7/21/2012: Back on Track

After an excruciating week and a half, which seriously felt like at least three weeks, of not losing any weight, I am finally back on track!  This morning I weighed (unofficially, of course, since I only mark my chart on Thursdays and Mondays) 185.6 pounds!  That puts me back on my original trend line, as if I never plateaued at all.  I can't begin to describe how difficult the last one and a half weeks were for me, emotionally.  I wasn't doing anything differently, I was still exercising everyday and eating less than 1500 calories a day.  I was still keeping my meals small, drinking plenty of water, and not drinking much, if any, alcohol.  I was doing everything that I had been doing for the first 19 weeks of my Get Fit Initiative, but it just seemed to stop working.  I started to get frustrated and depressed.  How much more could I do?  Did I have to cut my calories to 1200?  I don't want to do that.  First of all, I don't think it's enough, with all the exercising I am doing.  Second, that extra 300 calories makes a big difference when it comes to flexibility in my diet.  The thought of having to cut my daily calories to 1200 was just plain depressing.

Last Thursday I really wanted to weigh-in under my half-way mark, which was seeming more and more like an elusive goal that I would never attain, so as I mentioned in a previous post, I took it to extremes Tuesday night and skipped dinner.  I saw an immediate result on the scale Wednesday morning.  Wednesday evening, I ate a little dinner, but not much, and Thursday morning I get the result I was looking for, and crossed my halfway mark with a weigh-in of 186.6 pounds.  Therefore, I am happy to report that I am back on my 1500 calorie-a-day plan and that Jack and I went to Governor Stumpy's for dinner last night.  I ordered the Cajun style grilled talapia with fresh green beans, though I skipped the rice in favor of extra green beans.  I ate it all up, and even ate 10 or so peanuts at the ball park last night, and I still weighed in at 185.6 pounds this morning.  That's more like it!  That is more what I am used to.  Exercise hard, six days a week, eat about 1500 healthy calories a day, drink plenty of water, and slowly but surely lose weight.  My faith in the plan is slowly but surely being restored. 

The mind games I went through over the last 10 days (I swear it seems like at least 30) were incredibly difficult.  I wanted to just say f___ it!  I can't do this.  I was so ready, emotionally, to give up.  My elephant was not in the game, anymore, and my rider was tired, bone tired.  I felt like I did not have the emotional energy or physical strength to wrestle that elephant back on course.  Exercise, instead of being that thing I do in the morning, became the, "Dreaded Chore," once again.  Without the results on the scale, it all seemed so pointless.  And that emotional tail spin happened so fast.  The first weigh-in with no loss, I took in stride.  The second weigh-in with no loss was pretty frustrating.  After the third, I began threatening to cut off a limb just to see results on the scale.  The prospect of a fourth weigh-in with no loss was simply unbearable. 

Over this last couple of weeks it became crystal clear that my chart, my blog, posting on facebook, my husband, my trainer, and all of you are absolutely essential to my success.  If I had been doing this alone, if I had not made my goals public and available to the whole world, if I did not have dozens of people out there cheering on my success, if my goal was not so well defined, if I did not have my chart to mark and look at and remind me that I was still ahead of goal; I would have given up.  I know I would have.  I've been there, done that, before.  A few times.  But, because of all of you, my chart, my husband, my sister, and my trainer, I stuck it out.  Miserably, I will admit.  Complainy, whiny, pathetically, and all of that.  But I stuck it out and today the scale is reflecting my efforts again, and once again, I am emotionally back on track.

When I look at the chart closely and realize that the plateau lasted only 1.5 weeks, I shake my head in disbelief.  I can't believe that short period of time of no weight loss sent me into such an emotional spiral.  I look at the previous 20 weeks and see about 3 other flat spots on the graph.  I remind myself that this is a pattern, that this will happen again, and I need to take the plateaus in stride.  I will get there.  I will weigh 150 pounds on or before February 4th, 2012.  I'll do it with the help of all of my family and friends, my trainer, and my chart.  I'm looking forward to getting there.  The journey is not too bad, either.  These rough patches are opportunities to learn a little more about myself and what motivates me.  Here's to hoping I can get a couple of weeks under my belt before that next learning experience!!