This is a BIG DEAL. I know this is the second time this month I've made it through day two and started on day three with the conviction that this time is THE TIME that I am starting my program for real, but hey, if you don't keep getting up and brushing off your britches and trying again, you're never going to get good at anything. I have failed at many things, but failing has never stopped me from trying again. I have fallen off the wagon spectacularly a number of times. But I am never going to give up. I know that I have a lot of control over my health and well being and that it starts with food. I know that I am a sugar addict. I know I can live without sugar. In fact, I know that I live a much happier and more productive life without sugar. I also know there is one thing I can count on, and that is that I will restart my program exactly one more time than I fall off of my program. I am never giving up on my health and well being as my number one priority. I am never giving up on living a sugar free lifestyle. Sugar is poison to me. This I know. Small doses don't seem to be harmful to some people, just like small doses of alcohol don't seem to be harmful to some people. Unfortunately, small doses of sugar, for me, lead to larger doses, which lead to larger doses, yet. Then I am getting fat again, my body starts to hurt, I start beating myself up, and the downward spiral is in action.
Today is day three. I am halting the spiral. The spiral has to stop turning the wrong way before it can start turning the right way again. It is a kind of strong arm tactic, I know, but it has to be done.
This conversation reminds me of a book I read many, many years ago. I'm getting up there in years so I flinched when I realized it was almost 25 years ago that I read this particular book, but this book had a profound influence on the way I've lived my life since I read it. I know I've talked about it before, but such is the way of profound influencers, they keep coming up, over and over again.
The book is, "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway," by Susan Jeffers. Her second, follow up, book isn't very good, but Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway was exactly the book I needed at the time that I read it. Back to the point I was trying to make. I have a picture of life in my head that formed when I was first reading Feel the Fear. Imagine drawing a spiral on a piece of paper. Now imagine you are a dot on that spiral and the spiral is turning. When a spiral turns, it either turns inwards, toward the center, like a whirlpool, or outwards, ever expanding. There is no static spiral. The spiral always turns.
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| I guess there is a reason why The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is my favorite Christmas Special |
But we have the ability to turn the spiral the other way. We have the power to stop the downward spiral and reverse the spin. Now imagine the spiral is turning outwards, and you are a spot on that spiral. Everyday, your world gets a little bigger, you meet new people, new opportunities present themselves. There is so much more color and vitality to your life and to the people around you. There are so many more options to connect with others, to love and be loved in return. Your heart grows with every new day. But it's scary, when the spiral turns outwards, because everyday you are faced with a new challenge, something you have never dealt with before. Everyday you are forced to confront a fear of failure because you have to try something new. As you confront these fears and overcome them; as you fail and try again, you begin to realize that it's OK to be afraid, it's OK to fail, because failure is not permanent. You just try again. With each failure you get that much smarter, that much stronger, that much more resilient, and that much more confident that eventually, you will succeed.
I believe that the spiral is never static. It is always turning, either towards the dark and small center, or outwards toward a kaleidoscope of colorful options. I believe that it is important to always be working against the natural pull of the spiral towards the hole, and to constantly be pushing the boundaries, and keeping the spiral moving outwards. Don't get me wrong, this is work, hard work. The title of my blog, It's Not Downhill From Here, harkens from this theory. People have often heard me say, the road to the top is uphill. You can either walk up the hill and get a beautiful view or slide on your ass down the hill and be stuck in the shadows. It's easier to go downhill, but it is much more rewarding to make the effort and go up.
When I started this blog, five years ago, as I was turning 50, I made a conscious decision not to let myself slide into old age and decay. I made a conscious decision to truly enjoy the second half of my life, to get and stay healthy and fit, to continue taking risks, to continue working hard, throughout my life. It is my goal to live a long and prosperous life. Who know what 60, 70, 80, 90, or even 100 can bring if I keep the momentum going the right way.
Coming to New Hampshire with Carla was a big change, indeed. I have zero regrets. I've learned so much from this experience. My body has taken a beating as I have not gotten enough sleep and the stress broke down my resolve, however temporarily, to eat right and exercise often. But as I get a handle on the innkeeping life and I am more sure of myself, I am able to start focusing more and more on taking care of myself. I hope to spend more time talking about life as an innkeeper in future blog posts. For now, though, I am glad to remind myself of the spiral, and how important it is to keep pushing against the tide.
Have a great day!! If you have a favorite inspirational book, that has had a profound impact on your life, I'd love it if you'd share the title with me. I have a little time to read these days. ☺
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