6/30/17: Three Out of Four Ain't Bad

Yesterday I discussed 4 areas of self-care that I am going to focus on: sleep, diet, water, and exercise.  I accomplished my daily goal in 3 of the areas.  I was sugar, alcohol, and wheat free for the 11^th day in a row; I got 7 hours and 5 minutes of sleep; and I drank a lot more water (I was running to the bathroom all day!).  I did not workout yesterday because it was dinner prep day and I did not have time.  My work day started yesterday at 6:00AM and I was in the kitchen all day until quitting time at about 9:30PM.  I am off today, so I will be able to exercise today.

My weight is stable.  I’d like to start losing weight as I really want to be between 150 and 160 pounds for the rest of my life.  I feel and look great at that weight.  I believe if I can consistently get 7 hours of sleep, drink enough water, stay off the sugar, and don’t overeat everything else I will start losing weight.  How can I not?  This is a physically demanding job.  I am going to maintain this plan for a couple of weeks.  If the weight doesn’t start to come off I will have to be more disciplined, as in counting calories or something like that.  I’d rather not have to add that much structure at this point, as I am already living a very structured life, but if that is what it takes, that is what I will do.

It's a rainy day in New Hampshire.  Instead of playing outside I think I will go exploring.  My plan is to get in the car soon and head out into the countryside to see what I can see.

Carla and I have been the innkeepers at the Bernerhof for 6 months.  We took over at 8PM on December 31^st, when the previous innkeeper took off for his next gig right up the hill.  To say it has been a learning experience would be an understatement.  The most important things we have learned are the big-picture things.

First, I like being an innkeeper. I like meeting new people every day from all over the world. You never know who is going to walk in your front door.  98% of our guests are wonderful people.  Every now and then we get an Oscar the Grouch, but we have learned that if we keep on smiling and keep on being kind and gentle, even the grouchiest grouch relents, smiles, and concedes that they are, indeed, enjoying their stay at the Bernerhof.  I like cooking for our guests, maintaining the inn and the gardens, working with our staff and vendors, and in general, running the show.  I find the work interesting and rewarding.  I like getting great reviews, but I still have a moment of panic whenever we get a new review and I haven’t read it yet.  We haven’t received a bad review yet, but you never know when you might have ticked someone off.  Knock on wood, so far, so good.

Second, we’ve learned what we don’t want to do.  We don’t want to have dinner service and we don’t want to have a bar.  While our guests love our dinners and they really enjoy the bar area, it’s just too much for us.  Innkeeping is totally manageable, with the exception of having to tend to the guests in the dining room and bar in the evenings.  The bar, in particular, gives our guests a place to hang out and feel comfortable.  They like to sit around and enjoy a cocktail and each other’s company.  There is something about our little bar and den that makes our guests feel welcome and comfortable.  We will have to be creative in our efforts to achieve that same sense of comfortable and relaxing space without a bar, but I think we can do it.  We both want to wind down in the evenings, not wind up.  Having dinner and bar service in the evenings requires us to keep our energy up all day and into the night.  It’s not healthy.  It’s not manageable.  We have a bar tender/server on weekend nights, when we have dinner service, but that doesn’t relieve us of the duty being on-point.  It’s still our jobs to ensure the guests’ happiness. 

Third, we won’t buy and inn with existing dinner service and then end dinner service.  Guests expect to come back to an inn and get what they had before.  When they don’t get it, they are disappointed and it increases the odds of a negative review.  Reviews are everything to the small inn.  We bend over backwards when we get a guest that has been here before and make certain they leave happy.  Things have changed, mostly for the good, but in their eyes, somewhat for the bad.  We don’t let guests walk behind the bar and get their own drinks, for example.  The previous innkeeper did.  We don’t serve German food.  It’s been over 12 years since German food was served here, but guests still come back wanting German food.  If an inn has dinner service now, we won’t buy it.  We want nothing to do with it and we don’t want to disappoint previous guests.

We need to be able to afford a housekeeper.  When we started, we cleaned rooms if we weren’t very busy and the harsh reality is that when you are in a guest room cleaning, particularly when you are cleaning the tub, you can’t do anything else.  You’re up to your elbows and knees in cleansers and bleach and you’re totally focused on making sure everything looks perfect.  It is really disruptive to answer the phone, meet with a vendor, take care of another guest’s needs, or anything else.  I want our inn to be big enough that it can afford a housekeeper.  I’d rather spend a couple of hours every day figuring out how to keep occupancy high enough to afford a housekeeper than clean rooms.  If we do it right, a housekeeper will be the only employee we need.  The rest of our help (repairs and maintenance that we can’t do on our own, snow removal, heavy landscaping, etc.) will be hired as contractors on an as-needed basis.

We need to learn how to market and advertise effectively.  We have not gone to any of the many seminars or chamber meetings that are available to us.  It’s time that we started doing such things.

I guess that’s it for now.  I’ve got to run.  I’m running out of morning and I want to have a full day of exploring.

Have a wonderful day!

6/29/17: Don't Panic! I'm Still Sugar Free!

I'm trying to put up a blog post every day because writing about my challenges with food keeps my thoughts linear and keeps me focused on my goal. Blogging gives my rational mind a stronger voice than my sugar addiction.  It is a bad sign when I don't get a blog post up.  It means that I don't have even a few minutes to pause and jot down a few thoughts; which means that my days have been crazy and I haven't been getting enough sleep.  I didn't put up a post yesterday morning because I got less than 7 hours of sleep for 5 nights in a row and I was squeezing every moment of sleep into yesterday morning that I possibly could.  The good news is that in spite of not having enough sleep, I have stayed on program.  I am still sugar, wheat, and alcohol free!!

The bad news is that I have not lost any weight since I started weighing myself at the beginning of the week.  I suspect the reason I am not losing weight is because I have not been getting enough sleep.  It's all interrelated. I feel good, though.  I feel so much better than I felt two weeks ago.  I'm not bloated and puffy; I'm not beating myself up all the time for eating crap; I'm happier; my tummy is flatter.  These are all good things!

Last night I had the afternoon off so I ran a few errands and then came home and went to bed.  My bedtime call to Jackie was at 6:30 and I was lights out and eyes shut by 7:00.  I was a little groggy when I woke up this morning at 5:00, but I had over 9 hours of sleep and I am now beginning to wake up.  Tonight and Saturday nights are my late nights in the kitchen, but I have Friday off, so I should be able to get 8 hours of sleep tonight and tomorrow night.  It'll be a short night of sleep for me on Saturday night, but if I can get three nights in a row of 8 hours of sleep, that should make a huge difference.

I am focusing on four areas of self-care.  I am keeping it as simple as possible:

Diet: Be sugar, wheat and alcohol free.  Don't overeat high calorie foods like nuts.
Sleep:  Goal:  8 hours of sleep every night.  Reality:  Happy with at least 7 hours of sleep.
Exercise:  Lift weights 2 to 3 times a week.  Walk 2 to 3 times a week.  Hike (or other outdoor fun) once a week.
Water:  Drink plenty of water.

Here is the status update on all four of these areas:

My food intake has seemed impossible to control and it centers around sugar. Taste a muffin, "To see if it's good," and eat two, maybe three.  Over-bake a tray of cookies and eat the ones that are too dark to serve.  Get cravings late in the afternoon and grab handfuls of chocolate chips.  Feel sorry for myself at the end of a hard day and bring a few beers to my room to relax and unwind.  This is just a small sample of the ways I have allowed my addiction to control me over the last six months.  When I am consuming sugar, the voice that urges me to eat more sugar is louder than any other voice in my head.  As of this morning, I've been sugar free for 10 days and I feel much more in-control of my food.  The sugar voice is small and not much of a bother.  I have no desire to eat crap.  When sugar is in front of me I can ignore it without feeling deprived or sorry for myself.  I'm proud of myself for getting on top of this addiction, yet again.  I am grateful for everyone's support in helping me do this.  I'm not over-eating and I'm eating three decent meals a day with proteins, veggies and fruits.  I feel good about this.

