Weight: 156.4
At least it is better than the 157 that I weighed on Tuesday morning, which isn't saying much. Yes, I gained five pounds in as many days. Ugh.
Why? Because I ate a bunch of crap food.
At first, I was doing fine. I didn't snack on the flight out to San Diego and I got through the first day more or less on program. We found a decent diner for breakfast, and I was able to start each day with a breakfast very similar to what I would have made for myself. The second day was fine, too. By the third day, my resolve melted and by the fourth it was shattered. There isn't a very good reason for it, other than I was out of my comfort zone and I used food to cope.
Our grandson is adorable, I'm sure you've seen the pictures I posted on Facebook. Brianna and her husband seem to be thriving in San Diego and Kyle's parents were gracious hosts. The biggest issue was that we just didn't do a lot because Bri is still recovering, so mostly we stayed indoors and visited. It was great to get to spend some time with Bri, Kyle, Killian, and Kyle's family, and I am super glad that we made it out there. Now I need to lose the weight that I gained and get back on track.
The worst food day was our travel home day. That is when I totally blew it. We got to the airport a couple of hours early because we were told there would be a big back up returning the rental car. There wasn't. Then our flight was four hours late. So we spent most of the day in the San Diego airport. Yeah, I ate a ton of crap food while I was reading my book waiting for our plane. That was a bad plan.
The late flight caused us to miss the ball game Monday night. We also didn't have time to do any real grocery shopping until Tuesday. I was able to eat pretty close to program on Tuesday, though the pickings were slim and I was light on protein. Yesterday, my food was on program but I ate dinner late because I had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon and I didn't have time to eat dinner before leaving the office. The doctor said my finger looks like it should, three weeks from injury, and I don't need to tape it anymore, making typing much easier. I have to wear a compression bandage at night to reduce the swelling and I need to start exercising the finger to work on getting full range of motion back. Other than that, I can start using it normally again, so that's good news.
I worked out Tuesday morning and this morning. I skipped my run yesterday because I was up late Tuesday night getting our cooking done. At this point the refrigerator is restocked, all the meals are cooked, and I am back on schedule. I expect to see this weight drop pretty quickly. I'm a little disappointed in myself, as Saturday is my 8 week measurement day, but such is life. I have 4 weeks left in the challenge. I'll get there!!
Have a good one, out there!
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Saturday, June 25, 2016
6/25/16: Family Time in San Diego
Weight: ??
We are in the San Diego area visiting Bri and Kyle and getting to know Killian, our newest grandchild. We're having a great visit, Bri is recovering well and Killian is a perfect little baby. It's nice to be able to spend this time together.
I'm staying close to program so far. It's a little more difficult to stay on program because I have to work my food around other people's schedule. I have no idea if I'll weigh more or less when I get home than I did when I left, but as long as I stay close to program I'll be happy with myself.
We're headed to my nephew's house for lunch this afternoon where I'll get to meet my new great niece for the first time. We'll also get to see her big sister, Amelia, again
Should be good times!
We are in the San Diego area visiting Bri and Kyle and getting to know Killian, our newest grandchild. We're having a great visit, Bri is recovering well and Killian is a perfect little baby. It's nice to be able to spend this time together.
I'm staying close to program so far. It's a little more difficult to stay on program because I have to work my food around other people's schedule. I have no idea if I'll weigh more or less when I get home than I did when I left, but as long as I stay close to program I'll be happy with myself.
We're headed to my nephew's house for lunch this afternoon where I'll get to meet my new great niece for the first time. We'll also get to see her big sister, Amelia, again
Should be good times!
Thursday, June 23, 2016
6/23/16: Posting From My Phone
Weight: 152.0
I am posting from my phone, so please excuse poor grammar, spelling, and other errors. I can't see the width of the post in my screen so I won't do an effective job proof reading.
I'm a little anxious about being on the road while I'm trying to lose weight, but the good result on the scale this morning was motivational. My goal is to stay on program while on this short vacation and weigh 152.0 or less on Tuesday morning. Wish me luck!
I'm happy to be going on vacation and can't wait to meet our newest grandchild. It'll be fun to see everyone.
I'll try to put up brief posts daily, but no promises.
Have a great day!
I am posting from my phone, so please excuse poor grammar, spelling, and other errors. I can't see the width of the post in my screen so I won't do an effective job proof reading.
I'm a little anxious about being on the road while I'm trying to lose weight, but the good result on the scale this morning was motivational. My goal is to stay on program while on this short vacation and weigh 152.0 or less on Tuesday morning. Wish me luck!
I'm happy to be going on vacation and can't wait to meet our newest grandchild. It'll be fun to see everyone.
I'll try to put up brief posts daily, but no promises.
Have a great day!
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
6/22/16: Short Vacation Looming on My Mind
Weight: 152.8
We leave for San Diego tomorrow and I am very excited to see our youngest daughter, her husband, and their brand new baby boy; our ninth grandchild! Can you believe it? I'm a grandmama 9 times over! What a blessing! Of course, our grandchildren are the most awesome kids in the world! I can't wait to meet the newest member of our family.
But the prospect of being on the road (or in the air) is looming on my mind. I am so close to goal and it is so hard for me to stay on program when I fly. I do a much better job when I go on road trips. I think air trips are harder because flying is so much more stressful and uncomfortable. I think I eat just to calm myself down. My goal is to stay on program while on this 5 day trip. I can do this, My goal is to weigh a little bit less when I get home, not a few pounds more.
Root for me while I'm gone!!
Thanks!!
We leave for San Diego tomorrow and I am very excited to see our youngest daughter, her husband, and their brand new baby boy; our ninth grandchild! Can you believe it? I'm a grandmama 9 times over! What a blessing! Of course, our grandchildren are the most awesome kids in the world! I can't wait to meet the newest member of our family.
But the prospect of being on the road (or in the air) is looming on my mind. I am so close to goal and it is so hard for me to stay on program when I fly. I do a much better job when I go on road trips. I think air trips are harder because flying is so much more stressful and uncomfortable. I think I eat just to calm myself down. My goal is to stay on program while on this 5 day trip. I can do this, My goal is to weigh a little bit less when I get home, not a few pounds more.
Root for me while I'm gone!!
Thanks!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
6/21/16: Summertime and I Bought a Two Piece
Weight: 153.2
OK, so I have recovered from my Saturday afternoon of excesses. This is about what I expect to happen when I reach goal and go off program now and then. A weight gain of two or three pounds then it will take two or three days of being back on program to lose it again. I am looking forward to being 150 pounds. I will be there soon.
I try very hard some days to talk myself out of working out. I try to convince myself that skipping a day won't matter or that I will work out when I get home (which all of us know by now is probably not true). Then I remember the photos and how much progress I've made and I remember the fact that I just bought a two piece bathing suit and that is enough to convince me to go put on my gym clothes and start lifting weights.
My bathing suit is pretty cute. It consists of a bikini top and boy shorts bottoms. Believe me, when you are 54 those boy shorts do you a lot of favors. :) I can't really believe I bought a suit that shows my tummy, but I did. I modeled it for Jack and he was all smiles, so I guess I did alright!
Gotta run. Only two days left in this week before we head to San Diego!
Have a good one out there!!
OK, so I have recovered from my Saturday afternoon of excesses. This is about what I expect to happen when I reach goal and go off program now and then. A weight gain of two or three pounds then it will take two or three days of being back on program to lose it again. I am looking forward to being 150 pounds. I will be there soon.
I try very hard some days to talk myself out of working out. I try to convince myself that skipping a day won't matter or that I will work out when I get home (which all of us know by now is probably not true). Then I remember the photos and how much progress I've made and I remember the fact that I just bought a two piece bathing suit and that is enough to convince me to go put on my gym clothes and start lifting weights.
My bathing suit is pretty cute. It consists of a bikini top and boy shorts bottoms. Believe me, when you are 54 those boy shorts do you a lot of favors. :) I can't really believe I bought a suit that shows my tummy, but I did. I modeled it for Jack and he was all smiles, so I guess I did alright!
Gotta run. Only two days left in this week before we head to San Diego!
Have a good one out there!!
Monday, June 20, 2016
6/20/16: Getting Ready for Vacation
Weight: 154.0
I dropped four tenths of a pound, about a third of what I gained on Saturday, after being 100% on program yesterday. It wasn't hard to get back on program after my rough Saturday afternoon. My desire to get to my goal weight is a lot stronger than my desire to eat crap. One afternoon out of a little over six weeks of being on program isn't bad. This is the beginning of the seventh week of Operation Re-Start and I'm going strong.
I have several little trips coming up. This Thursday we leave for San Diego to see Brianna, Kyle, and their new baby, Killian. I'm home for the July Fourth weekend, but the weekend after that I go to Sequim, Washington to see my dad and the weekend after that I am going on a weekend vacation with my sister. In the last 6 weeks of my challenge I have 3 trips planned! It is going to take a lot of resolve to stay on program!! I really want to see great results from this 12 weeks, though, so I know I can do it. I want to be able to look back at the photos from this 12 weeks and be able to see what 12 weeks of being On Program and exercising regularly can do for my body. The photos are true inspiration to keep on program.
Today is just another day. I'm glad the company picnic is done. It'll be back to the basics at work. I have to figure out how to give everyone a raise. We are way past due.
Until tomorrow!
I dropped four tenths of a pound, about a third of what I gained on Saturday, after being 100% on program yesterday. It wasn't hard to get back on program after my rough Saturday afternoon. My desire to get to my goal weight is a lot stronger than my desire to eat crap. One afternoon out of a little over six weeks of being on program isn't bad. This is the beginning of the seventh week of Operation Re-Start and I'm going strong.
I have several little trips coming up. This Thursday we leave for San Diego to see Brianna, Kyle, and their new baby, Killian. I'm home for the July Fourth weekend, but the weekend after that I go to Sequim, Washington to see my dad and the weekend after that I am going on a weekend vacation with my sister. In the last 6 weeks of my challenge I have 3 trips planned! It is going to take a lot of resolve to stay on program!! I really want to see great results from this 12 weeks, though, so I know I can do it. I want to be able to look back at the photos from this 12 weeks and be able to see what 12 weeks of being On Program and exercising regularly can do for my body. The photos are true inspiration to keep on program.
Today is just another day. I'm glad the company picnic is done. It'll be back to the basics at work. I have to figure out how to give everyone a raise. We are way past due.
Until tomorrow!
Sunday, June 19, 2016
6/19/16: Flip Side of the Coin
Temporary Weight: 154.4
When I am on program, working out, getting plenty of sleep, drinking plenty of water, and keeping the stress level just about right; I lose weight somewhat consistently. The flip side of that coin, when I don't do any of those things? I see a bigger number on the scale the next morning.
I started the day with good intentions. We had our company family picnic on Saturday and I am the senior member on the fun committee, so I was very involved in pulling this event off, successfully. I was up late baking cookies, got up at 4:00AM so I could have a healthy breakfast and make a huge bowl of fruit salad, and I was out the door before 7:00.
We met at work, loaded everything into the vehicles and headed to the park. This year for the picnic we decided to do a carnival theme. We made 13 games that everyone could play for tickets, and we set up a general store where the kids could "buy" stuff. We also had a raffle for all of us big kids. It was hectic. We hustled all morning long, it got hot, people started showing up, and the games began.
The turnout was good and everyone had a great time, but it was like herding cats. I was busy constantly. Finally, it was time for lunch and everyone was eating wonderful food, happy and content. I packed my own lunch but by then it was 2 hours after when I normally eat and my cooler was stuck under a table where a bunch of people were sitting. I ended up making a decent plate of "near program" food of BBQ turkey, homemade potato salad, a few baked beans, and fruit salad. Lunch was fine. Not exactly on program, but not too far off program. Not a big deal. I didn't touch the desserts, and there was plenty of them.
