12/1/15: Surgery is Less Than Two Weeks Away

Days of abstinence: 69

Exercise:  Cardio weight lifting

Days until surgery: 13!!!!

Weight:  157.2 pounds

We’ve had intermittent internet service which explains my on-again-off-again blog posts.  It is a little frustrating when I can’t maintain my routines because of the lack of internet service.  TWC is coming to the house this afternoon.  Maybe we will get a better understanding of why they have so much difficulty keeping our service up and running.

Yesterday I turned off my alarm and went back to sleep.  I never, ever do that.  I guess I got used to sleeping in a little bit over the Thanksgiving holiday.  I made it to work on time, but I did not get my workout in.  Today I got up at 4:00 and did a cardio weight lifting routine.  It felt great, even if I was a little sore from my workouts this weekend.

I have to go to Denver for a quick business trip next week.  We’ll fly out Tuesday morning and fly home Tuesday night.  I had to call the surgeon’s nurse and make sure it was OK to fly that close to surgery.  She said it was not a problem since it is such a short flight.  It makes this very real, knowing I am checking with my surgeon before flying and making arrangements at work to be gone for three weeks.  I really am doing this thing.  It is so hard to believe it is actually happening.  I have dreamt about this for years, ever since I was a much younger woman.  It’s hard to imagine not having all this extra skin anymore.  It’s been there a long time!

My food program remains solid.  I have not had any problems with cravings or over consumption since the first week or so of making the decision to abstain from sugar for life.  My attitude about food has changed considerably.   It’s not that I don’t enjoy food anymore, because I do.  But I don’t crave food all the time. 

Work is hard to get excited about these days.  I need an attitude adjustment.  Maybe once we get through this next week and get a plan established I’ll feel better.  Right now it just seems like such a grind.  Ugh.  Perhaps today will be a better day.

For the past couple of decades I have experienced a period of depression between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I’m hoping that it has been at least partially food related and that by not eating sweets I will avoid the worst part of the depression.  I feel like I am in a slump right now, though.  I’ll have to try to snap myself out of this!!  Perhaps it’s just the onset of winter.  I really dislike winter.  But, I’m getting my tummy and my breasts fixed.  That is something to look forward to!  It’s all going to work out just fine.

Have a beautiful day!

11/28/15: Getting Caught Up On a Long Weekend

Days of abstinence: 66

Exercise:  Cardio weight lifting

Days until surgery: 16!!!!

Weight:  157.0 pounds

I can’t believe it is only Saturday and we have already had 2 days off from work.  It seems crazy that we are off 4 days in a row.  Pretty soon I won’t know what to do with myself.

What I did do today is exercise, in spite of forces conspiring against me.  Freezing rain outside, intermittent internet (so no Daily Burn website access) inside.  So I put together my own Black Fire-ish routine and worked hard for 40 minutes.  It was an effective workout.

Jack and I have started our Christmas shopping.  It needs to be done before surgery, so we have plans to shop a little every day and evening through next weekend.  With the cost of the two family reunions this year and my surgery, we really are going to try to keep things light this year.  I finally got our finances caught back up from the huge home renovation project from a year ago.  Two steps forward, one step back, it seems like.  It’s my own doing of course.  I don’t have to do this surgery.  It is something I really want to do!

I guess I don’t have much else to add and I can hear Jack banging around in the bedroom, so I am going to sign off and get breakfast started.

Have a beautiful day!

11/27/15: Surgery – It’s What I Think About All Day, Now

Days of abstinence: 65

Days until surgery: 17!!!!

Weight:  157.0 pounds

It sure is fun to get up in the morning and see a drop in the scale!!  I weighed 157 pounds this morning!!  Yeah!!  In my 65 days of abstinence I have lost 12.8 pounds.  It hasn’t been a rapid weight loss, by any measurement, but it has been steady.  I am getting close enough to my goal weight that I am content with my progress.  I’d be comfortable going into surgery today, at this weight.  I’ll probably lose another pound or two, though, which would be great, but I feel pretty good about my weight, today.  My boobs are getting to the stage where they don’t feel very heavy when I lift them and they don’t ache when I take off my bra at the end of the day.  I think when the breast lift is done they will be a nice size.  I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to having smaller breasts.  I can’t decide what I am looking forward to more, a flat tummy or firm, smaller breasts.  The prospect of both is so exciting.  I guess that is why I am having both procedures done, instead of only one or the other. 