As you know, getting enough sleep is a constant challenge.  For the most part, if a week is "normal," I should be able to get at least 7 hours of sleep, if not 8, 5 days a week.  Last week was abnormal because our chef, Rene, had Friday and Saturday off.  Dick, the owner of the Bernerhof, has been discussing dinner service with me and Carla.  Right now, we offer dinner 3 nights a week because that is what is required to maintain our hotel liquor license.  The hotel liquor license allows us to have on-premises liquor sales to anyone, even non-overnight-guests.  Dick is going to appeal to the liquor commission to allow us to go to 2 nights a week.  If he is unsuccessful in the appeal, we will exchange our license for a B&B license, which does not require food sales.  The big difference in the two licenses is that the B&B license does not allow us to sell alcohol to non-overnight-guests.  This is pretty restrictive and we'd like to avoid that.  The Bernerhof has a long history in the valley and it's nice to be able to allow walk-ins to come in and have a glass of wine or a beer.  We've been discussing the relative merits of the liquor license vs. the amount of extra work it is for Carla and I to have dinner service that third night a week, and have come to the conclusion that we'd be better off going to two, even if we have to shift to a B&B license.  This is not going to happen immediately, but I am hoping by the end of June, we will only be serving dinner two nights a week.

Exercise:  I am on my feet all day, almost every day, whether the day is a 12, 14, or 16 hour day.  Once a week or so, I have a behind the desk day, where I sit for 3 or 4 hours.  I average between 15,000 and 22,000 steps a day, as recorded by my Fitbit.  When my diet sucks and I am not getting enough sleep, my body hurts pretty badly.  This results in the inability to convince myself to exercise. Now that my food in-take is under control and as soon as I get close to 8 hours of sleep a night, my body will start healing itself over-night and my body won't hurt nearly as much.  I know this is true because I remember how good it felt a few weeks ago when I had 4 nights in a row of 7 or more hours of sleep.  Sleep and good food is critical to recovery.  When I get both of those things, it will be easier to convince myself to lift weights and walk. I lifted weights yesterday.  I won't get a chance to exercise today, it is dinner prep day, but tomorrow I have the day off and I will lift weights.  On Saturday I will try to go for a 30 minute walk.  On Sunday I will try to lift weights.  That is as far out as I can plan at the moment.

Water:  This shouldn't be difficult.  I like water, I just haven't been drinking enough of it.  I get distracted and don't think about it.  I'll set a 60 minute timer on my watch and make sure I drink at least a cup of water every hour, starting with right now.

So that's it for now.  This seems like a good plan.

Have a good day out there!!  It's beautiful in New Hampshire, today.  I hope you are having a beautiful day, too.   

6/27/16: Still Free!

Hip Hip Hooray, I am still sugar free!  That's the good news.  The bad news is that I am not getting enough sleep.  We are both going to try to take a day and a half off this week, so Carla took off Sunday afternoon and Monday.  Sunday wasn't too bad, I had a pretty low key afternoon and managed to get 7 hours of sleep.  We only had 3 rooms booked Sunday night so Monday breakfast was easy.  Last night we had 7 check-ins, though, and between prepping for breakfast for an almost-full house and waiting for the last check-in, I didn't get to call it a night until almost 10 o'clock.  We both need to do breakfast this morning because we had so many rooms sold last night.  Unfortunately, our regular schedule has me working the late shift this evening and we have a full house again tonight, so it will be tough squeezing in eight hours of sleep tonight, too.  I will get tomorrow afternoon and Friday off, so after tonight I should start catching up on my sleep again.

I weighed myself, finally.  The good news is that I don't weigh any more than I did two months ago.  The bad news is that I don't weigh any less than I did two months ago.  I am relieved that my stop-and-go efforts at least kept any more weight from creeping on, now I need to focus on weight loss.

It's time to make the donuts! See you tomorrow.

Have a great day!!

6/26/17: One Week Sugar Free!

A week ago I put up a sob story of a post about how unhappy I was with myself for not being able to control my sugar addiction.  My friends and family responded with heart warming support, compassion, and, yes, advice.  Your love gave me the resolve I needed to do exactly what I knew I needed to do, kick sugar to the curb.  I am now one week sugar, wheat and alcohol free.

Today, my overwhelming emotions are gratitude and relief as I feel loved, my clothes are just a tad looser, my tummy is flatter, I am sleeping better, and I am happier.

Thank you!

Now, it's time for me to go make breakfast.

Stay awesome!  Have a wonderful day!

6/25/17 @ 3PM: The Weekend is Finally Over!

Around here, the weekend starts on Thursday morning because that is when we start prepping for our Thursday, Friday, and Saturday dinner service.  The weekend ends on Sunday afternoon, after the last check-out and after all the breakfast clean-up is done.  On Thursday, prepping for dinner is an all day affair, because everything on the menu is cooked from scratch by me and Carla.  Lasagna with homemade Italian tomato sauce, Lazy Sunday Pot Roast, chimichurri chicken and steak kabobs, chipotle black bean burgers, rhubarb pie, and more are on the menu.  Carla usually does our big grocery shopping trip on Wednesday, then we get up Thursday morning and cook breakfast for our guests.  As we are cooking breakfast we get the pot roast going, then after breakfast we continue cooking until about 4 in the afternoon.  At four we start checking in guests and one of us preps the pantry station (salads, cold entrees, and desserts) for dinner service.  We have worked out a schedule that allows one of us to be off at 6PM each night.  On some weekends I work late backing up the chef, ringing up tickets, and checking in guests on Thursday and Saturday (Carla covers Friday), and other weeks it's reversed.  The person who stays up late on a dinner service night doesn't usually call it a night until 10:30 or so.

This week was an exception because our chef, Rene, couldn't work on Friday and Saturday nights.  He's the head chef at a local resort that only serves breakfast, but they had a special function this weekend and required him to work.  Has it happens, the back-up chef is me.  So after a brief training session Thursday evening, I cooked dinner for our guests Friday and Saturday evening and Carla had to work the pantry station both nights.  It made for a much longer and busier weekend than normal.  Saturday night we had a full house, so we served 26 guests breakfast this morning.  By the time we got all the breakfasts served, the kitchen and dining room cleaned up, and all the leftover food either cooked off for our dinners this week or frozen (and then all of those dishes washed), it was 3:00.

We have only three rooms sold tonight with 2 of those being stay-overs and one being a check-in; so this afternoon will be pretty mellow.  Sunday afternoons usually are fairly relaxed as we decompress from the weekend.

With only 5 1/2 hours of sleep last night I am finding that I have more food cravings today.  The muffins and the biscuits were mighty tempting as I was starting my prep work for breakfast.  Carla cooked me a delicious omelet at about 7:15 and I ate that with some home fries, which helped a lot.  I didn't eat my next meal until about 2:00 because we were so busy cleaning up and getting organized after the hectic weekend. 

I am absolutely thrilled that I stayed on program all weekend!!  I am a bit sleep deprived so my cravings are a bit more intense today, but I am feeling strong and know that I will make it through the day without going off program.  The really exciting news is that I was able to go one hole smaller on my belt this morning.  Progress!!

Have a great day, everyone!  See you tomorrow.

6/25/17: The Hardest Part of the Weekend is Over

I cooked and I didn't eat.  Day 6 is done.  I made it through Thursday and Friday and Saturday without going off program.  The hardest part about today is operating on too little sleep.  I got less than 6 hours of sleep last night, which was unavoidable.  Once we get through breakfast, we have to feed 24 people, it will be a relatively easy day.  I have plenty of leftover healthy food to get me through the week. 

More later.

Have a great day.

6/24/17: Woo Hoo, I Did It!

What a day!  It started at 6AM with breakfast prep and finally ended at 11PM with me on my feet all day!  Our chef was off last night and will be off again tonight, so I covered for him and cooked dinner last night.  Of course, last night was our busiest night in weeks!  Now we have to do a lot of prep today because we went through a lot of food last night, and I have to cook dinner again tonight.  I won't be up as late tonight because Carla and I agreed that I'd close Friday night and she'd close Saturday night.  I am hoping to be out of the kitchen by 8:30 or 9:00 tonight.

