surgery care.  Basically, both of these women stated that he was dismissive of their concerns about their results.  When I met with Dr. Hodge and his assistant yesterday we talked a lot about exactly what I could expect from my results and what Dr. Hodge’s practice was after surgery.  By the time I got done talking with them I became much more comfortable with the decision to have Dr. Hodge do my surgery.  Kimber, Dr. Hodge’s assistant, said that I should be able to have the procedure done the same week that I am now scheduled, but we don’t have the exact date yet. 

This is the second time I’ve switched surgeons since I have made the decision to have this surgery done.  I am a little frustrated with myself for second guessing myself, but at the same time, I want to be 100% comfortable with my choice of surgeon.  It turns out that is more easily said than done.  This surgery is a big deal.  It’s permanent.  It’s not like I can return it after purchase if I am not happy with what I bought.  Maybe it’s natural that I keep second guessing myself.   I’ll post the exact date of surgery once we get the surgery booked.   I am looking forward to the surgery being done and over with, being recovered, and moving on to the next stage of my program.  I haven’t thought about this before, but I think the surgery and my recovery afterwards will be the end of Stage 2.  Stage 1 was the initial weight loss of 70+ pounds in 2011.  Stage 2 was settling into a routine of keeping my weight at least relative close to my goal weight, exercising regularly, and establishing what my rest-of-my-life eating program is going to be.  One of the things I have been incredibly uncomfortable with since I lost this weight is all of the extra skin that I have since losing this weight.  It will soon be gone.  Once I have recovered from that I will begin Stage 3, which should last the rest of my life.  Stage 3 will be all about maintaining a healthy lifestyle, day-in and day-out.

Here’s to having another beautiful day!   

11/4/15: My Weight Loss Graph, October 15, 2011, Through Yesterday, November 3, 2015

Days of abstinence: 42

Days until surgery: 42 

Weight:  161.2 pounds

I worked out yesterday morning, went for a 2 mile walk last night with Jack and got to bed early enough last night so that I could exercise again this morning.  It feels good to be getting back into my routine.  I started my Black Fire video series over again since I had missed so many workouts in the last couple of weeks.  I hate starting all over again, but I am weaker than I was just a few weeks ago.  It is amazing how fast the body starts to decay when you don’t take the time to exercise.  The book, "Younger Next Year," was absolutely correct when it said you either grow a little each day or decay a little each day and we get to make the choice of which one we want, by deciding to exercise or not exercise each and every day.  The book, "It Starts With Food," is correct (in my opinion) when it says there is no such thing as a net neutral food.  The food I eat is either going to make me healthier or less healthy.  There is no in-between.  Sometimes it’s hard not to beat myself up a little bit and wonder why I couldn’t have figured so much of this out a 10 or 20 years ago.  The important thing is to know that the next 50 years are going to be so much better than they would be if I hadn’t started making these major changes 4 years ago.   

I’ve been tracking my weight in My Fitness Pal since October 15, 2011.  Here is a snapshot of the graph (you can click on the graph to see it more clearly):

What a road this has been!

On the one hand, I can’t say I am proud of the 2 year climb back to 179.4 pounds.  On the other hand, I am kind of proud that I topped out at only 179.4 pounds and that it took me two years to gain that much weight back.  In previous cycles, I would have gained all of the weight back that I had lost, plus ten pounds in much less time than it took me to gain 29.4 pounds.  What I think is most interesting about this graph is the downward trend of the peaks.  First of all, 228 pounds is not the most I have ever weighed.  The heaviest weight that I ever saw on a scale was 238 pounds when I was 39 years old.  I believe my heaviest weight ever was probably right around 250 pounds because that 238 pound weigh-in was after I had been doing Tae Kwon Do and dieting for several months.  I was too scared to get on a scale before then.

What I see, when I look at this graph, starting with the 228 pounds on October 15^th and ending with yesterday, is the peaks are getting lower and lower.  I am getting more and more uncomfortable with being overweight and I am getting better at stopping the behavior that is causing the weight gain and getting back on track.  None of the downward ticks, after the upward climbs, came accidentally.  Every last one of them was a conscious decision to get back on track.  I am excited that I am getting close to my goal weight of 150 pounds.  What I am even more excited about is that I believe I have finally found the key to keeping my weight close to my goal weight for the rest of my life;  abstain from sugar forever.

As I said in yesterday’s post, I am not struggling with food decisions anymore.  I’m not wrestling with an inner voice that keeps saying, “You can eat that, it won’t matter.”  One candy bar does matter.  It matters a lot.  I have rationalized, hundreds of times, eating one candy bar.  It’s only 210 calories.  That’s not much.  You can make up for that by going for a walk or eating less dinner.  Of course, as often as I ate one candy bar, I’d eat two candy bars.  Now I’m up to 420 calories.  That’s a whole meal.  And then I am fighting cravings for the next several days.

I keep using the word “relief,” to the point that I feel like I am over using it; but I can’t think of a better word to use.  I am so relieved that the inner voices have quieted and that I am on a plan that I know will get me to my goal weight and that I know will allow me to maintain my goal weight for the rest of my life; without a daily struggle with food choices.  The books, “Younger Next Year,” and “It Starts With Food,” got me started on the lifelong changes that I’ve made.  Accepting the fact that I am a sugar addict and making the decision to abstain from sugar forever was the final piece of the puzzle.  It is all falling into place.  Finally.  Whew!  What a ride!!

Have a beautiful day!