I stopped eating sugar over 3 months ago. I finally acknowledged that I am a sugar addict. If you read this blog regularly you already know that several weeks into my abstinence from sugar I was surprised by the dramatic change in my attitude towards food. My cravings stopped completely. I no longer wanted to eat all the time. Quitting sugar was transformative.
On Christmas Eve I said, "Screw it! It's Christmas. It is not going to kill me to have cookies and hot chocolate." So I did. I ate chocolate chip cookies. I drank homemade hot chocolate. I ate more cookies. I dunked them in homemade whipped cream. I ate a piece of chocolate. I ate biscuits and gravy.
The experience was eye opening to say the very least.
First of all, for the 24 hours that I allowed myself to eat sweets, that is all I wanted to do. I thought about it almost every second of the day. "Ooh, I want another cookie. Ooh, it would taste really good with some of that left over whipped cream on it. Ooh, OK. Why not? It's Christmas." It was constant. I ate a lot of cookies.
At noon on Christmas I said, "Enough is enough! Stop it!"
For the next three days my food cravings were intense. I wanted to eat constantly. And I don't mean I was just having sugar cravings, I was having food cravings constantly. I wanted to eat all day long. On the 26th, I pretty much did eat all day long. I just grazed throughout the day. All the food I ate was on program, it just wasn't on schedule. I ate way too much.
On the 27th I woke up with similar food cravings and two pounds heavier than I was on the 24th. I cannot abide gaining any weight. I won't do it. On the morning of the 27th I ate an on program breakfast and 10 minutes later I was looking for something else to eat. I just wanted to put more food in my mouth. So I put myself on a schedule. Lunch will be at noon. Dinner will be at 4:00. No snacks. I watched the clock all damn day. 10:00, 10:30, 11:15!!! Will noon every get here? Finally, it was twelve o'clock. I get to eat!!! Yeah!!! I had lunch. At 12:30 I wanted to eat again. Again the clock watching started. It took forever for 4:00 to roll around. It finally did, and I ate dinner. Then I waited for breakfast time on the 28th to roll around. This lasted for 3 days. Finally, yesterday, the cravings subsided. Today, I feel like I am back to my sugar-free normal.
I can't think of anything that is more definitive than this experience when it comes to proving to myself that I am, indeed, an addict.
I am not sorry I slipped. Maybe I needed this last bit of proof. Well, I guess there is no maybe about it. If I didn't need this last bit of proof, I wouldn't have done what I did. I am a sugar addict. Sugar is bad for me. I will never eat it again. And that, my friends, is that.
Have a beautiful day!!
Thursday, December 31, 2015
12/31/15: Grateful for everyone's support
I agonized over the decision regarding whether or not to get a tummy tuck for years. I hated my stomach, but I kept telling myself that elective surgeries were an unreasonable risk. Also, I had a hard time justifying the expense of the surgery. I wondered if vanity was driving my desire for a flat stomach. The real problem was, no matter how thin I got or how much I exercised or how good I felt about my physical fitness, I looked in the mirror and all I saw was that flabby stomach hanging over my C-section scar. It drove me nuts.
I didn't seriously consider getting a breast lift until I started researching tummy tucks on-line. That is when I discovered there was a procedure that was called a mommy makeover. The mommy makeover is a combination breast lift (often it includes a breast augmentation, but not in my case) and tummy tuck and often includes liposuction, here and there. When I learned of the mommy makeover, I really started dreaming about having this procedure done. I could fix my stomach and my breasts? How exciting would that be?
So I started to do a lot more research. I talked to Jack about it seriously. I wanted to know how he really felt about me taking the risk, as well as spending the money. All in, this procedure cost a little over $16,000. That is a lot of money. Jack said he wanted me to do what I thought was right for me. He didn't want me to have the surgery because it made him nervous, but he wanted me to be happy with my body. He knows how hard I have worked to lose weight and be fit and he knew how much I was tormented by the loose skin and sagging breasts. He supported my decision 100%.
