It's a personal battle. Anyone that wants to lose weight has to decide that becoming a smaller person is their number one priority, above all else. You can't lose weight part time. It's a full time commitment. To succeed, it has to be incredibly important to you. There has to be a reason that resonates with you. Losing weight, particularly losing a lot of weight, requires constant diligence. Most of the time it requires changing all of your priorities. You've heard it a million times, it is a life style change. Losing weight is time consuming. If you want to succeed, you must start exercising several times a week. If you want to succeed, you must start cooking your own food, or have a member of your household cook your food for you. Ideally, though, you will learn to cook and start cooking at least some of your food. You never know when you may be called on to fend for yourself. The only way you will ever know what you are really eating is if you cook it yourself.
If you are diligent and dedicated and patient and committed and strong and you do succeed, then what? You feel great, you look great (at least with clothes on), and you're proud of your accomplishment. And now, after a year or more of serious dieting, you can go back to living your life. Ha! Not so fast! It does not work that way, does it? In order to stay at your new lower weight, you have to maintain all of the same habits that you employed to lose the weight. You need to keep exercising 5 to 6 times a week - for the rest of your life. You need to avoid almost all sugar and sweet treats - for the rest of your life. You need to cook 99% of your own meals - for the rest of your life. You need to abstain from alcohol, most of the time - for the rest of your life. You might think that you have given up all of the things that are fun, but eating and drinking isn't really fun. What's fun is hanging out with your friends. It's just that eating and drinking seems to be part of the territory when you're hanging out with your friends.
So you have to develop a plan to maintain your new weight. You've heard it a million times. Maintaining the weight loss is 100 times harder than losing the weight in the first place. Sure, you've lost 50 pounds, but can you keep it off?
I lost this weight because I want to be healthy, strong and active well into my very old age. I am 53 years old and I am happier than I have ever been. Every day I am alive I become a little more confident in who I am and who I want to become. Getting older has been such a blessing. With it comes perspective and, if we are lucky, a little wisdom. It becomes easier to see what is important and what isn't. The title of my blog, "It's Not Downhill From Here," is a testament to my belief that the second 50 years of my life are going to be the years that I really enjoy. I'll be damned if I am going to allow a weak and frail body prevent me from truly enjoying life, now that I am beginning to get a few things figured out. So I decided, back in February of 2012, to get healthy, once and for all. On that day I weighed 224 pounds, therefore getting healthy meant losing a lot of weight.
This blog has been all about that journey. I did lose the weight and got down to my goal weight of 150 pounds. I stopped blogging because I thought the blog was boring and I didn't have anything else to talk about now that I wasn't struggling to lose weight anymore. I maintained my weight around 155 pounds. Then slowly, over the course of about a year (or perhaps, not so slowly) my weight crept back up until I weighed 179 pounds at the very beginning of 2015. That was the wake up call. That was the moment that I knew this was not going to happen again. I got serious about my diet (I was still exercising several days a week) and dropped back down into the 150s by spring. But I had a big problem, I'd look in the mirror and see nothing but all of the extra skin and loose flab hanging from my previously fat body. I thought I looked horrible. I just couldn't accept that this was as good as it gets. So I finally, after years of debating the pros and cons, decided to have this surgery.
On Monday it will be six weeks since the surgery. My body looks completely different. It looks younger. I don't feel younger because I am still healing, but the surgery has made a huge difference in the shape of my body. I cannot wait until I don't feel the surgery every single day. From the beginning the surgeon said it would take three months before I felt great and my body was done swelling. I never wanted to believe that. Three months is a long time. I am halfway through. I believe it now.
This surgery has done something other than change my physical appearance; it has changed my mind. I mean, it has altered my mindset. This surgery has made my weight loss permanent. Oh, it would be easy enough to gain weight. It's not like I had gastro-bypass surgery and I can't physically eat a lot without getting ill. But psychologically, I can't gain weight. I have paid dearly for this body. Years of dieting and exercise, thousands of dollars, and months of recovery. The investment I have made in this body is staggering, when you think about it. If I got fat now it would be like buying a brand new house and leaving the windows and front door open to the wind, rain, snow, and wildlife. When people invest in homes and cars and other "things" they protect their investments by doing proper maintenance. You don't buy a new car and then do nothing but put gas in it. If you did, it would be a wreck before your last car payment was made. I feel exactly the same way about my body. I am not going to take this brand new (53 year old) body and do nothing but put food in it. I am going to maintain it. That is a given. A fact. It is a new truth. For now, that means getting enough sleep, wearing uncomfortable compression garments, doing massage therapy (which is turning out to be a time to meditate, as well, something I could never make time for, before), and eating reasonable portions of healthy foods. Soon, it will also mean exercising on a daily basis. It means abstaining from crap food and alcohol. It means striving for a life of meaning, rather than a life of the daily grind. It's strange, but this surgery has changed so much more than my body. It's as if it was the final piece of the puzzle that has taken me 30 years to assemble. It's not just about my weight or the shape of my body. It is about me, how I feel about myself. It's about being the best me that I can be. It's about my life and loving who I am. It's about finally putting the past away and looking into the future and imagining who I can become. It's about so much more than the image in the mirror. I've spent 23 years (beginning with my very first therapy session when I was 30 years old) coming to terms with the past, shedding a horrible self image, learning what love is, and trying to embrace the human being that is me. Somehow, someway, the physical act of cutting off that excess skin and sucking out those stubborn pockets of fat was a symbolic end to that chapter of my life. This is a time of new beginning. I am excited for what comes next. The future looks very different than it did just a few short months ago.
