12/31/15: Roberta vs. the Sugar Demon

I stopped eating sugar over 3 months ago.  I finally acknowledged that I am a sugar addict.  If you read this blog regularly you already know that several weeks into my abstinence from sugar I was surprised by the dramatic change in my attitude towards food.  My cravings stopped completely.  I no longer wanted to eat all the time.  Quitting sugar was transformative.

On Christmas Eve I said, "Screw it!  It's Christmas.  It is not going to kill me to have cookies and hot chocolate."  So I did.  I ate chocolate chip cookies.  I drank homemade hot chocolate.  I ate more cookies.  I dunked them in homemade whipped cream.  I ate a piece of chocolate.  I ate biscuits and gravy.

The experience was eye opening to say the very least.

First of all, for the 24 hours that I allowed myself to eat sweets, that is all I wanted to do.  I thought about it almost every second of the day.  "Ooh, I want another cookie.  Ooh, it would taste really good with some of that left over whipped cream on it.  Ooh, OK.  Why not?  It's Christmas."  It was constant.  I ate a lot of cookies.

At noon on Christmas I said, "Enough is enough!  Stop it!"

For the next three days my food cravings were intense.  I wanted to eat constantly.  And I don't mean I was just having sugar cravings, I was having food cravings constantly.  I wanted to eat all day long.  On the 26th, I pretty much did eat all day long.  I just grazed throughout the day.  All the food I ate was on program, it just wasn't on schedule.  I ate way too much.

On the 27th I woke up with similar food cravings and two pounds heavier than I was on the 24th.  I cannot abide gaining any weight.  I won't do it.  On the morning of the 27th I ate an on program breakfast and 10 minutes later I was looking for something else to eat.  I just wanted to put more food in my mouth.  So I put myself on a schedule.  Lunch will be at noon.  Dinner will be at 4:00.  No snacks.  I watched the clock all damn day.  10:00, 10:30, 11:15!!!  Will noon every get here?  Finally, it was twelve o'clock.  I get to eat!!!  Yeah!!!  I had lunch.  At 12:30 I wanted to eat again.  Again the clock watching started.  It took forever for 4:00 to roll around.  It finally did, and I ate dinner.  Then I waited for breakfast time on the 28th to roll around.  This lasted for 3 days.  Finally, yesterday, the cravings subsided.  Today, I feel like I am back to my sugar-free normal.

I can't think of anything that is more definitive than this experience when it comes to proving to myself that I am, indeed, an addict.

I am not sorry I slipped.  Maybe I needed this last bit of proof.  Well, I guess there is no maybe about it.  If I didn't need this last bit of proof, I wouldn't have done what I did.  I am a sugar addict.  Sugar is bad for me.  I will never eat it again.  And that, my friends, is that.

Have a beautiful day!!