The closer the surgery date gets, the more I am thinking about it.  I am nervous, who wouldn’t be?  I’m excited.  Who wouldn’t be?  Jack is very supportive.  His biggest concern, other than for my health and well-being, is he’s worried about being a good care-giver after the surgery.  He’s also worried that I am going to go stir crazy when I am home recuperating for 3 weeks.  Actually, I’m not sure which he is more worried about, the risks of the actual surgery or the risk of me being bored out of my mind.  He keeps saying, “I don’t know how we are going to keep you entertained for 3 weeks.  There is only so much TV, puzzles, reading, etc., you can do before you’ll go nuts.”  I tell him I’m going to be drugged up for part of that time and not to worry so much about my boredom, but he may have a point.  My mind does start racing when I’m bored.  There’s no telling what schemes I will think up during my convalescence.  I guess he has reason to be worried, now that I think about it.  I don’t do bored very well.  In general, I sit still only when I am tired.  I probably will get ants in my pants about half way through my 3 weeks off.

When it comes to sitting still, I have come to the conclusion that following doctor’s orders about the exact right amount of movement after surgery is critically important.  I’ve been following several women that have had this surgery and those that feel great afterwards and try to do too much are the ones that have their drains in the longest and have the most difficulties after about 2 weeks.  The ones that are in a lot of pain afterwards and therefore limit their movement to going to the rest room and taking a short walk around the house, get their drains out the fastest and have the least complications at 2 weeks.  Being careful about movement will impact how quickly my skin re-adheres to my abdominal muscles and how quickly and neatly my incisions heal.  You can count on the fact that I will follow doctor’s orders to the letter.  I am lucky that I don’t have any kids at homes.  A lot of women are doing this surgery with little ones at home.  That would be rough.  I don’t have to take care of anyone but Jack, and for three weeks, he is going to be taking care of me. 

I’m starting to get excited about buying some new clothes.  When I look at outfits that I think are cute I no longer judge whether or not they will hide my breasts or bulges in my tummy sufficiently.  I know my “look” will change after surgery.  I have always been drawn to clothes that are a little more playful or colorful rather than run-of-the-mill, but I’ve been limited as to where I can shop and what I can wear because I’ve been so over-weight and since my weight loss I’ve had so many bulges in all the wrong places.  I am looking forward to letting my creative side out with my wardrobe.  The older I get, the more liberties I feel I can take with my wardrobe.  I mean, who cares what a 53 year old grandmamma wears, anyway?  No one.  I can feel my playful side getting ready to come out, when it comes to clothes.  This is going to be fun! 

If you are an astute follower of this blog, you’ll have made the observation that I haven’t been exercising regularly enough.  This is because of the ridiculous, whacked out schedule that I have been living.  First it was way too much work, then the kids were here, then I was getting up at 4:00AM to get caught up on all of the things I have neglected.  Finally, everything feels normal again.  I will exercise every single day from now until surgery.  After surgery, I won’t be able to do anything for 6 weeks.  That is going to be rough.  I will add exercise to my daily heading in order to keep myself accountable.

I guess that’s it for now.  Thanks for listening.

Have a beautiful day!

11/26/15: I Paid the Surgeon Yesterday

Days of abstinence: 64

Days until surgery: 18!!!

Weight:  158.6 pounds

Wow!  I can’t believe surgery is only two and a half weeks away!  Jack and I went to my pre-op appointment yesterday and paid the surgeon.  We still need to pay the surgical center and the anesthesiologist in the next few days.  This is really happening!  I am nervous and anxious about the surgery and the recovery period after the surgery, but I am really looking forward to all of this extra skin being gone.  It’s so hard to believe that after all of these years I will no longer have folds of skin hanging below my C-section scar or large, loose hanging breasts.  Wow.  It’s hard to believe this is really happening.  In addition to the full tummy tuck and breast lift, I am also getting lipo suction on my outer thighs to remove the saddle bags that will not budge with any amount of diet or exercise. 

It sounds like I am really lucky that my abdominal muscles are strong and where they belong.  It sounds like the most painful part of a tummy tuck recovery is the suturing of the muscles to repair separation of abdominal muscles.  The doctor doesn’t think I will need that.  If I need a small repair, he’ll do it, but he doesn’t think he’ll need to do anything major with my muscles. 

I’m getting close to my goal range of 150 – 155 before surgery.  Perhaps I will get to 155, perhaps I won’t.  I am not too worried about it.  I am glad to be in the 150s.  My guess is I will lose another couple of pounds before surgery, but that’s it.  I’m fine with that.  My biggest motivation for wanting to lose a little more weight was so that my breasts would be smaller and lighter going into surgery so that they would end up being a smaller size after the breast lift.  I feel pretty good about that, now.  It’s amazing how much difference a few pounds can make.