Cooking dinner was a challenge.  It was something I have not done before. Rene spent a little time together Thursday and I got instructions on how long everything cooked, at what temp, etc..  All of the recipes, except the crab cakes, were mine, so that made it a little easier, but I have never finished everything off on the line before.  I proved last night that I can do it, but I also proved that I don't want to do it.  It's just too much to do both breakfast and dinner and all of the prep in between. I know some innkeepers do it, but I think they are just nuts.

The good news, the really, really good news, is that I stayed on program yesterday!!  It was not easy, I almost slipped a couple of times.  The most treacherous moment was when I was plating up a strawberry rhubarb pie ala mode.  I reached into the pie plate to grab a small chunk of the filling that had fallen in the pie, without even thinking about it.  That chunk of pie was halfway to my mouth before I realized I couldn't eat it.  For about 5 minutes I struggled, the ice cream looked so coo; and delicious, the brownies were sitting right there, begging to be eaten.  I won the battle, though!  I said, "No!" to pie, I said, "No!" to ice cream, and I said, "No!" to brownies.  It is starting to get a little easier.  I feel so much more confident now that I have made it through the first two days of the weekend without any sugar or wheat (or alcohol - no alcohol is a given, by the way, when I am sugar free, as sugar and alcohol are basically the same, except alcohol makes you tipsy).  I didn't have bad cravings yesterday; there were temptations right in front of my face, but there were not any serious cravings.

I didn't do any exercise in addition to the 17 hours on my feet yesterday.  There just wasn't time.  We'll see if I can squeeze in a little exercise today.

That's all I have time for.  No real insights, I know, just a touch base, today.  I didn't get my full eight hours of sleep and I need to get in the shower and do it again.  Here is to day six and finishing the weekend at 100%

Talk to you tomorrow.  Have a great day!!

6/23/17: Weekends will be like this, no time to blog

I have to be downstairs to start prepping for breakfast in six minutes, therefore this will just be a quick update.

I stayed 100% on program yesterday (Thursday is our first night of dinner service, therefore our first weekend night of the week).  This was the first Thursday I made it through 100% on program.

In addition to being on my feet for 14 hours yesterday, I went for a 30 minute walk.

I will stay on program today.

Have a great day, everyone!

6/22/17: Busy Day Today, no Time to Blog

Thursday is our busiest day of the week.  As soon as breakfast service is done we need to start prepping for dinner, so I will not have time to put up a post today.  That said, I wanted to take a moment to let everyone know that I was 100% on plan yesterday.  Day three is done, day four has begun.  The next three days will test my resolve, but I am going to get through it with no sugar, no wheat and no alcohol.

Have a good one!!

6/21/17: Day Two is in the Books!

I have now been sugar and wheat free for over 48 hours!  Hallaleuah!  Can you hear the angels rejoicing?

This is a BIG DEAL.  I know this is the second time this month I've made it through day two and started on day three with the conviction that this time is THE TIME that I am starting my program for  real, but hey, if you don't keep getting up and brushing off your britches and trying again, you're never going to get good at anything.  I have failed at many things, but failing has never stopped me from trying again.  I have fallen off the wagon spectacularly a number of times.  But I am never going to give up.  I know that I have a lot of control over my health and well being and that it starts with food.  I know that I am a sugar addict.  I know I can live without sugar.  In fact, I know that I live a much happier and more productive life without sugar.  I also know there is one thing I can count on, and that is that I will restart my program exactly one more time than I fall off of my program.  I am never giving up on my health and well being as my number one priority.  I am never giving up on living a sugar free lifestyle.  Sugar is poison to me.  This I know.  Small doses don't seem to be harmful to some people, just like small doses of alcohol don't seem to be harmful to some people.  Unfortunately, small doses of sugar, for me, lead to larger doses, which lead to larger doses, yet.  Then I am getting fat again, my body starts to hurt, I start beating myself up, and the downward spiral is in action. 

Today is day three.  I am halting the spiral.  The spiral has to stop turning the wrong way before it can start turning the right way again.  It is a kind of strong arm tactic, I know, but it has to be done.

This conversation reminds me of a book I read many, many years ago.  I'm getting up there in years so I flinched when I realized it was almost 25 years ago that I read this particular book, but this book had a profound influence on the way I've lived my life since I read it.  I know I've talked about it before, but such is the way of profound influencers, they keep coming up, over and over again.

The book is, "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway," by Susan Jeffers.  Her second, follow up, book isn't very good, but Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway was exactly the book I needed at the time that I read it.  Back to the point I was trying to make.  I have a picture of life in my head that formed when I was first reading Feel the Fear.  Imagine drawing a spiral on a piece of paper.  Now imagine you are a dot on that spiral and the spiral is turning.  When a spiral turns, it either turns inwards, toward the center, like a whirlpool, or outwards, ever expanding.  There is no static spiral.  The spiral always turns.

I guess there is a reason why The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is my favorite Christmas Special

 

The path of least resistance is for the spiral to turn inwards, as if there is a natural force working at decay.  If we do nothing and just let life happen around us, our dot on the spiral gets closer and closer to the center.  Our world gets smaller and darker. Life gets less interesting and less stimulating.  Our options become fewer and bleaker. This option feels safe, because everyday you know what to expect, but everyday is not the same.  Each day, your world collapses on itself, however minutely, until there is not much left.  Your contact with other people is limited to your small trusted circle and you have fewer connections. Everyday your chances to interact with other people is slightly diminished from the day before, your opportunities to love and be loved by others grows smaller.

But we have the ability to turn the spiral the other way.  We have the power to stop the downward spiral and reverse the spin. Now imagine the spiral is turning outwards, and you are a spot on that spiral.  Everyday, your world gets a little bigger, you meet new people, new opportunities present themselves.  There is so much more color and vitality to your life and to the people around you.  There are so many more options to connect with others, to love and be loved in return.  Your heart grows with every new day.  But it's scary, when the spiral turns outwards, because everyday you are faced with a new challenge, something you have never dealt with before.  Everyday you are forced to confront a fear of failure because you have to try something new.  As you confront these fears and overcome them; as you fail and try again, you begin to realize that it's OK to be afraid, it's OK to fail, because failure is not permanent.  You just try again.  With each failure you get that much smarter, that much stronger, that much more resilient, and that much more confident that eventually, you will succeed.

I believe that the spiral is never static.  It is always turning, either towards the dark and small center, or outwards toward a kaleidoscope of colorful options.  I believe that it is important to always be working against the natural pull of the spiral towards the hole, and to constantly be pushing the boundaries, and keeping the spiral moving outwards.  Don't get me wrong, this is work, hard work.  The title of my blog, It's Not Downhill From Here, harkens from this theory.  People have often heard me say, the road to the top is uphill.  You can either walk up the hill and get a beautiful view or slide on your ass down the hill and be stuck in the shadows.  It's easier to go downhill, but it is much more rewarding to make the effort and go up.

When I started this blog, five years ago, as I was turning 50, I made a conscious decision not to let myself slide into old age and decay.  I made a conscious decision to truly enjoy the second half of my life, to get and stay healthy and fit, to continue taking risks, to continue working hard, throughout my life.  It is my goal to live a long and prosperous life.  Who know what 60, 70, 80, 90, or even 100 can bring if I keep the momentum going the right way. 

Coming to New Hampshire with Carla was a big change, indeed.  I have zero regrets.  I've learned so much from this experience.  My body has taken a beating as I have not gotten enough sleep and the stress broke down my resolve, however temporarily, to eat right and exercise often.  But as I get a handle on the innkeeping life and I am more sure of myself, I am able to start focusing more and more on taking care of myself.  I hope to spend more time talking about life as an innkeeper in future blog posts.  For now, though, I am glad to remind myself of the spiral, and how important it is to keep pushing against the tide.