After lunch we did the pinata, opened the general store, and had the raffle. Then it was 2:00, time to pack up and head home.
We got home at about 3:30. I had been on my feet all day, running the show. I ate lunch two hours late, I did not drink enough water, I was stressed (in a good way), and it was very hot. By the time we got home I was exhausted and dehydrated, and my blood sugars were probably all out of whack from eating lunch so late. I think the key issue here was the dehydration. I think that threw off my balance as much as anything. After a quick shower I drank a couple of glasses of water and ate my dinner, hoping to stave off any real cravings as I could already tell them my resolve to stay on plan was fading fast. It didn't work. As I sat in my recliner relaxing prior to getting ready to go to a Royals game last night (it was a busy day!), I decided to have a glass of wine and a few squares of dark chocolate. Not the end of the world, but certainly not on program. Yes, I enjoyed them and didn't even feel guilty about it, well, not very guilty. Then we went to the ball park. Half way there we realized we were an hour early, which was fine, but we had time to kill. It was still hot, which I don't really mind, but I was also completely off balance with my food and water. I craved ice cream. I ate ice cream. *Sigh* And that was that.
I got on the scale this morning knowing that the off program foods would make me heavier. I know I did not gain 1.4 pounds of fat from eating those foods. I know that I poisoned myself slightly with sugar and alcohol and that caused systemic inflammation (water weight gain). I know that I need to slam myself back on program (Done!) and then the inflammation will subside and the weight will be gone. That weight gain is a reminder of why it is so important to stay on program almost all the time. My body is happier when I take good care of it, which makes me happier.
Today will be rushed, too. I slept late because we didn't get home until late and Lauren will be here for my personal training session in about an hour. We have kickball from 11:00 to 2:00 (I'm still not playing but I go anyway, to cheer and watch). This afternoon will be a little more mellow, but we need to get some housekeeping done because we leave for San Diego on Thursday to see our new grandbaby. I still need to pay the bills and balance the checkbook. Yes, it'll be a busy day. But, I'm back on program. No worries. It's all good. I'm fine. I just hit a little bump on the road.
Have a great day. Don't forget to call your dad! It's Father's Day!!
When I am on program, working out, getting plenty of sleep, drinking plenty of water, and keeping the stress level just about right; I lose weight somewhat consistently. The flip side of that coin, when I don't do any of those things? I see a bigger number on the scale the next morning.
I started the day with good intentions. We had our company family picnic on Saturday and I am the senior member on the fun committee, so I was very involved in pulling this event off, successfully. I was up late baking cookies, got up at 4:00AM so I could have a healthy breakfast and make a huge bowl of fruit salad, and I was out the door before 7:00.
We met at work, loaded everything into the vehicles and headed to the park. This year for the picnic we decided to do a carnival theme. We made 13 games that everyone could play for tickets, and we set up a general store where the kids could "buy" stuff. We also had a raffle for all of us big kids. It was hectic. We hustled all morning long, it got hot, people started showing up, and the games began.
The turnout was good and everyone had a great time, but it was like herding cats. I was busy constantly. Finally, it was time for lunch and everyone was eating wonderful food, happy and content. I packed my own lunch but by then it was 2 hours after when I normally eat and my cooler was stuck under a table where a bunch of people were sitting. I ended up making a decent plate of "near program" food of BBQ turkey, homemade potato salad, a few baked beans, and fruit salad. Lunch was fine. Not exactly on program, but not too far off program. Not a big deal. I didn't touch the desserts, and there was plenty of them.
After lunch we did the pinata, opened the general store, and had the raffle. Then it was 2:00, time to pack up and head home.
We got home at about 3:30. I had been on my feet all day, running the show. I ate lunch two hours late, I did not drink enough water, I was stressed (in a good way), and it was very hot. By the time we got home I was exhausted and dehydrated, and my blood sugars were probably all out of whack from eating lunch so late. I think the key issue here was the dehydration. I think that threw off my balance as much as anything. After a quick shower I drank a couple of glasses of water and ate my dinner, hoping to stave off any real cravings as I could already tell them my resolve to stay on plan was fading fast. It didn't work. As I sat in my recliner relaxing prior to getting ready to go to a Royals game last night (it was a busy day!), I decided to have a glass of wine and a few squares of dark chocolate. Not the end of the world, but certainly not on program. Yes, I enjoyed them and didn't even feel guilty about it, well, not very guilty. Then we went to the ball park. Half way there we realized we were an hour early, which was fine, but we had time to kill. It was still hot, which I don't really mind, but I was also completely off balance with my food and water. I craved ice cream. I ate ice cream. *Sigh* And that was that.
I got on the scale this morning knowing that the off program foods would make me heavier. I know I did not gain 1.4 pounds of fat from eating those foods. I know that I poisoned myself slightly with sugar and alcohol and that caused systemic inflammation (water weight gain). I know that I need to slam myself back on program (Done!) and then the inflammation will subside and the weight will be gone. That weight gain is a reminder of why it is so important to stay on program almost all the time. My body is happier when I take good care of it, which makes me happier.
Today will be rushed, too. I slept late because we didn't get home until late and Lauren will be here for my personal training session in about an hour. We have kickball from 11:00 to 2:00 (I'm still not playing but I go anyway, to cheer and watch). This afternoon will be a little more mellow, but we need to get some housekeeping done because we leave for San Diego on Thursday to see our new grandbaby. I still need to pay the bills and balance the checkbook. Yes, it'll be a busy day. But, I'm back on program. No worries. It's all good. I'm fine. I just hit a little bump on the road.
Have a great day. Don't forget to call your dad! It's Father's Day!!
Saturday, June 18, 2016
6/18/16 Week 6 results
Weight: 153.0
I am ha;f way through my 12 Week Challenge - Operation ReStart and I continue to be pleased with the results. I am lifting weights 3 days a week and running 2 or 3 days a week. I am staying On Program with my food. I've lost a little over 10 pounds and I have 3 pounds to go. More importantly, the exercise is really helping me tone up.
Here are my Week 6 Progress Photos:
The difference is pretty stunning. Can't argue with results!
We had our picnic today, so it's been a long one, already. I'm signing off for now but should have time to put up a nice long post tomorrow morning.
Have a great afternoon!
I am ha;f way through my 12 Week Challenge - Operation ReStart and I continue to be pleased with the results. I am lifting weights 3 days a week and running 2 or 3 days a week. I am staying On Program with my food. I've lost a little over 10 pounds and I have 3 pounds to go. More importantly, the exercise is really helping me tone up.
Here are my Week 6 Progress Photos:
We had our picnic today, so it's been a long one, already. I'm signing off for now but should have time to put up a nice long post tomorrow morning.
Have a great afternoon!
Friday, June 17, 2016
6/17/16: Busy, Busy, Busy
Weight: 153.0
It felt like a long day yesterday and I am rushed today, so this is just a quick update to let you know that I am alive and kicking; oh, and I broke through the nasty little plateau. I find myself wondering if I can lose another half pound before the next one sets in. We shall see.
Three pounds. Hell yeah, I can lose three more pounds!!
See you tomorrow!!
It felt like a long day yesterday and I am rushed today, so this is just a quick update to let you know that I am alive and kicking; oh, and I broke through the nasty little plateau. I find myself wondering if I can lose another half pound before the next one sets in. We shall see.
Three pounds. Hell yeah, I can lose three more pounds!!
See you tomorrow!!
Thursday, June 16, 2016
6/16/2016: A Lot on My Mind
Weight: 153.4
I received a couple of thoughtful responses to my blog post yesterday, one via text from one of my daughters and one from my sister, and though their comments addressed very different ideas they were both incredibly thought provoking. Now I have a lot of different thoughts running through my mind. They've triggered a lot of different memories, good memories of when I learned certain things that have built up this reservoir of strength and this incredibly large toolbox that I have to at my disposal to help me fight the good fight.
I'm looking forward to having the time to put up posts responding to the flood of thoughts that were triggered by their comments, but I don't have time for that right now. For now, I just want to say thank you. You both mean so much to me.
Love,
Roberta
I received a couple of thoughtful responses to my blog post yesterday, one via text from one of my daughters and one from my sister, and though their comments addressed very different ideas they were both incredibly thought provoking. Now I have a lot of different thoughts running through my mind. They've triggered a lot of different memories, good memories of when I learned certain things that have built up this reservoir of strength and this incredibly large toolbox that I have to at my disposal to help me fight the good fight.
I'm looking forward to having the time to put up posts responding to the flood of thoughts that were triggered by their comments, but I don't have time for that right now. For now, I just want to say thank you. You both mean so much to me.
Love,
Roberta
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
6/15/2016: If It Was Easy...
Weight: 154.2
...everyone would do it!
I ran three miles today without walking. That was one of my goals for my 12 week challenge. I was a little frustrated with the scale not moving today so as I set out for my run I said, "Just do the whole loop." So I did. A few times during that run I thought about walking, but it wasn't that bad. I thought to myself, "This isn't easy." But then I reminded myself that it's not that hard. A lot of people are doing much more difficult things than jogging three miles in the morning and staying on a food program.
I'm conflicted. It means so much to me when I hear that my story has motivated somebody else to start a program of their own. The purpose of this blog is to keep myself on program, but when I inspire others I am thrilled. My conflict is this. Is this hard or isn't it? On the one hand, it seemed impossible when I weighed 250 pounds, or more recently 224 pounds, to get to a healthy weight. The long, slow slog of getting here seemed like too much to take on. I get it when others tell me how hard it is. I went through what they are going through. Several times. If it was easy, it wouldn't have taken me 30 years of my adult life to figure out how to get it done. So, yes, I acknowledge that this is hard. But, in reality, it's not that hard. The hardest part, really, is making up my mind to do it. Once that part is done, once I have decided that I really am doing this, then it is just a matter of planning and executing. I need to allocate part of my week to cooking healthy food. Well, I cook anyway, it doesn't take any longer to cook healthy food than anything else. I need to allocate a part of each day to exercise. Well, I don't work, sleep, or eat for 24 hours a day. I have at least a little time everyday that is free. I can use that for exercise. It really is about choosing to do it. When it gets right down to brass tacks, this isn't that hard. It's just something that needs to be done consistently. I have to decide I'm going to do it, everyday.
So, do I say, this is really hard, but do it anyway. Or do I say, it's not that hard. I don't know. It is and it isn't. I don't know.
The Royals are winning again and it's hot in Kansas City, so I'm dressed for comfort, today!
Have a good one out there!!
...everyone would do it!
I ran three miles today without walking. That was one of my goals for my 12 week challenge. I was a little frustrated with the scale not moving today so as I set out for my run I said, "Just do the whole loop." So I did. A few times during that run I thought about walking, but it wasn't that bad. I thought to myself, "This isn't easy." But then I reminded myself that it's not that hard. A lot of people are doing much more difficult things than jogging three miles in the morning and staying on a food program.