At first, I didn't think I was going to tell the world about this. I thought this was a private decision and I didn't want to be judged for my decision. I guess I felt a little selfish and that bothered me. I told my family first, first my siblings and then my dad. I was surprised by how supportive they were. They all thought I "deserved" this. They were glad that I was doing this for myself. Then, slowly, I began telling friends and people at work. Everyone was so supportive. I began telling people simply because I couldn't figure out any other reason why I would miss 3 weeks of work. I could say that I was having some other type of surgery, but I didn't want to lie and I certainly didn't want people to think I was sick when I wasn't. So I said to myself, "What the hell, if you are going to do something, you might as well own up to it." So I started being very open about the fact that I was having the surgery done. I expected some backlash or some negative feedback from some people. In following other women's stories I came across several women that experienced negative comments from friends and co-workers. That never happened to me. Everyone I told had a similar response, they congratulated me and said, "Good for you!"
I would have done this surgery even if there had been naysayers, but the fact that everyone has been so supportive has made this so much easier. As I have healed and recouped I've received numerous calls of support and encouragement. My family and friends have been incredibly supportive. It makes me feel so good to have have this support. It makes me realize that the people that really know me know exactly how hard I have worked over the years to get healthy and fit. They also understand how frustrating it has been to work so hard and not be able to see the real results.
So, to everyone out there, thank you for your support. It has made a real difference. I have never felt so accepted and so loved for who I am. I know I didn't have to do this. It was a choice. You have not condemned me for making a selfish, vain decision. You've congratulated me for working hard and getting to a point where this surgery was the last step in a major transformation of my body and health. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Have a beautiful day!
I didn't seriously consider getting a breast lift until I started researching tummy tucks on-line. That is when I discovered there was a procedure that was called a mommy makeover. The mommy makeover is a combination breast lift (often it includes a breast augmentation, but not in my case) and tummy tuck and often includes liposuction, here and there. When I learned of the mommy makeover, I really started dreaming about having this procedure done. I could fix my stomach and my breasts? How exciting would that be?
So I started to do a lot more research. I talked to Jack about it seriously. I wanted to know how he really felt about me taking the risk, as well as spending the money. All in, this procedure cost a little over $16,000. That is a lot of money. Jack said he wanted me to do what I thought was right for me. He didn't want me to have the surgery because it made him nervous, but he wanted me to be happy with my body. He knows how hard I have worked to lose weight and be fit and he knew how much I was tormented by the loose skin and sagging breasts. He supported my decision 100%.
At first, I didn't think I was going to tell the world about this. I thought this was a private decision and I didn't want to be judged for my decision. I guess I felt a little selfish and that bothered me. I told my family first, first my siblings and then my dad. I was surprised by how supportive they were. They all thought I "deserved" this. They were glad that I was doing this for myself. Then, slowly, I began telling friends and people at work. Everyone was so supportive. I began telling people simply because I couldn't figure out any other reason why I would miss 3 weeks of work. I could say that I was having some other type of surgery, but I didn't want to lie and I certainly didn't want people to think I was sick when I wasn't. So I said to myself, "What the hell, if you are going to do something, you might as well own up to it." So I started being very open about the fact that I was having the surgery done. I expected some backlash or some negative feedback from some people. In following other women's stories I came across several women that experienced negative comments from friends and co-workers. That never happened to me. Everyone I told had a similar response, they congratulated me and said, "Good for you!"
I would have done this surgery even if there had been naysayers, but the fact that everyone has been so supportive has made this so much easier. As I have healed and recouped I've received numerous calls of support and encouragement. My family and friends have been incredibly supportive. It makes me feel so good to have have this support. It makes me realize that the people that really know me know exactly how hard I have worked over the years to get healthy and fit. They also understand how frustrating it has been to work so hard and not be able to see the real results.
So, to everyone out there, thank you for your support. It has made a real difference. I have never felt so accepted and so loved for who I am. I know I didn't have to do this. It was a choice. You have not condemned me for making a selfish, vain decision. You've congratulated me for working hard and getting to a point where this surgery was the last step in a major transformation of my body and health. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Have a beautiful day!