Have a great day!!  If you have a favorite inspirational book, that has had a profound impact on your life, I'd love it if you'd share the title with me.  I have a little time to read these days. ☺

6/20/17: Day 1 Under my Belt. Promises Made. Love Abounds.

I made it through Day 1 100% on program.  That is a start.  This is the third or fourth time in a couple of months that I've made it through the first 24 hours, but we are attacking this thing one day at a time.  Today will be day two.

Since I've been failing regularly at keeping the promises that I've been making to myself, yesterday I made a promise to Jackie.  He is going to be here on July 12 for a 5 day visit (or is it 4?  I don't have time to look up his itinerary right this second) and I promised him that I would stay 100% on program until he gets here. I am going to report to him every day.

A friend of mine is also trying to stay on her program.  She reached out to me and asked if we could be program buddies.  I think that is a great idea!  She lives in KC, so we are going to text each other regularly with regard to how we are feeling, what we are eating, etc.

I had a long conversation with my daughter-in-law (she had time to chat because she has strep throat, poor darling), and she helped me isolate and put into words some of the emotional struggles that I am having right now.

I got words of encouragement on Facebook and through comments on my blog from friends that care and know that I have the strength to pull this off, and I also received advice on how to deal with the damn New England bugs!

My sister-in-law sent a long, thoughtful email that reinforced the conclusions I came to earlier in the day.  She also expressed confidence that I would figure this out, just as I have worked through and figured out many other difficult things in my life.

I thank all of you the called, texted, replied to my comments on Facebook, or even sent me silent words of encouragement.  The love from all of you is exactly what I needed to help me sort through my feelings and help me figure out how to overcome these obstacles.

Last night I only got 6.5 hours of sleep but that was not my fault.  The stupid phone kept ringing.  Sometimes people don't understand that a B&B does not have a front desk manned 24/7.  Please, don't call a B&B at midnight to ask them a question about a room.  It can wait until morning.  Seriously.

Have a great day!  I plan to.

6/19/2017: Reset. Reset. Reset. That seems to be my mantra lately.

If you have "an issue with food," or simply have a weight problem, then you probably know this feeling.  You go to bed each night with a sinking feeling in your gut because you went off program, again, and you wake up each morning with a new found conviction that today is the day that you will set it all straight again.

That's me, my friends.  Last night I had trouble falling asleep because I felt so fat and so discouraged with myself.  Somehow, during the day, eating sweets seems like a reasonable thing to do.  But once I am alone in my room, I have way too many regrets with regard to how I am not taking care of myself, properly.  I feel bloated and crappy and I know exactly why.  I get so frustrated with myself. 

There are things to feel good about.  My one and only drug is food.  I ended up in urgent care this weekend because I had a large lump in the back of my neck that Carla confirmed was not a bug bite.  Have I told you that the black flies and the mosquitos are miserable around here?  Well they are.  You cannot go outside to water the garden without either dousing yourself in OFF or getting eaten alive by bugs.  Anyway, it is apparent that the bugs around here are particularly fond of girls from Kansas City, because I have been their own personal smorgasbord.  Carla was concerned about the lump on my neck, so I had it checked out. It turns out that I have swollen lymph nodes because of all of these damn bug bites.  Just for the records, Colorado and Western Washington are becoming much more attractive to me as the home of our new B&B, just because of how many fewer bugs they have in those parts of the country.

But I digress, back to the issue of drugs.  I don't take any.  I mean, none.  No maintenance drugs for high blood pressure or high cholesterol.  No drugs for depression or diabetes.  When the doctor was going through my health inventory and was asking me about drugs I am taking or supplements that I use, you could tell he was somewhat surprised as my answers to his questions was a consistent, "None."  I mean, I am getting to that age where one would expect that I might be on some sort of a maintenance drug.  All my vitals are good.  I am healthy and strong.  That is the bright light.

The darkness is food.  Food is my drug.  I need to stop using it.  Now.

All of the tricks I developed over the last several years seem to be failing me.  I feel like I am failing myself.  But today is a new day.  I will lick this thing.  I have to.

I hope to put up a post tomorrow that says I have 24 awesome hours under my belt.

I got 8 hours of sleep last night for the first time in a week and a half.  Yes, that has something to do with it.

Gotta run, I have to be downstairs in 15 minutes. 

Today will be a better day.  I hope it is a wonderful day for you, too.

And just to prove my life is not as miserable as this post makes it sound, here are a few pictures from our spectacular gardens.  Just spray yourself with OFF before going outside to enjoy them!!

6/13/17: Last Weekend, Too Much Work and One Awesome Evening

I haven't blogged in days and that is not good news.  If I don't have time to blog, it means my life has run out of control again and when my life runs out of control I stop taking care of myself.  So, in the interest of self interest, I have made time to blog this morning. 

To put this in perspective, before I could start blogging this morning, I had to wake up an hour early to clean my bedroom.  My room is not big, in fact, it's tiny.  But it was a mess!  My weekend was hectic and long, a lot of work and, in the end, a ton of fun.  It took a lot out of me, but it left me with a lot of great memories.  Now, it's time to get back on track.  Just in time for another weekend.

The big deal last weekend was our second Murder Mystery Weekend.  The theme was a 1942 high society birthday party.  Truly A. Snob was turning 18 and her parents threw a coming out party for her.  Everyone was here to celebrate Truly becoming a woman! To give you an idea of the nature of the mystery, here is a list of some of the guests at Truly's party.

• Truly's dad, Charles H. Snobb, one of the wealthiest men in the nation, Charles inherited a vast fortune at an early age including two oil fields, a horse track and Snobb Steel Inc;
• Truly's mom, Marie D. Snobb, daughter of the deceased presidential candidate Affrey D. Nott, met Charles H. Snobb at one of her father's convention. Enamored of her beauty and extraordinary charm, Charles almost immediately proposed to Marie, who was enamored at the size of Charles' estate. Now, Marie is the owner of her own underwear business, and she is known as the lady who put lace in underwear. 
• Fuller S. Gold--Many years ago, Charles H. Snobb lost a cousin to a freak mining accident. This cousin, Fuller S. Gold, was thought to have been buried in a cave-in which happened while he was searching for gold in Colorado. A few weeks ago, Charles received a call from Fuller himself who it seems had escaped death but had been walking around with amnesia until he saw an advertisement for Snobb Steel. Suddenly, he remembered who he really was and has returned home to the Snobb Estate to surprise Charles who he has not seen since they were children. 
• Sue D. Huktov-- The famous Russian defector has become one of the best known singers in the world. Her seductive performances always leave her fans, especially the male ones, shouting for more. 
• Guido Raviolli--Guido is the epitome of everything a father does not want in a son. . . unless, of course, that father is Chet Raviolli, the late Cheese King of the country. When Chet died last year of natural causes, Guido inherited a vast fortune and dozens of cheese factories. Crass, smelly, lazy and utterly annoying, Guido may not have a single gratifying bone in his entire body, and he has only been invited to Truly's celebration because his is the neighboring estate. 
• Governor Knottworth Spitt-- The aging governor has been in some sort of office for well over 20 years, and people are still trying to figure out if he has actually accomplished anything. Most people didn't even know he existed, but with the outbreak of war people are starting to look at their political leaders more closely to see who got us into this mess. It is this kind of voter awareness that is making the Governor nervous about the upcoming election, and he hopes to win some votes by attending Truly's party.
• Scoop R. Duper-- As the ace reporter for the “National Gossip,” Scoop has been sent to cover the Snobb party.  Never have so many members of high society gathered in one place, and there are sure to be some great stories here. And he will get them no matter what it takes.
• Father Avi Ross-- As the Snobb family’s faithful priest, Father Avi Ross has come to bless Truly in her ascension into adulthood.  Although the Snobbs have not been to the St. Bernard Church for over three years and haven’t invited him, the good Father knows a chance to spread God’s love when he sees one.  And if he gets a chance to ask the wealthy guests for a meager donation in between Hail Marys then so much the better.

