Yesterday was an exciting day for me. I couldn't believe the progress I saw in the photos and my fit test after just 4 weeks of being back into my exercise routine. I knew I was feeling soft and puffy prior to getting serious about weight lifting and cardio again, but it's so hard to see the decline in muscle tone and the thickening around the waist when it happens so little at a time. When I started my routines back up I was disappointed by the decline in my strength and stamina, in 4 short months my fitness level dropped considerably. Before the surgery I could do 30 push-ups, easily, 6 weeks ago I could do 3. It's phenomenal how quickly muscle tone and strength slip away as you get older, particularly for women. I am glad I am documenting this process. Seeing the progress on paper is incredibly motivational. The photos are a huge part of it, but so is the fit test component. I improved from 6 push-ups to 15 push-ups in 4 weeks. That's a big deal. I can also run 3/4 of a mile further than I could run 4 weeks ago. When I'm out there, slogging it out, I always feel somewhat frustrated that it's so hard. But when I see the results on paper, I know I am improving and that replaces the frustration with elation.
Elation is the right word. I was flying high yesterday, thrilled with my progress, but elation is a short lived emotion. Today, as I face a new day, it's back to the slog of it all. There will be a day, soon, when I no longer want to lose anymore weight. As I get closer to goal, I get more and more impatient to get there. I'm glad I don't live with me, as I would drive myself nuts. I am completely confident that I will be 100% satisfied with 150 pounds as a lifetime goal weight. I know weight loss can become a vicious trap for some, that the act of losing weight becomes addictive, in a way. That's not me. As I am getting closer to goal I am satisfied with my size. I like the way my clothes are fitting and I feel like I am the size I am supposed to be. I am getting anxious to get to goal so I can switch over from a weight-loss mentality to figuring out how to be a 150 pound person for the rest of my life.
I believe the new rule that I discussed a few days ago will work:
If I weigh 150 or less when I step on the scale in the morning, I can indulge in off-program food or drink that day; if I weigh more than 150 I have to stay 100% on program until I am back to 150.I don't know that it will work, though, because I have never lived with this rule as a 150 pound person, before. I adopted it to help motivate myself to get to goal. It is working in that respect. Will it work once I'm at goal? I won't know the answer to that question until I get there. I sure hope so!
The fact of the matter is that maintaining my weight at 150 for the rest of my life will take as much discipline as losing the weight does. I will be able to eat a little bit more and I will be able to eat off program now and then, but I will need to be diligent about weighing myself every day and strictly adhering to program if the scale creeps up. Eating healthy food and exercising daily will be a part of my life forever. That requires discipline, too, but that has become so close to habit that I feel confident that it will always be part of my life. I missed the exercise so much when I couldn't do it, that I now know it's part of what I do. Eating healthy food is also part of what I do. The challenges will be not overeating and not indulging in off-program foods very often. I know I can do this. I will do this. Now, can I get to 150 already, to get this stage over with? I get so impatient sometimes. Patience, Grasshopper, patience.
Until tomorrow...
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