I'm conflicted. It means so much to me when I hear that my story has motivated somebody else to start a program of their own. The purpose of this blog is to keep myself on program, but when I inspire others I am thrilled. My conflict is this. Is this hard or isn't it? On the one hand, it seemed impossible when I weighed 250 pounds, or more recently 224 pounds, to get to a healthy weight. The long, slow slog of getting here seemed like too much to take on. I get it when others tell me how hard it is. I went through what they are going through. Several times. If it was easy, it wouldn't have taken me 30 years of my adult life to figure out how to get it done. So, yes, I acknowledge that this is hard. But, in reality, it's not that hard. The hardest part, really, is making up my mind to do it. Once that part is done, once I have decided that I really am doing this, then it is just a matter of planning and executing. I need to allocate part of my week to cooking healthy food. Well, I cook anyway, it doesn't take any longer to cook healthy food than anything else. I need to allocate a part of each day to exercise. Well, I don't work, sleep, or eat for 24 hours a day. I have at least a little time everyday that is free. I can use that for exercise. It really is about choosing to do it. When it gets right down to brass tacks, this isn't that hard. It's just something that needs to be done consistently. I have to decide I'm going to do it, everyday.
So, do I say, this is really hard, but do it anyway. Or do I say, it's not that hard. I don't know. It is and it isn't. I don't know.
The Royals are winning again and it's hot in Kansas City, so I'm dressed for comfort, today!
Have a good one out there!!
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
6/14/16: Stress - It'll Get You Every Time
Weight: 154.2
I said to Jackie, "I gained 2/10ths of a pound yesterday, but I don't know why," and he said one word, "Stress."
He's right. I had a bad day yesterday. I could barely get out the door. The massacre in Orlando was devastating news. The public discussion about rape, long overdue, is constantly on my mind. The prospect of Donald Trump as our president is dismaying and scares the shit out of me. Those three things piled on top of each other overwhelmed me yesterday and made it difficult for me to function. I didn't go off program and I ate on schedule, but stress has a negative impact on my body. I am sure that Jack is right, that stress is contributing to this most recent plateau.
I feel better today. I had some good conversations yesterday evening, a solid night's sleep last night, and a vigorous workout this morning. I think today will be a better day.
Have a good one out there. I'll see you tomorrow!
I said to Jackie, "I gained 2/10ths of a pound yesterday, but I don't know why," and he said one word, "Stress."
He's right. I had a bad day yesterday. I could barely get out the door. The massacre in Orlando was devastating news. The public discussion about rape, long overdue, is constantly on my mind. The prospect of Donald Trump as our president is dismaying and scares the shit out of me. Those three things piled on top of each other overwhelmed me yesterday and made it difficult for me to function. I didn't go off program and I ate on schedule, but stress has a negative impact on my body. I am sure that Jack is right, that stress is contributing to this most recent plateau.
I feel better today. I had some good conversations yesterday evening, a solid night's sleep last night, and a vigorous workout this morning. I think today will be a better day.
Have a good one out there. I'll see you tomorrow!
Monday, June 13, 2016
6/13/2016: Another Day
Weight: 154.0
It's Monday morning, again. It happens every seven days, whether I want it to or not. Funny how that works.
I ate dinner later than normal yesterday because of kickball (I didn't play because of my broken finger, but I was one helluva manager!) and even though everything else was 100% on program, eating later in the day had a slight impact on my weight. It's so predictable.
The tragedy in Orlando yesterday really shook me up. It put all of my minor challenges and inconveniences into perspective. I am crushed by how hate fueled the rhetoric in the world has become. Or is. Why do human beings hate each other so much? Why do human beings have so much intolerance for people that are different from themselves? Why do people perceive minor differences such as skin color, religious affiliation, gender and gender identification, sexual orientation, or nationality as reasons to hate one another? I don't get it.
The loud public discussion about rape is occupying my thoughts, as well. I am glad the discussion is happening, yet I feel like a big piece of the puzzle is missing from the discussion. I do think that most, if not all, women are constantly aware of the threat of rape. When I am running in the early mornings I pay attention to every person I see and every vehicle on the street. I assess the risk potential and decide what to do every time I see someone. Should I keep running in this direction? Should I cut up a side street? If something seems abnormal, I will confidently jog up to the front door of a house and pretend I live there, to shake off a would be attacker. Two days ago I was jogging down the street (at 5:00AM) and a car slowed down as it passed me. This was enough to scare me. I immediately turned up a side street and then up another one so the driver wouldn't find me if he did decide to turn around. I'm not ready to discuss some of my more radical thoughts on this subject, but I am glad the discussion is becoming more public. Rape in this country is a serious problem and we must do something about it. Now.
Sigh. Sorry about this divergence, but these subjects are weighing heavily on me. I'll try to get back to the task at hand in tomorrow's post.
It's Monday morning, again. It happens every seven days, whether I want it to or not. Funny how that works.
I ate dinner later than normal yesterday because of kickball (I didn't play because of my broken finger, but I was one helluva manager!) and even though everything else was 100% on program, eating later in the day had a slight impact on my weight. It's so predictable.
The tragedy in Orlando yesterday really shook me up. It put all of my minor challenges and inconveniences into perspective. I am crushed by how hate fueled the rhetoric in the world has become. Or is. Why do human beings hate each other so much? Why do human beings have so much intolerance for people that are different from themselves? Why do people perceive minor differences such as skin color, religious affiliation, gender and gender identification, sexual orientation, or nationality as reasons to hate one another? I don't get it.
The loud public discussion about rape is occupying my thoughts, as well. I am glad the discussion is happening, yet I feel like a big piece of the puzzle is missing from the discussion. I do think that most, if not all, women are constantly aware of the threat of rape. When I am running in the early mornings I pay attention to every person I see and every vehicle on the street. I assess the risk potential and decide what to do every time I see someone. Should I keep running in this direction? Should I cut up a side street? If something seems abnormal, I will confidently jog up to the front door of a house and pretend I live there, to shake off a would be attacker. Two days ago I was jogging down the street (at 5:00AM) and a car slowed down as it passed me. This was enough to scare me. I immediately turned up a side street and then up another one so the driver wouldn't find me if he did decide to turn around. I'm not ready to discuss some of my more radical thoughts on this subject, but I am glad the discussion is becoming more public. Rape in this country is a serious problem and we must do something about it. Now.
Sigh. Sorry about this divergence, but these subjects are weighing heavily on me. I'll try to get back to the task at hand in tomorrow's post.
Sunday, June 12, 2016
6/12/2016: Blogging Helps & the Story Continues (or More Accurately, Goes Backwards)
Weight: 153.8 (exactly. again.)
When I take a little time every day to write about what I am thinking about as I wage my own personal war against obesity and the chronic diseases that obesity contributes to, I do better. I've tried writing in a journal but I tire of that very quickly. I need to pretend that someone is going to read what I write or I lose interest in writing. Blogging helps me stay true to myself. It helps me keep my thoughts linear and it keeps me from getting caught up in a downward spiral of negative self-talk. Visualize a whirlpool that is created when you drain the sink, that is what my thought pattern can be like sometimes. The dark thoughts go round and round in a circle, they get tighter and faster and darker, until I'm sucked into a pit. Once I am in that pit, all bets are off, I lose my sense of self and I go off program. Maybe slowly at first, maybe not. It's not pretty, either way. Blogging helps. I acknowledge my thoughts when I blog, think them through, write them down, and then they pretty much stay right there and stop tugging me down the drain. Acknowledging the voice in yesterday's post was that way. After blogging about it, the voice quieted down. One of the reasons for this is pretty obvious. As I started to complain about the voice I started to wonder if there was a good physiological reason for that voice that kept saying, "Eat." Maybe I was subtly hungry and I just didn't feel hungry because my stomach wasn't growling at me. As I was writing that blog post, I decided to count the calories I ate the day before and was surprised to find out that I ate about 150 calories less than I would have guessed. One hundred fifty calories may not seem like a lot, but the difference between 1350 calories and 1500 calories is fairly significant. That explained a lot. It explained why I had this nagging desire to eat, I am underfeeding myself a little bit every day. It also explained why I am losing weight fairly consistently, I've lost almost 10 pounds since Operation Re-Start began. All of a sudden I realized that this voice may very well be temporary and when I start eating enough to stop losing weight it might go away. My sister made the same observation, which reinforced this idea. After that, the voice became much quieter, barely a whisper. It's easy for me to tolerate annoyances when I believe they are temporary. I don't become exasperated as easily when I don't think I have to put up with something forever. This blog really helps me stay on track. I appreciate the fact that there are a few people that actually read my blog, because knowing someone (even if it is just one person) is going to click on my page today urges me to put up a post, even if I have nothing to say.
In the very first sentence of the above paragraph I talk about waging my own personal war against obesity. Yet you've seen my recent pictures so you know as well I do that I am not obese. In fact, if you look at the infamous BMI charts, I am now no longer overweight, I am normal weight. But, for a significant portion of my adult life, I was obese. That sounds like such an awful word, doesn't it? Even if I just say it in my mind, "Obese," I flinch a little. The picture that word conjures up is awful.
I don't need to conjure up that picture in my mind, I have that picture. I have several pictures, in fact. I thought about destroying pictures of my fat self, then changed my mind. They're real. It's not something to be ashamed of. At those moments in time, when those picture were taken, I was significantly overweight. Fact. In spite of the fact that I don't like the sound of the word, "Obese," I don't object to the use of the words fat and obese. I don't know why exactly. They are succinct, descriptive words. I vehemently object to name calling and belittling people because of their weight (or sex or race or age or sexual orientation or religion or anything else that makes one person different from another), but I don't object to statements of fact. When I was 100 pounds heavier than I am today, I was obese. I was there. For a long time. It is part of my past. I was severely overweight or obese for a significant part of my adult life. I am bound and determined to never be obese again.
Is obesity a disease? I don't know. I don't think of it as a disease as much as I think of it as a condition that contributes to disease. I've read a lot about chronic diseases such as diabetes, dementia, hypertension, stroke, heart disease, arthritis and even certain cancers. They all have something in common; chronic systemic inflammation. Obesity is a significant contributing factor to chronic systemic inflammation. It is an established fact that obesity is a contributing factor to chronic disease. It is hard on my body to be 100 pounds overweight. I cannot deny that. In addition to being physically hard on me, it was mentally hard on me. Being overweight contributed to my depression. My depression contributed to my poor diet. Which...well, we all know where that leads.
I started my story a few days ago with a few paragraphs about how my experience with Tae Kwon Do was the beginning of the end of my life as an obese person. That was fifteen years ago. Tae Kwon Do was the first step of many, including a few back slides, that have gotten me to where I am today. Fifteen years. Wow, when I look at it that way, this has been one hell of a journey. It is true, though. Life before Tae Kwon Do was different than life after Tae Kwon Do. That was a turning point.
I had more responses to that blog post then just about any other. Those responses encouraged me to continue the story; you said that you found my personal story inspirational and asked me to tell more of it. If there is one meaningful thing I want to be able to do with the rest of my life, it is to help others win their own personal battles with food, exercise, and, yes, depression. This has not been easy and I have relied heavily on words written by other people to get here. I will continue to rely on the words of other people to keep me motivated for the rest of my life. So a little encouragement is all it will take to keep me telling my story. As the saying goes, if it helps one person, it's worth it. Therefore, I will continue on with the story, but instead of continuing the story chronologically, which is what I said I was going to do, I am going to go back in time a bit, prior to Tae Kwon Do. Why was I obese, in the first place? What were the circumstances that led me to this place that I allowed my physical health to take last place to everything else in my life?
Of course, it's a long story. Or perhaps it's a short story. In any event, it's, unfortunately, a fairly common story; a common story with it's own unique chapters.
