I'll never understand the undercurrent that causes my mind to constantly drift towards wanting to eat more food. It doesn't matter how much I've had to eat, I always want to eat more. It's not as strong as a craving. When I am all jacked up on fast carbs, as Dad calls them, and I have a craving for candy or something sweet, it's overpowering. I feel as if there is no way I can focus on my task at hand until I feed the craving. There have been days in the not so distant past that the cravings were so intense that I would buy a chocolate bar from the vending machine at work, try to eat it slowly and instead I devoured it. Then, I'd guiltily buy a second chocolate bar and break it into little pieces, so that I could let each piece slowly melt in my mouth. Usually that would be enough to stop the cravings, but not always. I would be rewarded for succumbing to the cravings by getting my focus back, for a while. The immediate peace I'd feel after eating the candy overshadowed the background damage that it was doing to my body. In spite of intellectually knowing that the candy bars were not good for me and in spite of my goal to be long-term healthy and fit, I'd eat the candy bars. That's an addiction based craving.
This undercurrent to eat more food is different. I know it impacts a lot of people, not just me. Just look how people respond to free food. Put a group of people in a room with an unending supply of food, and most will completely fill their plates and then go back for more. If they spend enough time in the room, they'll fill their plates again. For me, lately, it's just a little voice that says, "eat." That's about as specific as it gets. This voice doesn't care what I'm eating, it just seems kind of pissed off that I am not letting it snack. I'm not coming home from work and eating a handful or two of nuts (200 - 400 calories, by the way). I'm not eating a second apple after lunch (only 80 calories, but that's not the point). I'm not grabbing a few grapes out of the fridge as I walk by (I've never calorie counted grapes, it can't be too many). I'm not eating dark chocolate as I wind down in the evenings (about 200 calories). I'm not packing a morning snack. I'm not spending very much time eating, and I think that is what my "inner self" is missing, that time spent eating. Isn't that weird?
I have not been hungry for several weeks. I'm a little surprised by this, I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I am eating three solid meals a day, I am not snacking at all, my last meal is over no later than 4:00 but often by 3:00, and I'm never hungry. I have plenty of energy, I feel strong when I exercise, I'm eating a good combination of protein, veggies, and fruit, and I have been in a very good mood. I haven't been counting calories, but I am eating enough. OK, now I'm curious, I'm going to count yesterday's calories:
- Breakfast - 511 calories
- 3 eggs - 215 calories
- Cooked in 1/2 T clarified butter - 63 calories
- 1/2 plate sauteed veggies (broccoli, onions, bell peppers, yellow squash, zucchini, cooked in olive oil - 121 calories
- Fresh fruit bowl (1/2 C pineapple, 1/2 banana, 4 strawberries) - 112 calories
- Lunch - 569 calories
- 1.5 C Homemade chicken cashew salad made with homemade avocado based salad dressing - 484 calories
- Large bed of lettuce, grown in my garden - 5 calories
- 1 apple - 80 calories
- Dinner - 261 calories
- 2 ounces roasted pork tenderloin - 90 calories
- 2 cups cabbage & pear medley (includes 1/2 T olive oil) - 91 calories
- 1 apple - 80 calories
- Total Calories - 1,341
So that's not a lot of food, but it's certainly not starvation rations. It's enough to keep me from getting hungry but it's little enough so that I'll burn off more than I'm eating. I would have guessed that I ate closer to 1,500 calories, but 1,341 calories seems reasonable since I'm still trying to lose weight. My guess is that I'm eating between 1,300 and 1,500 a day, depending on my meal choices.
The point I am trying to make is that the voice that says, "Eat," more or less constantly isn't a voice that says, "You're starving to death, eat or die!" It's a voice that says, "Gee, it would be kind of nice to have something to eat. Have a few nuts, why don't you?" The voice comes across like that, as a suggestion. "Why don't you have something to eat? That'd be nice. It would be kind of fun to eat something. Just a little something. It can't hurt."
Right now, in this moment in my life, it is not impossible to tell the voice no. I hear it more or less all the time. As I said, it's like an undercurrent gently tugging at me, or a light breeze on a cool day. You know the type of breeze I'm talking about. It's always there, but you don't really notice it most of the time. Now and then, it blows just a little harder and it causes you to shiver and you say, "Oh, it's breezy. I should have worn a sweater." The voice is like that. I notice it and say, "There's that damn voice, telling me to eat." I want it to go away, but I know it never will. Is it part of me? Is it part of human nature? Is it part of animal nature? I wish I knew, though I doubt it would make a difference. This voice will probably never go away. I just need to keep it at bay. I manage that by staying on program and avoiding fast carbs. I keep my mind on the prize. I maintain a chart. I take and post progress pictures. I blog. I weigh myself everyday. I tell my husband about the voice. All of these things help override that constant, gentle pressure to eat more food. I'm staying on program because it makes everything easier and it works. I'll reach goal soon enough. Then I will figure out how to manage to stay at goal for life. It's always a work in progress.
Have a good one!
I bet the voice quiets down once you start maintaining rather than losing weight.
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