Also in attendance were some of the Snobb's staff, including

• Coleman Pinch--As the butler, Coleman Pinch takes it upon himself to make sure the entire Snobb estate is running smoothly. His no-nonsense demeanor may not make him the life of the party, but then Coleman hates parties. He believes in keeping things in strict order and he is the most valued of all the Snobb servants. 
• Wanda Ringfingers--Wanda has been the Snobbs' head maid for quite some years, even though Marie D. Snobb complains that whenever Wanda cleans the room there seems to be something missing afterwards. Tonight, Wanda has been asked to serve the guests, and she is only too happy to do whatever she must to keep the guests smiling. 
• Karen A. Child--Karen is Truly's nanny and has been with the family ever since Truly was born. While traveling, she met an American sailor who proposed to her. They were married on spot, and the sailor was shipped out immediately overseas to fight in the war . . . but not before Karen became pregnant. Two years later, Karen is proud mother of her own baby boy, Brad T. Child, to love until her husband returns home. 

Here are some photos of the characters, some of which you may recognize:



Sue D. Huktov and Fuller S. Gold



Scoop R. Duper and Truly A. Snob

Father Avi Ross

Governor Knottworth Spitt

The Murder Mystery is a weekend long affair.  It starts on Friday evening, after check-ins, with an 8:00 reception.  The purpose of the reception is for everyone to meet John Bailey, the Murder Mystery host, introduce their characters, and for John to go over the rules for the weekend.  Carla and I prepared light snacks for this event: cheese and crackers; guacamole, salsa and chips, and a platter of mini-cookies.  Of course, this was after being open for dinner that same evening.

On Saturday morning we had normal breakfast service.  When we have this many guests in the house we have to both be up at 6 to start prepping for breakfast which goes from 8AM to 10AM.  After breakfast it takes us about 1 1/2 hours to do all the dishes and clean the kitchen.  As soon as breakfast was over and the dishes were done, I started prepping for the 5:15 cocktail party and Carla started putting the finishing touches on all of her desserts.  Here is a photo of her dessert buffet:

Unfortunately, I know from first hand experience that everything tasted as good as it looked.  She made peach cobbler cupcakes (everyone needs that recipe!), homemade Baby Ruth Bars (it was 1942), a birthday cake for Truly with lemon curd and raspberry filling, a triple chocolate mousse parfait and apple roses made with puff pastry and Nutella.  The fact that I know how all of these desserts tasted gives you an idea of how far I strayed from my plan over the weekend.

Once we got the desserts and hors d'eouves complete, it was time to start getting ready for dinner service.  Dinner wasn't off the table before we started prepping for our breakfast buffet the next morning.  On Saturday work started in the kitchen at 6AM and was not over until after midnight.  Then I had to be back in the kitchen at 5AM Sunday morning to get the cinnamon rolls out of the walk-in so they could start rising and be ready for breakfast at 8AM.  It was a long day on too little sleep the night before.

Most of our guests checked out by 11AM on Sunday, which gave Carla and I a little time to relax, once we got furniture put back where it belonged and the kitchen cleaned up.  Much to my delight, four of our guests did not check out Sunday.  Friends of mine from Kansas City had joined us for the Murder Mystery weekend and they had booked their stay for an extra day!  Jon, Morgan, Taylor and Ashley spent the day on Sunday doing a bit of sight seeing, while I rested and read a book.  They got back to the inn around 6:00PM.  Four of us played a closely contested game of croquet (which is a lot of fun, when you play by the official rules!) and then all five of us went out to dinner.  I am not sure what time we got back to the inn, but I am pretty sure it was after 10PM.  That is when we decided to start playing a game of Settlers of Catan.  We played with the expansion pack that I got for Christmas, as well as the Sea Faring pack, so we had to get pretty creative with our board set up and spend some time negotiating the rules we were playing by.  I have no idea what time we actually started playing, but I do know that the game didn't end until 3AM.  Taylor won, by the way.  We played in the dining room and we were so tired when the game was over that we left everything where it was, as my friends were the only guests in the inn.

My plan was to sleep in a bit and clean up the dining room later in the morning, but I couldn't do it.  I woke up around 6AM and all I could think of was what a mess the dining room was in.  I knew once 8AM rolled around, anyone could walk in the inn for any number of reasons, and I couldn't stand not cleaning it up.  So I was out of bed by 6:30 and had the dining room put back together by 7:15.  Then I went in the kitchen, which wasn't too bad, except for the floor.  It was filthy.  By the time everyone else got up at 8:00, I was about done mopping the kitchen floor and we were ready to cook breakfast.

So, I had way too little sleep for several days in a row, I ate and drank off plan for several days in a row, and now I have to hit reset.  Again.  I can't say I regret the ridiculously late night with my friends.  I had so much fun playing games and being silly!  I don't get to do enough of that as I don't have friends here to play games with, and I love playing games.  It has taken me several days to begin to get caught up on everything that got neglected over the big weekend. Now it's time to take care of me again.

There is a lesson in all of this.  First, even though managing the inn is starting to feel like a reasonable job and when things are normal Carla and I can manage to find time to take care of ourselves, special events still push us beyond the realm of a reasonable work day and into the territory of overworking ourselves to the point of ignoring our own well being.  Second, when I get over tired, I make terrible food decisions.

Yesterday, I had a moment when I said to myself, "I really want to be thin again.  I am happier when I am thin.  I love the way it feels.  I just need to eat less."  I know that sounds so simple, but in a way, it is that simple.  I do love the way I feel and the way I look when I am thin.  I have "an issue with food."  I use it as a drug, as a coping mechanism, and I need to stop doing that.  I will succeed at this. 

I like innkeeping.  We will figure this out, Carla and I, and I will get healthy and fit, again.  The mind is there.  The body will follow.  You can count on it!

Right now, I have to shower and get downstairs.

See you tomorrow.  Have a wonderful day!

6/9/2017: First Short Term Goal Accomplished

I set a short term goal of getting 5 nights in a row of decent amounts of sleep, and I accomplished that goal.  Last night it was lights out and eyes shut for 8 hours and 21 minutes and I was asleep for 7 hours and 29 minutes.  It has been very helpful to track my sleep with my Fitbit.  For the last five nights, I was in bed with no distractions for over eight hours every night and I was asleep for over 7, and for two of those days I was asleep for over 8 hours.  This is remarkable, considering how little sleep I have been getting since I started my current gig as an innkeeper on December 19th of last year.

As I have mentioned before in recent blog posts, my lack of sleep has contributed to many things, including significant weight gain and my body not being able to heal from the more strenuous lifestyle of innkeeping.  I feel like the recovery has begun, yet I am still incredibly uncomfortable because of the weight I have gained.  In the last 4 days I have made much better food choices, avoiding all wheat, sugar and alcohol.  I've focused on having some high quality protein with every meal and eating a lot of fruit and vegetables.  I have not been overeating for the fast few days.  I managed to go sugar free for about a week about a month ago, but I was overeating in compensation.  I think the big difference between then and now is the sleep.  A month ago I wasn't getting enough sleep, so I couldn't stop eating during the day, even if I wasn't eating that addictive poison call sugar.  With the sleep, I am finding it much easier to only eat because I am hungry.  I'm not eating large portions and I am not eating all day long.

So, here I am, starting the ball rolling in the right direction again.  If I compare my lifestyle to about two months ago I can see significant improvements.  I'm getting much more sleep, I am no longer overeating, I am not eating sugar or wheat, I am not drinking booze, and I am getting a lot more exercise.  That's the broad scope of things.  Now I need to laser in on what I know will make me feel better very quickly, losing weight.

When Alexis and I started working together our one hour a week focused on strength training.  We have recently shifted our workouts to uphill hikes.  The hikes have been more effective in cementing me into healthy routines because we are using the time to talk through making the major changes I need to make to be healthy.  Also, the hikes are tough.  She reminds me of Ryan when he, Carla and I were training for our big bike ride.  He knew where every hill in Missouri and Kansas was and we went up every single one of them.  Alexis knows all of the hikes that go up the mountains and our hikes go right up them.  She is also training me to climb uphill properly, so that I get a good workout and I strengthen my legs properly.  When we spend an hour climbing uphill together (well, 40 minutes, because we need time to get down, too) it is strenuous exercise, but it is also therapy.  Our conversations really do help me focus on what I need to do to get back into the body I know I belong in. I also enjoy getting outdoors for a little while, particularly on these beautiful spring days.

