9/10/13: Gotta Get My Head In The Game!!

Come on, Roberta, get your head in the game!

I feel depressed right now and it is all about work.  I know I have made many a vague reference to the goings on at work over the last year, but things took a turn for the worse a couple of weeks ago and now I can't shake this sense of unease and impending doom.  Wow, that sounds harsh when I write it, but that is exactly how I feel.  We have a meeting today, so I am hoping there is some clearer direction and some good news of which I am presently unaware.   Other options for my future keep rolling through my mind, and as unbidden as those thoughts are, they are probably a signal that my "survivor instinct" is kicking in.

I am incredibly thankful that I made the decision to excel at triathlons a couple of weeks ago.  In the past, when I get depressed like this, I would sit on the couch, watch tv and eat ice cream.  I can't say I didn't sit on the couch for a little while last night and watch a little tv with Jack (I didn't eat any ice cream); but I didn't sit on the couch all night.  I managed to rouse myself up long enough to prep tonight's dinner, with Jack's help at the cutting board.  Also, I am exercising every day.  This morning I did upper body strength training.  I want to add back some evening exercise, as well.  Either a 30 minute walk or a swim on strength training days, and maybe some push-ups and ab work on cardio days.  I have a lot of work to do to get to the physical condition I want to be in, and I am not going to get there by sitting on the couch!!  So, even though I am depressed about work, I am focused on my training goals and that gives me something to feel positive about, every single day.

This darn medication is messing with my weight.  I am retaining a lot of water and I hate getting on the scale in the mornings.  I have also been hungrier than normal so I am having trouble not eating too much.  The hunger is probably the result of the increased exercise and the depression.  I can't even imagine how depressed I would be right now if I was not exercising every day.  I don't even want to think about that!!  I'm just going to keep up the training and not let set-backs at work derail my plans for finishing the 2014 Jackson County Triathlon in less than 3 hours and 15 minutes and eventually winning my age group.  The second goal will take years to accomplish, but I will get there.

I need to cut back my calories to under 1800.  I ate about 2,100 calories yesterday and that is just too much.  I did consume 147 grams of protein, so I guess if I am going to eat too much it's a good thing that I am feeding my muscles, but I think 147 grams of protein is excessive.  100 grams should be fine.  In some respects, I feel great about my progress, in other respects, I am disappointed in myself.  I need to be fully engaged in my training, which includes food.  I am determined to reach 140 pounds by year end, and I am not going to get there without some serious discipline.  I find it interesting that accepting the exercising discipline has been much easier for me than accepting the food discipline, but it is going to take both.  Not just one or the other.  Come on, Roberta!!  Get it done!!  Get in the zone!!  Mentally and Physically!!  There is only one person that can get this done and that person is me.  Go!  Go!  Go!!