But for now, back to the grind. I must go to work.
Have a beautiful day!
This blog has been all about that journey. I did lose the weight and got down to my goal weight of 150 pounds. I stopped blogging because I thought the blog was boring and I didn't have anything else to talk about now that I wasn't struggling to lose weight anymore. I maintained my weight around 155 pounds. Then slowly, over the course of about a year (or perhaps, not so slowly) my weight crept back up until I weighed 179 pounds at the very beginning of 2015. That was the wake up call. That was the moment that I knew this was not going to happen again. I got serious about my diet (I was still exercising several days a week) and dropped back down into the 150s by spring. But I had a big problem, I'd look in the mirror and see nothing but all of the extra skin and loose flab hanging from my previously fat body. I thought I looked horrible. I just couldn't accept that this was as good as it gets. So I finally, after years of debating the pros and cons, decided to have this surgery.
On Monday it will be six weeks since the surgery. My body looks completely different. It looks younger. I don't feel younger because I am still healing, but the surgery has made a huge difference in the shape of my body. I cannot wait until I don't feel the surgery every single day. From the beginning the surgeon said it would take three months before I felt great and my body was done swelling. I never wanted to believe that. Three months is a long time. I am halfway through. I believe it now.
This surgery has done something other than change my physical appearance; it has changed my mind. I mean, it has altered my mindset. This surgery has made my weight loss permanent. Oh, it would be easy enough to gain weight. It's not like I had gastro-bypass surgery and I can't physically eat a lot without getting ill. But psychologically, I can't gain weight. I have paid dearly for this body. Years of dieting and exercise, thousands of dollars, and months of recovery. The investment I have made in this body is staggering, when you think about it. If I got fat now it would be like buying a brand new house and leaving the windows and front door open to the wind, rain, snow, and wildlife. When people invest in homes and cars and other "things" they protect their investments by doing proper maintenance. You don't buy a new car and then do nothing but put gas in it. If you did, it would be a wreck before your last car payment was made. I feel exactly the same way about my body. I am not going to take this brand new (53 year old) body and do nothing but put food in it. I am going to maintain it. That is a given. A fact. It is a new truth. For now, that means getting enough sleep, wearing uncomfortable compression garments, doing massage therapy (which is turning out to be a time to meditate, as well, something I could never make time for, before), and eating reasonable portions of healthy foods. Soon, it will also mean exercising on a daily basis. It means abstaining from crap food and alcohol. It means striving for a life of meaning, rather than a life of the daily grind. It's strange, but this surgery has changed so much more than my body. It's as if it was the final piece of the puzzle that has taken me 30 years to assemble. It's not just about my weight or the shape of my body. It is about me, how I feel about myself. It's about being the best me that I can be. It's about my life and loving who I am. It's about finally putting the past away and looking into the future and imagining who I can become. It's about so much more than the image in the mirror. I've spent 23 years (beginning with my very first therapy session when I was 30 years old) coming to terms with the past, shedding a horrible self image, learning what love is, and trying to embrace the human being that is me. Somehow, someway, the physical act of cutting off that excess skin and sucking out those stubborn pockets of fat was a symbolic end to that chapter of my life. This is a time of new beginning. I am excited for what comes next. The future looks very different than it did just a few short months ago.
But for now, back to the grind. I must go to work.
Have a beautiful day!
You are so loved. I hope that I can make use of the example you have given me and live a life of meaning. Thank You!
ReplyDeleteRebecca, You're welcome! I often wonder how you do everything you do. I can't imagine anything more important than pouring your heart and soul into raising your family and educating your children. You've got some lucky kiddos!
Delete