I haven’t had any sugar in 64 days!!  The amazing part about that is I don’t want any sugar.  I’m not even tempted.  It sure makes it easier to lose weight.  The biggest difference in my eating, between not losing weight and losing weight, is how much I eat for dinner.  If I have “three squares a day,” three nice, hearty meals, I maintain my weight.  If I have a hearty breakfast and lunch and eat about a half portion for dinner, I lose a little weight.  Most of the time I keep my dinner light, but if I’m eating late and am pretty hungry, sometimes that is hard to do.  The hardest moment is when I am putting the food on my plate.  If I am really hungry, I tend to take more food.  If I put the food on my plate, I eat it.  It also helps to eat dinner early in the evening. 

I continue to have discussions with family and friends about alcohol and coffee.  I am very, very close to deciding that alcohol is gone from my life forever.  As I told Carla yesterday, I don’t really need to make this decision until February 1, which will be about when most of my recovery is complete.  I know I won’t go off program at all until then, anyway.  But it is something I am thinking about.  Never drinking a glass of wine again is not that big of a deal, so I wonder a little bit about why I am giving this so much thought.  I think it has something to do with the way drinking a glass of wine with a nice dinner for a special occasion sort of slows down the moment and seems to make it more of an event.  I don’t know.  Anyway, the bottom line is alcohol, for all practical purposes, is a sugar.  I don’t eat sugar.  Therefore, alcohol should probably be a banned substance, too.  I honestly don’t know why I am grappling with this at all.  It seems like an easy decision, doesn’t it?  I’m probably almost there.

With regard to coffee, even though it is an addictive substance and, yes, it is mood altering, I see no reason to stop drinking it.  It is something I really enjoy.  My two-cup-a-day habit causes me to pause and enjoy life for a minute.  The time I spend drinking my coffee is the part of the day when I settle down and relax.  Usually, I am the only one in the house that is awake.  It’s my quiet, me time.  There is no evidence that drinking coffee is bad for me.  Sugar and alcohol hurt my body.  That is an established fact.  There is no evidence that coffee hurts my body.  I am hard pressed to come up with a good argument to give up something that I really enjoy that does not hurt me.

There is an argument that maybe coffee should be eliminated because it is addictive and mood altering.  The transformation that I experienced when I stopped eating sugar was profound.  The most startling change was how much happier and content I am.  As I mentioned in a previous post, sugar seemed to take the edge off my highs and lows, so my moods were less intense when I was using sugar.  Now, I seem to be experiencing emotions more fully and, somehow, resetting to a higher-happiness-plateau more quickly after an intense emotion.  This is a remarkable and unexpected benefit that has resulted from giving up the sugar drug.  Would I experience a similar benefit from giving up the caffeine drug?  I have no idea.

My gut response to that question is no.  I think there are a lot of reasons that I am happier without sugar in my life.  Part of it is definitely the physiological impact that sugar had on my hormones.  But part of it is the psychological hold that sugar had on my behavior.  Sugar owned me in a way that coffee never has and never will.  Sugar called the shots, I didn’t.  Coffee is not that way.  I enjoy my coffee, but I don’t want more than a couple cups a day.  I have a hard and fast rule, no coffee after noon.  If I drink coffee after noon, I have trouble falling asleep.  I don’t see a cup of coffee at 1:00 in the afternoon and wish I could drink it.  Sometimes, if it is really cold out, I want a cup of coffee to warm myself up, but a cup of herbal tea fills in that void, nicely.  Also, coffee has no calories.  Consuming coffee does not make me fat. 

I find the idea that giving up caffeine may have a positive impact on my emotional well-being intriguing.  I’m thinking about it.  Maybe being free of all addictions would be a good thing.  Maybe it is unimportant.  Who knows?

Oh, and by the way, it is Thanksgiving.  For a lot of us that means too much food, including desserts and wine.  For us, today, that means no such thing.  Jackie and I are treating it like any other day.  We had a big family dinner with the kids when they were here.  We are content to enjoy this four days off with no celebrations or commitments, other than to get caught up around the house and get some planning done.  I’m glad.  I can hardly believe I have four days off with nothing to do.  What a relief.  It’s been a while since I really felt like I could relax and recuperate. 

And on that note, I will sign off. 

Have a beautiful Thanksgiving day!

11/25/15: Donuts Stink

Days of abstinence: 63

Days until surgery: 19!!