I'll start by saying that I love hot weather, and I mean very hot weather, for a reason. When I was 15 years old, we moved to New Delhi, India, where I spent my last year of high school. For a couple of significant reasons, this is the first time in my life that I was happy; so to this day I associate hot weather with happiness. As summer rolls around and the heat starts to get oppressive and everyone else starts to complain, I start humming my happy songs. My mood lifts. Yeah, I'm hot. Yeah, I get uncomfortable. Yeah, I admit that sometimes I seek the shade and the air conditioning. But I'm happy. Everyone else says, "Man it's hot." And I respond with, "It is getting kind of warm, isn't it?" Yep, I love summertime and I believe it is because I associate hot weather with being happy.
One of the significant differences between life in India vs. life in the U.S. was my high school experience. At Glenelg High School, in rural Maryland (yes, there really is - or was - a rural Maryland), I was ostracized. That is not an exaggeration. I had a friend. A friend. As in one friend. Her name was Sheila Somerlock. Though we don't spend any time together anymore and her name is no longer Somerlock and I just checked Facebook to make sure I am spelling her maiden name correctly, she was and still is one of my best friends. I am not sure what I would have done of we had not found each other in high school. I don't recall sharing a tremendous number of classes together, but we spent a lot of time together outside of school. After I came back to the U.S. and graduated from college, I moved back to Maryland and Sheila and I reconnected. We spent many a late night playing cards with Nick (now her husband) and Nick's friend, Joe, who I have lost track of. My friendship with Sheila was critical to my surviving (and I mean that literally) my high school years at Glenelg. Other than that friendship, life back then was pretty bleak. I was teased, made fun of because I was fat (I wasn't really fat back then. A little overweight, yes, but nowhere near obese.), and labeled (in a very insulting way that I still don't really understand) a homemaker because I enjoyed "domestic" hobbies like sewing and cooking. I was uncool in every definition of the word and was a social outcast. I felt like a loser. A Big-Fat-Loser. I wanted to die most of the time. Again, this is not an exaggeration. I thought about it a lot. Death would be by far the simpler solution. Just give up. Why should I face this misery another day? The number of times I contemplated my own death cannot be counted. I was so miserable I seriously considered taking my own life. The primary reason I didn't take my own life is because I kept imagining the mess it would make and how awful it would be for the person that found me and had to clean it up. It didn't occur to me that anyone (except for Sheila) would be sad that I was gone, I just didn't want someone else to have to clean up the mess. Shit. That says a lot.
Then we moved to India. I'll never forget the day Dad asked me and my brother George how we felt about this idea. He asked the question with some trepidation. I am sure he expected the normal teenage response of, "Are you crazy, we can't move to India! We're graduating from high school next year!" But he got just the opposite, we both enthusiastically embraced the idea from the first moment that he asked us about it. You mean we get to escape this school a year early? Hell, yeah! We're in. When do we leave? Honestly, he didn't have a clue how fucked up our world was back then. That's a fact. I don't blame him, I really don't. How could he know unless we told him? Something I've learned through my many years of therapy is parents, including myself, do their absolute best to raise their kids given the skill set, life experience, and means at their disposal. I also don't begrudge the fact that my life was difficult. I am who I am because of my childhood. I am strong, independent, assertive, well educated, and moderately successful in my chosen profession. I am a loving, caring, and nurturing human being. I am optimistic and hopeful about the future. These are all bits of who I am and I wouldn't want it any other way. It's all OK. I have thought about this a lot, particularly as I was raising my own children. My childhood was not easy. I will go so far to say that it was incredibly difficult. It wasn't as God awful as some, but it was a far cry from idyllic. Life is not easy and if childhood is meant as a preparation for life as an adult, then the first sixteen years of my life was one hell of an excellent learning experience. I've proven, again and again, that I can handle whatever life throws at me. I heard this saying just the other day, "It's not how often you're knocked down, but how often you get back up." There is a lot of truth to that. So there was the first fifteen years and then there was the sixteenth year of my childhood, India.
Why was India so different? Why did it have such a tremendous impact on me? Well, I guess that will be chapter three.
Until then...
When I take a little time every day to write about what I am thinking about as I wage my own personal war against obesity and the chronic diseases that obesity contributes to, I do better. I've tried writing in a journal but I tire of that very quickly. I need to pretend that someone is going to read what I write or I lose interest in writing. Blogging helps me stay true to myself. It helps me keep my thoughts linear and it keeps me from getting caught up in a downward spiral of negative self-talk. Visualize a whirlpool that is created when you drain the sink, that is what my thought pattern can be like sometimes. The dark thoughts go round and round in a circle, they get tighter and faster and darker, until I'm sucked into a pit. Once I am in that pit, all bets are off, I lose my sense of self and I go off program. Maybe slowly at first, maybe not. It's not pretty, either way. Blogging helps. I acknowledge my thoughts when I blog, think them through, write them down, and then they pretty much stay right there and stop tugging me down the drain. Acknowledging the voice in yesterday's post was that way. After blogging about it, the voice quieted down. One of the reasons for this is pretty obvious. As I started to complain about the voice I started to wonder if there was a good physiological reason for that voice that kept saying, "Eat." Maybe I was subtly hungry and I just didn't feel hungry because my stomach wasn't growling at me. As I was writing that blog post, I decided to count the calories I ate the day before and was surprised to find out that I ate about 150 calories less than I would have guessed. One hundred fifty calories may not seem like a lot, but the difference between 1350 calories and 1500 calories is fairly significant. That explained a lot. It explained why I had this nagging desire to eat, I am underfeeding myself a little bit every day. It also explained why I am losing weight fairly consistently, I've lost almost 10 pounds since Operation Re-Start began. All of a sudden I realized that this voice may very well be temporary and when I start eating enough to stop losing weight it might go away. My sister made the same observation, which reinforced this idea. After that, the voice became much quieter, barely a whisper. It's easy for me to tolerate annoyances when I believe they are temporary. I don't become exasperated as easily when I don't think I have to put up with something forever. This blog really helps me stay on track. I appreciate the fact that there are a few people that actually read my blog, because knowing someone (even if it is just one person) is going to click on my page today urges me to put up a post, even if I have nothing to say.
In the very first sentence of the above paragraph I talk about waging my own personal war against obesity. Yet you've seen my recent pictures so you know as well I do that I am not obese. In fact, if you look at the infamous BMI charts, I am now no longer overweight, I am normal weight. But, for a significant portion of my adult life, I was obese. That sounds like such an awful word, doesn't it? Even if I just say it in my mind, "Obese," I flinch a little. The picture that word conjures up is awful.
I don't need to conjure up that picture in my mind, I have that picture. I have several pictures, in fact. I thought about destroying pictures of my fat self, then changed my mind. They're real. It's not something to be ashamed of. At those moments in time, when those picture were taken, I was significantly overweight. Fact. In spite of the fact that I don't like the sound of the word, "Obese," I don't object to the use of the words fat and obese. I don't know why exactly. They are succinct, descriptive words. I vehemently object to name calling and belittling people because of their weight (or sex or race or age or sexual orientation or religion or anything else that makes one person different from another), but I don't object to statements of fact. When I was 100 pounds heavier than I am today, I was obese. I was there. For a long time. It is part of my past. I was severely overweight or obese for a significant part of my adult life. I am bound and determined to never be obese again.
Is obesity a disease? I don't know. I don't think of it as a disease as much as I think of it as a condition that contributes to disease. I've read a lot about chronic diseases such as diabetes, dementia, hypertension, stroke, heart disease, arthritis and even certain cancers. They all have something in common; chronic systemic inflammation. Obesity is a significant contributing factor to chronic systemic inflammation. It is an established fact that obesity is a contributing factor to chronic disease. It is hard on my body to be 100 pounds overweight. I cannot deny that. In addition to being physically hard on me, it was mentally hard on me. Being overweight contributed to my depression. My depression contributed to my poor diet. Which...well, we all know where that leads.
I started my story a few days ago with a few paragraphs about how my experience with Tae Kwon Do was the beginning of the end of my life as an obese person. That was fifteen years ago. Tae Kwon Do was the first step of many, including a few back slides, that have gotten me to where I am today. Fifteen years. Wow, when I look at it that way, this has been one hell of a journey. It is true, though. Life before Tae Kwon Do was different than life after Tae Kwon Do. That was a turning point.
I had more responses to that blog post then just about any other. Those responses encouraged me to continue the story; you said that you found my personal story inspirational and asked me to tell more of it. If there is one meaningful thing I want to be able to do with the rest of my life, it is to help others win their own personal battles with food, exercise, and, yes, depression. This has not been easy and I have relied heavily on words written by other people to get here. I will continue to rely on the words of other people to keep me motivated for the rest of my life. So a little encouragement is all it will take to keep me telling my story. As the saying goes, if it helps one person, it's worth it. Therefore, I will continue on with the story, but instead of continuing the story chronologically, which is what I said I was going to do, I am going to go back in time a bit, prior to Tae Kwon Do. Why was I obese, in the first place? What were the circumstances that led me to this place that I allowed my physical health to take last place to everything else in my life?
Of course, it's a long story. Or perhaps it's a short story. In any event, it's, unfortunately, a fairly common story; a common story with it's own unique chapters.
I'll start by saying that I love hot weather, and I mean very hot weather, for a reason. When I was 15 years old, we moved to New Delhi, India, where I spent my last year of high school. For a couple of significant reasons, this is the first time in my life that I was happy; so to this day I associate hot weather with happiness. As summer rolls around and the heat starts to get oppressive and everyone else starts to complain, I start humming my happy songs. My mood lifts. Yeah, I'm hot. Yeah, I get uncomfortable. Yeah, I admit that sometimes I seek the shade and the air conditioning. But I'm happy. Everyone else says, "Man it's hot." And I respond with, "It is getting kind of warm, isn't it?" Yep, I love summertime and I believe it is because I associate hot weather with being happy.
One of the significant differences between life in India vs. life in the U.S. was my high school experience. At Glenelg High School, in rural Maryland (yes, there really is - or was - a rural Maryland), I was ostracized. That is not an exaggeration. I had a friend. A friend. As in one friend. Her name was Sheila Somerlock. Though we don't spend any time together anymore and her name is no longer Somerlock and I just checked Facebook to make sure I am spelling her maiden name correctly, she was and still is one of my best friends. I am not sure what I would have done of we had not found each other in high school. I don't recall sharing a tremendous number of classes together, but we spent a lot of time together outside of school. After I came back to the U.S. and graduated from college, I moved back to Maryland and Sheila and I reconnected. We spent many a late night playing cards with Nick (now her husband) and Nick's friend, Joe, who I have lost track of. My friendship with Sheila was critical to my surviving (and I mean that literally) my high school years at Glenelg. Other than that friendship, life back then was pretty bleak. I was teased, made fun of because I was fat (I wasn't really fat back then. A little overweight, yes, but nowhere near obese.), and labeled (in a very insulting way that I still don't really understand) a homemaker because I enjoyed "domestic" hobbies like sewing and cooking. I was uncool in every definition of the word and was a social outcast. I felt like a loser. A Big-Fat-Loser. I wanted to die most of the time. Again, this is not an exaggeration. I thought about it a lot. Death would be by far the simpler solution. Just give up. Why should I face this misery another day? The number of times I contemplated my own death cannot be counted. I was so miserable I seriously considered taking my own life. The primary reason I didn't take my own life is because I kept imagining the mess it would make and how awful it would be for the person that found me and had to clean it up. It didn't occur to me that anyone (except for Sheila) would be sad that I was gone, I just didn't want someone else to have to clean up the mess. Shit. That says a lot.