Saturday, December 26, 2015
12/26/2015: Day 13 - Recovery is slow and steady
It's been almost 2 weeks since I had my surgery and recovery is going according to plan. There is no amazing news, good or bad. It's just a slow and steady process.
Everything itches. That's a sign of healing, I know, but every incision is itching like crazy, and there are a lot of incisions. I am putting neosporin on the incisions and using moisturizer on the rest of me and still, everything itches. It's not a big deal, it's just a deal.
The surgical tape is slowly pealing off, soon there will be none left. With the surgical tape pealing off the scars are more pronounced. I will begin scar treatment therapy after my next visit to the doctor's office which is on January 4th. That is one of the big questions, how pronounced will the scars be, once they have healed? I won't have an answer to that question for quite a while.
My stomach is still quite tender. As I mentioned in a previous post, the surgeon did do diastasis repair (he sewed together the right and left side of my abdominal muscles). This is the most painful part of the recovery and this is what makes it difficult to get out of bed, get out of the car, bend over, etc. It hurts like hell if I sneeze or cough. Jack and I almost went on an outing the other day, but it started to rain and I asked him to go home. The last thing I wanted to do is get wet or cold, because then I would sneeze, and I knew that would hurt. The flip side of this is the fact that the diastasis repair had a huge impact on my body's profile. I look slim. It's bizarre. I notice it more with clothes on than I do without clothes on. Clothes look good on me. It's crazy.
My breasts are tender (and they itch - see above). My breasts never hurt, surprisingly enough, but they are tender. I need to be careful about lifting my arms above my head or lying on my side. But, in general, the breast lift was a relatively pain free portion of this whole surgery. I would say, if you are planning on having a tummy tuck you might as well do the breast lift while you're at it. Your tummy will hurt so much, you're breast lift will feel like it was thrown in for free, from a pain and recovery perspective.
My thighs hurt the most. That is probably the most surprising thing about all of the procedures. You would think that the lipo suction was the least invasive of all the procedures, yet it hurts more than anything else. It is still very painful to lie on my side because my thighs hurt so much. Yet, I'm not sorry I decided to have it done. Those saddle bags drove me crazy. They are gone. It really does make a difference.
I will have to wear a compression garment for another week, then I will get to switch to spanx for the next 3 weeks after that. The compression garment, which is basically a very tight girdle that goes from just above my knees to just below my breast bone, is uncomfortable, but it's not unbearable. Sometimes, by the end of the day, it starts to feel too tight, so I undo the top snaps. Other than that, I am wearing it 24/7 except for when it goes in the laundry. I am going to be glad when I can get out of this thing.
The most fun I have had since surgery is trying on the new clothes that Jack gave me for Christmas. I got a new dress and two new tops, all size medium. I could have fit into these clothes before my surgery, but I would have looked lumpy and they wouldn't have fit right. It's hard to describe exactly, but they would have stretched tightly across my chest and would have clung to the rolls around my middle. When I put these clothes on yesterday they fit perfectly. They draped and hung on me the way they drape and hang on the models in the catalog. I'm not as tall or as thin as the models, of course, but the clothes fit like they are designed to fit. My breasts are no longer a size bigger than the rest of me. My stomach is flat, my waist is narrow. It is truly remarkable how different I look in clothes. And that was all without my compression garment (or a bra) on. And I am still swollen from surgery. And I have not been to the gym in weeks.
The gym. I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to going to the gym and getting in the best shape of my life. I don't need to rush there tomorrow, it will be another 4 weeks before I am allowed to exercise, but I am excited to go to the gym because the results are going to be so much better, visually. I've always felt great when I exercised, and enjoyed the fact that I look better when I am fit, but hated the fact that I still looked so out of shape. There was nothing I could do about the fact that my tummy was flabby, my breasts were saggy, and I had lumps on my thighs. Those things are fixed now. Now, when I go to the gym and get in really good shape, I will look like I am in really good shape. How exciting is that? Pretty damn exciting, I'd say!!!