Weight:  158.8 pounds

Have you ever noticed that donuts smell bad?  Somebody brought donuts to work and left the box on the counter.  Out of curiosity I opened the box to see what was in it.  Obviously it was baked goods and something that I would not eat, but I am a baker and am often curious about what others bring in. When I open the box the odor of the donuts hit me in the face.  I couldn't believe how overwhelming the smell was.  I never thought donuts smelled bad before, but I couldn't get the lid back on the box fast enough.  Donuts really do stink.  My, how things have changed.  It was not all that smelling a donut would have triggered all kinds of cravings.  Not anymore.  I just want to get away from them as fast as I can.  This is definitely a change for the better.

I have my pre-op appointment today.  Yikes!!  Jack is coming with me so that we can both here all of the pre-op and after care instructions.  I am getting anxious.  I can't really believe I am doing this.

Have a beautiful day!!

11/24/15: Quick Visit

Days of abstinence: 62

Days until surgery: 20

Weight:  158.8 pounds

I flew to Michigan on Sunday to see my sister Ruth.  What should have been a quick flight with a layover in Chicago turned into an all day ordeal that ended up with me in Detroit 14 hours after I left the house and a bag still in Chicago.  It was not the smoothest of travel days.  I was prepared though, and had packed enough food to get me through the day.  So in spite of spending 12 hours in planes and airports, I did not eat off program at all.  The only slightly off program food that I ate was on Monday at the Detroit airport.  We didn’t have time to eat dinner before I got to the airport so I ate a grilled chicken breast with a sides of broccoli and green beans.  The chicken breast had a sauce made with whole butter and balsamic vinegar.  At home, I clarify my butter to remove milk solids.  I scraped off as much as the sauce as possible, but I still have a little bit of a cranky gut this morning.  My body really doesn’t like milk.

The best news of all is that I had a crazy, two day quick trip to Michigan, and I lost two-tenths of a pound.  In the past, a trip like this would have been a perfect excuse to eat sweet treats like muffins, cookies, and ice cream.  I didn’t even think about eating those things on this trip.  Yeah!!!

11/22/15: Stuck on a runway in KC

 I'm taking a quick trip to Michigan to see my sister and we're stuck on the runway in KC waiting for a gate in Chicago. Fun times. I've packed my lunch. I wasn't planning on eating it on the plane, but maybe I will.

All is well. Food program is strong.

I am considering the impact of other addictive substances that I use. There are two:  coffee and alcohol.

Coffee:  I currently consume about 2 cups of strong, black coffee a day. I drink it in the morning with my breakfast. I don't believe there are any health reasons to quit drinking coffee. In fact, the most recent study released shows increased life spans for coffee drinkers that drink moderate amounts of coffee. It may not be the coffee, mind you. The study said it may be the fact that coffee drinkers take the time in the morning to relax and drink their coffee. This rings true to me. My morning routine includes about a half hour of just sitting and reading and drinking coffee. Anyway, I've read study after study after study about coffee consumption and there seems to be no negative health impact on moderate coffee consumption. Therefore, I don't need to give it up to be healthier.

Should I give it up just because I'm addicted to it?  I won't deny that caffeine is an addictive substance. If I don't drink coffee in the morning I will get a headache mid-afternoon and I may get a bit cranky. That lasts about 3 days, then the headache and crankiness are gone. This indicates a physical addiction. That said, I have no desire to drink more coffee. It is very easy to limit myself to two cups. In fact, I often don't finish the second cup. Unlike sugar, one cup does not lead to overconsumption. Coffee does not have a grip on my life. Bottom line:  I don't think coffee harms me in anyway and I don't think it is a dangerous substance for me. I see no reason to stop enjoying it.

Alcohol:  I have not had any alcohol for 2 months. I don't plan on having any alcohol until I am fully recovered from surgery. What I am seriously contemplating is deciding that alcohol should be on my banned substance list, not because I am addicted to it, but because it is basically a sugar.

I have overconsumed alcohol in the past, but I can and I do enjoy having one or two glasses of wine. In the past I've opened a bottle of wine to enjoy a glass or two and ended up tossing the rest of the bottle out a week later because I never finished it. I don't have an addiction to alcohol and I am not afraid of developing one. What I am afraid of, what I am terrified of, is that a glass of wine will trigger my sugar addiction. I enjoy wine, but not enough to risk losing my freedom. My guess is that alcohol is going to become a never again thing for me, but I don't need to make that decision yet.

I'm quickly using up my phone battery and I'm going to need it for my trip, so I better sign off.

Have a beautiful day!!