I need to focus on my health.  Carla and I are good innkeepers, now I need to become a good body keeper, too.  I will be happy when my clothes start to get loose, again. 

Wish me luck, my friends.  Your support gives me strength.

6/8/17: The Power of Sleep

I got over seven hours of sleep last night, for the 4th night in a row and it is incredible how much better I feel.  I've been working with Alexis for over two months and she has been telling me to get more sleep since day 1, and finally it has sunk in.  Carla texted me at 9:45 last night, after I was in bed with lights out and eyes closed, and I got a little snarky with her (all via text).  I felt bad about that, she didn't know I was in bed.  After thinking about it for a few minutes I realized that I am getting very protective of my sleep time.  The difference in how I feel is nothing short of astounding.

Most noticeably, for me, is my feet and knees did not hurt when I walked down the stairs this morning.  I've been taking the stairs sideways, one step at a time, for a couple of months now because my knees and feet hurt so badly in the mornings.  This morning, I walked down the stairs just like a normal person, without even realizing it.  It wasn't until later in the morning that I realized that the pain in my legs and feet has greatly diminished.

Most noticeably, for everyone else, is I am in a much better mood.  My sense of humor has been restored, I find myself singing to myself more often throughout the day, and I am happier.  Perhaps I'll be more productive as well, though yesterday I did not get nearly as much done as I wanted to.

Yesterday was day three of no sugar, no wheat and no alcohol.  I am sure this is also contributing to having less pain, though I don't think it has as big an impact as the sleep.  I made it about a week free of these substances a couple of weeks ago and I didn't have the same results.  The sleep has been huge.

There is no reason that I should not be able to get 7 or more hours of sleep at least 5 days a week.  I'm still shooting for 8, and I know I'll be able to get 8+ hours some days, but by shooting for at least 8, and I making sure I get at least 7. 

We have a busy few days ahead of us.  Today we need to prep for our normal dinner service and we also need to continue prepping for our Murder Mystery weekend.  We have a few check-ins this evening, the we will be super busy all weekend.  Even more exciting is that we have friends coming to from Kansas City to participate in the MM Weekend.  We are really looking forward to that!!!

Perhaps you will come visit us soon, too!!

Have a great day!!

6/7/17: What am I Leaving Out?

A friend texted me yesterday after reading my blog posts, wondering what I was leaving out.  She was concerned that something was wrong that I was not discussing in my blog and she wanted to make sure I was OK.  First of all, I appreciate her concern.  Second, I am fine.  But I it appears that I did neglect to mention that I have been in some fairly significant physical pain.  My body hurts, particularly in the mornings and late in the evenings, and it hurts a lot.  My feet and my legs hurt the most, and there is a little shoulder pain.  I know what is causing the pain:  I am still adjusting to being on my feet 12+ hours a day, I have been eating crap food which causes systemic inflammation throughout my body, and I have not been getting enough sleep.  There is nothing I can do about the 12+ hours on my feet.  This is a standing and walking job.  I am OK with that, eventually my body will adapt and I will be healthier for it, as long as I take care of myself.  I am working on the sleep and the food.

Last night I got 7 hours and 20 minutes of sleep, which isn't bad considering the fact that I got up at 5:30 to make breakfast.  I was in bed with the lights off and my eyes closed for 8 hours and 24 minutes, but 1 hour and 4 minutes of that time I was awake (according to my fitbit).  That is three nights in a row with enough sleep and I am starting to feel more rested, happier, and I am experiencing a little less pain.

I have not had any sugar, flour or alcohol for 2 days.  I am very happy about that.  I feel much better.  The tummy bloating is gone, the puffiness is starting to leave my fingers, and my knees don't hurt as much. 

I need to lose quite a bit of weight.  That will help, too.  That is the other reason I hurt and probably the top reason for my overall discomfort, I am overweight.  Again.  But I am taking care of that.

So, the blog, what's up with the blog?  Why does it work?  It's not accountability, not really.  I don't sit here and tell you everything I eat.  It's really about FOCUS.  When I take the time to blog every day, it forces me to think about yesterday, what went right and what went wrong, and how do I feel today, as a result of that.  Blogging makes me consider the immediate ramifications of my actions.  It helps me stay on track because it forces me to focus on my choices and the results of those choices.

Yesterday was my day off and I got a haircut, a pedicure, and a manicure.  That makes me feel MUCH better.  I also bought a couple of cute summer tops.  That was fun, too.  While I was out I had lunch, it was a nice springy spinach salad with strawberries and almonds.  That was a much healthier choice than the last time I went to the same restaurant.

So, I'm doing better.  I should be able to get 8 hours of sleep tonight, or close to it.  I meet with my trainer, Alexis, today.  I'll be busy with grocery shopping, menu planning, and prep for our Murder Mystery weekend.  We have two couples for breakfast this morning (I've already fed one of them), one check-out, and no check-ins.  If the phone doesn't ring too much I should have a very productive day!!

Jackie got concerned when I used the words "Lifestyle Inn" to describe where my thoughts might be heading with regard to our own inn.  Those words imply that the Inn may not make money.  I assured him that the business plan we develop will include the Inn supporting itself, so that revenue will cover the mortgage payments, insurance, taxes, repair and maintenance expenses, food, advertising expenses, etc.  What it probably will not do is spin off a lot of cash flow in addition to these things.  We would have to rely on Jackie's military pension and Social Security for any monthly expenses that don't have anything to do with our immediate living expenses, such as vacations, entertainment, etc.  There is a lot of research and number crunching to do, but I feel like we may be headed in that direction, in order to get the balance we are looking for.  Of course, we will have income from our retirement savings, as well. I believe we can strike the right balance.  Again, it all hinges on finding the right property.  It is out there somewhere.

Have a great day!!!!

6/6/17: Two Nights in a Row, 8+ Hours of Sleep!!

Last night I got 8 hours and 15 minutes of sleep and the night before that I got 8 hours and 43 minutes of sleep!!  Yeah!!  That is the first time in 6 months that I got at least 8 hours of sleep 2 nights in a row.  We had a late check-in last night, so I did not get to sleep until almost 11PM, but it is my day off today so I forced myself to stay in bed until 8.  I woke up around 6AM, it really is hard to sleep past 6, but I forced myself to stay in bed and I fell back asleep until about 8:15.  I felt a little groggy when I first got out of bed, buy I am waking up now and starting to feel better.  I should be able to get 8 hours of sleep tonight, tomorrow night, and Thursday night as well.  That will be 5 nights in a row of 8 hours or more of sleep.  My plan is that this consistent sleep will allow my body to recuperate from the stress and the beating that it has been taking.  I will not be able to get 8 hours of sleep Friday or Saturday night because of the Murder Mystery weekend, but I should be able to get back to 8 hours of sleep on Sunday night.  I am making sleep a priority.

I made it through the day yesterday with no sugar and no flour.  I ate very little dairy (Whole 30 is no dairy), but I did have a left-over twice baked potato with my lunch (contains butter and sour cream).  I was surprised that it made me hungrier.  I eat breakfast potatoes, fried in clarified butter, in the mornings, and they don't trigger cravings.  I don't think it was the dairy though, I think it was just too much potato.  I've should have just had half of a half, if I had any.  Mostly my meals, aside from breakfast, consist of left-over food from the weekend dinner service.  This is fine, as I have incorporated plenty of whole 30 foods into the menu, but what we don't have a lot of leftover is veggies.  I need to buy veggies to cook up just for me to eat with each meal. 

Today is my day off.  I plan to clean my room, ship a bunch of (little) shoes back to Zappos and Amazon, finish up our personal finances and go for a walk (probably in the rain).  I have had breakfast already, Whole 30, all the way.  Starting strong.