All in all, I am thrilled with the results. Prior to the surgery I would have said that the tummy tuck was more important to me than the breast lift. I now would say the opposite. The tummy tuck makes a big difference in my body's shape, but the breast lift is the most dramatic change. I love, I mean I really love, the way my breasts look. It is hard to believe they are mine.
I am looking forward to being healed to the point that I no longer hurt and no longer tire easily. I am looking forward to being fully functional and being able to work out and jog and do whatever I want to do. I want to feel whole again. Until then, I will continue to rest, eat right, and enjoy my downtime as much as possible.
Have a beautiful day!
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
12/23/2015: Showered by myself today!
Progress in baby steps! I was able to undress myself and shower without any help today. Jack was close by, working on his computer and didn't have any music or anything on so he could hear me if I needed help. It felt good to accomplish this task by myself. I needed help zipping up one side of my compression garment, but other than that, I was able to get myself in and out of the shower by myself. I even washed my hair and shaved my legs (just up to my knees, I only shave my calves). A little neosporin on my scars, lotion all over everywhere else, and I feel half way human. We go to the doctor's soon to have the last drain removed. Yeah!!
Jack and I baked cookies yesterday. For Jackie, it is not Christmas without cookies. He was quite pleased. I did not eat any, nor did I lick my fingers while making the dough. It really has been about three months since I have eaten any sugar at all. Pretty amazing, really. I'm so glad. I know that not eating sugar will help me maintain my weight at around 150 forever. This has been a huge change.
With regard to the surgery, I am happier with the breast lift than I am with the tummy tuck, which surprises me. I thought it would be the other way around. My breasts look better than I ever could have imagined. I still have a slight bulge above the incision site for tummy tuck. It will be interesting to see how that improves over the months. I know there is swelling that needs to go down and that it will improve with massage and scar treatment. Also, the doctor said all along that it is not unusual to need a touch up on minor areas after the healing is done. Those sorts of things are done after about 6 months or a year and they are done in the office at no additional cost. We'll have to wait and see what everything looks like once the healing is complete.
Carla will be home this afternoon. It will be great to have her home for a week or so. We haven't seen our little girl in quite a while.
I guess that's it for now. I need to get ready to go to the doctor's office.
Have a beautiful day!
Jack and I baked cookies yesterday. For Jackie, it is not Christmas without cookies. He was quite pleased. I did not eat any, nor did I lick my fingers while making the dough. It really has been about three months since I have eaten any sugar at all. Pretty amazing, really. I'm so glad. I know that not eating sugar will help me maintain my weight at around 150 forever. This has been a huge change.
With regard to the surgery, I am happier with the breast lift than I am with the tummy tuck, which surprises me. I thought it would be the other way around. My breasts look better than I ever could have imagined. I still have a slight bulge above the incision site for tummy tuck. It will be interesting to see how that improves over the months. I know there is swelling that needs to go down and that it will improve with massage and scar treatment. Also, the doctor said all along that it is not unusual to need a touch up on minor areas after the healing is done. Those sorts of things are done after about 6 months or a year and they are done in the office at no additional cost. We'll have to wait and see what everything looks like once the healing is complete.
Carla will be home this afternoon. It will be great to have her home for a week or so. We haven't seen our little girl in quite a while.
I guess that's it for now. I need to get ready to go to the doctor's office.
Have a beautiful day!
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
12/22/2015: Highs and Lows
Yesterday, after having a drain removed, I felt a little better. I though I felt pretty good, actually. Then around 4:00 in the afternoon it all came crashing down around my ears. All of a sudden, I felt terrible. Nothing helped. Not drinking water, not taking a pain pill, not laying down, not sitting up, not walking around, nothing I could think of helped. So I laid there and felt miserable and sorry for myself for the rest of the evening. Pretty pathetic.
