6/19/2017: Reset. Reset. Reset. That seems to be my mantra lately.

If you have "an issue with food," or simply have a weight problem, then you probably know this feeling.  You go to bed each night with a sinking feeling in your gut because you went off program, again, and you wake up each morning with a new found conviction that today is the day that you will set it all straight again.

That's me, my friends.  Last night I had trouble falling asleep because I felt so fat and so discouraged with myself.  Somehow, during the day, eating sweets seems like a reasonable thing to do.  But once I am alone in my room, I have way too many regrets with regard to how I am not taking care of myself, properly.  I feel bloated and crappy and I know exactly why.  I get so frustrated with myself. 

There are things to feel good about.  My one and only drug is food.  I ended up in urgent care this weekend because I had a large lump in the back of my neck that Carla confirmed was not a bug bite.  Have I told you that the black flies and the mosquitos are miserable around here?  Well they are.  You cannot go outside to water the garden without either dousing yourself in OFF or getting eaten alive by bugs.  Anyway, it is apparent that the bugs around here are particularly fond of girls from Kansas City, because I have been their own personal smorgasbord.  Carla was concerned about the lump on my neck, so I had it checked out. It turns out that I have swollen lymph nodes because of all of these damn bug bites.  Just for the records, Colorado and Western Washington are becoming much more attractive to me as the home of our new B&B, just because of how many fewer bugs they have in those parts of the country.

But I digress, back to the issue of drugs.  I don't take any.  I mean, none.  No maintenance drugs for high blood pressure or high cholesterol.  No drugs for depression or diabetes.  When the doctor was going through my health inventory and was asking me about drugs I am taking or supplements that I use, you could tell he was somewhat surprised as my answers to his questions was a consistent, "None."  I mean, I am getting to that age where one would expect that I might be on some sort of a maintenance drug.  All my vitals are good.  I am healthy and strong.  That is the bright light.

The darkness is food.  Food is my drug.  I need to stop using it.  Now.

All of the tricks I developed over the last several years seem to be failing me.  I feel like I am failing myself.  But today is a new day.  I will lick this thing.  I have to.

I hope to put up a post tomorrow that says I have 24 awesome hours under my belt.

I got 8 hours of sleep last night for the first time in a week and a half.  Yes, that has something to do with it.

Gotta run, I have to be downstairs in 15 minutes. 

Today will be a better day.  I hope it is a wonderful day for you, too.

And just to prove my life is not as miserable as this post makes it sound, here are a few pictures from our spectacular gardens.  Just spray yourself with OFF before going outside to enjoy them!!