Then we moved to India. I'll never forget the day Dad asked me and my brother George how we felt about this idea. He asked the question with some trepidation. I am sure he expected the normal teenage response of, "Are you crazy, we can't move to India! We're graduating from high school next year!" But he got just the opposite, we both enthusiastically embraced the idea from the first moment that he asked us about it. You mean we get to escape this school a year early? Hell, yeah! We're in. When do we leave? Honestly, he didn't have a clue how fucked up our world was back then. That's a fact. I don't blame him, I really don't. How could he know unless we told him? Something I've learned through my many years of therapy is parents, including myself, do their absolute best to raise their kids given the skill set, life experience, and means at their disposal. I also don't begrudge the fact that my life was difficult. I am who I am because of my childhood. I am strong, independent, assertive, well educated, and moderately successful in my chosen profession. I am a loving, caring, and nurturing human being. I am optimistic and hopeful about the future. These are all bits of who I am and I wouldn't want it any other way. It's all OK. I have thought about this a lot, particularly as I was raising my own children. My childhood was not easy. I will go so far to say that it was incredibly difficult. It wasn't as God awful as some, but it was a far cry from idyllic. Life is not easy and if childhood is meant as a preparation for life as an adult, then the first sixteen years of my life was one hell of an excellent learning experience. I've proven, again and again, that I can handle whatever life throws at me. I heard this saying just the other day, "It's not how often you're knocked down, but how often you get back up." There is a lot of truth to that. So there was the first fifteen years and then there was the sixteenth year of my childhood, India.
Why was India so different? Why did it have such a tremendous impact on me? Well, I guess that will be chapter three.
Until then...
Saturday, June 11, 2016
6/11/16: Week Five Results - The Proof is in the Pictures
Start Weight: 163.4
5 Week Weight: 153.8
I already put up a post today, but my photographer is awake, so I now have my five week progress photos. There's a little progress since Week 4, but a ton of progress since Start.
The photos are motivational, to say the least. When the voice says, "Eat," I say, "Remember the photos." That's usually enough to stop the voice, at least for a little while.
5 Week Weight: 153.8
I already put up a post today, but my photographer is awake, so I now have my five week progress photos. There's a little progress since Week 4, but a ton of progress since Start.
The photos are motivational, to say the least. When the voice says, "Eat," I say, "Remember the photos." That's usually enough to stop the voice, at least for a little while.
6/11/16: That Damn Voice that Always Says, "Eat."
Weight: 153.8 (Oh, how I wanted it to be less! I am very ready for this stage to be done.)
I'll never understand the undercurrent that causes my mind to constantly drift towards wanting to eat more food. It doesn't matter how much I've had to eat, I always want to eat more. It's not as strong as a craving. When I am all jacked up on fast carbs, as Dad calls them, and I have a craving for candy or something sweet, it's overpowering. I feel as if there is no way I can focus on my task at hand until I feed the craving. There have been days in the not so distant past that the cravings were so intense that I would buy a chocolate bar from the vending machine at work, try to eat it slowly and instead I devoured it. Then, I'd guiltily buy a second chocolate bar and break it into little pieces, so that I could let each piece slowly melt in my mouth. Usually that would be enough to stop the cravings, but not always. I would be rewarded for succumbing to the cravings by getting my focus back, for a while. The immediate peace I'd feel after eating the candy overshadowed the background damage that it was doing to my body. In spite of intellectually knowing that the candy bars were not good for me and in spite of my goal to be long-term healthy and fit, I'd eat the candy bars. That's an addiction based craving.
This undercurrent to eat more food is different. I know it impacts a lot of people, not just me. Just look how people respond to free food. Put a group of people in a room with an unending supply of food, and most will completely fill their plates and then go back for more. If they spend enough time in the room, they'll fill their plates again. For me, lately, it's just a little voice that says, "eat." That's about as specific as it gets. This voice doesn't care what I'm eating, it just seems kind of pissed off that I am not letting it snack. I'm not coming home from work and eating a handful or two of nuts (200 - 400 calories, by the way). I'm not eating a second apple after lunch (only 80 calories, but that's not the point). I'm not grabbing a few grapes out of the fridge as I walk by (I've never calorie counted grapes, it can't be too many). I'm not eating dark chocolate as I wind down in the evenings (about 200 calories). I'm not packing a morning snack. I'm not spending very much time eating, and I think that is what my "inner self" is missing, that time spent eating. Isn't that weird?
I have not been hungry for several weeks. I'm a little surprised by this, I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I am eating three solid meals a day, I am not snacking at all, my last meal is over no later than 4:00 but often by 3:00, and I'm never hungry. I have plenty of energy, I feel strong when I exercise, I'm eating a good combination of protein, veggies, and fruit, and I have been in a very good mood. I haven't been counting calories, but I am eating enough. OK, now I'm curious, I'm going to count yesterday's calories:
I'll never understand the undercurrent that causes my mind to constantly drift towards wanting to eat more food. It doesn't matter how much I've had to eat, I always want to eat more. It's not as strong as a craving. When I am all jacked up on fast carbs, as Dad calls them, and I have a craving for candy or something sweet, it's overpowering. I feel as if there is no way I can focus on my task at hand until I feed the craving. There have been days in the not so distant past that the cravings were so intense that I would buy a chocolate bar from the vending machine at work, try to eat it slowly and instead I devoured it. Then, I'd guiltily buy a second chocolate bar and break it into little pieces, so that I could let each piece slowly melt in my mouth. Usually that would be enough to stop the cravings, but not always. I would be rewarded for succumbing to the cravings by getting my focus back, for a while. The immediate peace I'd feel after eating the candy overshadowed the background damage that it was doing to my body. In spite of intellectually knowing that the candy bars were not good for me and in spite of my goal to be long-term healthy and fit, I'd eat the candy bars. That's an addiction based craving.
This undercurrent to eat more food is different. I know it impacts a lot of people, not just me. Just look how people respond to free food. Put a group of people in a room with an unending supply of food, and most will completely fill their plates and then go back for more. If they spend enough time in the room, they'll fill their plates again. For me, lately, it's just a little voice that says, "eat." That's about as specific as it gets. This voice doesn't care what I'm eating, it just seems kind of pissed off that I am not letting it snack. I'm not coming home from work and eating a handful or two of nuts (200 - 400 calories, by the way). I'm not eating a second apple after lunch (only 80 calories, but that's not the point). I'm not grabbing a few grapes out of the fridge as I walk by (I've never calorie counted grapes, it can't be too many). I'm not eating dark chocolate as I wind down in the evenings (about 200 calories). I'm not packing a morning snack. I'm not spending very much time eating, and I think that is what my "inner self" is missing, that time spent eating. Isn't that weird?
I have not been hungry for several weeks. I'm a little surprised by this, I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I am eating three solid meals a day, I am not snacking at all, my last meal is over no later than 4:00 but often by 3:00, and I'm never hungry. I have plenty of energy, I feel strong when I exercise, I'm eating a good combination of protein, veggies, and fruit, and I have been in a very good mood. I haven't been counting calories, but I am eating enough. OK, now I'm curious, I'm going to count yesterday's calories:
- Breakfast - 511 calories
- 3 eggs - 215 calories
- Cooked in 1/2 T clarified butter - 63 calories
- 1/2 plate sauteed veggies (broccoli, onions, bell peppers, yellow squash, zucchini, cooked in olive oil - 121 calories
- Fresh fruit bowl (1/2 C pineapple, 1/2 banana, 4 strawberries) - 112 calories
- Lunch - 569 calories
- 1.5 C Homemade chicken cashew salad made with homemade avocado based salad dressing - 484 calories
- Large bed of lettuce, grown in my garden - 5 calories
- 1 apple - 80 calories
- Dinner - 261 calories
- 2 ounces roasted pork tenderloin - 90 calories
- 2 cups cabbage & pear medley (includes 1/2 T olive oil) - 91 calories
- 1 apple - 80 calories
- Total Calories - 1,341
So that's not a lot of food, but it's certainly not starvation rations. It's enough to keep me from getting hungry but it's little enough so that I'll burn off more than I'm eating. I would have guessed that I ate closer to 1,500 calories, but 1,341 calories seems reasonable since I'm still trying to lose weight. My guess is that I'm eating between 1,300 and 1,500 a day, depending on my meal choices.
The point I am trying to make is that the voice that says, "Eat," more or less constantly isn't a voice that says, "You're starving to death, eat or die!" It's a voice that says, "Gee, it would be kind of nice to have something to eat. Have a few nuts, why don't you?" The voice comes across like that, as a suggestion. "Why don't you have something to eat? That'd be nice. It would be kind of fun to eat something. Just a little something. It can't hurt."
Right now, in this moment in my life, it is not impossible to tell the voice no. I hear it more or less all the time. As I said, it's like an undercurrent gently tugging at me, or a light breeze on a cool day. You know the type of breeze I'm talking about. It's always there, but you don't really notice it most of the time. Now and then, it blows just a little harder and it causes you to shiver and you say, "Oh, it's breezy. I should have worn a sweater." The voice is like that. I notice it and say, "There's that damn voice, telling me to eat." I want it to go away, but I know it never will. Is it part of me? Is it part of human nature? Is it part of animal nature? I wish I knew, though I doubt it would make a difference. This voice will probably never go away. I just need to keep it at bay. I manage that by staying on program and avoiding fast carbs. I keep my mind on the prize. I maintain a chart. I take and post progress pictures. I blog. I weigh myself everyday. I tell my husband about the voice. All of these things help override that constant, gentle pressure to eat more food. I'm staying on program because it makes everything easier and it works. I'll reach goal soon enough. Then I will figure out how to manage to stay at goal for life. It's always a work in progress.
Have a good one!
Friday, June 10, 2016
6/10/2016: This Last Few Pounds
Weight: 153.8
This last few pounds will be the hardest. I'm close enough to my goal weight that I feel comfortable with my body's size. I know I don't need to lose any more weight and at this point 150.0 is just a number on the scale. I could stay at 153.something for the rest of my life, eat right, and exercise daily and be every bit as healthy as I'll be at 150.0. At least I think that's true. I don't think losing 4 more pounds is going to make me healthier or make me look better or make me be better in any tangible way. But 90% of weight loss and 98% of weight loss maintenance is intangible, it is a mental game and in order to succeed at this I need to keep my brain in the game.
Getting to 150.0 pounds and making that my target goal for life is part of my mental game. The number on the scale is something I can see and measure on a daily basis. To keep myself interested in the game I have to keep my eye on the prize, yet the prizes of health and strength and long life (awesome prizes, indeed!) are so far removed from what I choose to consume this very minute and from what I decide to do (exercise vs. sit on my butt) this very minute, that it's easy to lose sight of why I am doing what I'm doing. If I eat too much today, if I don't exercise today, it will not have significant impact on my long term health and well being. It will have an impact on how much I weigh tomorrow. The temptation to eat snacks after dinner is great. A few squares of organic dark chocolate always sounds good. I enjoy a glass of wine in the evenings. The fact of the matter is I can do those things once in a while and not gain weight, but most of the time I need to be on program or the pounds will creep back up. I know this from experience. Having 150.0 as my goal weight and my target maintenance weight forces me to be disciplined most of the time. That is incredibly important to me.
I picked 150.0 pounds because it's a nice round number and I like nice round numbers. I feel terrific at 150.0. I happen to think I look terrific, too! I also knew it would be a stretch goal, something I'd have to work hard to attain. There is something very satisfying about attaining a stretch goal. At the same time it's not even getting close to being too skinny. I was super healthy at 135 at one point of my adult life. For a little while I thought I wanted to make that my goal, but it is totally not necessary. 150.0 feels good to me. It's healthy, I still feel and look robust, it's difficult but not impossible to get there. When I get there I will feel like I have accomplished something and I will not want to give it up. So, yes, if you were wondering about it, 150.0 is just a number on the scale. A number I picked as my target weight. I'm happy with it and I am going to get there and stay there, even though these last few pounds are going to be difficult to lose.