I made it through the night only waking up once, so that was my best night's sleep so far. That was a blessing. I woke up this morning still feeling pretty crappy. One of the things making me feel crappy is pain in my left shoulder. I think the pain is coming from sitting and standing in strange positions to keep my drain from poking me and hurting. Also, I haven't been able to stand totally straight since my surgery, so I think it is all adding up to stress on my upper back. Jack gave me a nice shoulder massage this morning and that helped a lot. I hope to get a few more of those, today. Part of the problem may be that we put the binder on too tightly yesterday. We took it off for a few hours last night, which helped the discomfort a little.
The last drain comes out tomorrow. That is definitely a good thing, though it does hurt really bad when the drain is removed. That is temporary though, compared to the relief of having it out of me. After that I hope to experience pretty rapid progress.
We should get instructions tomorrow with regard to scar therapy and tissue massage to minimize scarring and reduce swelling and soften up the tissue damaged by the surgery. The short periods of time that Jack massages me and rubs lotion over me are the highlights of my day. Never, ever underestimate the power of touch. It is so therapeutic.
I fantasized for a moment that I may be able to join Jack for the annual Christmas Eve gathering with his family, but after yesterday's regression I realize that is silly. I'm definitely staying home and relaxing. More than anything, I just want to recover and get strong.
I have stuck with my food program 100% through this whole thing, so far. I have to admit, there are times that I think about eating sweets. I think it is because I feel crappy and I make believe that it will make me feel better. When I start thinking about eating sweets (ice cream or dark chocolate) I think about the chain reaction it will start in my body. The elevation of my blood sugar, the release of insulin, my hormones getting whacked out, the resulting inflammation, and I talk myself out of it fairly quickly. The fact is, the swelling I am experiencing is minimal compared to that of other women that have had the same procedure. Some gain 15 or more pounds and don't lose it for weeks. I am exactly the same weight I was going into the procedure, which means that whatever the doctor cut off I have gained in swelling, but that's it. I attribute my rapid healing and my minimal swelling to my diet. I'm not going to blow it, or my 3 months of abstinence from sugar by succumbing to a craving because I feel sorry for myself.
All is well. This, too, shall pass.
Have a beautiful day!
I made it through the night only waking up once, so that was my best night's sleep so far. That was a blessing. I woke up this morning still feeling pretty crappy. One of the things making me feel crappy is pain in my left shoulder. I think the pain is coming from sitting and standing in strange positions to keep my drain from poking me and hurting. Also, I haven't been able to stand totally straight since my surgery, so I think it is all adding up to stress on my upper back. Jack gave me a nice shoulder massage this morning and that helped a lot. I hope to get a few more of those, today. Part of the problem may be that we put the binder on too tightly yesterday. We took it off for a few hours last night, which helped the discomfort a little.
The last drain comes out tomorrow. That is definitely a good thing, though it does hurt really bad when the drain is removed. That is temporary though, compared to the relief of having it out of me. After that I hope to experience pretty rapid progress.
We should get instructions tomorrow with regard to scar therapy and tissue massage to minimize scarring and reduce swelling and soften up the tissue damaged by the surgery. The short periods of time that Jack massages me and rubs lotion over me are the highlights of my day. Never, ever underestimate the power of touch. It is so therapeutic.
I fantasized for a moment that I may be able to join Jack for the annual Christmas Eve gathering with his family, but after yesterday's regression I realize that is silly. I'm definitely staying home and relaxing. More than anything, I just want to recover and get strong.
I have stuck with my food program 100% through this whole thing, so far. I have to admit, there are times that I think about eating sweets. I think it is because I feel crappy and I make believe that it will make me feel better. When I start thinking about eating sweets (ice cream or dark chocolate) I think about the chain reaction it will start in my body. The elevation of my blood sugar, the release of insulin, my hormones getting whacked out, the resulting inflammation, and I talk myself out of it fairly quickly. The fact is, the swelling I am experiencing is minimal compared to that of other women that have had the same procedure. Some gain 15 or more pounds and don't lose it for weeks. I am exactly the same weight I was going into the procedure, which means that whatever the doctor cut off I have gained in swelling, but that's it. I attribute my rapid healing and my minimal swelling to my diet. I'm not going to blow it, or my 3 months of abstinence from sugar by succumbing to a craving because I feel sorry for myself.