I work out with Alexis tomorrow.  This will be the first time in a while that I can report back that I am starting to make progress on food and sleep.

Breakfast this morning was an omelet, a few breakfast potatoes and some fruit.  I'll work on getting some veggies in there.

As most of you know, the reason Carla and I are in New Hampshire running and inn is to get experience and to decide if we want an inn or our own, and if we want an inn, what kind of an inn do we want.

Jack, Carla and I took an innkeeping seminar about a year ago.  In that seminar they pushed the participants towards considering inns with 10 or more rooms, since those inns actually generate a reasonable amount of net profits and positive cash flow.  Being a finance person, that concept was appealing to me, yet Carla said, "Mom, that's crazy, an inn that size is too big and too much work.  That is not what we want.  I don't think we should look at anything bigger than 8 rooms."  Also, dinner service can be quite profitable.  Again, Carla said I was crazy to even think about it.  Talk about role reversal.  I remember, quite clearly, when Carla was younger and I told her things I knew to be true because of my own experiences (and mistakes), with the hopes that she would not have to repeat those mistakes.  But, of course, she had to learn through her own experiences, as all children do.  She, by no means, was unique in that way.  We've all done it.  Well, it turns out that we older folks have to do it, too.  After 6 months of us working in a 12 room inn with dinner service 3 nights a week I now know that I want a smaller inn and that I don't want to do dinner service.  The revised plan seems to be homing in on something much more similar to Carla's original vision than mine.  This makes sense, as she was the one that came into this experiment with actual hospitality experience.

I am going to start playing around with the idea of an inn with 5 to 8 rooms (max) with some outdoor space for cute cabins/campsites/glamping sites, etc.  I definitely want the property to be welcoming to children.  Perhaps the main house will be for adults and older (teenagers, at least) kids, and we will have a cabin or two geared towards families.  Carla really wants a water element on or near the property. We want an out-building of some sort for Carla's living quarters/art studio.  We want a beautiful view.  We want an outdoor/country vibe with a little land and some woods, but we want to be close enough to a community or village to feel like we are part of a real community.  I like the small-town vibe here in Glen, NH.  I'd like to have that some small-town feel wherever we end up.  I am somewhat drawn to the motor lodges for some reason.  Maybe because the make me feel nostalgic.  But a super cute and well maintained motor lodge that backs up to a river or lake could be very cool.  Something with a playground for the kids.  If that is what we get, I'd like to add or convert a space for a kitchen/dining room/common space so that we can do breakfast and encourage the community feel of a B&B.  There is a lot to think about!!

For now, I get a day to rest a little and get my personal affairs in order.  My room is a mess (it will take 10 minutes to clean, it is so tiny) and I have to make it to the post office.  I need to go for a walk. 

Have a great day!!

6/5/17: Just say no!

So far I have said no to the buttermilk biscuits, no to the homemade granola, and no to the chocolate chip pecan muffins.  So far today I have eaten a California omelet (mushrooms, onion, spinach and avocado) without the provolone cheese, some home fries (cooked in clarified butter) and a bowl of fresh fruit, mostly berries.  I am trying to drink more water. 

I have to say no a lot.

Right this minute, I feel pretty good.  I feel considerably better than I did when I went to bed last night.  I collapsed at about 7:15 in the evening.  Thank goodness none of our guests needed anything.  It was a quiet evening.  We have one more check out this morning, then the inn will be empty until this afternoon, when we only have one check in.  It'll be a quiet week.  Carla will focus on getting the annuals planted, including the hanging pots for the front porch.  I'll probably help her, but I am going to focus on Murder Mystery weekend planning and trying to get a damn haircut!

Just say no to the crap food, Roberta!  That crap food is making you feel like crap.  You know it's true! (I really do know it's true!)

OK - Back to work.

By the way, I didn't put my Fitbit on until about 8AM yesterday (I started working at 5:15) and I still registered 13,234 steps and 14 floors on my Fitbit.  So far today (10:30AM) I've walked 3,424 steps.  It was an easy morning.  😌  Only three couples for breakfast.

6/5/17: Monday Morning

It's Monday morning and I have dragged myself out of bed.  It is Carla's 6:00AM morning and my 8:00AM morning.  We did not have dinner service last night so I went to bed early and I slept in a little, meaning I didn't get out of bed until 6:00!  I got 8 hours and 43 minutes of sleep last night, according to my Fitbit. Today feels like it will be as good a day as any to get back on track.  I started blogging in the middle of a weekend, which are always the worst for sleep and food because the days are so long due to dinner service.  I have four reasonable days ahead of me, with few guests and no dinner service because Carla is on dinner service this Thursday.  I am going to focus on getting 8 hours of sleep for the next 4 nights.  5 nights in a row of 8 hours of sleep should make a big difference.  I will focus on getting outside for a walk or hike every day.  I will focus on making good food choices.  I hope to feel much better by the end of the week.

I desperately need a hair cut.  I have gotten one hair cut since I've been here and it's starting to get shaggy.  I started left a message for the hair salon last week but they never called back.  It is a little different up here, where it is pretty rural.  Everything happens at a slower pace.  I left another message yesterday.  They open at 10 today.  Maybe I'll just show up.  It's right down the street.

The bottom line about all of this is that I will not sacrifice my health for any job.  I am really glad Carla and I are doing this gig.  I have learned a tremendous amount.  I am 100% confident that I would be an excellent innkeeper, should I decide to own an inn some day.  I am incredibly grateful to Carla for the work she has done the last couple of years with Lark Hotels and Graylag, because that experience taught her so much and because without it, we wouldn't be here today.  Carla has taught me a lot that I needed to know.  It is a humbling experience when you do a job and your kid inspects your work and proceeds to tell you what you missed.  That has happened more than once, by the way.  Our plans for what we want in the future are slowly morphing into something different than what we had originally talked about.  There is no doubt in either of our minds about dinner service, we don't want to do it.  I admire those innkeepers that successfully run a dinner business.  Our dinners are great and they get high marks and we could generate more dinner business in the long run if we advertised more, but man it's exhausting.  It's too much to get up at 5:30 to start work at 6 to have breakfast service start at 8 and to also start prepping for dinner at 3:00 so dinner service can start at 5:30 and go to 8.  The entire day is spent in the kitchen, you get no sleep, and so much other things don't get done.  The answer, of course, sounds like it is to hire more staff.  This would work, of course, and the successful dinner inns have head chefs that do most of the cooking and planning for dinner.  But, in my opinion, the innkeeper is still present for both breakfast and dinner.  Also, you have to do a pretty steady dinner business in order to afford a chef and any other help he needs.  We have a chef in the evenings, and we have a bartender/server.  But one of us still helps out.  Given the extra work and stress of having dinner service, neither Carla nor I think it is something we need in order to achieve our goals.

Our vision is changing in other ways, too.  Carla's interests lie much more in the realm of focusing on the parts of industry that she excels at and she is not too keen on the idea of owning an inn or being the general manager of an inn.  I, on the other hand, very much want my own place.  So it seems likely that we may focus on buying a smaller place that Jack and I will own, that I will primarily run with help from Jack and back up support and some help from Carla, and Carla will focus on areas that really interest her.  This probably makes more sense in many ways, than our original plan.  It is all going to hinge on finding the right property.  I find myself poking around the internet at night, seeing if I can find something that appeals to me.  So far, I haven't found it, but it is out there somewhere.  I think we need to start putting out feelers one of these days. Before too long, we may want to hire an representative to help us with the search.

For now, I need to focus on my health.  If I am not satisfied that I can run and inn and be healthy at the same time, I will give up on this idea and do something else.  I have 7 months to get back in shape.  I can do this.  I want to own my own business and I want to be healthy.  Is that too much to ask?  I don't think so.

Have a good day.  Enjoy spring!!

6/4/17: 2nd Post.