Have a great day!!
This last few pounds will be the hardest. I'm close enough to my goal weight that I feel comfortable with my body's size. I know I don't need to lose any more weight and at this point 150.0 is just a number on the scale. I could stay at 153.something for the rest of my life, eat right, and exercise daily and be every bit as healthy as I'll be at 150.0. At least I think that's true. I don't think losing 4 more pounds is going to make me healthier or make me look better or make me be better in any tangible way. But 90% of weight loss and 98% of weight loss maintenance is intangible, it is a mental game and in order to succeed at this I need to keep my brain in the game.
Getting to 150.0 pounds and making that my target goal for life is part of my mental game. The number on the scale is something I can see and measure on a daily basis. To keep myself interested in the game I have to keep my eye on the prize, yet the prizes of health and strength and long life (awesome prizes, indeed!) are so far removed from what I choose to consume this very minute and from what I decide to do (exercise vs. sit on my butt) this very minute, that it's easy to lose sight of why I am doing what I'm doing. If I eat too much today, if I don't exercise today, it will not have significant impact on my long term health and well being. It will have an impact on how much I weigh tomorrow. The temptation to eat snacks after dinner is great. A few squares of organic dark chocolate always sounds good. I enjoy a glass of wine in the evenings. The fact of the matter is I can do those things once in a while and not gain weight, but most of the time I need to be on program or the pounds will creep back up. I know this from experience. Having 150.0 as my goal weight and my target maintenance weight forces me to be disciplined most of the time. That is incredibly important to me.
I picked 150.0 pounds because it's a nice round number and I like nice round numbers. I feel terrific at 150.0. I happen to think I look terrific, too! I also knew it would be a stretch goal, something I'd have to work hard to attain. There is something very satisfying about attaining a stretch goal. At the same time it's not even getting close to being too skinny. I was super healthy at 135 at one point of my adult life. For a little while I thought I wanted to make that my goal, but it is totally not necessary. 150.0 feels good to me. It's healthy, I still feel and look robust, it's difficult but not impossible to get there. When I get there I will feel like I have accomplished something and I will not want to give it up. So, yes, if you were wondering about it, 150.0 is just a number on the scale. A number I picked as my target weight. I'm happy with it and I am going to get there and stay there, even though these last few pounds are going to be difficult to lose.
Have a great day!!
Thursday, June 9, 2016
6/9/2016: Quick Update
Weight: 154.2
I'm already at work so this will be a very quick update.
I saw the orthopedic doctor yesterday and me finger will heal fine without any intrusive treatment. It was a little iffy and we had to do some more x-rays, but the joint & tendons are all fine. No kickball for a few weeks, but I am cleared to lift weights as longs as I am careful not to wrap the broken finger around a weight and lift with that finger.
That's it for now. Gotta run!
I'm already at work so this will be a very quick update.
I saw the orthopedic doctor yesterday and me finger will heal fine without any intrusive treatment. It was a little iffy and we had to do some more x-rays, but the joint & tendons are all fine. No kickball for a few weeks, but I am cleared to lift weights as longs as I am careful not to wrap the broken finger around a weight and lift with that finger.
That's it for now. Gotta run!
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
6/8/2016: Plugging Along - And the Start of a Story
Weight: 154.8
For a few hours yesterday I had the wrong weight on yesterday's blog post. I put up a quick post while I was at work and typed Weight: 150.0, instead of Weight: 155.0. An honest mistake. Or wishful thinking? Who knows how that snuck in there, but I've corrected it. Instead of losing 4.8 pounds yesterday I gained 2/10ths of a pound. Ah well, so it goes.
Monday evening I went to the emergency room because the swelling in my finger kept getting worse instead of better and, sure enough, the finger is broken. I go to the orthopedic doctor today to make sure the splint is all I need for it to heal properly. I'm getting by fine with it in a splint. The two most difficult things to do are type and wash dishes. It is my right hand, my ten-key hand, so navigating in excel is a bit difficult. It is not a big deal, though. It is not enough of an injury to throw me off my exercise program, and that is a huge relief! It's just a broken finger, not a big deal. Hardly a deal at all, really. Just something to take care of until it's healed.
As I reflect on the first several weeks of my 12 Week Challenge and the first four years of my Get Fit for Life Initiative I am impressed by how doable this has been, at this stage of my life. I find myself wondering what I could have done differently earlier in life, so that I could have attained this peace of mind with exercising as a younger woman. I think about how much permanent damage I did to my body, the stuff I can't undo, and wonder if there is any way to help others so they avoid this damage in the first place. I don't know the answers, but I think about it a lot.
I'm not to my goal weight, yet, but I'll get there. I feel strong and confident and, yes, thin. Or at least thin-ish. That is good enough for me. All my clothes fit the way I want them to fit. I'll lose a few more pounds but more importantly I will continue to tone and strengthen my body through exercise, good food, and plenty of rest.
I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I've been as heavy as 250 pounds. I lost too much weight when I was in college and at 117 pounds got carried into the campus hospital with mono and strep throat, so weak I couldn't walk. I did most of the diet fads as they rolled out including Atkins, the Zone, Jenny Craig, NutraSystem, Weight Watchers, and others whose names slip my mind. I've lost 50 pounds or more at least 6 times in my life. I've gained it back every time except one. And this time I'm not gaining it back. What has changed? What's different? Why this time? Why not last time, or the time before that or the time before that?
I think there are several factors that, combined, have put me in a frame of mind to finally take control of this beast of a problem. I'm going to list them in chronological order.
I was at my heaviest and sickest when I was 38 or 39 years old. I had an incredibly stressful job and I was a single mom with two adventurous teenagers. I ate and drank too much and I never found time to exercise. This is a guess, but I believe I weighed about 250 pounds. I felt like crap and my hair was falling out. Believe it or not, I went to the doctor about my hair falling out. That is what I was most worried about. She blamed it on stress. She said, "You are not going back to work, today. Spend the afternoon outdoors, go for a long walk, figure out how to reduce the stress in your life."
I did take the afternoon off and I thought about it a lot. I knew I needed to do something different but I needed the job. I couldn't just quit. Instead, I decided to take on a hobby that would force me to get in shape. That is when I started taking Tae Kwon Do. I am sure I was a funny sight. A middle aged fat woman rolling around on the floor with a bunch of kids. But a funny thing happened. It turned out that I loved it. There was something about the discipline of Tae Kwon Do that appealed to me. I wasn't losing weight rapidly, because I wasn't dieting yet, but I started to get stronger and more coordinated. I started feeling more confident. About 6 months into the program, after I'd lost a little weight already, I decided to get serious about losing weight. I got on the scale and weighed 238 pounds. That is the highest number I've ever seen on a scale.
I don't remember what diet I went on at that time, but I do remember making a big chart and posting it on the changing room door at Tae Kwon Do. The entire school could see my progress. I'd mark it each week. Everyone was cheering for me and they were incredibly supportive. That's when I learned how much it helped me to be public about my struggles with my weight. Everyone thought I was nuts. They couldn't believe I would publicly post how much I weighed. But I figured it didn't matter if they knew the number, because they saw me every day. They knew I was overweight by looking at me. The number on the scale didn't make me any fatter. I got down to about 170 pounds. But this incident was not as much about the weight loss as it was about how much Tae Kwon Do changed me. To this day I am more coordinated and fall less. When I do fall, I fall with much more grace and skill. As much as it hurt my body the next day, tumbling days were my favorite nights of the week. I actually got good at jumping over large stacks of mats and diving into a front roll and ending up on my feet. I was proud of my accomplishments on the mat. It felt good. I also learned how to communicate with my body in a way I had never been able to, before. My two or three years of Tae Kwon Do gave me more confidence in myself than I had ever had before. It was life changing. It wasn't enough, I gained a lot of that weight back, eventually, but a seed was planted, even if it did go dormant for a while.
Pause.
OK, I've been wanting to do this for a while. You know, put the whole story together. Explain my mind set. Talk about where I've been and why. Try to piece it all together. Problem is I start a post, it's too much, and I delete it. So this time I'm going to do it differently. I'm leaving this unfinished story up. I will try to add to it, pick up where I left off, at least once a week. Maybe when I'm done it will make a coherent story, maybe not. We'll find out together.
Until next time...
For a few hours yesterday I had the wrong weight on yesterday's blog post. I put up a quick post while I was at work and typed Weight: 150.0, instead of Weight: 155.0. An honest mistake. Or wishful thinking? Who knows how that snuck in there, but I've corrected it. Instead of losing 4.8 pounds yesterday I gained 2/10ths of a pound. Ah well, so it goes.
Monday evening I went to the emergency room because the swelling in my finger kept getting worse instead of better and, sure enough, the finger is broken. I go to the orthopedic doctor today to make sure the splint is all I need for it to heal properly. I'm getting by fine with it in a splint. The two most difficult things to do are type and wash dishes. It is my right hand, my ten-key hand, so navigating in excel is a bit difficult. It is not a big deal, though. It is not enough of an injury to throw me off my exercise program, and that is a huge relief! It's just a broken finger, not a big deal. Hardly a deal at all, really. Just something to take care of until it's healed.
As I reflect on the first several weeks of my 12 Week Challenge and the first four years of my Get Fit for Life Initiative I am impressed by how doable this has been, at this stage of my life. I find myself wondering what I could have done differently earlier in life, so that I could have attained this peace of mind with exercising as a younger woman. I think about how much permanent damage I did to my body, the stuff I can't undo, and wonder if there is any way to help others so they avoid this damage in the first place. I don't know the answers, but I think about it a lot.
I'm not to my goal weight, yet, but I'll get there. I feel strong and confident and, yes, thin. Or at least thin-ish. That is good enough for me. All my clothes fit the way I want them to fit. I'll lose a few more pounds but more importantly I will continue to tone and strengthen my body through exercise, good food, and plenty of rest.
I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I've been as heavy as 250 pounds. I lost too much weight when I was in college and at 117 pounds got carried into the campus hospital with mono and strep throat, so weak I couldn't walk. I did most of the diet fads as they rolled out including Atkins, the Zone, Jenny Craig, NutraSystem, Weight Watchers, and others whose names slip my mind. I've lost 50 pounds or more at least 6 times in my life. I've gained it back every time except one. And this time I'm not gaining it back. What has changed? What's different? Why this time? Why not last time, or the time before that or the time before that?
I think there are several factors that, combined, have put me in a frame of mind to finally take control of this beast of a problem. I'm going to list them in chronological order.
I was at my heaviest and sickest when I was 38 or 39 years old. I had an incredibly stressful job and I was a single mom with two adventurous teenagers. I ate and drank too much and I never found time to exercise. This is a guess, but I believe I weighed about 250 pounds. I felt like crap and my hair was falling out. Believe it or not, I went to the doctor about my hair falling out. That is what I was most worried about. She blamed it on stress. She said, "You are not going back to work, today. Spend the afternoon outdoors, go for a long walk, figure out how to reduce the stress in your life."
I did take the afternoon off and I thought about it a lot. I knew I needed to do something different but I needed the job. I couldn't just quit. Instead, I decided to take on a hobby that would force me to get in shape. That is when I started taking Tae Kwon Do. I am sure I was a funny sight. A middle aged fat woman rolling around on the floor with a bunch of kids. But a funny thing happened. It turned out that I loved it. There was something about the discipline of Tae Kwon Do that appealed to me. I wasn't losing weight rapidly, because I wasn't dieting yet, but I started to get stronger and more coordinated. I started feeling more confident. About 6 months into the program, after I'd lost a little weight already, I decided to get serious about losing weight. I got on the scale and weighed 238 pounds. That is the highest number I've ever seen on a scale.
