Days of abstinence: 41
Days until surgery: 43
Weight: 161.2 pounds
Baseball is done for the season. Kickball is also done. Work is slowing down a little bit. I had time to exercise this morning. Life is starting to feel normal again. Thank goodness! That was a rough couple of months. I got two of my three weekend projects done,
so far. The two bedrooms are ready for
grandchildren and I switched out my summer and winter clothes and got all of my
clothes put away. Now, I just need to
get my filing caught up during the evenings this week and then I will be ready
this weekend to clean bathrooms and the kitchen and cook meals in preparation
for our family’s arrival. I’m starting
to feel a little calmer and less stressed about everything. I’m so glad.
I’m looking forward to a more relaxed pace for a while.
I’ve been thinking a lot about being a sugar
addict, lately. Mostly, I’ve been
thinking about how grateful I am that I have been sugar free for 41 days, going
on the rest of my life. I have no desire
to eat sugar again, ever. I have no
cravings for donuts or candy or cookies or cake. One of the most satisfying aspects of
abstaining from sugar is the fact that the rest of my diet has started
regulating itself. Almost without
effort, I am sticking to my Program. It
feels like I am on cruise control or auto pilot. I still enjoy cooking a variety of food and
trying new things, so meals are not boring, but they are just meals. My meal time does not spill into other parts
of my day. I don’t eat snacks. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and that’s
it. I don’t even think about eating
after dinner. Once dinner is done, and I
try to eat by 5:30 and no later than 6:00, I just don’t think about eating
anymore. It wasn’t that long ago that when
I packed lunch for work I packed a big bag of (healthy) food. I’d pack lunch but I’d also pack an extra
apple and some nuts. Now I pack my
serving of lunch and one apple and that’s it.
That’s all that comes to work with me and that is just fine. I don’t get cravings, I don’t find myself
crawling through the cupboards looking for something to eat, and I never feel
like I have to eat right this minute. I
find this change in my attitude towards food remarkable. I always thought that I would be fighting
back an urge to eat for the rest of my life.
Monitoring my food intake has felt like a constant arm wrestling match
for as long as I can remember. I’ve
always known that I have a natural tendency to eat too much. I’ve said it before, I have a consumption
problem. It’s been a lifelong struggle
to limit the amount of food I consume so that I am not overweight. I have given up sugar before, but it has
always been temporary. I’ve tried
different programs that recommend eliminating sugar for a period of time and
gradually adding back small amounts of sugar.
I’ve thought (and the programs I’ve read about – including the Whole 30
- encouraged this thought) that I could manage my use of sugar. I now realize that this concept is just as
crazy for me as it is for a heroin addict to think she can manage her use of
heroin, or for an alcoholic to think he can manage his use of booze. When I tried to manage my use of sugar, I kept
the addiction alive and it impacted every food decision I made throughout the
day.
I’ve been sugar free for 41 days. I think (though I can’t swear to it) that
this is the longest I have gone in my life with no sugar. I’ve cut out sugar before, but I can’t recall
a time in my life that I eliminated all sugar and sugar substitutes (including
honey, syrup, and artificial sweeteners – including sugar-free mints and gum,
etc.) for any period of time. I’ve never
said 100% and unequivocally, that I would never eat anything that has sugar or
a sugar like substance in it ever again.
This decision has completely changed the way I think and feel about
food. I am truly grateful that I came to
the realization, with my sister’s urging, that I needed to once and for all
admit that I am an addict. As an addict,
I am either using or not using my drug of choice. There is no in-between. There is no moderation. There is no just a little bit. I’m done.
The war with sugar is over. I had
no idea that that would mean that my war with food would also be over, but it
certainly seems to be the case. It
seems, so far, that I have found my peace with food. Wow.
What a remarkable feeling this is.
May we all find peace in our lives.
Have a beautiful day!
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