All is well. This, too, shall pass.
Have a beautiful day!
Monday, December 21, 2015
12/21/2015: Post op - one week
We just got back from my one week post-op doctor's visit and everything is on track for a speedy recovery.
The big news is drain number # 3 came out, so there is only one left. That drain should come out on Wednesday. Of the two remaining drains, this one was bothering me the most, so I am glad to have it gone. I am noticeably more comfortable, even though there is still one left. It did hurt, a lot, to have the drain removed, in spite of the fact that I took a pain pill before we left for the doctor's office. I'm taking two before we head over there on Wednesday!
The surgical tape is off of my belly scar and that incision looks so much better than I thought it would. It is a very thin scar. Much less noticeable than the C-Section scar that used to be there.
I'm now in a girdle-like compression garment so that I will have compression on my thighs. It cuts me off at the mid-section pretty badly, so I can't zip it all the way up. The nurse wants me to switch between this and my other compression garment. That will be good, to go back and forth. It gets old wearing one type of garment day in and day out.
All-in-all, no complaints other than generally being uncomfortable. I think things will get much better once the last drain comes out.
Have a beautiful day!
The big news is drain number # 3 came out, so there is only one left. That drain should come out on Wednesday. Of the two remaining drains, this one was bothering me the most, so I am glad to have it gone. I am noticeably more comfortable, even though there is still one left. It did hurt, a lot, to have the drain removed, in spite of the fact that I took a pain pill before we left for the doctor's office. I'm taking two before we head over there on Wednesday!
The surgical tape is off of my belly scar and that incision looks so much better than I thought it would. It is a very thin scar. Much less noticeable than the C-Section scar that used to be there.
I'm now in a girdle-like compression garment so that I will have compression on my thighs. It cuts me off at the mid-section pretty badly, so I can't zip it all the way up. The nurse wants me to switch between this and my other compression garment. That will be good, to go back and forth. It gets old wearing one type of garment day in and day out.
All-in-all, no complaints other than generally being uncomfortable. I think things will get much better once the last drain comes out.
Have a beautiful day!
Saturday, December 19, 2015
12/19/15: No Blood Clots
I got a clean bill of health from the sonogram on my legs. I have no blood clots. The doctor's office called me almost immediately after they received the message from the technician. After I heard the relief in my nurse's voice I understood how truly concerned plastic surgeons must be about DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis). DVT is an uncommon yet dangerous potential side effect of any surgery. DVT occurs when blood clot forms in one of your primary veins or arteries. The real risk is that the blood clot will break loose and go to a lung. That would be very bad.
I didn't have any symptoms of DVT other than leg pain, but it turns out that as soon as a plastic surgeon hears the words "leg" and "pain" in the same sentence after surgery, they immediately want it checked out. So I got it checked out. No clots. Lots of relief from the doctor's office.
My biggest complaints are that I am uncomfortable and I am bored. There is nothing to be done about either of these things, I am afraid. I'll be more comfortable once the drains come out. The first one is scheduled to come out on Monday, the second on Thursday. I'm moving about the house a bit, doing simple chores like cleaning off the top of my dresser and night stand. I'm watching movies, reading, watching TV, talking on the phone. Fun times.
I'm grateful for my good health and the progress I'm making with healing. It's all good.
Have a beautiful day!
I didn't have any symptoms of DVT other than leg pain, but it turns out that as soon as a plastic surgeon hears the words "leg" and "pain" in the same sentence after surgery, they immediately want it checked out. So I got it checked out. No clots. Lots of relief from the doctor's office.
My biggest complaints are that I am uncomfortable and I am bored. There is nothing to be done about either of these things, I am afraid. I'll be more comfortable once the drains come out. The first one is scheduled to come out on Monday, the second on Thursday. I'm moving about the house a bit, doing simple chores like cleaning off the top of my dresser and night stand. I'm watching movies, reading, watching TV, talking on the phone. Fun times.
I'm grateful for my good health and the progress I'm making with healing. It's all good.
Have a beautiful day!
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