I don't remember what diet I went on at that time, but I do remember making a big chart and posting it on the changing room door at Tae Kwon Do. The entire school could see my progress. I'd mark it each week. Everyone was cheering for me and they were incredibly supportive. That's when I learned how much it helped me to be public about my struggles with my weight. Everyone thought I was nuts. They couldn't believe I would publicly post how much I weighed. But I figured it didn't matter if they knew the number, because they saw me every day. They knew I was overweight by looking at me. The number on the scale didn't make me any fatter. I got down to about 170 pounds. But this incident was not as much about the weight loss as it was about how much Tae Kwon Do changed me. To this day I am more coordinated and fall less. When I do fall, I fall with much more grace and skill. As much as it hurt my body the next day, tumbling days were my favorite nights of the week. I actually got good at jumping over large stacks of mats and diving into a front roll and ending up on my feet. I was proud of my accomplishments on the mat. It felt good. I also learned how to communicate with my body in a way I had never been able to, before. My two or three years of Tae Kwon Do gave me more confidence in myself than I had ever had before. It was life changing. It wasn't enough, I gained a lot of that weight back, eventually, but a seed was planted, even if it did go dormant for a while.
Pause.
OK, I've been wanting to do this for a while. You know, put the whole story together. Explain my mind set. Talk about where I've been and why. Try to piece it all together. Problem is I start a post, it's too much, and I delete it. So this time I'm going to do it differently. I'm leaving this unfinished story up. I will try to add to it, pick up where I left off, at least once a week. Maybe when I'm done it will make a coherent story, maybe not. We'll find out together.
Until next time...
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
6/7/16: It's Broken
Weight: 155.0
The middle finger of my right hand is broken between the first and second knuckle. It is now in a splint, which is good news. Getting the splint provides the finger with adequate support while freeing up my ring finger. This allows me to do many more things with this hand, including lift weights! I was able to do my entire routine this morning, with the exception of the grip strength exercise. Yeah!!! I am quite relieved.
I was instructed to follow up with an orthopedic hand specialist so I have a call into her office. It turns out she works in the same office as my plastic surgeon. That's convenient. I am guessing she won't need to do anything special with the finger, but I am making the appointment anyway.
That's all I've got for now.
Have a good one out there!
The middle finger of my right hand is broken between the first and second knuckle. It is now in a splint, which is good news. Getting the splint provides the finger with adequate support while freeing up my ring finger. This allows me to do many more things with this hand, including lift weights! I was able to do my entire routine this morning, with the exception of the grip strength exercise. Yeah!!! I am quite relieved.
I was instructed to follow up with an orthopedic hand specialist so I have a call into her office. It turns out she works in the same office as my plastic surgeon. That's convenient. I am guessing she won't need to do anything special with the finger, but I am making the appointment anyway.
That's all I've got for now.
Have a good one out there!
Monday, June 6, 2016
6/6/16: Sports Injury
Weight: 154.8
Jack and I got the runner out at in a very close play at home plate, but I jammed the middle finger of my right hand in the process. I've been icing it and taking Tylenol for the swelling, but my right hand is pretty limited in its capacity at the moment. I am lucky to still have use of my index finger on my right hand. Between that finger and my thumb I can use my hand for essential things, but I am going to have to modify my workout tomorrow.
Oh well, such is the nature of sports, Every now and then there is an injury. I just can't let it derail me. I tested the hand with a ten pound weight this morning. I could cradle the weight in my hand for curls, chest presses and shoulder presses, but I can't grip the weight firmly as I would need to for a row or a hammer curl. I'll let Lauren know today, so she can help me modify my workouts. This is the time when trainer earns their keep!
Typing is a little slow, so I'll keep this post short.
Have a great day!!!
Jack and I got the runner out at in a very close play at home plate, but I jammed the middle finger of my right hand in the process. I've been icing it and taking Tylenol for the swelling, but my right hand is pretty limited in its capacity at the moment. I am lucky to still have use of my index finger on my right hand. Between that finger and my thumb I can use my hand for essential things, but I am going to have to modify my workout tomorrow.
Typing is a little slow, so I'll keep this post short.
Have a great day!!!
Sunday, June 5, 2016
6/5/2016: The Day After and Getting Close to Goal
Weight: 154.4
Yesterday was an exciting day for me. I couldn't believe the progress I saw in the photos and my fit test after just 4 weeks of being back into my exercise routine. I knew I was feeling soft and puffy prior to getting serious about weight lifting and cardio again, but it's so hard to see the decline in muscle tone and the thickening around the waist when it happens so little at a time. When I started my routines back up I was disappointed by the decline in my strength and stamina, in 4 short months my fitness level dropped considerably. Before the surgery I could do 30 push-ups, easily, 6 weeks ago I could do 3. It's phenomenal how quickly muscle tone and strength slip away as you get older, particularly for women. I am glad I am documenting this process. Seeing the progress on paper is incredibly motivational. The photos are a huge part of it, but so is the fit test component. I improved from 6 push-ups to 15 push-ups in 4 weeks. That's a big deal. I can also run 3/4 of a mile further than I could run 4 weeks ago. When I'm out there, slogging it out, I always feel somewhat frustrated that it's so hard. But when I see the results on paper, I know I am improving and that replaces the frustration with elation.
Elation is the right word. I was flying high yesterday, thrilled with my progress, but elation is a short lived emotion. Today, as I face a new day, it's back to the slog of it all. There will be a day, soon, when I no longer want to lose anymore weight. As I get closer to goal, I get more and more impatient to get there. I'm glad I don't live with me, as I would drive myself nuts. I am completely confident that I will be 100% satisfied with 150 pounds as a lifetime goal weight. I know weight loss can become a vicious trap for some, that the act of losing weight becomes addictive, in a way. That's not me. As I am getting closer to goal I am satisfied with my size. I like the way my clothes are fitting and I feel like I am the size I am supposed to be. I am getting anxious to get to goal so I can switch over from a weight-loss mentality to figuring out how to be a 150 pound person for the rest of my life.
I believe the new rule that I discussed a few days ago will work:
The fact of the matter is that maintaining my weight at 150 for the rest of my life will take as much discipline as losing the weight does. I will be able to eat a little bit more and I will be able to eat off program now and then, but I will need to be diligent about weighing myself every day and strictly adhering to program if the scale creeps up. Eating healthy food and exercising daily will be a part of my life forever. That requires discipline, too, but that has become so close to habit that I feel confident that it will always be part of my life. I missed the exercise so much when I couldn't do it, that I now know it's part of what I do. Eating healthy food is also part of what I do. The challenges will be not overeating and not indulging in off-program foods very often. I know I can do this. I will do this. Now, can I get to 150 already, to get this stage over with? I get so impatient sometimes. Patience, Grasshopper, patience.
Until tomorrow...
Yesterday was an exciting day for me. I couldn't believe the progress I saw in the photos and my fit test after just 4 weeks of being back into my exercise routine. I knew I was feeling soft and puffy prior to getting serious about weight lifting and cardio again, but it's so hard to see the decline in muscle tone and the thickening around the waist when it happens so little at a time. When I started my routines back up I was disappointed by the decline in my strength and stamina, in 4 short months my fitness level dropped considerably. Before the surgery I could do 30 push-ups, easily, 6 weeks ago I could do 3. It's phenomenal how quickly muscle tone and strength slip away as you get older, particularly for women. I am glad I am documenting this process. Seeing the progress on paper is incredibly motivational. The photos are a huge part of it, but so is the fit test component. I improved from 6 push-ups to 15 push-ups in 4 weeks. That's a big deal. I can also run 3/4 of a mile further than I could run 4 weeks ago. When I'm out there, slogging it out, I always feel somewhat frustrated that it's so hard. But when I see the results on paper, I know I am improving and that replaces the frustration with elation.
Elation is the right word. I was flying high yesterday, thrilled with my progress, but elation is a short lived emotion. Today, as I face a new day, it's back to the slog of it all. There will be a day, soon, when I no longer want to lose anymore weight. As I get closer to goal, I get more and more impatient to get there. I'm glad I don't live with me, as I would drive myself nuts. I am completely confident that I will be 100% satisfied with 150 pounds as a lifetime goal weight. I know weight loss can become a vicious trap for some, that the act of losing weight becomes addictive, in a way. That's not me. As I am getting closer to goal I am satisfied with my size. I like the way my clothes are fitting and I feel like I am the size I am supposed to be. I am getting anxious to get to goal so I can switch over from a weight-loss mentality to figuring out how to be a 150 pound person for the rest of my life.
I believe the new rule that I discussed a few days ago will work:
If I weigh 150 or less when I step on the scale in the morning, I can indulge in off-program food or drink that day; if I weigh more than 150 I have to stay 100% on program until I am back to 150.I don't know that it will work, though, because I have never lived with this rule as a 150 pound person, before. I adopted it to help motivate myself to get to goal. It is working in that respect. Will it work once I'm at goal? I won't know the answer to that question until I get there. I sure hope so!
The fact of the matter is that maintaining my weight at 150 for the rest of my life will take as much discipline as losing the weight does. I will be able to eat a little bit more and I will be able to eat off program now and then, but I will need to be diligent about weighing myself every day and strictly adhering to program if the scale creeps up. Eating healthy food and exercising daily will be a part of my life forever. That requires discipline, too, but that has become so close to habit that I feel confident that it will always be part of my life. I missed the exercise so much when I couldn't do it, that I now know it's part of what I do. Eating healthy food is also part of what I do. The challenges will be not overeating and not indulging in off-program foods very often. I know I can do this. I will do this. Now, can I get to 150 already, to get this stage over with? I get so impatient sometimes. Patience, Grasshopper, patience.
Until tomorrow...
Saturday, June 4, 2016
6/4/2016: Operation ReStart: Week 4 Results
Weight: 154.8
Good Morning!! It's time for Operation ReStart Week 4 Results!!! They are presented below!
Before getting into the details, here are my observations over the last 4 (OK, seven) weeks and thoughts about my results, to-date.
First, I feel amazing! I know it's getting old to hear me talk about it, but ever since I have been able to start lifting weights again, I have felt so much happier. I love the way my body responds to strength training. I get stronger so quickly, and I have so much more energy and bounce to my step. Maybe three hours a week invested in lifting weights sounds like a lot, but it is so transformative. Not just in the way I look, but in the way I feel.
I am glad I decided to restart my challenge after I had to take a three week break in exercise due to my touch-up surgery and Sister Sister's funeral. I wanted recorded results of the improvement I would see with 12 weeks of regular exercise, not 9 weeks of regular exercise. It still feels weird to me to record 4 week results 7 weeks after I started, but it was the right thing for me to do.
As a quick reminder, On Program (I'm talking food, now) means sticking to the Whole 30 program. The book, It Starts With Food, spells out the details of this program, including why they make the recommendations they make. Some people find this program very restrictive, I find the program incredibly easy to follow, to the point that Jack and I have adopted the Whole 30 program as our normal way of eating. When I am 100% on program, as I am now, I don't deviate from the Whole 30 program at all. When I am not 100% on program, our meals are still Whole 30 compliant, but we might go out to eat now and then, I may have a glass of wine occasionally, or I might indulge at a party.
