4/14/2012: Finally - A Little Progress

I told Jack that I was ready to cut off an arm just to see the numbers on the scale move. I mean, seriously, I was starting to think the scale was broken. All it could say was 212.something. One day it would be 212.0, then 212.6, then 212.4, then 212.6, then 212.2. Yesterday, it was finally 212.0 again, which was a little better, but not much. This morning, finally, stepping on the scale produced a better result, 211.0. Whew! And Yeah! And, It's about time!! I am hopeful that I have finally managed to walk across the plateau and I will begin to start traveling downhill again. We'll see what tomorrow brings. If history holds true, I should do well over the weekend and weigh a little less on Monday. I certainly hope so!!!

It's been about a week since I posted net calories, so I'll get caught up now. Not exciting reading, I know, but posting my net calories helps me keep it real and that's what this blog is all about, keeping it real and staying on track. So here are the stats:

Monday: Calories consumed - 1,685; Calories burned - (105 minutes walking @ approx 3.5mph) 635; Net Calories - 1,050

Tuesday: Calories consumed - 1,293; Calories burned - (50 minutes weight lifting) 478; Net Calories - 815

Wednesday: Calories consumed - 1,402; Calories burned - (35 minutes jogging @ 5mph and 15 minutes walking @ 3mph) - 524,; Net Calories - 878

Thursday: Calories consumed - 1,274; Calories burned - (50 minutes weight lifting) 478; Net Calories - 796

Friday: Calories consumed - 1,620; Calories burned - (day off from exercise) 0; Net Calories - 1,620

Isn't it funny that the day after the highest net calories I would weigh the least? What's up with that???? The workouts were particularly hard this week and I was sore a lot of the week. Whenever my muscles are sore I imagine that they are slightly inflamed, which, to me, means a little swollen, which, to me, means heavier, which, to me, explains why I seem to weigh more for a few days when the exercise gets kicked up a notch. Am I rationalizing again, or does that ring true? Whether that is true or not, that's how the week went.

I've mentioned before that I am participating in a series of seminars on Friday afternoons called Women on the Leading Edge. They serve lunch there, which yesterday was grilled salmon, rice, asparagus, a tossed salad, and a baguette. I skipped the rice but did eat the bread. I purposely ate an extra half piece of fish and a large serving of asparagus so that I could avoid the snacks and desserts that are put out half way through the afternoon. That worked well in that I did avoid the snacks, but when I added up the estimated calories for the lunch they came to 802, which led to the high calorie day of 1,620. I may have overestimated the calories, I try to estimate on the high side to be safe, but, still, I think that was about right. In spite of the 800 calorie lunch, I think the decision was a good one, I was able to stay away from the snacks, brownies and rice crispy treats all afternoon, in spite of a rather intense and emotional outburst in our group. Who would have thought that 5 mature, professional women, could have such hair trigger outbursts. It was intense! And for that I passed on Opening Day at the K! I must be crazy.

I don't really think I was crazy for choosing the seminar over the Royals Home Opener. Even though it is coming in little snippets and at the least expected moments, this series of seminars is providing me with some valuable insights; most of which are hitting at a personal, rather than professional, level. Yesterday, our guest speaker, Lisa Parks, was talking about strength based leadership and most of the conversation was geared towards a strength survey we took and how one should lead from their strengths rather than focusing on improving areas of weakness. It made sense. But what interested me the most about yesterday's six hour seminar was a one minute comment that Lisa made about one of the books on her reading list. It is called, "Switch, How to Change Things When Change is Hard," by Chip Heath and Dan Heath. The book is about an apparently well known analogy about a rider and an elephant (I don't know how well known the analogy is as I have never heard of it and neither has Jack, but that is a relatively small, if well read, sample.). The premise of the analogy is that when you are trying to change something, the thing about yourself that you want to change is the elephant and the rider is the part of you that wants the change. As Lisa put it, when you decide to change something, the rider can control the elephant for a little while and get the elephant to go where he wants it to go; but before too long the rider stops telling the elephant where to go and the elephant regains control, stopping the change process in its tracks.

I really identified with her very brief summary of that analogy. That is exactly what I am struggling with right this very moment. For seven weeks now I have been white knuckling this thing, constantly talking myself into staying on track. I've been driving that elephant every second of every day. I am very aware of the fact that this still feels temporary and that, as much as I try to tell myself otherwise, I could easily slip back into old habits and routines that would would lead me down a slippery slope. I desperately want to feel like I have changed something so deep down in my psyche that, no matter what, this new path I'm on is my new natural, lifetime path. I blog, talk about my weight loss and exercise regimen with friends, co-workers, and strangers, mark my chart twice a week, take my photo every week, stare at my chart several times a day, weigh myself everyday, track my calories consumed and burned on my iPhone, work out with a personal trainer, wear clothes that are a little snug, read other women's weight loss blogs, invest money in a gym membership, post my blog link to my facebook page, share my blog link with my personal trainer, and post my pounds lost on my bulletin board at work all in an effort to keep my mind focused on keeping that elephant on track. I know I cannot let go of the reins, even for a second, and that frightens me. I want this as much, if not more, than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I don't just want to get to 150 pounds, I have to get to 150 pounds. And I don't just have to get to 150 pounds, I have to exercise 6 days a week for the rest of my life. I am absolutely and positively convinced that this needs to be my number one priority until the day I die. There are no ifs, ands, or buts. There is nothing else more important. I need to take care of my health, first, every single day. Everything else will follow. But, man, old habits die hard. I have no interest in going on the latest fad diet, or getting bypass surgery, or taking a drug to make this easier, or drinking diet/protein shakes to avoid having to think about food. This is not temporary. This is not about using some method to just lose 74 pounds. This is about changing how I believe in myself forever and ever and ever. The description Lisa gave about the book made me think it could help me make that deep down internal mental change. I looked up the synopsis of the book on Amazon and this is what it said:

Amazon.com synopsis of, "Switch, How to Change Things When Change is Hard;" Why is it so hard to make lasting changes in our companies, in our communities, and in our own lives?The primary obstacle is a conflict that’s built into our brains, say Chip and Dan Heath, authors of the critically acclaimed bestseller Made to Stick. Psychologists have discovered that our minds are ruled by two different systems—the rational mind and the emotional mind—that compete for control. The rational mind wants a great beach body; the emotional mind wants that Oreo cookie. The rational mind wants to change something at work; the emotional mind loves the comfort of the existing routine. This tension can doom a change effort—but if it is overcome, change can come quickly. In Switch, the Heaths show how everyday people—employees and managers, parents and nurses—have united both minds and, as a result, achieved dramatic results:
● The lowly medical interns who managed to defeat an entrenched, decades-old medical practice that was endangering patients.
● The home-organizing guru who developed a simple technique for overcoming the dread of housekeeping.
● The manager who transformed a lackadaisical customer-support team into service zealots by removing a standard tool of customer service.
In a compelling, story-driven narrative, the Heaths bring together decades of counterintuitive research in psychology, sociology, and other fields to shed new light on how we can effect transformative change. Switch shows that successful changes follow a pattern, a pattern you can use to make the changes that matter to you, whether your interest is in changing the world or changing your waistline.

Today I am going to buy the book and start reading it. I'll let you know if I think it is worth the read. I am hoping it provides a bit of insight into how to make this change a real, deep down, emotional change.

Have a lovely day!! You are all awesome. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you checking in on me and my progress. It means more to me than words can possibly express.