Yesterday was a long day.  Up at 5:30, work started just before 6:00AM, and I worked until about 10:00PM. These are the hardest days.  We have dinner service 3 days a week and Carla and I cover dinner and "closing out the register" on a 2 week rotating basis.  This week, I covered Thursday and Saturday and she covered Friday.  Next week, we'll reverse that.  It took some negotiating and compromising, but we have come up with a schedule that is helping somewhat.  We need coverage at the inn from 6:00AM (when breakfast prep starts) until 8:00PM (last check in).  Also, one of us needs to be on call every night.  We rotate back and forth from working 6-6 or 8-8.  The person that works 8-8 is the one on call that night.  We are also trying to get at least 1 day completely off per week.  When one of us has a day off, the other one covers her two hours.  Sometimes we are slow and have no check ins or no one in for breakfast.  When that happens, we can start a little late or quit a little early.  The hardest part is that there is always something to do, so sometimes it's hard to quit working, even when I know I should.  I have determined that I have decided that quitting time is when I can no longer walk.  That is not particularly good for me.  Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are our dinner service nights, so whoever is on the 8-8 shift has to work until dinner and bar service is completely over, usually around 10.  Also, Saturday and Sunday mornings, and as summer comes on, many weekday mornings, we feed enough people for breakfast that we both have to get up at 6:00 to prep for breakfast.  We have determined that it is fairly easy for one of us to feed four couples completely alone.  More than four and the other one will help with table service.  6 or 7 or more couples, and we both need to get up early and prep. 

There is a lot of gardening that needs to be done and we don't have any check-ins today, so I am going to go out and work in the garden for the rest of the afternoon.  Carla is in Portland looking for a costume for our upcoming Murder Mystery weekend.  It will be a slow week, but we have a big weekend coming up.  The Murder Mystery weekends are a lot of fun!!  We are looking forward to that.

Food was not good yesterday and has not been particularly good (or particularly bad) so far today.  With the slow week coming up, this is the perfect time to hone in on my diet.  For now, I am committing to the Whole 30 for the next 24 hours.

Have a great day!!

6/3/17: The Case of the Absent Blogger - This is an unedited ramble.

Post-script - It's been too long since I blogged.  The following paragraphs are just a dumping of my thoughts.  I don't have time to edit it. I guess if I'm going to blog it'll be messy.  Read it if you want, but please forgive the poor sentence structure, any misspellings, and the lock of cohesiveness.  It is what it is.  I'm going to start blogging again, but I'm sure it won't be pretty.  Such is life as an innkeeper.  😊


I hired a trainer, Alexis, about a month ago to help me get back on track.  This whole innkeeping thing, it is not for the weak or faint at heart.  It is also exceedingly difficult if you happen to have a sugar addiction. I'll get into that more in the following paragraphs, but first I am going to ask the question, "Why am I starting to blog, again?"  The answer is simple, Alexis told me to.

I am struggling with food.  I've gained way too much weight since I started this gig at the Bernerhof Inn Bed and Breakfast.  There is food everywhere all the time.  At first, there was no really good food, just crap.  I have changed that by changing the menu.  I know have good, healthy, Whole 30 food available to eat most of the time, right in the walk-in.  But I am still eating too much sugar laden crap.  Mostly I am eating it because it is right in front of me most of the time.  Homemade muffins and made from scratch biscuits are available every morning at 7:00, chocolate chip, oatmeal, or peanut butter cookies every afternoon at 3:00.  Strawberry rhubarb pie and brownies every weekend.  You get the idea.  It's just here.  On top of that, a normal work day is 12 hours, 14 hour work days are common, and 16 hour workdays happen at least once a week.  When you're on your feet all day, going from one thing to the next, it's way to easy to grab a leftover muffin.  I eat when I'm not hungry and when I eat, 50% of the time I eat crap.  That has to stop.

When Carla and I arrived on December 19th of last year, we hit the ground running.  In spite of Carla's insistence that we needed to take time off each week from the beginning, I just couldn't do it.  There was so much to do, there was so much I didn't know how to do; it was impossible for me to stop working until I was so tired I could no longer stand up.  Then I would go to bed so that my body could recover a little bit and get up early the next morning and start over again.  The impact that had on my body was predictable.  With too little sleep and too much stress (mostly physical stress), I was overeating all the wrong foods and I gained weight fairly quickly.  My knees and feet hurt in the mornings.  I spent very little time this year outside playing.  My prominent form of exercise this winter was shoveling snow.  I did go downhill skiing twice.  That was fun!

Alexis and I have been working on achieving balance within my life as an innkeeper.  I have told Carla, Jack, and myself that if I cannot be an innkeeper and take care of myself, then I will not buy an inn.  That is part of the experiment.  It makes no sense to own an inn for the rest of my life if I cannot be healthy and truly enjoy growing old.  That is exactly the opposite of what I want to achieve.  Now, in all fairness to the noble profession of innkeeping, this is not all the fault of the profession.  If you ask the people that know me, they will tell you that this has been my pattern for my entire life.  Every time I make a major work/life transition, I throw myself into it completely and lose my ability to take care of myself for about a year.  It seems like it takes an entire cycle (a year) for me fully learn a business, after that year, I can relax a little, work less, sleep more, and take better care of myself. I just can't afford for this to go on for a year.  I need to stop the cycle, now.

The first thing Alexis and I focused on were exercise (physical activity outside of work) and sleep.  I have not been getting enough sleep and the impacts everything.  I was not getting any physical activity outside of work.  Both of those things have improved with Alexis's coaching.  I am wearing a Fitbit now.  For the record, on a normal day I hit 10,000 steps at about noon.  The only days that I don't hit 10,000 steps before noon are on days that I don't wear the Fitbit because I am charging the battery or on the occasional day that I have to do bookwork.  I am having a hell of a time getting my targeted 8 hours of sleep.  Last night I did pretty good though, I slept 7 hours and 27 minutes, plus I had 52 minutes of awake time.  I consider any night that I get at least 7 hours of sleep good, though my goal is 8 hours.  Yesterday was a day off and I went on a hike.  According to my Fitbit, yesterday I walked 16,606 steps, went up 96 floors, walked the equivalent of 6.96 miles, burnt 2,603 calories and exercised for 103 minutes.  Thursday was a normal workday.  I did not exercise on Thursday but per my Fitbit I walked 15,662 steps, went up 6 flights up steps, walked an equivalent of 6.72 miles and burned 2,787 calories. 

Working with Alexis has been effective in getting me more physically active.  I am making the decision to exercise much more often.  I am lifting weights sometimes, but I am also walking and hiking a lot more often.  If I don't squeeze anything else in, I often manage to get out in our fairly extensive gardens to do some aerobic gardening.  I am not kidding, either.  A few evenings ago I attacked some shrubs that were blocking the view coming out of our parking lot.  I worked on those shrubs for about an hour and a half and I was sweating the entire time.  In addition to severely cutting back the bushes, I had to haul the branches into the woods.  My heart rate, per my Fitbit, was in the "Fatburn" zone for 76 minutes and in the "Cardio" zone for 10 minutes.  My average heart rate was 106 BPM during this time, and my high heart rate was 136 BPM.  Taking care of this property is real work, but it is fun work.  When I work in the gardens, I make a conscious effort to alternate which sides of my body that I am working with.  It is natural to let my right side take over, but I go back and forth, from left to right to try to train my body more evenly.  I also make an effort to work hard when I am in the garden, first to make good use of my limited amount of time, and second to get my heart rate up.

So, since I started working with Alexis I am exercising more, spending a lot more time outside, and I am sleeping more.  I still don't have control over my food.  I am more aware of my food, but I still am not tracking it, which she really wants me to do, and I am still overeating.  Oh, and I am drinking alcohol a little, too.  Not a lot, but an evening or two a week, I will have a beer or a glass of wine at the end of my workday.

The point of starting to blog again is that this tool helps me stay accountable.  I am going to make an effort to blog every day.  There is a lot to talk about.  I need to get control of my food.  I hope this helps.  I think I should go 100% Whole 30.  I started the day that way yesterday, and fell off the wagon around noon.  I will start that way again today.  My plan is that in my blog post tomorrow, I will tell you that I was successful at that.

See you tomorrow.  Have fun today!