In a nutshell, the authors of the Whole 30 program believe that all food is either good for you or bad for you, there is no such thing as a net-neutral food. Therefore, the program eliminates all food that: 1) is potentially addictive, 2) can cause unhealthy hormone responses [i.e. insulin response], 3) might mess with your gut, or 4) potentially causes systemic inflammation. The foods that are eliminated by the program are: All Added Sugars, natural (i.e. cane sugar, honey, maple syrup) or otherwise (artificial sweeteners are a big NO); All Grains and Legumes - except when you eat the entire pod, such as green beans and snow peas (eliminated items are wheat, rice, barley, black beans, kidney beans, chick peas, etc.); All Dairy - except clarified butter; and Seed Oils (soybean oil, corn oil, canola oil, etc.). "What's left?" you might ask. The answer is straight forward: Fish, beef, poultry, pork, wild game, all vegetables (including potatoes of any kind), all fruit, most nuts, and healthy fats (olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil, clarified butter, and, believe it or not, lard and tallow). I've put together an extensive recipe collection of foods that fit in the program and we enjoy them all. If you want my recipe book, let me know. I will email it to you.
All in all, I am very pleased by my Week 4 results, if a little surprised. I made a lot more progress toward a few of my goals than I thought I would, and I made no progress on others. It will be interesting to see what happens as a result of the remaining 8 weeks. I think in some instances I misjudged my goals. In others, I'll see more results as I move further into the program. The pictures speak for themselves. First, the photographic evidence - what a difference a few pounds and 4 weeks of weight lifting makes:
You can see it in the photos, most of the change has occurred in my waist and my hips so the following measurements shouldn't be much of a surprise. I was surprised, anyway. There was no or very little change in my chest (taken right below my bra strap), bicep, or thigh measurements, but my waist measured 2 3/4" smaller and my hips measured 1 1/2" smaller. I had my measurement results before I had the photographic results because I had to wait for my photographer to get out of bed. Jack just took the photos and I just pasted together the 4 week results and even I am stunned by the difference 4 weeks makes. This is so encouraging!! I can't wait to see Week 8 and Week 12 results. I can't wait to show these photos to my trainer! She'll be thrilled! I am pleased as punch that I decided to document this journey so thoroughly. If I was losing any motivation at all to stick to program, I just got it back, plus some!! Wow, wow, wow!! Yes, it is worth it!
Here are the much anticipated Week 4 Results:
Start Date: 4/16/2016
Re-Start Date: 5/7/2016
Good Morning!! It's time for Operation ReStart Week 4 Results!!! They are presented below!
Before getting into the details, here are my observations over the last 4 (OK, seven) weeks and thoughts about my results, to-date.
First, I feel amazing! I know it's getting old to hear me talk about it, but ever since I have been able to start lifting weights again, I have felt so much happier. I love the way my body responds to strength training. I get stronger so quickly, and I have so much more energy and bounce to my step. Maybe three hours a week invested in lifting weights sounds like a lot, but it is so transformative. Not just in the way I look, but in the way I feel.
I am glad I decided to restart my challenge after I had to take a three week break in exercise due to my touch-up surgery and Sister Sister's funeral. I wanted recorded results of the improvement I would see with 12 weeks of regular exercise, not 9 weeks of regular exercise. It still feels weird to me to record 4 week results 7 weeks after I started, but it was the right thing for me to do.
As a quick reminder, On Program (I'm talking food, now) means sticking to the Whole 30 program. The book, It Starts With Food, spells out the details of this program, including why they make the recommendations they make. Some people find this program very restrictive, I find the program incredibly easy to follow, to the point that Jack and I have adopted the Whole 30 program as our normal way of eating. When I am 100% on program, as I am now, I don't deviate from the Whole 30 program at all. When I am not 100% on program, our meals are still Whole 30 compliant, but we might go out to eat now and then, I may have a glass of wine occasionally, or I might indulge at a party.
In a nutshell, the authors of the Whole 30 program believe that all food is either good for you or bad for you, there is no such thing as a net-neutral food. Therefore, the program eliminates all food that: 1) is potentially addictive, 2) can cause unhealthy hormone responses [i.e. insulin response], 3) might mess with your gut, or 4) potentially causes systemic inflammation. The foods that are eliminated by the program are: All Added Sugars, natural (i.e. cane sugar, honey, maple syrup) or otherwise (artificial sweeteners are a big NO); All Grains and Legumes - except when you eat the entire pod, such as green beans and snow peas (eliminated items are wheat, rice, barley, black beans, kidney beans, chick peas, etc.); All Dairy - except clarified butter; and Seed Oils (soybean oil, corn oil, canola oil, etc.). "What's left?" you might ask. The answer is straight forward: Fish, beef, poultry, pork, wild game, all vegetables (including potatoes of any kind), all fruit, most nuts, and healthy fats (olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil, clarified butter, and, believe it or not, lard and tallow). I've put together an extensive recipe collection of foods that fit in the program and we enjoy them all. If you want my recipe book, let me know. I will email it to you.
All in all, I am very pleased by my Week 4 results, if a little surprised. I made a lot more progress toward a few of my goals than I thought I would, and I made no progress on others. It will be interesting to see what happens as a result of the remaining 8 weeks. I think in some instances I misjudged my goals. In others, I'll see more results as I move further into the program. The pictures speak for themselves. First, the photographic evidence - what a difference a few pounds and 4 weeks of weight lifting makes:
You can see it in the photos, most of the change has occurred in my waist and my hips so the following measurements shouldn't be much of a surprise. I was surprised, anyway. There was no or very little change in my chest (taken right below my bra strap), bicep, or thigh measurements, but my waist measured 2 3/4" smaller and my hips measured 1 1/2" smaller. I had my measurement results before I had the photographic results because I had to wait for my photographer to get out of bed. Jack just took the photos and I just pasted together the 4 week results and even I am stunned by the difference 4 weeks makes. This is so encouraging!! I can't wait to see Week 8 and Week 12 results. I can't wait to show these photos to my trainer! She'll be thrilled! I am pleased as punch that I decided to document this journey so thoroughly. If I was losing any motivation at all to stick to program, I just got it back, plus some!! Wow, wow, wow!! Yes, it is worth it!
Here are the much anticipated Week 4 Results:
Start Date: 4/16/2016
Re-Start Date: 5/7/2016
Today's Date (End of Week 4): 6/4/2016
End Date: 7/30/2016
End Date: 7/30/2016
WEIGHT GOAL
Start: 163.4 lbs
Start: 163.4 lbs
Today: 154.8 lbs
Change: - 8.6 lbs
Change: - 8.6 lbs
Goal: 150 lbs
FITNESS GOALS
Distance I Can Jog Before I Have to Slow to Walk
Start: 1.25 Miles
Start: 1.25 Miles
Today: 2.0 Miles
Change: + 0.75 Miles
Goal: 3.0 Miles
Change: + 0.75 Miles
Goal: 3.0 Miles
# of Push-ups to Fail
Start: 6
Start: 6
Today: 15
Change: + 9
Goal: 20
Change: + 9
Goal: 20
Start:: 0 Sec
Today: 0 Sec
Change: 0 Sec
Goal: 5 Seconds
Change: 0 Sec
Goal: 5 Seconds
MEASUREMENT GOALS
Right Bicep
Start: 13 ½”
Start: 13 ½”
Today: 13 ½"
Change: 0"
Goal: 12”
Change: 0"
Goal: 12”
Start: 34 ½”
Today: 34 ½"
Change: 0"
Goal: 32 ½”
Change: 0"
Goal: 32 ½”
Circumference at Belly Button
Start: 34 ¼”
Start: 34 ¼”
Today: 31 ½"
Change: - 2 ¾"
Goal: 32 ¼
Goal: 32 ¼
Circumference at Top of Hip Bone
Today: 37 ¾"
Change: - 1 ½"
Goal: 36 ¼”
Change: - 1 ½"
Goal: 36 ¼”
Right Thigh 9 Inches Above Knee
Start: 21 ½”
Start: 21 ½”
Today: 21 ¼"
Change: - ¼"
Goal: 23”
Change: - ¼"
Goal: 23”
Original Plan:
During my 12 Week Challenge I will:
During my 12 Week Challenge I will:
- Exercise 6 days a week - I have averaged about 5 days a week
- Eat On Program (including abstaining from all sugar and alcohol) - Yes! I've been 100% On Program!
- Weigh myself and record my weight, daily - Easy Peasy. I do this all the time anyway.
- Update my blog posts regularly - Yes! I've been good about this. Thanks for reading! The blog really helps!
- Measure my progress towards the goals listed above every 4 weeks. - Yes! First goal update, today!!
So, all in all, I have done a pretty good job sticking to my 12 Week Challenge plan and I have good results to show for it. There is no question about whether or not I am going to stick to plan for the remaining 8 weeks. Who wouldn't, when they can see results like these after just 4 weeks!! Yeah!!
It's time to make breakfast for my photographer and biggest fan. Have a great day!!
Thursday, June 2, 2016
6/2/2016: Official Week 4 Results Coming Tomorrow!!
Weight: 155.8
How predictable is that? Several days ago I said my weight would plateau because I dropped a couple of pounds over just a couple of days. Sure enough, my weight has plateaued at exactly 155.8 pounds. It's kind of funny, I felt smaller this morning and really expected to see a drop on the scale this morning, but nothing doing. The number on the scale was exactly what it was yesterday. I'll just go with the theory that I am smaller because muscle takes up less room that fat.
I am approaching the end of Week 4: Operation ReStart. My trainer will be here tomorrow morning and we'll take measurements and do the rest of my fit-test. I did the run portion of my fit-test this morning and made it two miles without slowing to a walk. On Day One I made it 1.25 miles. I am making progress.
I feel great!! Weight lifting is like taking magic tonic water. It makes me feel so alive and energetic. It feels like my body is running on all eight cylinders rather than chugging along on four. I am a happier person when I lift weights three days a week. There is no question about it. I am so glad I have figured this out.
Have a fun day!!
How predictable is that? Several days ago I said my weight would plateau because I dropped a couple of pounds over just a couple of days. Sure enough, my weight has plateaued at exactly 155.8 pounds. It's kind of funny, I felt smaller this morning and really expected to see a drop on the scale this morning, but nothing doing. The number on the scale was exactly what it was yesterday. I'll just go with the theory that I am smaller because muscle takes up less room that fat.
I am approaching the end of Week 4: Operation ReStart. My trainer will be here tomorrow morning and we'll take measurements and do the rest of my fit-test. I did the run portion of my fit-test this morning and made it two miles without slowing to a walk. On Day One I made it 1.25 miles. I am making progress.
I feel great!! Weight lifting is like taking magic tonic water. It makes me feel so alive and energetic. It feels like my body is running on all eight cylinders rather than chugging along on four. I am a happier person when I lift weights three days a week. There is no question about it. I am so glad I have figured this out.
Have a fun day!!
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
6/1/2016: Busy Day Ahead - Quick Update
Weight: 155.8
I have an incredibly busy day ahead of me with five phone interviews scheduled for a position I am trying to get filled at work. I also have some fun committee work to do. It's going to be a nutty day, so I don't have time to blog.
The Royals won last night, but it was a slow game and we didn't get home until after 11:00. I did not exercise this morning. I will work out tonight.
Have a great day.
I have an incredibly busy day ahead of me with five phone interviews scheduled for a position I am trying to get filled at work. I also have some fun committee work to do. It's going to be a nutty day, so I don't have time to blog.
The Royals won last night, but it was a slow game and we didn't get home until after 11:00. I did not exercise this morning. I will work out tonight.
Have a great day.
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